Art Of Loving 's topics - tribe.net

Meet single bikers for dating

2013-03-14T03:31:26Z

A biker? Single ? Someone special ? Local events ? Find what you are looking for at www.bikerdatingsite.net

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Harbin car pool?

2011-08-13T23:42:31Z

Anyone care to join us for Harbin hotsprings this weekend?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Incest -

2011-02-08T16:56:13Z

Can incest be a positive and love oriented event? I am not speaking about underage people, but between adults. I have met many on Tribe that think it can be a positive and spiritually uplifting thing.

Although not an incest relationship in the real sense, my mom and I have shared many love filled quasi sensual moments in massage.

Sorry - if I have offended anyone.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 51 replies

"The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm

2011-02-06T22:44:55Z

For those of you not familiar with this excellent book I thought it a good idea to mention it. Fromm's basic thesis is that all genuine love begins with self-love (not egotism). It's so easy to state but it can be difficult to achieve. It is not a 'self help' book but I found it helpful when I discovered it in college and it is as relevant today as it was when it was first published.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_Loving

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Incest 2

2010-08-08T00:33:30Z

I like to keep a conversation going in one place, but the Incest thread says it is as deep as is allowed. So....Incest 2. :)

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 38 replies

would love to find faux family

2010-03-17T02:08:40Z

I would like to meet people that would adopt me in there family or we make are own family bother sister mom dad

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

cheating brother in-law

2010-02-16T08:17:05Z

I have found out that my brother in-law is cheating on my sister. Should I tell her. My nieces have found msn messages between him and at least three other women. Some content suggests he is suicidal about it all??? Males or females please help 1 should i tell my sister as he is seeing others, 2 is he really suicidal, 3 my neices need support. pretty heavy i know. so far ive not told sister am dealing with if hes really suicidal or just guilt ridden.....he is 50 and has been with my sister since i can remember teenage hood perhaps. ? Im thinking hes just guilt ridden and that it will get worked out??? sad thing is his kids have found credible internet proof of cheating...they just worried that hes suicidal? they not too worried if parents split only that mums heart will be broken by it... shes 50 but hot enough to have many men after her so no probs there...sorry for the heavy..should i tell her..i dont want too??? any comments?love to all...

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 6 replies

Sleepysex

2009-11-24T10:32:41Z

I have a fascination with a guy having sex with me while I sleep. I find it really erotic. I know some people think this is rape. What are other's thoughts?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 20 replies

Swinging? Threesome? HELP!

2009-02-27T21:28:11Z

Hey everyone! I'm pretty new here and I'm posting this on a few other tribes, so if that isn't really cool, sorry, let me know. Anyway, my boyfriend and I recently had our first threesome. However, it was one of those 4am we ran out of beer, do you think my friend is cute
sort of things. I found it pretty mindblowing. So did my boyfriends and I'm pretty sure we'd both like it to happen again maybe with a girl next time. BUT I have no idea how to make it happen. The Craigslist Ads/Adult Friend Finder seem pretty...uh I don't know how to say it tactfully...But you get the idea. So anyway, I'm hoping to get some advice how to approach someone in a bar? Meeting places? etc.
without seeming like a total CREEPER. Can anyone help? THANKS!

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

-=Marriage=-

2009-01-23T23:08:07Z

In this life, we learn many ideals that shape the eternal us. Who or what we choose to love & trust molds us by the contours of its definitions. We sometimes trust in a lover to complete us. Through that partnership we learn tremendous lessons about love, life, and who we are to become, discovering that it is what that person channels that we really love. Ultimately, we are married to the universe and our partners are simply the route by which we come to understand our personal connection with God. Some couples separate because of static coming between them, others because it was simply meant to be. But a true marriage is not measured just by an event that deems it so, but rather by an indestructable link that is formed by both partner's light fused together forever. Inside of that that link stands a garden that the universe will never forget. Those blended colors cannot fade from the halls of the library, for they are the candles of it's midst. Beyond (yet through) humans, its chapters draw us to a special place where we find, with or without a partner, that we are never alone and always of marriage in the bridal chamber as One.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Channel G!

2009-01-11T15:19:45Z

Please check out Channel G.
Join our tribe,
and help spread the Good word.
Thanks!

http://tribes.tribe.net/channelg
http://www.channelg.tv
http://www.myspace.com/channelg

video: http://www.channelg.tv/video.php

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

RESOLVE EMOTIONAL CONTRETEMPS FROM POLY LOVE-INS by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

2008-12-26T18:01:28Z

RESOLVE EMOTIONAL CONTRETEMPS FROM POLY LOVE-INS by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

I’m reading an advanced copy of “Gaia and the New Politics of Love: Notes for a Poly Planet”, by Serena Anderlini, who was one of our keynoters at the 2007 World Polyamory Association Harbin Polyamory Conference. I’m in awe.

Serena’s new book’s is a polemic that can shake the world into loving survival, and I’ll have lots more to say about it in future posts. Right now, I abridge a couple of paragraphs to give you a feel for this stirring manifesto:

“Bi and poly ogies are emotionally connecting orgies: orgies of oxytocin where a symbiotic energy prevails; where the spasm of turgidity dissolves in ecstatic duration....The combined practice of bi and poly love empowers individual players to consciously navigate its flow and become consensually immersed in the movement of the symbiotic energy generated by our aural, astral and physical bodies at play.

“When both bi and poly paradigms function together in the orgy flow, No one has control over what develops, yet all trust that it will not destroy what is already in place; no one presumes exclusivity, yet all are aware of possible temporary exclusions ensuing from developing bonds and relationships....Emotions become manifest as sexual and erotic play.

“The correspondence between the emotional and erotic realms enables players to maximize the love energy they share.... and enable the creation of networks of emotional sustainability that result in symbiotic plateaus of enhanced awareness. These plateaus involve crises that manifest at certain points in the network whose collective management can productively turn them into opportunities for deeper levels of symbiosis [and] move the entire network on a higher level of awareness that enables more focused and productive experiments in the management of shared emotional resources ...The network unctions like a sustainable ecosystem for all these interpersonal energies. It creates sustainablity, balance and of resources for all involved.”

The success of poly orgies–we call them love-ins–as growth machines depends upon successful management of the emotions evoked in the flow of the sexualloving. What we in the Lessin Pod use as our management paradigm after our love-ins is a gestalt/centering encounter the next morning. Each participant takes a turn expressing unfinished emotional business, appreciations, learning from the love-in.

Any unfinished encounters are completed using Voice Dialogue bonding resolution below.

I tell each person with unresolved emotions from the love-in to take a turn and tell them:

Let where you’re sitting be the position for your Center, where you hear all your inner voices.

Recall, then tell me when you felt pain, fear, insecurity as we related to [I name the other person involved in the unresolved emotional situation].

Say how you and s/he interacted in parent/child ways.

What bothered you about how s/he acted in relation to you?

Move to a cushion from which you'll roleplay him/her. Pretend you're him/her.; roleplay him/her.. Exaggerate what s/he said or did. Say what you, as him/her, fear, think and suspect.

Now move to a cushion where you'll be yourself in relation to him/her.

Respond to me as yourself again and say more than you already said to him/her; say how you feel toward him/her. Express your feelings, irrational thoughts and impulses; exaggerate your feelings; express more.

Now return to your original cushion, the Center.

[When the person moves, say,] Say what vulnerabilities--feelings of insecurity, fear, hurt--you and s/he activate in each other.

How does he/she represent a disowned voice for you?

Describe your relation with him/her in parent-child terms. Expand what you said before about how you and s/he shift between enacting parent and child roles vis-a-vis each other.

In what ways does the pattern you've described with him/her re-create part of the pattern you had with the people who raised you or a brother or sister?

Stand behind me now, facing the seat in which you enacted voice within you that you projected on him/her. Maintain neutrality; observe objectively. As I review the main things you said in the disowned voice, sense its energy ### [I Summarize what person said.]

Now return from standing in the Witness position to the seat for your Center.

How can you, Center, nourish your vulnerable, Inner Child without stifling your other voices?

How can you integrate the disowned voices the other person represented into your life?

