the smart woman problem

Sorry it took me so long to answer, I'm just kind of dropping by to make sure that no tribe that I moderate has been spammed... not exactly checking in every day anymore. :-/

That is a really good question, and one I've never been able to entirely figure out. As I have absolutely NO subjective understanding of the problem myself, so am basically going to be making some wild guesses at it.

1) Feeling unworthy. Guys are expected to be the agressor in sexual relationships, and a woman who has too much going for her in one way or another may be considered intimidating. Nobody likes being rejected, and every guy has experienced it, so they might be reluctant to try. If anyone has ever mystified you by saying that you seemed "aloof" or "unapproachable," that is what was going on. Being tall is supposedly an attractive trait in women, but statistically, they tend to marry somewhat later than shorter women. This is the blameless answer.

2) The prospect of unclear or reversed roles from a caveman sort of perspective. He might be afraid that you'd be the one "wearing the pants" in the family, and would prefer a relationship where it's all about him, where you won't feel underutilized when you're picking up after him. Some guys have definitely not been 100% honest with all of their partners, and it might even be possible that, in such cases, they would worry that when they lied to you, you'd figure it out. Guys like that might be more comfortable with an inflatable doll who could cook and do dishes. This is the ugly answer, that it's all based on patriarchal sort of roles -- whether innate or learned, what might be termed sexism. I don't want to portray this one as pervasive, but there are definitely some guys like that, just as there are some women who tend to look at guys as meal tickets.

I suspect that the truth is somewhere on the continuum between the two. Just as many women instantly turn into moms when they're handed a baby, guys have protective sort of instincts kick in when they're presented with certain sorts of females. Shorter than he is, and let's throw in curves and long hair just to make sure the very basic, subconscious side of him is engaged. Characteristics which might mark you as being younger than him could fit in, too. So it would be attraction to the obviously feminine, but beyond that, the vulnerable feminine who needs to be taken care of. The flipside, if you will, of women being attracted to arrogant jerks, because they are so "strong" and "confident" and "self-assured."

I find that aspect of human nature to be kind of disgusting, and it's something which I would hope that most individuals would learn past and outgrow. I sure did. But some people don't want to outgrow innate tendencies, and prefer to celebrate and rejoice in them, like guys who live for their monster truck, or their gun collection. I suppose that the "trophy spouse" is a manifestation of something along those lines.

As for myself, I find brains to be a woman's sexiest part, and while a woman who seemed slow on the uptake might be fun for a while, I really couldn't see things working out well for very long. If someone can't follow what I'm talking about, I won't fully respect them, and that's death to a relationship. In the short term, an intelligent person is just sexier, period. It wouldn't be very fun to have sex with someone who was so drunk that they were barely conscious, would it? No matter how hot they were, it would make it kind of meaningless. Conversely, wouldn't someone who was exceptionally conscious be all that much more fun? And you'd still respect them in the morning...

So there's my answer, guess though it is. I suggest that you seek out guys who are bright, and who have done a thorough job of thinking through what they want out of a relationship, rather than only responding to primordial stimuli.

And, while you're thinking that over, you're always free to sit on my lap.

The only man who needs to be afraid of a smart woman is one who has something to hide (we usually discover it).

I've talked to men about the "smart woman" issue in the past. I was told that if they feel insecure, then they don't try to hit on someone who appears to be very intelligent.
For myself, I've never had a problem gaining someone's interest. Sometimes (not always) a guy assumes a brainy female is a Know-it-All or cold or may lack passion. It's just a stereotype.

I think being humble and warm goes a long way. :o)

I love smart women, the smarter, the better.

It is just that simple.

I can't speak for society at large or men in general.

I know what I like, that's all.

First things first. I have to admit that I am a liar and my IQ is only 140, therefore, I am far too stupid to be apart of this tribe and am certainly not qualified to be a part of this thread, but I like to break rules.

And now... should I bite?

The shiny lures are oh so tempting in the original post and even tastier-looking in the following responses especially from the esteemed Jewel. So, despite knowing better (even though 140ers don't know anything) I will put in my two Canadian pennies worth [approximately 2.003 cents US]. This is an interesting and worthwhile topic to be discussed and while I agree with the general assertion of the post, I do feel obliged to point out some obvious hypocrisy. The original post takes personal , subjective (sexist) biases and unnecessarily puts them into a forum about a very real subject. eg." Maybe they define 'smart' differently, as in a woman just intelligent enough to talk to and to raise kids safely...) " This is a bitter, sexist, egotistical jab with no merit other than [one's] assumed viewpoint.

" Is it just that men find smart women annoying, threatening, and competitive?" Are you suggesting women aren't competitive? For whom do women make themselves appear attractive?

" "men are very simple creatures," which I take to mean egocentric and sex-driven" Well now, isn't that jumping to conclusions!! Who doesn't have ego? Please don't tell me that you are suggesting that women are not sex-driven. As a reformed super-slut, I have yet to meet a woman that is not sex-driven as much as, or dare I say, a lot more so than men.

"I have no intention of changing what I'm about" Oh poor, poor Jewel. Indeed, change is the only constant and if you insist on remaining in your sexist, bitter cage about men then this whole thread is pointless.

"which my male ass't totally agrees with.) " This is a pointless sexist jab about your superiority over a male co-worker. Hypocrisy.

If you truly want to hear what a "smart guy" has to say about it, then do not waste your time and energy with idiots. Yes, the vast majority (obviously 99.5%) of the people you will meet will not be as smart as you. This includes women. Let them be what they are. We are all limitless in our potential and those of us who have chosen to not be lulled asleep by the overwhelming cultural deadening of society can choose to associate with whomever we like. Who gives a fuck about what most people think or how they react to a smart person? Certainly, smart men are faced with the same difficulties in finding adequate partners. The way we can change the world is by changing ourselves. Smile more and accept people for where they are in their development as humans and connect with those to whom we are compatible.
Especially do not assume that men are the problem in your world. For the record women are just as fucked up and shallow as men are but in different ways.

Is a smart woman really a problem? Whose problem?

>(Maybe they define 'smart' differently, as in a woman just intelligent enough to talk to and to raise kids safely...)

Or, perhaps, AT ALL for that matter?

How many women with really high IQ's do you know who are having kids AT ALL?

Not that not having them is the smarter choice. Just that the societal effort to brainwash women into not having any kids has been largely spun around the culture of intellectual one-upmanship, and the idea that one can achieve higher social comfort and social status by not leaving anyone to inherit the supposed benefits.

iS THIS WHAT PSYCHOLOGISTS CALL
OVERCOMPENSATION ?