Ya know! I can tolerate insults. Frankly, I've received worse from friends. However, I cannot abide illiteracy. It's "illuminate", Einstein. Invest in a Dictionary. And don't address me until you've learned to use one.

I'll have you know, the reason I haven't been laid in a while is because I keep correcting the spelling of potential sex partners. Women hate that shit. But alas! I can't help it. I just hate stupid people.

As for the redness in my eyes: Some asshole crashed the wedding. He drives a blue GTO with an exhaust problem. It was blowing filth all over the joint, when he drove into the lot. Perhaps he...I mean his car, was in desperate need of a...valve job. Not surprisingly, he came alone. At any rate, He was walking around cracking wise about everyone and everything. I realized quickly, it was because he's very unhappy with his own life and is incapable of making the appropriate changes. So, his only recourse is to divert attention from himself, by hurling empty, baseless insults at people he doesn't even know. He's the Heckler at every comedy show or baseball game, who eventually jabs a comedian or fan who's better at it. He's the bully in the school yard, who eventually gets his ass kicked by a kid half his size. He's the jackass who eventually gets exposed by people who see through his facade of sarcasm, designed to protect his own fragile ego and heavy self-loathe. It's classic Freud, actually.

From Gary Libman of the L.A. Times- "Fans can also cause turmoil. Edmonton rooters tormented a player on the Dodgers' Albuquerque farm team by calling him a slang term for a homosexual.
'In reality, he had quite a reputation with his teammates as a ladies' man,' (Herndon) Harding (Jr.) says.
The psychiatrist helped the player by explaining the psychology of hecklers: They're just 'exposing their own issues in public'."

The wedding crasher got really pissed and started crying when he saw that he couldn't hurt us as badly as he, himself, was hurting. It actually got very sad. He ran out sobbing and bellowing something about not wanting his little "secret" to get out. We felt bad for him. But, then we all got shit faced and forgot about his pathetic ass. For some reason, you made me think of him for the first time since the wedding.

Hey! Your car looks familiar. Have we met?