PLEASE SHARE ON THIS SITE HOW DO YOU CONDUCT YOUR SEXUALLOVING SESSIONS & WHAT DO YOU DO TO RESOLVE EMOTIONALLY UNFINISHED ISSUES THAT CAME UP DURING YOUR LOVING

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

WAND WORK FOR EMOTIONAL DEPTH, EJACULATORY CONTROL by Sasha Lessin,

2008-12-05T03:46:06Z

WAND WORK FOR EMOTIONAL DEPTH, EJACULATORY CONTROL by Sasha Lessin,
Ph.D.

Sasha: Janet received this email from a female correspondent and
referred it to me for comment. I intercalate some comments, then add
some text
from our training manual.

Wand work and base blessing, outlined in the article following the
correspondent's query, is designed to elicit and reprogram any self-
limiting programs or blocks to pleasure and emotional intimacy.

THE EMAIL
Correspondent: I had questions or issues regarding the Lingam massage
which I have been attempting on a partner recently and hoping to
improve upon.
So I'm not sure if I should be directing this email to Sasha to get a
male's
perspective? But any help, advice, or feedback is appreciated.

According to a brief text I have read online, when giving a lingam
massage, that we should actually 'back off' from ejaculating since it
is NOT the goal of the lingam masssage. However, I suppose since we
are fairly new and inexperience, and also perhaps he is not relaxed
enough, our massages usually do result in ejaculation. The text has
no mention of oral pleasure during the lingam massage process but was
wondering if its something that is or can be normally part of a
massage? Or something that can be incorporated?

[Sasha: We highly recommend oral honoring as part of the sequence,
see below]

Correspondent continues: Either I'm still learning how to give a more
effective massage or maybe my partner is still learning better
control (or both) but I have noticed that i am
more inclined to provide oral during our massage sessions (which might
be incorrect for a "true" lingam massage). OR, by providing oral,
does it no longer qualify as a massage? Admittedly, before we giving
a honest attempt at a lingam massage, I normally would just give 'blow
jobs' and that pretty much served as our "massage". And based on the
text, I always feel like I have not done a proper job with the massage
and with the site of ejaculation triggers a reaction to immediately to
provide oral and ultimately swallow any of the semen (which im not
positive is or is not a part of tantra).

[Sasha: Swallowing honors your lover; male ejaculate contains about 2
calories]

Correspondent: So I'm not sure if any of this made any sense as I
probably started rambling a little bit, and asked a bunch of
questions, but just
basically wanted to know about incorporating oral/fellatio to a
lingam massage
if at all possible. We have so far finding it difficult to withhold
ejaculation
during the lingam massage which I've read is something that we should
have
better control of and if you have any advice on improved control,
that would be
appreciated.

[Sasha: I provide very detailed, 100% effective means of ejaculatory
control below; your lover may need to be shown how to achieve
complete control or he may be able to achieve it by following the
instructions I provide below.]

Correspondent: OR should we NOT try to withhold ejaculation during
the lingam massage? I'm not positive if the text is just one
interpretation of
the lingam massage, but I know with your experience and background,
you might
provide a better answer and shed some light on giving a more
effective lingam
massage.

GRATIFY A GUY by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. schooloftantra@aol.com

Give all-chakra satisfaction to a man; you're Giver.
Gratify a Guy, the set of experiences below, gives the man the
support and emotional access he needs for integrated sexual and
spiritual connection in lovemaking.

Giver, reserve four hours with your Receiver in a lovely,
peaceful, private sanctuary. Arrange music, flowers, incense, food,
your costume and your body to delight him. Then do the
exercise, "Put Him in the Mudra".

PUT HIM IN THE MUDRA
Lie on your sides; face each other.

Put your right hands on each other's hearts

Put your left hands on one another's perineums. Chant "Lam"
three times; tighten your rosebud sphincter after each. Send energy
from your base chakra to his and say, together, "I wish you health,
safety and security".

Move your left hands to each others' genitals, send each
other sexual energy and chant " Vam" three times and squeeze your PC
muscles. Send each other sexual energy with each "Vam". Say, with
each other, "I wish you sensual delight and sexual satisfaction."

Raise left hands to each others' bellies. Chant "Ram" three
times and, with each "Ram," send empowerment rays through your hands
into each others' bellies. Say, to one another, "May you take
what's yours in life."

Put your left hands on each others' right hands, at each
others' hearts. Send love and chant "Yam" together three times.
Say, "I love you; I receive your love."

Lift left hands to the back of each other's throats.
Chant "Ham" three times together and feel the throats vibrate. Hear
(in your mind's ear) words you'd say, songs you'd sing each other.
Make a sound together. Say, "Tell your truth."

Put your foreheads together, look in each other's eyes, place
left hands each others' heads. Chant "Ooo" three times and
experience psychic contact. See your other lives together.
Say, "You know."

Put your left hands on each others' crowns and chant "Mmm"
three times. Picture radiant energy flashes between your crowns.
Fantasize that you meld into a single spiritual being with two
complementary parts–not just a dyad, but a two-part spirit, a
synergad. Say, "We are one."

LOOK AT LESSONS HE LEARNED WITH HIS LOVERS

Lie on your back. Relax. [Give him time] Put my left hand
on your heart, my right on your lingum (penis) and jewels (testicles)
and put your hands atop mine. Close your eyes. [Take three deep
breaths, imagine sending energy into his heart through your right
hand, receiving it through your left.] Ok, let's gently release our
hands; lower them.

Feel your genitals--your sexual chakra; notice your heart,
your love chakra.

Reconsider your lovers from days gone. Tell me their names,
I'll write them. ***
Lover 1 [Write it]
Lover 2
Lover 3
Lover 4
Etc.

For each lover on this list,
a) Tell me the YEARS you were involved and how old you were,
*** [Write them next to the name indicated]

b) Say WHERE you were when you related to her, the key
EVENTS in your relationship *** [Take notes next to the name
indicated]

c) Tell me your EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL SHARING with each. ***

d) Tell the DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS YOU COMPLETED with each.

e) Summarize the events, sexual and emotional sharing and
the developmental tasks we've experienced together. ***

f ) Imagine [Lover 1: Say her or his name] is
before you. Toward her, express your LONGINGS, what you wished you
could have shared with her or him. ***

g) Express to her or him any WITHHELD FEELINGS, things you
didn't get to say.***

h) Tell her or him your RESENTMENTS ***

i) As you imagine her or him before you, tell her or him
your DEMANDS, what you really wanted from her or him ***

j) Say, to her or him, your APPRECIATIONS ***

k) Tell her or him what you REGRET. Tell her what you
FORGIVE her or him for ***

l) Tell [Lover 1: Say her or his name] WHAT YOU
LEARNED from being together. ***

m) FORGIVE YOURSELF aloud for not doing better. ***

n) Bid her or him FAREWELL. ***

o) How, if you had it to do over, would you DO BETTER in
the relationship with [Lover 1: Say her or his name]?
***

p) How can you apply that improvement to your relationship
with me? ***

Imagine [Lover 2: Say her or his name] is before
you. Toward her or him, express your LONGINGS, what you wished you
could have shared with her or him. ***

Express toward [Lover 2] any WITHHELD FEELINGS,
things you didn't get to say fully ***

Tell her or him your RESENTMENTS ***

As you imagine her or him before you, tell her or him your
DEMANDS, what you really wanted from her or him***

Say, to her or him, your APPRECIATIONS ***

Tell her what you REGRET. Tell her what you FORGIVE her or
him for ***

Tell [Lover 2: Say her or his name] WHAT YOU
LEARNED from being together. ***

FORGIVE YOURSELF aloud for not doing better. ***

Bid her or him FAREWELL. ***

How, if you had it to do over, would you DO BETTER in the
relationship with [Lover 2: Say her or his name]? ***

How can you apply that improvement to your relationship with
me/a lover [select appropriate object]? ***

WORK HIS WAND

The man lies on his back. The Giver rests a hand on his
heart and dedicating the focus on him to his healing and the healing
of all men. Then let him set his intention in receiving your love.

Massage him all over except his genitals and base anal chakra.

