threaded | unthreaded | newest first

Great lines from Mr. Burns

topic posted Thu, March 4, 2004 - 6:59 PM by  K 		Share/Save/Bookmark
Advertisement
At the Springfield post office: "I need to send this letter by the 4:30 auto-gyro to the Prussian Consulate in Omar-Siam."

At a gas station, pulling up in a 1920s-era car, dressed in old-timey driving gear: "Fill it up with petroleum distillate, poste haste!"

"We expressed our love physically, as was the style at the time." Explaining how his illegitimate son came into being.
posted by:
K
offline K
21 friends
join to post
Advertisement
Advertisement
  • K
    K
    offline 21

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Fri, March 5, 2004 - 9:10 AM
    During the "Bobo" episode, Smithers dances into the room dressed as a teddy-bear. "Look Sir, it's me, Bobo. Hug me, stroke my fur!"
    Burns: "Bah! Get out of here and find my bear. Oh, and uh, leave the suit."

    In the episode where Homer's mom comes back (for the first time), after the hippies have sabotaged his germ-warfare lab: "My germs! My precious germs! They never had a chance to harm anyone!"
    join to post
  • Unsu...
     

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Fri, March 5, 2004 - 9:23 AM
    There's always the classic: "Release the hounds." But my favorite is when Monty does his musical number "See My Vest."
    join to post
    • Unsu...
       

      Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

      Fri, March 5, 2004 - 10:29 AM
      The trillion dollar epi was on last night.

      Release the hounds button didn't work. . .

      "Hmmmm. . .Come in then, perhaps I can scald you with something."
      join to post
    • Jest...
      Jester, the Juggalo-in-Training
      offline 30

      Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

      Sun, March 7, 2004 - 12:07 PM
      "See my vest, see my vest;
      Made from real gorilla chest,
      For a sweater there's no better than authentic Irish Setter!"

      lol, although I like:

      Burns: "Simpson, eh? Good man? Competent man?"
      Smithers: "Actually, he was hired under 'Operation: Bootstrap.'"
      Burns: "Thank you, President Ford!"

      ~Jester
      join to post
  • Unsu...
     

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Sat, March 6, 2004 - 11:43 AM
    From the ep. where Smithers goes on vacation and Homer fills in as Mr. Burn's assistant.

    "The percolations are imminent. I stomped the beans myself."
    join to post
    • K
      K
      offline 21

      Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

      Sun, March 7, 2004 - 5:33 AM
      From the same episode, after Burns has become self-reliant and can do such things as answer the phone for himself:
      "Ahoy, ahoy! No, this is 555-1246. I suggest you need more practice operating your telephone machine!"

      Earlier in that episode, replying to Smithers who has called to check on Burns:
      "Oh, this Simpson is awful, completely incompitent, a total boob. (whispers) but I'm not free to talk..." The camera pans back to reveal Homer holding the phone to Burns' ear.
      join to post
      • Jerry
        Jerry
        offline 23

        Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

        Thu, June 17, 2004 - 5:33 PM
        Not widely known is that "Ahoy" was Alexander Graham Bell's original suggestion for how to answer the telephone. But Thomas Edison's "Hello" won out because he was such a stubborn bastard. 99% perspiration, you know.
        join to post
  • K
    K
    offline 21

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Sun, March 7, 2004 - 3:23 PM
    Burns: "Fools! Little do they know their days of suckling at my teat are at an end!"

    Burns: "So, what did you do this weekend, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt?"
    Smithers: "What?"
    Burns: "You know, footloose and fancy-free, mother's lock up your daughters, Smithers is on the town?"
    Smithers: (chuckles relievedly)
    join to post
  • mika
    mika
    offline 38

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Wed, March 10, 2004 - 3:16 PM
    Thanks for great posts, Eric!

    That ep was on last night, with the post office scene and the germ warfare lab and all those great lines.

    "Their flower power is no match to my glower power!"
    join to post
    • mike
      mike
      offline 6

      Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

      Wed, April 14, 2004 - 4:10 PM
      [Stone flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
      Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.

      Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
      join to post
      • D-Mo.
        D-Mo.
        offline 187

        Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

        Wed, April 14, 2004 - 4:25 PM
        Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp.

        I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.

