My fellow Angeles,
Yesterday I had a feeling something was wrong with Angel Baby. I went to the doctor and this Thursday was three months for us. Sadly today we saw the baby on the screen but there was no heartbeat. As I type this email I can not believe this is real. I found out two hours ago and I feel like I am in a bad dream. I feel like part of me has died...yet I still carry this baby inside me. Tomorrow I go into the hospital...I just can not believe it. I am so angry and disappointed...I feel like I am falling and I will never land...I just wanted you to know that I am crushed. I am not sure what the lesson is but I feel like I am lucky to be alive and have my family. Please pray for Andrew and I that we may have a spiritual healing in our minds and hearts. Please also pray that Angel Baby may have found it's way back home safely without us there to guide it.
Sadly,
Julie
Yesterday I had a feeling something was wrong with Angel Baby. I went to the doctor and this Thursday was three months for us. Sadly today we saw the baby on the screen but there was no heartbeat. As I type this email I can not believe this is real. I found out two hours ago and I feel like I am in a bad dream. I feel like part of me has died...yet I still carry this baby inside me. Tomorrow I go into the hospital...I just can not believe it. I am so angry and disappointed...I feel like I am falling and I will never land...I just wanted you to know that I am crushed. I am not sure what the lesson is but I feel like I am lucky to be alive and have my family. Please pray for Andrew and I that we may have a spiritual healing in our minds and hearts. Please also pray that Angel Baby may have found it's way back home safely without us there to guide it.
Sadly,
Julie
-
Re: Understanding Death
Mon, November 21, 2005 - 11:35 AMDear friend,
I am very sorry to hear the Angel Baby's departure.
What you're feeling is completely understandable.
Actually, I can't begin to imagine what you're going through...
The Angel Baby was very happy for the last three months with you and Andrew, as you and Andrew were with The Angel Baby.
I find that when we have a deep sense of happiness and joy, there is an eternal quality to it.
We KNOW that we are all connected and will always be, beyond the realm of time and space.
It moves me to think that that little soul of Angel Baby agreed and allowed at the soul level with you guys and the whole universe.
There is no doubt in my mind that Angel Baby's found its way back home safe, whole, and perfect.
If you're falling,
We'll catch you.
You'll fall on us.
On love.
Anna
-
Re: Understanding Death
Mon, November 21, 2005 - 4:45 PMJulie~
I share in your sadness. I hold you in my heart.
There's a quote from CwG book 2:
"... every person who has ever come to you has come to receive a gift from you. In so doing, he gives a gift to you--the gift of your experiencing and fulfilling Who You Are."
Angel baby received the gift of your unconditional love and boundless joy so that you could receive the gift of who You Really Are. As sad as this is, what a wonderful exchange of gifts.
Much love,
~Rita
-
Re: Understanding Death
Tue, November 22, 2005 - 9:16 AMJulie,
I wish I was not reading what I just read. Words are not coming easy now. I am staring at the computer and I feel compassion for you. Oh Julie, dear Angel, please please find the courage to get through this one too.
Should you feel like talking, please, call at any time.
Death is a word. Life is all there is, was and always will be.
Marco 404 819 5198 -
-
Re: Understanding Death
Wed, November 23, 2005 - 6:53 AMMy heart goes out to you, dear friend, and to your partner as well. Words cannot express my sorrow at this time. We are with you in spirit, and I love what Anna wrote and ditto that. I also love what Marco wrote...Life is all there is, was and always will be. Angel Baby decided to change form for whatever reason. I had two miscarrages myself but every loss is individual and so I can not say I know how you feel. I only know I feel for you very deeply and can only imagine what you are going through. Please remember you are never alone.
Love and Light,
Elise -
-
Re: Understanding Death
Wed, November 23, 2005 - 9:32 AMDear Anna, Rita, Marco & Elise,
Thank you all for your kind words of love and understanding. I am home from the hospital today, and I came to read the loving posts on the tribe. You all are such wonderful, loving souls...I feel blessed to have spent time with all of you and now feel even more blessed to know I am not alone. I have felt like I am falling, been through most emotions, broke a few things, thought my head would blow off and that my body could not possibly produce any more tears. And yet through all of it, for the first time in my life...I know I can not hide out and feel depressed. I feel deep sadness, but having all of you for support has been amazing. I even reached out to JR and he was so wonderful with my husband Andrew & myself on Monday...he recommended we read a book on grieving...it's on his website. We went out and bought it, yet we are not ready to read it. Just knowing it's there is another reminder to not slip into the darkness. My dear friend Christy is bringing over Thanksgiving dinner for Andrew & I...she is driving with her family...two hours just so we won't be alone!! So, as I continue on the rollercoaster of emotions...I am truly grateful this Thanksgiving for all of you...what a blessing you all are to us and to your families!! We appreciate your love and support during this time. Thank you fellow angels for loving me, my Angel Baby and Andrew.
Love to all of you,
Julie -
-
consider this
Sun, January 1, 2006 - 11:11 AMDear Julie,
Do to computer problems I have not been able to connect to the internet. I just learned your news. As a nurse, I suggest you consider going to a specialist who figures out why your problems have reoccured. They may be related even if on first glance they don't seem to be. consider this possibility. What an enormous amount of love you have. I felt it in your presence. I am sending you more!!!
Love
Diane
-
-
-
-
Re: Understanding Death
Wed, November 23, 2005 - 2:10 PMMy dearest Julie,
What does one say, what can one say in a case such as this? My heart and soul ache for you and your husband. Death is never easy, but especially difficult when a child is involved. One can say all the pretty words in the world, but the fact is we as humans have to process through the stages of grief. I know you will always carry this child in your heart for your days left on this earth plane. That is OK, for your child is a part of your husband and a part of you. Feel free to grieve and go through the process, and know Syl and I are praying for you, crying with you, and grieving your loss with you and your husband. Call anytime of the day or night is you need to hear a voice of re-assurance and comfort.
Much love and peace upon you and Andrew.
ROn
PS Isn't it strange how you called your child "Angel Baby" from the start!!! It is as if you knew.
-
Re: Understanding Death
Fri, November 25, 2005 - 10:07 PMDearest Julie,
I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that you and Andrew had to go through all this! Having never lost a child myself, I can only imagine your sadness and pain. Please know that we will be here for you and will be your cushion should you ever start to slip and fall. Ditto to what Anna said!
I'll be here if you need someone to talk to or to just listen. (304-754-6675) We all love you and pray for your healing.
Love to all three of you.
Bonnie from WV -
-
Re: Understanding Death
Sun, November 27, 2005 - 5:41 PMHi Julie,
I hope you are hanging in...I talked with JR and he was glad to have been able to help in any way...I agree with him about "The Grief Recovery Handbook". I read it before I went to his retreat and the only reason I didn't do the suggested exercises in it prior to the retreat was because I didn't want to do them alone. I don't know when the timing will feel right for you, but I highly recommend JRs retreat for you as soon as you (and Andrew) feel strong enough for it. My heart remains with you, as do my prayers and compassion.
Love and Light,
Elise
-