Treat the Receiver to the following HAND STROKES [suggested
by Charles Muir, Lingam Strokes, Source Tantra, 1997] about five
minutes each. Encourage him to make sounds, give verbal feedback and
pulse his anal sphincter whenever he feels uncomfortable.

Press along his wand with your hand or thumb and
index finger.
Scratch wand lightly.

Pat and slap it lightly.

Throw it from one of his thighs to the other and from
one of your hands to the other.

Point the tip of his penis toward his navel, hold the
base in one hand and, with the heel of your other hand, press penis
from tip to base, them from base to tip.

Slide your hands and pull the wand; vary strokes from
hard to feather-like.

Lubricate your hands. Hold the base of his wand with
one hand and twist the other around the wand in a corkscrew motion.
Alternate hands.

Point his wand toward his navel and alternate
pressing the tip with your thumbs.

Trace circles on the tip and each part of the shaft.

Point the penis toward his feet and caress it from
tip to base.

Roll the wand between your hands.

Tickle and scratch his scrotum.

Lightly hold each testicle separately.

ADD ORAL STIMULATION to his lingam. Salivate generously on
the tip and if he is uncircumsized, gently work back his foreskin.
Lick and kiss every part of his lingam and jewel sack as you
simultaneously stoke his lingum and massage his perineum with your
fingers. Gently stroke, lick, then put your mouth over his jewels.

As you run your lips down the shaft, trace the penile tissue
through his scrotum and along his perineum. Twirl your tongue around
the crown of his penis the way you would like him, if you are a
female Giver, to twirl his tongue around your clitoris through the
clitoral hood. Look up into his eyes as you lick the underside of
his wand, let him see your love for him in your eyes.

Let your tongue move in opposite directions from a corkscrew motion
you
make on his wand with your hands.

Receiver should exercise ejaculatory control. To avoid
squirting before ready, Receiver identifies sensations the moment
before ejaculatory inevitability–sensations just before seminal
vesicles and prostrate empty. If Receiver does ejaculate, swallow
his ejaculate and thank him. You'll at a later time resume your
attentions to his lingam until he learns ejaculatory control.

EJACULATORY CONTROL METHOD: After inhale, Receiver moves his
chin back toward his throat, keeping his neck straight and long. Then
he exhales. While empty of air, Receiver pulls belly in and up toward
his throat). He tightens his anal sphincter and pubococcygeal muscles–
pretends he's stopping urination or preventing vacating bowels. He
imagines pulling energy up from his rosebud and genitals, up through
his spine, out the top of his head and into the Giver's crown
(instead of out Receiver's wand as ejaculate). When he inhales, he
imagines he's pulling energy into his genitals from the Giver.

Avoid last-second ejaculatory blocking techniques such as
squeezing the head of the penis or pushing the external perineum from
outside the body through the intervening tissue into the ejaculatory
duct, thus blocking it. Such mechanical interference with fluid
being pushed out yet prevented from exit may damage the urethra.

BLESS HIS BASE
Breathe together. Adore the Receiver with your eyes, while
you hold his wand. Caress Receiver's wand, jewel sack, jewels and
perineum with your fingers, hands, breasts, lips, tongue, genitals
and other part's he might find pleasurable or interesting. Touch,
hold, then massage each inch of Receiver's perineum and rosebud (the
entrance to his cave).

Receiver says what he feels, remembers and imagines as Giver
holds Receiver's wand in one hand and, with the ring finger of the
other hand, traces the door to Receiver's cave. If the Receiver
tenses but wants to continue, Giver tells him to control the pace,
pressure and depth of digital penetration by pressing his cave onto
the Giver's finger.

When the Giver's finger first enters the Receiver's rosebud,
Giver and Receiver remain motionless for a few minutes. Maintain eye
contact and breathe together. Encourage the Receiver to emote,
giggle and make sounds. Make sounds with the Receiver. Giver sends
love to the Receiver though the finger in the Receiver's cave and
through the hand or mouth on the Receiver's wand.

Then Giver begins a gentle, "come-here" motion with the ring
finger. Giver fondles the front inner wall of Receiver's cave,
pulling gently from the pubic bone toward the jewels. Giver moves
her or his finger like a windshield wiper over the front wall of
Receiver's cave. Giver traces circles and figure-eights on the wall
of Receiver's anal cave. Giver alternates speed, depth and pressure
of stroke. See, in Receiver's eyes, the effects of touches. Giver
says, "Tell me if any place I touch inside you feels pleasurable,
hurts, burns or feels numb." Remember the spots Receiver finds
pleasurable.

If Receiver notices a painful, numb or burning spot, ask him
to close his eyes and notice his fantasies, memories and
associations. Encourage him to express his emotions as he shares.
Ask him how he'd re-do the scenes he associates with his pain.

(When Caroline, my Giver, massaged my cave three months after
Joan, my wife of twenty years abruptly left me for a younger man, I
released all the tears I'd held in.)

Giver says, "If you'd lived the way you preferred, how would
your life have been different? How would you be now?"

Then, Giver, move your finger back and forth from the spot
that had the painful association for Receiver to a spot the that had
a pleasurable association for the Receiver until Receiver reports
both spots feel good. Tell him to remember, in situations that
resonate his painful imprints, that he can live from his re-done
scene (with its growth pattern)-- rather than from the self-limiting
program associated with the story he recalled. He has, remind him,
choice.

Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., www.schooloftantra.com

Dr. Sasha and Janet Kira Lessin teach tantra techniques in their
weeklong training programs on Maui, privately at other venues and
give phone consultations as well. Call 808 244-4103 or write
schooloftantra@aol.com for more info.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 2 replies

SACRED MATRIX by Deiter Duhm, founder, Poly Zegg Communities

2008-11-10T20:13:21Z

SACRED MATRIX by Deiter Duhm, founder, Poly Zegg Communities
in Germany & Portugal, followed by a confluent exercise by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

Duhm quote was forwarded by Kelly Bryson. Kelly presents
experientials based on Duhm's work in his Sacred Matrix workshops.

"The unity of the organism is achieved by the individuality and
difference of the organs. In other words, it is only WHEN THE FULL
INDIVIDUALITY OF THE MEMBERS IS DEVELOPED that a HEALTHY COMMUNITY
CAN EMERGE.

"Community and individual are not opposites; they are prerequisites
for each other. The PREREQUISITE FOR A UNIVERSAL COMMUNITY IS AN
AUTONOMOUS INDIVIDUAL, AND THE PREREQUISITE FOR AN AUTONOMOUS
INDIVIDUAL IS A COMMUNITY. That is the natural order in the building
plan of Creation.

"The structure of future survival-adaptive communities is always
connected to the self-development of the individuals involved. The
more they develop their individuality and the less they let
themselves be ruled by preconceived dogmas and false authorities, the
easier it is for them to recognize their chances of development in
the community.

"At some point a deep process of INDIVIDUATION LEADS ALL HUMAN BEINGS
TO NOT SEE THEMSELVES AS private persons, but as ORGANIC ELEMENTS OF
A HUMAN COMMUNITY. For IT IS THROUGH INDIVIDUATION THAT HUMAN BEINGS
EXPERIENCE NOT ONLY WHAT SEPARATES THEM FROM OTHERS, BUT ALSO WHAT
CONNECTS THEM AT A MUCH DEEPER LEVEL. They dare to rediscover and
accept this.

"Without individuation a healthy organism cannot develop. Instead we
get conforming collectivism in which individual differences are not
promoted but instead suppressed. Collectivistic systems do not
tolerate individual autonomy. Instead, both toward the inside and the
outside, they fight everything that does not fit into their ideology.

"THE SACRED MATRIX IS THE ORIGINAL, TRANS-HISTORICAL, NON-ALIENATED,
COSMIC, AND DIVINE MATRIX OF UNIVERSAL LIFE. According to the plan of
Creation for the human being, we are to realize it on earth. It is
not a dream, but a deep, deep memory that wells up inside of us when
we touch the Sacred, and THIS MEMORY KEEPS RE-CREATING OUR YEARNING.
For the sake of truth we cannot but find and follow the content of
this yearning in its entirety, for the yearning that is recognized
and not suppressed or sentimentalized is the signpost that leads us
to our sacred home.

