"Children" and sex

topic posted Thu, April 5, 2007 - 1:14 PM by  Myriad
Let's face it, kids are having sex. I only know two folks who waited until after they were 18 to indulge in the act.
Recently, in another tribe, this article was posted

www.nola.com/newsflash/l...na/index.ssf

and folks went nuts over it. They acted like the kids were selling drugs or shooting up other students.
They blamed the parents and society for "letting this happen."
They were moraly apalled that children that young were having sex.

My qyestion is this: at what age do you consider it "wrong" for children to be having sex. Legality aside, if you were making your own country, where would you draw the line? Is 18 realistic? Would you make it older? Would you knock it down to 12 (hey, "if there's grass on teh field" right)? Maybe "sweet sixteen" is the sweet spot?
posted by:
Myriad
Portland
  • Re: "Children" and sex

    Thu, April 5, 2007 - 2:31 PM
    I remember one day when I was teaching a class called Postponing Sexual Involvement to 8th graders(I think...I keep thinking was it 7th?) and in that one day I had one class where the kids were so kidlike still they were horrified at the idea of doing a skit about saying no to holding hands...and in the next class the kids (same age/grade) were so advanced in this area that I had to tell them that no they could not do a skit that would have them dry humping on the floor and and one of them saying no to not using a condom, then after that class several girls came up to ask me how you know if you are pregnant. same age, same school, same day.

    This is a good example of how people develope at different rates and picking an age is not going to be very realistic. if I was making the age I would make it so that it was illegal to have sex with anyone more than 2 years younger than you until the youngest of the group was 18. To me if a couple of 12 year olds are experimenting that is a whole different thing then a 16 year old and a 12 year old.

    I will have to read the article later I gotta go!
    • Re: "Children" and sex

      Thu, April 5, 2007 - 3:52 PM
      Hmmmm. The state that I was in did almost just that. Statutory rape could not be filed if there were less than three years age difference between the participants. It works well to a point except that it insures that kids who don't know about sex are having sex with kids who don't know about sex, in an abstinence only education state. Want to guess what teen pregnancy rates are like?

      If it weren't for the sad fact that our culture has such bizarre attitudes about both sex and age I would fully advocate having an older friend of the family educate the kids. Honestly. I took much older mates for a long time when I was a teen because having two teens in one relationship is too damn much drama and hormones and ignorance to be dealt with! My older gents taught me a lot. They knew what they were doing, had gained some self control, and were respectful of the honor of educating a young woman about her blossoming sexuality, and they made DAMN sure I knew about protecting myself from STDs and pregnancy.... Good times.

      Part of me thinks that should be part of the High School staff, right next to the school councilor; Sex Educators.
      • Re: "Children" and sex

        Thu, April 5, 2007 - 4:44 PM
        I totally think there needs to be sex ed in every school and not just the high schools it should start in kindergarten. I mean in kindergarten it would simply be there are what parts youhave...and mostly no one but you should be touching them kind of stuff and then on from there bringing in puberty stuff when it's appropriate and on and on. Not like a sudden attack of one class of info.

        as for them not knowing...that's a chance I'm far more willing to take(especially since I think they should all be getting sex ed/safe sex) than what I think happens alot more often with the older person/younger person thing, and that is that it seems older more controling guys would choose the younger girls because they could keep them under their thumb better. plus there is to much room for sexual abuse there that might be hard to prove in court as rape because it was not force but coercion of some kind.

        I don't doubt your choices or think you are the only one...but I think you are in the minority.
        • Re: "Children" and sex

          Thu, April 5, 2007 - 6:05 PM
          ".....it seems older more controlling guys would choose the younger girls because they could keep them under their thumb better."

          Yeah, that would relate to the bizarre attitudes about sex and age I was referring to. Age gaps are viewed as an easy route to control not a source of opportunity and responsibility. Bah!
          • Re: "Children" and sex

            Thu, April 5, 2007 - 7:49 PM
            it's icky I tell ya. I had much older men interested in me and it was like they were salivating at the chance to get ahold of me and form me. Bleh.
            • Re: "Children" and sex

              Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:04 PM
              Eh, yeah. I was a little too sexually aware and confident for that. The sorts of men who were attracted to the perceived weakness of young girls generally found me..... not to their tastes.
              • Re: "Children" and sex

                Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:13 PM
                Most men are insecure and afraid of women deep down, hence the allure of young innocent girls. All the right body parts, none of the strengths. Someone like yourself would scare them away, I believe it. But then again I view most men as spineless cowardly dogs anyway, soooo.....
  • Re: "Children" and sex

    Thu, April 5, 2007 - 2:49 PM
    I sure as hell didn't wait, my first gf ever and I had some naked fun, though not sex.

    People mature at different levels. Based on the damaged chicks who just love me, I think most chicks oughta be virgins until they're fucking twenty-five, ffs, they just get fucked up, boy.

