I've known a woman for about three years, we met thru mutual friends who have horses, tho she has been in a couple of relationships in that time,,,our deal has been a freindship tho she'll call and want to do somethings regarding animals, ...there has always been an electricity there, and i do tend to give people and animals room to breathe so its not claustrophobic, so I'll leave and a couple of months later she'll call and say lets get together, and then again she'll do something like sabatogue the appointed time or make other plans, so i leave the scene...lately, the past three months we see each other a few times a week as friends, tho we trade books and have very many similar interests,,
,my question is this...how many of you have gone from a friendship to a fuller relationship ?
and ...have there been times you ran from intimacy, and later came back to re-discover something with the other person ?
,my question is this...how many of you have gone from a friendship to a fuller relationship ?
and ...have there been times you ran from intimacy, and later came back to re-discover something with the other person ?
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Los Angeles
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 1:23 PMHAHAHA!
Good question, Sol! Sounds like you got a fickle filly right there. I don't think it's necessarily a "friends to lovers" issue, but more like a wild mustang that will come to hand as long as it suits her, then bolt for no apparent reason.
Don't try to figure that one out. Just be aware that you may be in for a wild ride every now and again. Then again, you may be of similar disposition, your self. *smiles* And that's why you attract each other. It's all good.
Ciao -
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 1:33 PMTodd, you know us well
best regards, in spirit -
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 1:38 PMWe are so talented at thinking, we thinking beasts, that we forget we have talents as equally fluent as the other creatures'.
Thinking is all well and good, or we wouldn't have that talent. It's just not the only one we have.
Namaste' -
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 1:46 PMArrive to your destination with no action plan, no thinking, just being. *smiles* -
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 8:01 PMUmmm,
I can relate to your experience Sol.
I'm a loner that loves people,but my own idiosyncrasies, sense of autonomy, and SOVEREIGNTY have raised fear-of-intimacy issues more than once. I'm terribly fearful of BOREDOM so I tend to choose partners that are uh,"unpredictable".
To use the equine model previously mentioned,I recognize that my best partners are like wild mares.
I try to give them enough pasture so they never know they're fenced in... -
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, March 24, 2008 - 10:33 PMneigh... neigh.. neigh... -
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, March 25, 2008 - 1:23 AMI gunna agree with L@TUS...just be.
I have a "friend" for almost 5 years, the more he and I open to each other, the hotter it gets. Love in it's purest form, I feel, free of expectations (ooohh I try so hard with that). His hug is my most favorite hug of all teeeee heeeeeee.
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, March 25, 2008 - 12:07 PMI can't help but post this "Enlightened" quote from a clergyman in the 1600s: "Love is Friendship Set on Fire." I've always liked that. It's perfect.
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Re: friends to lovers
Fri, April 11, 2008 - 5:25 PM
i have never known it any other way, sol
friendship = fuller relationship
and i am tickled by stephen's story about giving enough room to roam
so she'll never know she's fenced in
reminds me of the sage advice from one of my "adopted sons"
(all of my son's buddies are my adopted sons)
who i overheard giving advice to a younger teen,
"dude, this is what you do.
first, you find yourself a nice virgin.
you treasure her, you kiss her, you hug her,
you take her out, buy her shit, you shower her with affection. . .
you never, ever, dude -- i am telling you, i repeat,
DO NOT lay her until you are about nine months
into the relationship . . . and then, she's yours.
like forever, dude. always."
pretty clever for a 17 year old
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Re: friends to lovers
Fri, April 11, 2008 - 5:38 PMForever....damn, like that's a long time. But so true, and in more ways than you can anticipate. So be careful what you do.
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, April 14, 2008 - 3:14 PM<<"dude, this is what you do.
first, you find yourself a nice virgin.
you treasure her, you kiss her, you hug her,
you take her out, buy her shit, you shower her with affection. . .
you never, ever, dude -- i am telling you, i repeat,
DO NOT lay her until you are about nine months
into the relationship . . . and then, she's yours.
like forever, dude. always." >>
this was not my friend's experience....he did same, she cheated after they bought the house and dog...but before kids....i would not suggest this way of finding a woman. -
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Re: friends to lovers
Mon, April 14, 2008 - 8:59 PMI love this advice angelicfiend. I believe it. -
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, April 15, 2008 - 7:29 AMFriendship is joyous and beautiful... I enjoy ALL my friendships -- close ones and not so close ones... It is especially nice when the friendship blossoms to lovers... makes it all sweeter. ;-)
Today... notice your friendships...... and enjoy the moment you have with them... it's special, magikal, incredible you have eachother. Give them a hug ... give them a kiss on the head... send them a special online message.... and just be. Ya never know... and that's okay. :-)
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Re: friends to lovers
Thu, April 17, 2008 - 4:34 PMmy friend, he is a wonderful man, who has a great realtionship with his mother. he was very sad for many years and kept asking me, when will i want to be in a relationship again. why do i only want shallow relationships.
i consoled him and promised one day he would be ready again and that it was very cool of him to be open and honest with what he could give to his relationships....
he is also bald and has a bit of a slow eye and is one of the sexiest fuckers i have ever met...
one time we went into a bar and it was just us two, a lady came up to me while he was getting us drinks and asked if she could have a shot at him....heh...how sexy is THAT?????