"There can be no peace on earth, as long as there is war in love. The
five thousand year history of the patriarchal era is a history of a
war between the sexes, and the war has not ended yet. The five
thousand year long battle against the female world is the most cruel
chapter in human history to date. We will not be able to develop
fundamental peace concepts for the earth and human beings, until we
understand this fight and its insane results in society and within
ourselves. It is a primary task for all future projects to activate
all energy to LIBERATE THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE SEXES, AND ALL
LOVERS, FROM THE TABOOS, PREJUDICES AND CRUELTIES OF A MAD ERA.

"A new non-violent and loving culture is rooted substantially in a
new loving and non-violent relationship between the sexes. This is a
point we cannot neglect in the new concepts for ecology, spirituality
and healing, if we want to achieve realistic solutions. THERE CAN BE
NO HEALTHY ECOLOGY WITHOUT HEALTHY AND FULFILLED SEXUALITY. We all
came into being through a sexual connection between man and woman.
Sexuality is the biological source of our life, it is truly "issue
#1, since we all exist in the body. A disruption of sexuality is a
disruption of the entire organism. Almost all illnesses in Western
society are at least partly caused by a disruption of the sexual
energy balance, and most emotional and psychosomatic illnesses of our
times are rooted in unresolved problems in the area of love between
the sexes. Many more people die each year from unresolved love
conflicts than from car accidents, and these, too, often have the
same background. AS LONG AS THE SEXES DO NOT FIND FULFILLMENT IN
LOVE, THEY MUST COMPENSATE THIS LACK THROUGH ENTERTAINMENT,
CONSUMERISM, STATUS, POWER, ADDICTIONS, AND WAR. THESE ARE THE
FOUNDATIONS OF OUR CURRENT CAPITALIST WORLD SOCIETY.

"Some prerequisites for a future free of violence is that the war
between the sexes be put to an end, that MAN BE LIBERATED FROM HIS
SECRET SEXUAL ANXIETIES AND FEELINGS OF INADEQUACY, THAT WOMAN BE
RECONNECTED WITH HER ORIGINAL POWER SOURCES AND HER CENTRAL TASKS IN
THE HUMAN COMMUNITY, AND FINALLY THAT BOTH BE LIBERATED FROM THEIR
DELUSION THAT JEALOUSY IS PART OF LOVE.

"Man and woman are the two polar halves of the one human being. They
must now come together in such a way that they "fit", so that they
might find the permanent fulfillment that is an inherent part of the
emotional and bodily love between the sexes. Here, we can no longer
avoid confronting certain carefully thought-out concepts about free
will in love relationships. Love and sexuality are universal powers
of life; in a universal society of peace they can no longer be
forcibly bound to one single person, nor can they be surrounded by
private fences.

"IN A UNIVERSAL CULTURE OF PEACE, FREE LOVE AND COMMITTED
PARTNERSHIPS do no exclude each other. Instead THEY ARE MUTUALLY
DEPENDENT AND COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER. The old patterns of
sexual "faithfulness" and jealousy are based on distrust between the
sexes.

"The deepest freedom, which lies at THE HEART OF ALL FREEDOM, IS THE
FREEDOM OF LOVE BETWEEN THE SEXES. This is the source of a new ethic
and a new order, in which human beings no longer need to deny their
own selves and hide from others. This freedom leads to a genuine,
powerful, and nonviolent joy of life. (Whether the choice is monogamy
or not) This is of central importance in the concrete utopia that we
now must bring to life. Communities of the future and projects for a
new way of life can only function in the long term if their members
know and understand the principle of freedom, if they know that it is
not in opposition to an ethic of faithfulness and responsibility, and
if they know that one is allowed to follow it. In order for this new
force to develop, we need an encompassing environment of freedom and
community. All forms of ideology or group pressure are
counterproductive when it comes to such deep changes in our core
areas. This is true for our erotic as well as for our mental and
spiritual sources."

INNER MALE & FEMALE MEDIATED BY YOUR CENTER by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.
Based on Stone, H. & Winkelman, S., Embracing Our Selves, and
Embracing Each Other both 1989, New World Library: San Rafael).

Do this experiential with a partner

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GUIDING PARTNER. Read your partner the
cues in bold print aloud. Exception: read words in square brackets
[like this] silently. Give your partner a few breaths' time to
respond aloud where you see asterisks (***). If your partner doesn't
respond to a cue-sentence, pause several breaths and read the cue
again.

Address your partner's inner voices respectfully,
appreciatively; do not push his or her limits. Use these cues as
suggestions; feel free to improvise. Start now, reading aloud:

Sit on this cushion; it'll be the position for your Center
(Aware Ego), the place from which you hear all your inner voices.

Tell me about the way you present your masculine or feminine
voice–whichever is primary to you, to the world. What's this voice
like and what does it do for you. ***

Shift your cushion to a new position, a position for that
Primary, that main voice. [Wait till your partner actually moves;
use the name (eg: Mr. Yang, Ms Aphrodite, etc.) your partner uses for
the Primary, where you see the word "Primary" below].

Hi. Embody that Primary voice and tell me who you are and
what your job is. ***

When did your life start? How long have you been around?
What's your history as [partner name]'s Primary? ***

Tell me, Primary, what vulnerable voices you protect? ***

What contributions have you, as [partner name]'s
Primary, made to [partner name]? What would you like to be
acknowledged and appreciated for? ***

Thank you, I liked talking with you. Would you let
[partner name] return to the Aware Ego position? ***

[Wait till your partner moves] Hi, Aware Ego. Tell your
observations on the voice you just embodied. ***

Tell me about the other voice in the inner male
(animus)/inner female(anima) within you. ***

Move your cushion to a position for that voice. [Wait till
your partner moves] Become this second voice, Voice 2. As Voice 2,
say how you are, what you do for [partner's name] and what
you'd like to be appreciated for. ***

Thank you, I liked talking with you. Would you let
[partner name] return to the Aware Ego position? ***

[When your partner has spoken as each of the voices (or
described vulnerable voices from the Aware Ego position) for which
you have time, say] Stand behind me, facing the spaces you occupied
for your voices as I summarize the things you said as each. Feel
each voice's energy from the perspective of neutral observer.
[Summarize what your partner said in each space.]

Return to the Aware Ego place and tell me what you learned.
***

How can you–in both your inner life and relations with other
people-- better recognize, accept, coordinate and synthesize your
inner male and inner female? ***

Please share on this website your reactions to Duhm's article andwhat
you experienced in the Dr. Lessin's confluent experiential of inner
man/inner woman.

www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

Desire is not the Problem, Dualistic Identity Is

2008-10-20T01:45:57Z

Desire is not the Problem, Dualistic Identity Is

Excerpts from Troma Rigtsal Rinpoche’s upcoming book,
MahaSiddha Buddhism

Seemingly never-ending, unrelenting, seductive, distracting, debilitating; oh, the ebb and flow of Desire. Rumors abound that only the most realized, hard-core, radical, fanatical, warrior-hero Buddhists could ever dare work with it. But is Desire really such a problem? Desire is the radiance of Buddha-nature, our wakefulness to the sparkling, sacred qualities of existence. We glow with it. Our world is lit up when we are in it. In the surge of desire, we feel alive, tantalized and joyous. How then could it go so wrong at times? How then could it gain the reputation as being the bane of a Buddhist’s existence? To understand the answer, we must venture into the understanding of dualism and non-duality, the heart of the MahaSiddha’s Buddhism. The fundamental teaching is that most people live their lives in a state of dissatisfaction (dukha) caused by misperception of what we are. When we misperceive our own mind, we misperceive others, our world and all of reality. And in this misperception we find awkwardness and dissatisfaction at best.

Mistaken Identity

Imagine if you thought you were a tuba - imagine how this would complicate your life. People would try to feed you and you’d think, “tubas do not need food.” So you would not eat. Your lover would try to kiss you and as soon as their lips hit your “mouthpiece” you would blare out with your loud, low tuba sounds. Of course, this would make relationships difficult. Misunderstanding what we are is a serious mistake.

