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My mother is driving me crazy

topic posted Mon, January 22, 2007 - 10:19 AM by  Stephanie
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My 71year old mother is driving me crazy. At this point I can't answer her phone calls. All I think about is how abusive she is, but she wants me to help her.
She's having hip surgery on Jan. 31, then rehab for 3 weeks. Both she and my 84 year old grandmother live together. She plans to leave my grandmother by herself while she has surgery and rehab. Oh did I mention that my mother drives my grandmother crazy too.

Let me add more drama to this story. Both live in Rio Vista, one hour from me. I can't drive that far because of the arthritis in my knees (mucho pain).

I might have to move my grandmother in with me (small one bedroom) till my mother finishes her rehab.

I don't know how to get over my anger at my mother and help her. I just want to ignore her, but I can't.

Thanks for reading.
Stephanie
PS. thanks Wendy for starting this Tribe.
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  • Re: My mother is driving me crazy

    Mon, January 22, 2007 - 12:54 PM
    Sorry about what you are going through. I hope that your mom's surgery goes well. I am around an 81 year old every day and then deal with my almost 85 year old dad long distance. They reach a point sometimes that they are verbally abusive to those around them. Most of the time they do not realize they are doing it. It is part of them loosing independence, being in pain, not happy with life etc etc. They seem to make everyone around them feel the same way that they do. I have gotten past this point by realizing they do not do it intentionally. That it is part of who they are in their aging years. I tell myself that as they age they may not be around us for long and that I need to live life to its fullest which includes acceptance of abusive attitudes and behaviors.
    We have a cycle...we are born...we have our toddler years, our young adult years, our prime years, young elder years and finally the elder years. Once reaching the elder years it is almost like having a toddler around and if need be they are treated at one. If you are able to take her to the doctor or even talk to her doctors when she is in the hospital they could prescribe an anti depressant which will help. Keep in your foremind that she is the mother who raised you and all that you may have gone through when little etc. Try and overlook what she does to you and your grandmother and try and resolve it in other ways like I stated about medically. It really can do wonders.
    Please dont do something now like not answering her calls or seeing her or even helping out because if something happens to her one day then you will regret not being there for her.
    If you need to vent please do so. That is one of the reasons we are here, to help each other and lend a shoulder if needed.
    Please keep us up to date on what happens...
    • Re: My mother is driving me crazy

      Tue, January 23, 2007 - 10:58 AM
      Thank you very much for your response,Sheila. I didn't stop and think about how hard it can be when you're dealing with aging and pain. I will call my mom today, but I still won't let her dump her guilt trips on me. It's just hard for someone to treat you like a piece of shit, and then demand that you help them.

      To be continued..
      Thanks,
      Stephanie
      • Re: My mother is driving me crazy

        Thu, February 1, 2007 - 8:06 PM
        >> It's just hard for someone to treat you like a piece of shit, and then demand that you help them. <<

        Of course it is.

        Sometimes I think you just have to suck it up and put up with it, though - and realize that it will *not* last forever. Lord knows we all probably gave our own parents enough shit and subsequent demands for help when we were small and helpless to last a lifetime. I kind of see the putting up with the doddering and confusion, and yes, even some nastiness as it just being my turn in life to take care of them. In some ways, they really are reverting very much to childhood, certainly in the increasing helplessness and weakness many of them go through.

        Wendy
        • Re: My mother is driving me crazy

          Wed, February 7, 2007 - 11:44 PM
          >> Sometimes I think you just have to suck it up and put up with it, though - and realize that it will *not* last forever. <<

          Of course, you can always then go find someplace where you can scream your fool head off, and curse as loudly as you want, and even throw and break things, if it will make you feel better ;->

          Wendy

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