Spin off on another thread... but this topic is one that I;ve mulled over and worked out for YEARS. I'm quite at peace with it now, but i remember right after coming out it was fodder for issues. So lets discuss this.


From my perspective and In my shoes, i've seen a lot of "tension" shall i say between the obviously queer and the "straight acting, masculine" males...as if theres a totem pole... and your worth or sexuality is dependent on how well you pass. Through time, I see in far more grey textured manner than i did when i was, say 18. When i was in high school in the closet of course you didn't want to associate with the obvious queers.... they got picked on.... and they were "weak". That was the H.s. mindset ... that i see carried on by some into adulthood but in varying degrees. I don't know how many times i've heard bottoms refered to in derogatory terms. Bottoms who know are just bootoms.. i think we all do it.. it's something of an IN Joke it seems but underneath it carries the idea that femininity with your masculinity is.... wrong. you're weak. You are a siisy...which leads us to the cherished masculine male... the TOP... the married guy fantasy...the frat house fantasy... It's a part of the upper fabric of the gay experience.

So, at 25, I meet guys who are flaming fags.... some of whom are dear friends, who have to fend off a backlash from more masculine men (not all but those who find it necessary to actually be mean...and work within a pecking order). or the other way around. I have been in the past called on my masculinity... (gosh i could really go into that...but on another forum) ... it doesn't bother me anymore... just like it doesn't offend me if a guy is a complete queen. More, it does bother me that for some there is a totem pole, amongst adult gay men, that feels like high school...and a ditch in embracing the varying degrees of queers (not that you have to DATE or FUCK them). It seems futile. and the entire idea of straight acting is laughable.

I notice that men who are under the radar gay, are naturally masculine because... hey they were brought up in the woods... or in blue collar families. Those are men who happen to be gay and don't do gay things... and they are just as apt to be bottom pigs as much as the hairdresser with low rise jeans and purple tank top is... (and even HE can be someones top). I'm ranting but.... those are my ideas and experiences.