love and attachment

topic posted Fri, December 3, 2010 - 6:29 AM by  bodhisatva
Re. to a seekar.
In fact attachment is a barrier to love. People have the wrong notion: they think that attachment is love; it is not. Attachment is just the opposite of love. Attachment is fear, not love; attachment is possession, not love. Attachment is a kind of politics, diplomacy, strategy, but not love.

Love need not be attached. And if this understanding is coming to you -- that you are tired of attachment -- then drop attachment. That is not a step in dropping love; in fact that is a step in growing towards love. But the mind is very much confused about love and attachment. One has to be very alert, only then can one remain loving; otherwise attachment settles. And it gives trouble, it creates misery.

When attachment creates misery you start getting tired of attachment, then naturally of love too. Then one becomes afraid of love because one sees if you love, attachment comes in. They are not necessarily connected; they are only connected in our ignorance, in our unawareness. They are not connected themselves, they are poles apart. In fact it is a miracle how we manage them together in the same bed! They are not bed-fellows; they cannot be. They are not a couple. Attachment is poison to love.

If you can drop attachment, then give it a try again. There is no need to separate. Just drop attachment, be friends, be loving. Give it two month's more grace! But this time no jealousy, no conflict. If he goes to some other woman, say good-bye and welcome him when he comes back. Don't ask him where he has been and what he is doing; that is none of your business! If she goes to somebody else and is happy, you need not be worried about it; in fact you should be happy that she is happy. Love would like the other to be happy wherever the other is happy. Love bestows happiness on the other.

And it was a great insight that you came to last night -- that deep down you somehow wanted her to be sad. That is violence -- that is not love -- but that's what goes on. We go on saying that we want to be happy and that we want the other to be happy, but deep down we want the other's happiness only in reference to us.

You would have felt happy if she were miserable because that would really give you power -- that she cannot live without you, that she cannot exist without you, that you are so important, that you are so significant. But she was happy . . . and this was going to be the last day: I was going to separate you today! It was going to be a divorce -- and she was happy. That hurts.

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