    In all honesty though, I'd not raise an eyebrow at 12, but 10 or 11, even though it happens, is just too damn young.
    • Re: "Children" and sex

      Thu, April 5, 2007 - 3:53 PM
      I would agree that it is very rare to encounter a 10-year-old who is even physically ready for sex.
      I would assume that there aren't many folks who encourage sleeping with a person who has not yet achieved adolescence.
      • Re: "Children" and sex

        Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:15 PM
        I was ready to fuck anything with a pulse at ten myself, can't speak for anyone else.
        • Re: "Children" and sex

          Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:39 PM
          At ten I was just really fidgety. By eleven I was randy. By twelve I was so damn frustrated Mother was actually out LOOKING for "a nice boy to calm down my daughter." She thought maybe she'd work out a time limited marriage with an older friend (older being early twenties) so that we could legally have sex and I could get an "education" from him.

          By thirteen I had a steady diet pinned down.... so to speak.
          • Re: "Children" and sex

            Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:43 PM
            I was fidgety in kindergarten. Had a crush on this cute brunette....yeah, I was pretty much ready to get it on then, though I'd never have known how, lol
  • Re: "Children" and sex

    Thu, April 5, 2007 - 3:06 PM
    that link didn't work for me.
    • Re: "Children" and sex

      Thu, April 5, 2007 - 3:47 PM
      • Re: "Children" and sex

        Thu, April 5, 2007 - 4:38 PM
        in the classroom? I find that disturbing in that it shows that they do not have enough sense to be having sex. If they can't even find their way to the bathroom or something then they are very very unlikely to be using condoms.
        • Re: "Children" and sex

          Thu, April 5, 2007 - 6:06 PM
          Well, yes, they likely ought not to be having sex IN class, out of basic respect for other folks' preferances if nothing else.
          Eh, but I'm not sure the BATHROOM would be better. Ew
          • Re: "Children" and sex

            Thu, April 5, 2007 - 6:30 PM
            If you dont want kids to have sex stop selling them pimple creams with sex, stop selling them body sprays with sex, stop selling them deodarant with sex.

            I know that in itself wont stop the hormones but as long as we keep marketing sex to kids with sexual ineundo we will be fighting an uphill battle.

            As far as abstinence only goes which seems to me to be the current trend in sex ed well thats just stupid. I mean we are allowing people who dont believe in dinosaurs or evolution to choose the curiculum (spell?) that we use to teach our kids about human biology.

            We would be better off just teaching kids to play dungeons and dragons at least then we would know that they wouldnt be able to have sex until they were like 30
            • Re: "Children" and sex

              Thu, April 5, 2007 - 8:10 PM
              well the problem with don't sell them stuff with sex is that different people are doing that then the people who are selling stuff with sex.

              as for teaching them to play D & D I like it...I also say pass out vibrators to all girls for their 12th birthday. If they have a vibrator they won't be impressed by what teenage boys can do for them.
              • Re: "Children" and sex

                Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:06 PM
                We could always go Greek and encourage same sex experimentation at that age. It's already common, teaches you about your own anatomy, and there's no risk of pregnancy!

                But, wait, that would be just TOO taboo wouldn't it?
          • Re: "Children" and sex

            Thu, April 5, 2007 - 7:50 PM
            well I was figuring that the look out could have held the door closed...but yeah not good. come on what happened to ditching and going to someone's empty house?!? kids these days have no respect.
            • Re: "Children" and sex

              Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:35 PM
              I don't think it's about respect. I've fucked in public, it's hot.
              • Re: "Children" and sex

                Thu, April 5, 2007 - 10:43 PM
                Well, there IS respect for the folks who will be grossed out by it. Having sex in public when it's a group of sex positive folks who will appreciate the show is different from having sex in front of people with sex negative attitudes who will find it unpleasant.

                I mean, really, I don’t want anybody having nightmares because they saw me naked. That’s not my style.
                I want an enthusiastically appreciative audience.
  • Re: "Children" and sex

    Sat, April 7, 2007 - 8:06 AM
    Fortunately, it's not up to me to figure out what the right time for sexual activity is. I have no idea. It's wildly different for every kid, I'm sure. I'd say it's the parents responsibility to raise the kids with the information they need and the confidence to use it wisely, but since there's an awful lot of really stupid parents out there, that won't work. All I can say is I got active around 15 or 16 and had enough sense to use condoms, for which I thank partly my parents who always said something along the lines of no sex is best, but if you find yourself there use a rubber. It's pretty clear that advocating only abstinence or ignoring the issue altogether isn't effective. Kids WILL explore on their own. Better to do it educated than oblivious.
  • Re: "Children" and sex

    Wed, April 16, 2008 - 4:03 PM
    Hmmmm. I'm the wrong person to respond to this, I think. It depends on the people involved. I work with a woman who is 22ish and who has been with the same man (somewhat older than her) 8 years, that would make them 14 when they got together. They are married now, great relationship from what I can tell. In her case, no problem.

    Now if it is MY kid, I'll tar and feather the hussy :-p........

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