If you thought you were a plum and you were really a banana, trying to be more purple and round, more plum, more tart - imagine the awkwardness. Perhaps you would tighten up, knotting up your insides to mimic a plum’s seed and cover up how soft your long, white belly really was. You might try to act more like a plum and avoid expressing those embarrassing banana sentiments. Meanwhile, with all your efforts to be a plum, you might be plagued with shame and confusion about your inability to completely hide your big yellow peel and feathery, white flesh. Our attempt to be the plum would only make our existence as a banana much more complicated than it needs to be. Misperceiving what we are is a grave error that causes us to fall into all kinds of dissatisfaction, confusion and even all out suffering. Our mistaken identity in dualism is as ill-fitting (dukha) as thinking we are a plum or a tuba. It is a subtle but serious mistake that distorts our every experience.

How Desire Could Be Twisted

Our capacity for enjoyment quickly fades and our desire becomes twisted if we manipulate it to prove we are something we’re not. For example, we may think it is imperative to be a plum and therefore we need to be more purple, plum-like and juicy to be satisfied. We believe the way to satisfaction is in being a plum. We start looking for what is missing. A mixture of desire and grasping arise in a tidal wave as we fantasize about our future as a plum. We realize we need purple pants to cover up our yellow peel. We long for those pants, we day-dream about them and invest time in finding the exact right pair. We try them on and think about how great it will feel to finally be a plum. Finally, we get the purple pants, squat and roll around and do everything we can to be a plum. But something is still missing. There is still a problem – but it isn’t desire that is the problem, nor is it the object of desire that is the problem. Purple pants are not problematic by nature. They are quite enjoyable unto themselves, they are what they are. It is only when we are trying to manipulate them to disguise what we really are that a problem arises. Purple pants cannot do that. Objects of desire cannot provide the fixed, “good” self that the dualistic habit pursues. Nothing can hide our banana-nature, so life gets very tedious and unsatisfying when we let desire get tangled up in our dualistic identity.

If we misperceive what we are, we misperceive everything else, including desire and the objects of desire. Then instead of having desire properly and fully, we confuse desire and attempt to manipulate it to serve our mistaken identity. The piece of chocolate is no longer just a piece of chocolate, it becomes a way of drugging ourselves so that we don’t have to face our own insecurity. It becomes a way to avoid emptiness, the open-ended, insecure nature of what we are. The chocolate fails to do this of course, thus that desire leads to frustration. So also, relationship fails to makes us feel secure. Work we have done fails to prove we are the “good” self. Everything we have desired only fails us when what we are really wanting is not the object of desire. When the hidden motivation is establishing some ideal Self, the objects of desire doesn’t provide it. That is dualism, forever disappointing. Trying to establish Self is a futile pursuit, since what we are is too open-ended to be captured in fixed form. That is the "me" project that brings us so much suffering as we attempt to establish an identity made up of dualistic fantasies. It is dualistic because it is form based, the Self we want to find is imagined to be some permanent, definite, secure Self, divided from the temporary, ambiguous, insecure reality of life.

Every person wants to be loved for “who they are,” what if we also loved the objects of desire in this way? What if we enjoyed things for what they really are; lacking the security or confirmation, temporary and ineffable; as empty as we are. All objects of desire give us no solid ground to stand on, and we don't have take issue with that. We can enjoy phenomena as is. Then desire is just simple minded delight. Nothing more, nothing less.

Contacting What We Are Directly

Meditation is a method for contacting what we are directly. We can observe and become intimate with what we are. We discover moments where we are not relying on reference points to deduce what we are. We have the direct experience. Our attempts to prove we are “good” or disprove that we are “bad” through referencing how we measure up to plum-ness, tuba-ness or dualism has less meaning. What we actually are becomes directly apparent. Then desire is what it is. No more, no less, it is as pure and innocent as primordial existence. We can want the cake and eat it too. There is nothing un-buddhist about that. We can enjoy the cake even more, because we can eat the cake without the confusion of trying to use the cake to take away our anxiety, or give us the happiness or confirmation. It is just cake. We eat it as it is, with the calories, pleasure and the vivid emptiness that pervades all forms.

Desire can be as enlightening as it could be poisonous. Like everything, it could be the opportunity for waking up or confusion, based on our understanding of our own mind. We have all heard about the monastic path of renouncing desire. Who couldn’t appreciate the potency in that? Most adults have followed desire into neurosis at one time or another, but it is not the only direction we could go with desire. We could be in it and find liberation. Desire will only ever point to the non-dual nature of things if we do not try to forge a Self with it.

The MahaSiddhas

"Know that desire and covetousness are Discriminating
Awareness - You will find fine sensory distinction in no
other place than a mind hungering for beautiful things,
wanting the whole world. Look into the intrinsic
freshness of your desire and there is boundless light!"
-Yeshe Tsogyal, Sky Dancer

Motivated by revenge a king tried to corrupt the MahaSiddha of the Bell, by sending a woman to seduce him. Instead of being corrupted by desire, he was enlightened. Within passion, desire, love and companionship, he found the final ingredient to go beyond ignorance. The MahaSiddha called the Glutton was not told to go on a diet. On the contrary, he was instructed to increase his appetite to extend to all phenomena. When desire is liberated from the confines of dualistic identity, it is a raw appreciation that connects us with the living energy of all things. If we set down our dualistic obsession with trying to be other than as we are, then Desire is not a problem. A banana can enjoy appreciating plums. A person can enjoy a tuba. We don’t need to renounce them, unless of course that is our cup of tea. We only need liberate our grasping at dualistic identity to enjoy our world with awareness.

Disclaimer: Buddhism is a tradition of methods for awakening. The Buddha introduced 84,000 different methods that may seem contradictory because of their differences, but are each appropriate according to the specific individuals and stages of the path for which they are intended. This article is written from the perspective of the Inner Tantras. It does not address the relationship with desire taken by renunciate or monastic practitioners who take a different view as a method for awakening.

all content © 2007 MahaSiddha Dharma
for more information visit www.MahaSiddhas.org

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 2 replies

Rainbowheart

2008-09-21T14:53:03Z

I was on the Celebrations of Love web site yesterday and saw a link that said, "In Memory of Rainbowheart". My heart sank. It was a YouTube video of him but there was no explanation of what happened. I've been doing Google searches and can't find anything.

I saw him at Harbin a couple of summers ago and he was on his way to live in Thailand. We spent a wonderful hour or so talking... little did I know it would be for the last time.

Can someone please tell me what happened to Rainbowheart?

Thanks,
Michelle

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

The Last thing someone did to make you feel Truely Loved..

2008-08-07T19:41:46Z

As a Lover..or Just a Human being rolling along in this life..

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 24 replies

The Return of Desire

2008-07-24T11:11:46Z

I love this book: The Return of Desire - A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion, by Gina Ogden

So much good info. She polled women and men and then meshes their answers with stories, anecdotes and exercises. Reading it was empowering. I don’t know how long they are going to be giving away the five free gifts with it, so I wanted to pass it on.

www.ginaogden.com/promo

I took this from the website:

In this book you will discover innovative ways to:
• Open up to the four energies that spark desire
• Create heart-to-heart communication in your sexual partnerships
• Transcend guilt, shame, and "good-girls-don´t" messages
• Heal the sexual wounds of abuse, addiction, affairs, and low self-esteem
• Enjoy sexual pleasure and joy throughout your lifespan— from new love, to parenthood, and even into your golden years, when desire can ripen, like fine wine.

Gina Ogden – a marriage and family therapist and passionate voice in the field of women’s sexuality - invites readers to look beyond sexual performance and offers engaging ways you can say "yes" to pleasure on your own terms. She suggests wise and lively approaches for overcoming roadblocks to intimacy, and encourages you to expand your capacity for love, creativity, compassion, and sacred union.

http://www.amazon.com/Return-Desire-Rediscovering-Sexual-Passion/dp/1590303644/ref=pd_bbs_sr_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1215533917&sr=8-4

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

How do you listen to a sexual assault survivor?

2008-05-30T23:40:53Z

How do you listen to non-violent sexual assault?

