man, this is not a friendly place....

topic posted Wed, April 8, 2009 - 9:34 AM by  patrick
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for a singles site, where people are interested in meeting others, it sure seems unfriendly.
i joined over 2 weeks ago, extended a hand looking for freindship, and got one reply, "good luck".
in the same time there are over 20 posts about whether women want to meet pagan men.
that strikes me as a silly question in a place for 'pagan singles'.
i mean, why else would people be here except to meet other pagans?
just an observation.
meanwhile, since i live in the bush and don't get to see many people in real life,
i thought this might be a place to meet like-minded folks. with 522 members, there should be some.
peace, patrick
i'm not here for a relationship, of sex, or anything other than meeting some cool people.
posted by:
patrick
Canada
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  • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

    Wed, April 8, 2009 - 10:28 AM
    Patrick. That is essentially what we told the original poster of "do pagan women want to meet pagan men", that it is a silly question. Then we went off on other things.

    Sorry you found us to be unfriendly. There is not much activity on this tribe.

    Welcome to tribe.

    What bush do you live in?
    • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

      Wed, April 8, 2009 - 5:28 PM
      i live in the peace river valley in northern alberta, canada.
      the nearest city, edmonton, is a 7 hour drive.
      the vast majority of our small population are generally redneck fundamental christians.
      salt of the earth kind of people, but narrow-minded.
      • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

        Thu, April 9, 2009 - 5:47 AM
        Wow, that is the bush. I have lived near the bush in New Mexico, but had not problem finding non-christian people to hang out with. I have a friend that lives in a resort area near Montreal and she said it is hard to find people to connect with as well. They are not rednecks, just stuck in the old ways of thinking.

        Have a good day.
        • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

          Thu, April 9, 2009 - 9:19 AM
          a resort near montreal is a world away from where i live. that's almost 3000miles from me, and a densly populated area.
          (montreal is the second largest french speaking city on earth, second to paris, france)
          in a two hundred mile radius of me, there are less than 60.000 people.
          but, in a village about 30 miles from me there are 7 churches for less than 500 people.
          lots of christians, but no pagans.
          • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

            Tue, April 14, 2009 - 7:44 AM
            That is what my friend said about Montreal, and she says that french speaking people think differently than english speaking people.

            The village near you sounds like the town my parents grew up in, still only 4000 people and plenty of churches. That 60,000 people in a two hundred mile radius sounds nice to me, but it is important to have people to connect with even out in the boonies.
    • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

      Thu, April 9, 2009 - 10:37 AM
      I just want to mention that this is not a singles site. This sub-group of Tribe is for singles, but overall, the intention of Tribe is not for singles to meet.

      That said, people join Tribe, join groups (such as this) and then don't necessarily stay around. I know of several people that were active at one time in Tribe and now have not signed in for a few years. So regardless of the number of members of this group, there is likely only a small percentage of that number who actually check in. Of those, someone who is either local to you or willing to form something long distance (For example I am not someone willing to form something long distance, as a rule).

      I have a lot of experience with singles sites. Men approach women all the time. It is hard to describe (or, I don't feel up to the rant!) precisely why a woman who says they are single and looking will not respond to the approaches of men online. To give you a brief idea, one is that we face hostility when we politely reject. Even the intimation of us being "unfriendly" feels like a bit of an attack, and sometimes things get harsh and more personal (things along the lines of, "Nice of you to reply, you ugly bitch; what gives you the right to be picky". These are not uncommon sentiments on the interwebs, even in seemingly harmless, warm, friendly, TRIBEY sites.)

      Hang in there and good luck.
      • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

        Thu, April 9, 2009 - 4:04 PM
        Thanks for mentioning this, Roberta.

        I think I often don't respond simply because I am totally buried in unsolicited male attention the moment I post a photo.
        • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

          Thu, April 9, 2009 - 6:46 PM
          roberta, with all due respect, the intro to the tribe states:

          "Pagan Singlespublic - created 10/04/04
          This Tribe is created for Single Pagan, Wiccan / Wiccans / Wicca, Witches / Witch, Etc. to meet and dialog. "

          i came here to meet and dialogue with other folks. did i come to the wrong place, or did you?
          and g.a alice, "I am totally buried in unsolicited male attention the moment I post a photo. "......get over yourself, dear.

          by the way, i'm not here to 'meet' women. i'm queer, so you are both quite safe from harrassment by myself.
          • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

            Fri, April 17, 2009 - 1:13 AM
            Whoa. I don't think that I need to "get over myself" - it really is a problem!

            ... that's why I thanked her for bringing it up as a pertinent point.

            Maybe you are the unfriendly one?
            • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

              Fri, April 17, 2009 - 3:32 AM
              Yeah, we addressed it downthread, but agreed, "get over yourself" is exactly the type of attack that I described. Exactly the reason that sometimes women just don't respond. I can't tell you how many times I've politely declined someone's online approach, only to get an actively hostile response. Eventually you learn to stop responding.
      • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

        Tue, April 14, 2009 - 7:47 AM
        Roberta,
        You have had a lot different experience on singles sites than I have. I get maybe one responcse in 6 months and then it turns out he didn't read my profile. Probably, I don't get responses because I am honest and state exactly what I am looking for, which is very different than what men are looking for on those sites.
        • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

          Tue, April 14, 2009 - 5:12 PM
          Oh, I don't get that many hits either--or rather, that many approaches. And when I do it is from men who either have not read my profile or are ignoring what they have read (like, that I'm looking for a serious relationship, or that I am pagan). The experiences are the same, but fewer and farther between.