people who are just open and honest with themselves and others...what more could you want and hope for???? people who have push and pull things going on, it always feels like a game to me. (my two cents) -
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, April 22, 2008 - 2:14 PMOkay, I totally agree with the lover part including friendship...since I was 25 I've had to have some friendship before we became lovers, tho some women thought that meant too much emotional involvement so I made some adjustments...
when I work with horses, they're more than welcome to leave,
and they're more than welcome to stay...I am also like that with people
and I'm open and my intentions are there, I don't trick women into anything..tho I do like pranks
what I was wondering about is have any of you had friendships, that after a few years, or some other passage of time, the two of you became lovers...look, we all know that we are part of earth energy, and friendship is a high form of communion, and so is sex...to me the two are very compatable, and desirous...
so...between the start of the freindship,
how long before the two of you merged, and what took so long ?
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, April 22, 2008 - 2:20 PMOkay, I enjoy my friendships with women, some became lovers, most didn't...
Ange, its obvious the guy wanted to merge with you, tho he may have wanted more than what you wanted...I mean if he is one of the sexiest fuckers you ever met, then why didn't you and he go at it ?
Earth energy is sexual, and when people meet and there is some heat, then when does the merging happen
My question had this idea...from the time your friend ship started, have you ever been friends with someone, and then one day you looked at them in some different way and became lovers...
and did alcohol have anything to do with it :) -
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, April 22, 2008 - 5:02 PMwe actually did....we were friends from high school and it took us years to fall into bed together... OH -- and he is a MAJOR SLUT too, he wants to merge with it if it walks.
truth be told, i have been with just about all my male friends in bed...well, not anymore..but in my wilder youth. my friends are just friends now. BUT i would fall back into bed with any of them, at any time, if i was not married.
i think i am very strange and that most people do not keep ex's let alone people you have sex with as friends....i am lucky and strange!!! when i talk about this, people do not understand, agree or have the capability, generally speaking. or maybe that is my RL friends and it is different here..??? anyone else ???? -
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, April 22, 2008 - 5:03 PMoh and i do not see them as different people....not even when not sleeping with them, not my friend lovers....we just moved on, each and every single one.....
and i am still friends with all ex's but one...and i was mean to him. -
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, April 22, 2008 - 7:19 PMI have had that experience you described Sol.
When I was 16 my mother left my father to marry another man ,and died mysteriously shortly after,which was traumatic for everyone in the family.
I was at a Quaker Boarding School at the time and was shadowed constantly by a very young and innocent Orthodox Quaker girl.
When ever I broke down she was there with a warm embrace,a loving touch,and hours of just listening to me spew. After months of her loving tenderness I COULDN'T HELP but fall in love...
I have always tried to remain friends with my exxes (when they let me),and there are a few I still count as lifelong friends...
But USUALLY the REASON you hang out with someone all the time is that you're ATTRACTED to them. Unless you're thrown together by your job or share some traumatic or otherwise intense experience it seems more often that sex comes first and friendship later. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: friends to lovers
Wed, April 23, 2008 - 5:31 AMI'm enjoying this conversation immensely.
Please continue!
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Re: friends to lovers
Tue, April 22, 2008 - 7:06 PMI'm with you. I've never understood why entire relationships had to end because one portion of them didn't work out--my boyfriends became my friends (and oftentimes my friends with benefits), always. My mom-in-law seems perpetually stunned by this concept. Then again, she comes from an era in which men and women simply never became friends, period.
What a horrific notion! -
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Re: friends to lovers
Wed, April 23, 2008 - 1:08 PMIts pretty easy for me to be friends with former lovers, tho if they lied or sabatogued the relation, then I have to process the lack of trust, and wonder if they should stay in my life...I make it real easy for women to leave, and make it easy for them to stay, and I'm always loyal to the nature of the relation, wether its open or closed...
there are several women who i miss their friendship, and when i brought it up to them then the transition is easier...I'm glad the culture is changing and thats why I like tribe...I mean, there is a reason why we were attracted to each other in the first place, tho my pecker has sometimes led the charge -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: friends to lovers
Wed, April 23, 2008 - 3:13 PMexactly, i reason we were attracted in the first place....i dont ever forget what that was, and it is usually their brain (which stays.)
i too have had to take time and careful consideration about people who have hurt me and process things, but the reality is...if i say, i love you, it means for-ev-er.
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Re: friends to lovers
Thu, April 24, 2008 - 11:32 AMI have often incorporated my partners in my art process,so I have much tangible evidence (in the form of artworks)to remind me of their more pleasant features. I tend to idolize the symbolic nature of women and in my naivety get confused when very real human traits become apparent. I have subsequently remained connected to those that understand this somewhat retarded aspect of my nature and allow me it's full expression unmolested. Having the creation of Art as a priority allows a focus on the big picture but can of course be a challenge for a needy partner. I will say that at the point of execution,in any medium,I LOVE the subject,at that moment in time. It is how I choose the composition. If I bring myself to love at that precise moment I gain a transcendental perception on beauty and can accomplish the work with an elevated level of inspiration and surrender to the GREAT CREATOR and be the conduit and channel that is my greater inheritance... -
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Re: friends to lovers
Sun, April 27, 2008 - 12:12 PM
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