I always blissfully thought of myself as a woman who had not experienced sexual assault in her life. Until one afternoon, I started having flashbacks of an event which had been so intensely humiliating that I had managed to completely repress the memory for three years. A man had been sexual with my body without my consent, not through physical force, but by stealth and deception.

Since then I’ve been painfully confronted with how my community applies credibility measures to sexual assault; the extent to which an assault is thought to be provoked and resisted. I partly envy women who were violently assaulted by a stranger jumping out of the bushes. There is no doubt as to who is responsible, and it is easy to give nothing but full support to the victim.

I foolishly trusted a person who later turned out to be untrustworthy, and I paid dearly for it. I was often met with skepticism, judgment and a certain distancing, at a time when I was in desperate need of support by my friends. The assault itself was traumatic, but coming out with my story, was even worse.

Why I’m writing this

I hope to explain the confusion and the shame that often keeps a victim from talking about a non-violent sexual assault or, as in my case, to repress it completely. I hope that after reading this, you may be better able to give support, in case one day a friend of yours tells you a similar story.

I hope to raise awareness about how we assign responsibility for ensuring that sex is consensual. Specifically, I want to show how the non-violent perpetrator uses our moral code “no means no” to justify being sexual with a person’s body without their consent.

Also, I want to help prevent this from happening to other women in my community. The perpetrator walks in my social circles and, if you are reading this, it is likely he walks in yours as well. If after reading this you decide you want to know the name of the perpetrator to protect yourself or your friends, please contact me at djokesteen@hotmail.com

What happened

After partying all night at a Halloween party in San Rafael, I walked to my car, alone. A man, whom I had talked with earlier that night showed up beside me. At the party this man had been very friendly and respectful. I assumed he was walking to his car, but it turned out he walked with me to my car. It was a long walk with friendly chatter, I didn’t notice that he never asked whether I wanted to be escorted to my car. I felt very comfortable with him, and he won my trust.

When we got to my car, he offered to give me a back-massage and said that he could do this while standing up. Feeling fully my post-party exhaustion, I accepted. He gave me a wonderful back massage.

Suddenly, without any indication of what was about to happen, he pushed his finger in my vagina, and I found myself in the midst of a sexual situation. Part of my Halloween costume that year was hotpants and no panties. He entered me through the leg of my hotpants. It was easy for him to push aside the one inch of fabric separating my vagina from the outside world and before I knew it, I was penetrated.

He did not inquire in any way whether I wanted him to move from massaging me, to being sexual with me, let alone penetrate me. No unbuttoning of my belt, no pulling down of a zipper, no placing of his hand on my thighs and no approach to my crotch. I never had a chance to say “Yes,” therefore I also never had a chance to say “No.”

Fear and humiliation

When I all of a sudden felt his finger in my vagina, I felt a huge explosive pang go off in my head. I was dazed and in shock. The explosion in my head was accompanied by a great sense of loss. I had lost autonomy over my most private part; somebody was bulldozering himself into a part of me that I have so many tender emotions about. In my life, I have had many different kinds of feelings about being penetrated, but never utter surprise and horrified shock. The shock and the sense of loss were immediately followed by me going into an instinctual coping mode.

My survival instinct told me that I needed to cut my losses and prevent worse from happening by getting out of the situation as fast and smoothly as possible. This man had just proven to be capable of completely taking me by surprise and taking liberties with my body without any interest for my feelings. I did not want to find out what might come next.

I instinctively decided to placate him and to pretend that “all was well.” I remember with pain back to the moment where I wondered whether enough time had passed to get off of his finger so he wouldn’t realize that this was not what I had wanted. I felt I needed to hide my humiliation and fear and slip out of the situation as fast as possible and avoid any further dealings with him. After I extricated myself from his finger, I forced a smile and excused myself by saying that I was very tired and needed to go home. I apologetically declined his invitation to stay longer.

Confusion

In my car, I felt relieved that I had been able to get out of the situation without further damage. I felt sad because I had lost something very dear to me: control over what happens to my vagina. I felt ashamed, and humiliated about having been such a fool to misjudge this man. Most of all I felt confused. Had I done something wrong? Was there something wrong with me?

Being aware of our code of conduct which says “no means no,” I deduced I must have miserably failed by somehow missing my window of opportunity to say ‘no,” and wondered whether I was totally inept to take care of myself. I remember thinking: I’ll have to chalk this up to experience.” I remember how much I resisted this being part of my experience. I drove home, slept and blocked the memory out of my mind.

Making waves

My memories started to get triggered now and then when I started dating the perpetrator’s best friend. I desperately tried to keep the memories at bay, even going to the extent of defending the perpetrator when other women were put off by his sexual forwardness. Then one afternoon, I started having flashbacks and realized that I had had a horrible experience with this guy who was now a part of my social circle.

My boyfriend now found himself in the dilemma of either diminishing my experience or facing up to the fact that he had been friends with a person who commits sexual transgressions. I questioned whether my boyfriend had enabled his best friend’s predatory tendencies. My boyfriend would at times criticize his friend’s sexual transgressions, but mostly condoned behavior he suspected was painful to women.

The perpetrator is a very handsome and gregarious person, whose male friends admire his ease of conquest with women. His technique to get women to accept a massage from him is to offer what he calls his “Harmonic Body Wave” massage technique, which is a great source of humor among his friends. However, it may not have been so humorous to the women who trustingly agreed to be massaged and found them selves fondled instead, or as in my case, penetrated against their will. The chances are slim that his friends will ever ask him “but, did she indicate ‘yes?’ ”

Malicious intent

You may wonder how much malicious intent was present in the mind of the perpetrator. Does he consciously use stealth and deception to close the window of opportunity for a woman to say “no”? Is his offer to give a massage a ploy to be sexual with her body without her consent? or is he so delusional that he truly believes that when a woman consents to his hands on her body for a massage, she also consents him to be sexual with her?

On another occasion, I overheard (one of the triggers to my memory) him boasting to my boyfriend that he had stuck his finger in a woman’s vagina on the dance floor. My boyfriend asked him what had preceded this event, and he answered with a rather nasty smirk: “he, as long as they don’t say no …”
Confronting the perpetrator

Once I fully remembered and was able to handle the shame of being a sexual assault victim, I confronted the perpetrator and let him know what the experience had been like for me. His response was “I don’t really remember.” He said he felt sorry that I experienced my encounter with him as very negative, but added: “But I thought that everybody who goes to that party was promiscuous.”

I’m happy I finally gave the perpetrator much needed feedback. I know that many women prefer to scurry away from the overly sexually aggressive male instead of bluntly asserting that a transgression took place. Two of my girlfriends who met the perpetrator were irritated by his disregard for their personal space, but both of them chose to avoid a public scene and did not provide him with accurate feedback.
Adding insult to injury/ Female fault vs. male irresponsibility

Fear of being blamed, doubted, treated with insensitivity and even ostracized silences most victims of this kind of crime. I cringed whenever I heard a sentence start with: “Well, I would have…,” or, “you should have…”

Talking about what happened that day meant facing the shame and humiliation and self-blame that I felt. It also meant finding myself on the defensive with people who told me I was responsible for what happened to me that day.

The mythic image of the violent stranger jumping out of the bushes is oddly reassuring and very persistent in spite of contradicting statistics about sexual crimes. The uncomfortable reality is that most perpetrators are known and trusted by the victim and that sexual assault doesn’t necessarily involve the threat of physical violence.

One of the things I noticed is that some kind of uneasiness and defensive thinking kicks in when people are confronted by a sexual assault victim. The conversations focused around determining where I had gone wrong. All my voluntary interactions with the perpetrator before the assault were suspect, had I not asked for it in some way?

For women, I now realize that blaming the victim is a way to feel safer. If only we avoid the risky behavior of the past victim, than we can continue to believe we can prevent this from happening to ourselves. For men, focusing on victim culpability reduces the attention to appropriate male sexual behavior.

I noticed how complacent we are of the seeming inevitability of women always having to be vigilant, because we tacitly accept that women are always preyed upon. Apparently it is easier to tell a woman to restrict her actions and movements in order to reduce risk, than to tell a man to judge his actions by the effect it has on others. Is masculinity at odds with mutuality in sex? If all individuals were held responsible for minimizing risks, then what restrictions could men implement to prevent non-consensual sex?