          The hard cold truth is that for the most part it is the Barbie Doll set that get overly attended to online (kind of like in life) and the rest of us get mostly ignored. Mostly. (There is a bit of a spike from guys looking to be dominated.)

          I enjoy OKCupid the most, because it has more of a community vibe. (Also it's free.) (Also there are a lot of alternate lifestyle people there.) On OKC, as well as IRL (including a few of my sisters, one of whom married a man she met online), I've spoken to many women about their online experiences.

          So I know of what I speak ; )
  • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

    Thu, April 9, 2009 - 9:22 PM
    Let's not forget that with Tribe going FUBAR so many times in the past several months, traffic on the whole site and not just this tribe is probably way, way down.
    • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

      Fri, April 10, 2009 - 9:10 AM
      fair enough, dave.
      strangely enough, a 'challenge' to the tribe did get some response.
      even silly responses stating that'pagan singles' is not a singles site.
      pleased to meet you all.
      • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

        Fri, April 10, 2009 - 9:17 AM
        I think that both you and Roberta are confused. Yes, PaganSingles as a "tribe" is a singles meeting place. "Tribe" as a whole is not. She may have thought that you were referring to the whole entity of Tribe and you may have thought that she was referring just the singles group.

        And your response to g.a. alice was exactly the kind of hostile-like jab that drives folks away from such things. She merely stated the fact of her experience.

        I hope that you do meet some singles with your interests and orientation. I'm sorry if it doesn't happen here, the past problems really emptied things out a bit.

        blessings
        • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

          Fri, April 10, 2009 - 12:22 PM
          thanks for the post DTJ.
          i have been on tribes for ages, but recently joined pagan singles. i am an active postert in several interesting tribes and have met some cool and interesting people there. i approach each tribe as a distinct community, as indeed they are.
          and your right about the 'jab' to g.a.a.. sorry. it just struck me as silly that someone would complain
          about responses to her posts. i see that perhaps i misinterpreted the intent. i coundn't figure out her complaint about guys responding to her posts and pictures on a singles site, such as this. i see she was referring to tribes in general. i guess if i made a post on a serious topic in another tribe and got dozens of responses from trollers who were not interested in discussing issues. i can see that as annoying.

          (sorry, alice)

          i am only referring to this tribe, 'pagan singles'. perhaps others are referring in general terms to all tribes.

          i live several hours away from civilization. i'm not looking for a 'mate'. just friends.
          i am indeed fortunate to live where i do. it's beautiful and wild. bitter in the winter, but that's part of the wild beauty.
          i have deer, moose and bears as neighbours. they're easier to get along with than human neighbours, by a long shot.
          • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

            Fri, April 10, 2009 - 9:03 PM
            Yes, In my opinion you are very lucky to live where you do, despite the lack of good neighbors. That is always the difficult choice, isn't it? I'd love to live in a very wild place, but I do not have the money to buy outright and my work requires that I be near larger metropolitan centers (elsewise, no work). Someday I hope to either strike a balance or find myself not giving a damn! For now, a farm just outside the highways of Baltimore MD and Washington DC will have to suit.

            We have foxes, red-tailed hawks, deer, groundhogs, woodpeckers, bluebirds, many other songbirds, and the ever present mice, squirrels, etc.. I feel blessed for being surrounded by the life that I am. I'm rather recent to "pagan singles", myself, and it is quiet. Except for some discussions here and there. But then again, where I live is so beautiful, why spend all day on the computer?

            Many blessings, harmony and joys to you.
            • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

              Sat, April 11, 2009 - 6:17 PM
              "I just want to mention that this is not a singles site. This sub-group of Tribe is for singles, but overall, the intention of Tribe is not for singles to meet."

              Mr Tree, see? I was not confused. I made the distinction.

              And Patrick, I'm glad you apologized, but not before demonstrating exactly what I was talking about. Women get preyed on; it's a sad fact of life, at least this life. And when we try to set boundaries, we get attacked for it.

              I am wide open; to dating, to meeting people. But if someone hits you a little wrong in an online situation, it is best not to engage. This is not bitterness speaking--I am not a bitter person, nor even a jaded one--but experienced, yes.

              I do wish you well in your search. I wish us ALL well in our searching.
          • Re: man, this is not a friendly place....

            Fri, April 17, 2009 - 11:00 PM
            Thanks for your apology Patrick.

            Sometimes the attention is fun (it certainly hasn't stopped me from posting more naked photos)...

            But it gets old to get spammed by so many guys who so obviously either haven't read my profile... or just don't care a bit about the person behind the breasts, ass or whatever else their fetish might be.

            It is hard to manage that much email, distressing to get so many form letters (especially when I put so much effort into my profile and my responses), and it buries the gold beneath all the dross. :-(

            I'll keep digging, though!

            :-)

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