        What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
        join to post
      • K
        K
        offline 21

        Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

        Wed, April 14, 2004 - 6:49 PM
        Watching Homer gorge himself on doughnuts on the plant's security cameras: "That's right, enjoy yourself but little do you know that you're getting closer to the poisoned doughnut! Um, there is a poisoned doughnut, isn't there Smithers?"
        Smithers: "Acutally sir, the lawyers recommended against the poisoned doughnut. They said it was too close to murder."
        Burns: "Damn their oily hides!"

        After the Simpsons and Chief Wiggum find a pipe running from a reservoir where a corpse was discovered and follow it, emerging in Burns's office: "What are you doing in my corpse hole?" Then he sees Wiggum "I mean, my innocence tube!"
        join to post
  • D-Mo.
    D-Mo.
    offline 187

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Wed, April 14, 2004 - 4:43 PM
    This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
    join to post
  • Julie
    Julie
    offline 10

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Wed, June 16, 2004 - 10:37 AM
    I don't like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children.
    ~Mr. Burns~

    Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
    Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
    Mr.Burns: Precisely.
    join to post
    • Beth
      Beth
      offline 36

      Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

      Wed, June 16, 2004 - 11:37 PM
      An early episode on baseball. "Smithers massage my brain!" I ask my pet rabbits if they want a brain massage all the time now!
      join to post
      • k8
        k8
        offline 81

        Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

        Thu, June 17, 2004 - 9:02 AM
        Make me slap him!
        You call that a slap?
        Make me slap you!
        Now both...
        Now just you...
        Now give me a taste!
        Now all 3...
        Excellent!

        I also like the episode where Mr. Burns goes out with the young girl cop... "Monty I love that you're so positive! You think everything is excellent!"

        (or somethin' like that)
        join to post
        • Bria...
          Brian H.
          offline 22

          Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

          Thu, June 17, 2004 - 10:02 AM
          From one of the Halloween epsiodes, when he is Dr. Frankenstein and Homer is his monster:

          Burns: "Smithers, ice cream scoop."
          Smithers: "Sir?"
          Burns: "Dammit, Smithers, it's brain surgery, not rocket science."

          Just after that he places Homer's brain on top of his head and says : "Look Smithers, I'm Davey Crockett." Classic!
          join to post
          • K
            K
            offline 21

            Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

            Thu, June 17, 2004 - 6:08 PM
            Burns: (After putting Homer's brain back in his body, which begins to say "OW!" with each stitch.") "Well Smithers, he's alive. Looks like I owe you a Coke."

            Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
            Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
            join to post
  • Wang...
    Wangchen
    offline 14

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Thu, June 17, 2004 - 11:06 AM
    'At a gas station, pulling up in a 1920s-era car, dressed in old-timey driving gear: "Fill it up with petroleum distillate, poste haste!" '

    "And revulcanize my tires, post haste!"
    join to post
  • Chri...
    Christopher
    offline 45

    Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

    Fri, June 18, 2004 - 3:29 PM
    Isn't that a new Pizziola concern?
    From Simpsons Hit and Run
    Chris
    join to post
    • Brad
      Brad
      offline 50

      Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

      Sun, June 20, 2004 - 11:37 PM
      Check out my site - www.somanyquestions.com for the Simpsons section of great lines...:
      here's a goody from Mr. Burns:

      Burns: Smithers, do you realize if I had died, there would be no one to carry on my legacy. Due to my hectic schedule and lethargic sperm, I never fathered an heir. Now I have no one to leave my enormous fortune to. No one.
      Smithers: Ahem…
      Burns: You, Smithers? Oh no, my dear friend. I've planned a far greater reward for you. When I pass on, you shall be buried alive with me.
      [Opens a miniature coffin containing dead Burns and aghast Smithers]
      Smithers: Oh... goody.
      join to post
      • K
        K
        offline 21

        Re: Great lines from Mr. Burns

        Tue, June 22, 2004 - 4:29 PM
        Mrs. Bouvier (Marge's Mom): "Oh, Monty! You dance like the devil incarnate!"
        Burns: "What! Who told you that I'm ... Oh, ha ha, yes."

        Burns: (Down on one knee with Mrs. Bouvier) "Dearest, as my kneecaps are filling with fluid, I'll be brief. Will you marry me?"
        join to post

Recent topics in "Simpsons"

Topic Author Replies Last Post
this season 3 January 11, 2010
20th anniversary special Gerbil 1 January 11, 2010
They said "fuck" in the commentary on season 12 Straylight 1 November 20, 2009
What is Skinner actually saying? Orangeboxman 7 November 5, 2009