I was reprimanded for having placed myself in what turned out to be a vulnerable situation and was deftly told what I can and can not do in my “new agey” community in the bay area in the 21st century. I am now very clear on that it is thought to be a woman’s responsibility to limit her freedoms in order to reduce the risk of bumping into an overly sexually aggressive male. It is kind of like being hit by a drunk driver and then being blamed for it.

What is sexual assault?

It became very clear to me that most people define sexual assault as a violation of boundaries, and not as non-consensual sex. I was blamed for not having put up a boundary at some point, somehow. The perpetrator was not blamed for taking liberties with my body without my positive cooperation, or even my awareness.

Negotiating consensual sex is a very complicated dance. I like to call it a dance since most of the communication is often non-verbal. The short phrase “no means no” is an over simplification of the process. However, the short-phrase is useful to help us communicate our morals about the more elaborate negotiation process that precedes consensual sex.

Our current sexual morality puts the responsibility for ensuring consensual sex entirely on the woman, by giving her the power to veto. Our commonly held definition of a sex-crime is that a man violates a woman’s “No.” (Of course men too can be sex-crime victims.) The implication here is that as long as a woman has not put up her verbal defensive block, no transgressions have occurred.

“No means No” facilitates the guy who likes to grope and fondle

Most of us see mutuality as necessary for sex, we want to be wanted. We want a meeting of the bodies and the minds. The sexual predator is content with merely using a woman’s body. I’ve read that most sexual predators resist the idea of seeing themselves as such. They will look for ways to validate their behavior and will often seek public approval for their private transgressions. Often they will give moral validation to their actions by their intent and not by how it affects others.

The predator who uses stealth and deceit (as was the case with the perpetrator) to circumvent the woman’s “no” walks away from his groping and fondling with his self-image of uprightness intact. The stealth and deceit predator uses our rule, “no means no” to sidestep the complicated dance of negotiating consensual sex. He inserts an imaginary “Yes” as long as a woman hasn’t verbally said “No.”

Just as men learn to degrade women from other men, they also learn to respect women from other men. A man who chooses the short-phrase “no means no” to represent his values about sex provides the green light for the stealth and deceit perpetrators to grope and fondle while leaving their self-image intact. A man who chooses “no means no” fails to protect his sisters and daughters from this kind of sexual predator.

A man who says “yes means yes” instills that consent is absolutely required in sex. That man says that to be sexual with a woman’s body without her consent is sexual assault. That man creates a safer world for women instead of telling women how to restrict their actions and movements in order to reduce the risk of getting hurt by male sexuality. Just as it is important for women to be assertive about their sexual boundaries, it is important that men are held accountable for their sexual actions.

Becoming a survivor

What happened that day, and what I thought it said about me, was very disruptive to my self image. At first, I took responsibility for what happened, and I thought that my failure to prevent this from happening to me was a sign of my personal incompetence. Additionally, I believed that my reaction of, pretending to be a willing participant, was further proof of poor coping abilities.

Today, I know I had poor judgment in trusting this man. However, I place the responsibility for what happened with the perpetrator and not with me. When I accepted the back-massage I did not consent to vaginal penetration.

I now realize that pretending to be a willing participant is a valid coping mechanism. What I had just experienced with this man was that he was capable of hurting me by using stealth and deception. By my pretense, I got myself out of that situation as quickly and safely as possible, preventing further losses.
Police

The intense humiliation and confusion and self-blame keeps most women from reporting sex-crimes with the police. For those few women who do report the incident, even fewer find justice. Since most non-violent sex crimes are “he said, she said” scenarios and we live in a country where you are innocent until proven guilty, the law is often unable to protect women.

However, I found some solace in knowing that my report is on file with the police and a paper trail has been created. If other women come forward with similar complaints about the same person, at some point it may add up to enough evidence. Also, the perpetrator, knowing about the complaint that is on file against him, might be inclined to change his behavior.

My experience with the San Rafael Police department was positive. I know that this is not always the case. I highly recommend getting assistance with reporting sex crimes. Rape crisis centers have advocates to accompany the victim to the police and ensure that the complaint is properly processed.

A scene from Until Someone Wakes up (created by Carolyn Levy)

Waiter: Would you like some coffee?

Woman: Yes, please.

Waiter: Just say when. (Starts to pour.)

Woman: There. (He keeps pouring.) That’s fine. (He pours.)
Stop! (She grabs the pot; there the coffee is everywhere.) What are you doing? I said stop.

Waiter: Yes, ma’am

Woman: Well, why didn’t you stop pouring?

Waiter: Oh, I wasn’t sure you meant it.

Woman: Look, of course I meant it! I have coffee all over my lap! You nearly burned me!

Waiter: Forgive me ma’am, but you certainly looked thirsty. I thought you wanted more.

Woman: But-

Waiter: And you must admit, you did let me start to pour.

Woman: Well of course I did. I wanted some coffee.

Waiter: See, there you go. A perfectly honest mistake.

Please feel free to forward this writing to whomever you think might be interested.

Djoke Steen

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

I need a hug....

2008-05-30T00:02:25Z

I want to quit everything I have got going.....
Please.
I don't even want to try anymore. I just want it all to end.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 3 replies

What is love?2

2008-05-28T23:35:20Z

i began thi question when I was 12. Im now 60.
What's your experience?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 4 replies

Justin Hermin Plaza April 9th SFWorlds Biggest Water Balloon Celebration

2008-04-07T19:12:11Z

Non violent water ballon party at justin hermin plaza in celibration of the passing of the olympic torch.
Please be very careful not to extinguish the flame...
since the olympics should not be “Political” !

recomend red yellow and blue ballons in honor of his Holiness the Dali Lama and all those who have died in tibet to make china what it is today.

Nameste
William

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

U.S. RECOGNIZES TANTRA LEGALLY AS AN OFFICIAL RELIGION

2008-04-06T23:48:29Z

U.S. RECOGNIZES TANTRA LEGALLY AS AN OFFICIAL RELIGION
Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

April 6, 2008

The Infernal Revenue Service has finally, after over a year of challenges by the IRS, has finally been forced-- thanks to the tireless efforts of our wonderful attorney, Ramon Ferrar-- to award our Temple of Tantra full legal status as a religious institution.

Our Tantra Temple on Maui, Hawaii, (officially designated the Tantra Theosophical and Gaia-Worshiping Society of the Divine Human Family) can now receive tax-free donations (www.tantratheosophicalsociety.com) and recognize branches at other locales.

If you too have a tantric circle that could benefit if it were an official tantric temple affiliated with ours, write or call us to explore how we can extend our tax-free umbrella to your organization. Call Janet Kira Lessin at 808 244-4103 or write tantratemple@aol.com.

Here’s the principles that guide the Tantra Theosophical and Gaia-Worshiping Society of the Divine Human Family:

1 Practice All-Chakra Tantra & Experience the Love Divine That Infuses All

2 Connect Tantrically with Beloveds, Transcend Separate Self-senses, Merge with Higher Realms of Consciousness

3 Regress, Express, Reprogram to Distinguish Lovers from Dads and Moms

4 Raise Addictions to Preferences & Experience Abundance

5 Center & Embrace Opposites Within Us & Between Us and Our Beloveds

6 Rescript Pastlife Programs and Archetypal Dramas and Become Present

7 Create & Sustain Relationships & Community That Honor Individual Choices of Conscience

8 Uplevel Relations with Truth, Authenticity and Compassion

9 Celebrate Our Bodies

10 Honor All Consciousnesses; Make Amends to Women, Handicapped & Minorities; Share Gifts

11 Seek Compassionate Peace with Observation, Emotional Expression, Empathy, Needs Sharing and Requests

12 Honor the Earth, Her Creatures and Features

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Is there a moderator of this tribe?

2008-04-03T22:32:36Z

It seems to get spammed with impunity.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

TRAPPED - That's what I am

2008-04-01T16:52:51Z

I'm trapped. Many don't understand why... why I choose to be hurt, why I choose to be the one to cause myself this incredibly untolerable pain that I endure almost every single time that I doubt how I really feel or maybe whenever I am confronted by the fact that I'm HUMAN and have FEELINGS!!

