Leggy,

What stands out to me is that even if you were poly, you still have the option to turn down someone's invitation. Maybe you've made plans with other friends and don't want more company, or maybe as the evening progressed you just aren't in the mood. The fact that the person didn't accept your decline gracefully reveals that he/she has little self confidence and doesn't handle rejection very well.

None of us thrives on rejection, but it's part of relationships. None of us is attractive to everyone. I've been turned down by beautiful women, and likewise have turned down women for whom most men would die.

I wonder if some people in the poly circles use the lifestyle as a vehicle to try to sidestep the sting of rejection? "You aren't cool if you aren't amenable." Logic would suggest that people who practice a somewhat unorthodox lifestyle would be open and tolerant, but the scenario you described sounds more like the chastising of a right wing conservative.

As a single man....what I'd like to see is more open and friendly interaction, and more flirting and seduction play....all in the context of this may or may not lead to someone getting laid. Most people find it difficult to take things slowly and build the energy and excitement with wit and innuendo.
I've had better sex with some women who I've never touched than with women who wanted to rush into sex and then couldn't remain emotionally present.

"Kinky monogamist is just as valid of a choice as kinky poly is. Its just less common in the Bay Area."

The less common part appears to be changing slowly. More and more of the people I talk to are getting feed-up with the whole poly thing.

Thinking the same thing. If this scenario happens again, let the host of the play party know. It's a rare play party host that won't have a talk with the guy/girl who is being an ass like that. And if the host doesn't....you know what party to not recommend to others.