I am single, and I have a goal of not being single. I am also not a kid, and there are realities. (Like, it's been 44 years and I've never had that real love, which sort of cuts into the plausibility of a statement such as, Don't worry, you'll meet someone. Maybe I will, and believe me, I'm open to it, and maybe I won't.)

I've made strides beyond strides in terms of accepting my life, not hating being single, not indulging in lonliness, and even loving and treasuring my life and valuing my solitude. But two facts do not change; I'm single, and I'm looking.

I know that pagan does not automatically equal poly, but I figure this is as good a place to pose this question. And poly isn't the only way to get involved with someone you're not committed to, but I always apply the principles--full disclosure and honesty. If I'm in someone's bed and they are in mine, we both need to know exactly what else is happening in t'other's bed.

I'm not expecting (nor do I believe I would accept) a definitive answer, but let's have the discussion--

When I've found myself involved with someone who, for whatever reason (and there could be any one or combinations of a gajillion) is not 'the one', is this helping or hurting my cause?

I've seen it play both ways. First of all, when you're getting some, and by some I mean loving, certainly miles higher than just sex, you become more attractive. We all know it, we've all experienced it. The dogs start sniffing, because your pheremones are singing.

The downside can be that you become complacent and/or distracted with the one you do have. Basically, you can unwittingly become psychically monogamous, and close yourself off from new possibilities. And this is certainly counter-productive.

There can also be just the time factor. Any night with him could be the night I'm meeting the love of my life. Personally that one is the craziest and the craziest-making; it's not a way I can live my life. If I'm spending every available moment with this person, then it's valid, but also, I suppose, it's a sign I should reevaluate the definition of 'not the one'. The last guy I was seeing there were several weekends in a row, but tapered off quickly, because really, that's reserved for someone else, y'know?

So okay, this was more a little essay, but I hope it kicks off some discussion.

Because bottom line? I am not going to sit home waiting for something that may or may not happen, when my body and my heart and my spirit have love to give and to receive, and fun to have.