Hey, I'm one of those people who finds refuge in writing how I feel, and right now, this is how I feel;

I feel angry, I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, I feel like I'm losing my grip, I feel tensed, my stomach is churning, my blood is boiling, the back of my head hurts and I feel my blood as it excessively pushes to flow through my now throbbing head, my ears feels hot, I want to cry...

My veins are weakened by the sudden rush, now I'm calmer but depressed, my eyes still in doubt if it would release these salty defeat of tears that I've been holding back, my throat hurts as if there's something there that I couldn't swallow, my face still hot. What I feel right now is overwhelming but DAMN!! I refuse to cry... I refuse to!!

Trapped!! I'm trapped. This is similar to addiction... it feels good but no matter what I do, pain is tied with it... tears, outbursts... emotions! But I couldn't stop... I couldn't stop for one second. I couldn't stop sacrificing, I couldn't stop being patient, I couldn't stop myself from forgiving... I couldn't. I just couldn't and I don't know the hell why... I can't stop realizing that this is all so unfair and yet I hold on to it as if I'd die if I didn't...

TRAPPED!!

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 2 replies

URGENT! PLEASE HELP TIBET! SIGN THIS PETITION!

2008-03-18T22:02:24Z

URGENT! PLEASE HELP TIBET! SIGN THIS PETITION!
PLEASE REPOST!

> Dear friends,
>
> After decades of repression under Chinese rule,
> the Tibetan people’s frustrations have burst
> onto the streets in protests and riots. With the
> spotlight of the upcoming Olympic Games now on
> China, Tibetans are crying out to the world for
> change.
>
> The Chinese government has said that the
> protesters who have not yet surrendered "
> will be punished". Its leaders are right
> now considering a crucial choice between
> escalating brutality or dialogue that could
> determine the future of Tibet, and China.
>
> We can affect this historic choice--China does
> care about its international reputation. China’s
> President Hu Jintao needs to hear that the ’Made
> in China’ brand and the upcoming Olympics in
> Beijing can succeed only if he makes the right
> choice. But it will take an avalanche of global
> people power to get his attention--and we need
> it in the next 48 hours.
>
> The Tibetan Nobel peace prize winner and
> spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama has called for
> restraint and dialogue: he needs the world’s
> people to support him. Click below now to sign
> the petition--and tell absolutely everyone you
> can right away--our goal is 1 million voices
> united for Tibet:
>
::: SIGN THE PETITION! :::
http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/6.php
>
> China’s economy is totally dependent on "
> Made in China" exports that we all buy, and
> the government is keen to make the Olympics in
> Beijing this summer a celebration of a new
> China, respected as a leading world power. China
> is also a very diverse country with a brutal
> past and has reason to be concerned about its
> stability -- some of Tibet’s rioters killed
> innocent people. But President Hu must recognize
> that the greatest danger to Chinese stability
> and development comes from hardliners who
> advocate escalating repression, not from
> Tibetans who seek dialogue and reform.
>
> We will deliver our petition directly to Chinese
> officials in London, New York, and Beijing, but
> it must be a massive number before we deliver
> the petition. Please forward this email to your
> address book with a note explaining to your
> friends why this is important, or use our tell-a-
> friend tool to email your address book--it will
> come up after you sign the petition.
>
> The Tibetan people have suffered quietly for
> decades. It is finally their moment to speak--we
> must help them be heard.
>
> With hope and respect,
>
> Ricken, Iain, Graziela, Paul, Galit, Pascal,
> Milena, Ben and the whole Avaaz team
>
> PS - It has been suggested that the Chinese
> government may block the Avaaz website as a
> result of this email, and thousands of Avaaz
> members in China will no longer be able to
> participate in our community. A poll of Avaaz
> members over the weekend showed that over 80% of
> us believed it was still important to act on
> Tibet despite this terrible potential loss to
> our community, if we thought we could make a
> difference. If we are blocked, Avaaz will help
> maintain the campaign for internet freedom for
> all Chinese people, so that our members in China
> can one day rejoin our community.
>
> Here are some links with more information on the
> Tibetan protests and the Chinese response:
>
> BBC News: UN Calls for Restraint in Tibet
> http://news. bbc. co. uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7301912.
> stm
>
> Human Rights Watch: China Restrain from
> Violently Attacking Protesters
> http://hrw.
> org/english/docs/2008/03/15/china18291.htm
>
> Associated Press: Tibet Unrest Sparks Global
> Reaction
> http://ap. google.
> com/article/ALeqM5gSSpPcDOPMoAiRLhPUyezuCRiXBQD8VFDD680
>
> New York Times: China Takes Steps to Thwart
> Reporting on Tibet Protests
> http://www. nytimes.
> com/2008/03/18/world/asia/18access.html?ref=world
>
> --------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> ABOUT AVAAZ
> Avaaz. org is an independent, not-for-profit
> global campaigning organization that works to
> ensure that the views and values of the world’s
> people inform global decision-making. (Avaaz
> means "voice" in many languages.)
> Avaaz receives no money from governments or
> corporations, and is staffed by a global team
> based in London, Rio de Janeiro, New York,
> Paris, Washington DC, and Geneva.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Love...............

2008-02-23T18:39:12Z

What is love anyway? For me it expresses itself in many ways, but can be abused as well. For me its the look I get from one of my charges when I return home. She has waited all day for her Master to return and she has waited patiently, know that when I return I will give her the affection she craves. Its the joy I hear in the voice of my charge, when I say something that pleases her, her little giggle, that I long to hear. Its the joy I receive when I see one of my charge do well, exceed their own expectations. Its the fact of knowing that I have made a difference in the life of my charge, and they are better for having associated with me. Nikki, love is not found in some alley, and its not found in the dark of night. Love is in the daytime, out in the light for all to see. Because love can hurt, be a weapon many fear it, and its power has been abused more than anything else. Nikki, because someone called it love does not make it so, as you have found out. Go slow Little One, enjoy the victories, and prosper. Do not be confused and don't be afraid to trust, even those that have let you down in the past. Expose yourself, your inner you, and trust that they will not abuse that trust. You must be challenged to grow, and you must go to places that are uncomfortable for that growth to occur. Its better to go there with a trusting partner, than to venture there alone, but either way you need to go. I have learned that love for me, should never be mixed with ego, ego is the nemissis of love. I have made that mistake in the past, and hope to learn from it. Be good Little One, know that I love you, and only want the best for you always. We are of one mind, and your never out of my thoughts.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

Lifestyle/Swinging info

2008-01-10T21:45:35Z

What is Swinging?

Swinging is a form of recreational social sex between consenting adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships. Contrary to popular belief, couples that are involved in the swinging lifestyle are usually in it more for the friendship with other couples rather than the sex involved. Hence, the expression used in the lifestyle: "friends with benefits".

Swinging (otherwise known as "the lifestyle") can take a variety of different forms. Although single women are generally welcome at swinging events, the degree to which single men are accepted is very limited if at all. Although female bisexuality is generally accepted in the swinging community, the degree to which male bisexuality is accepted also very limited. Swing clubs can be "on-premises" (which means that one may interact sexually with others at that event) or "off-premises" (which means that one would generally go back to the home or hotel room of other couples for sex, after deciding to do so at the event).

Newspapers and magazines, which carry personal ads for swingers, also exist, and to a slightly lesser degree these publications may also be considered an aspect of "the lifestyle." Swingers have traditionally been largely middle to upper class and tend to blend in quite easily with the general population in terms of appearance and ideology.
What Might I Like About Swinging?

People may be attracted to the swinging community for a variety of different reasons. Many couples find the thought of having sex with other people to be very arousing, and may find that swinging becomes a catalyst for improving their sex lives and relationship. Some people may feel stifled by repressive societal attitudes towards sexuality, and may welcome the opportunity to form friendships and a new social network with people of like mind.

Others may simply feel that sex should be a natural possibility in any friendship in which there is mutual attraction, and so appreciate the relative open-mindedness and pleasure-positively with which the swinging community views this subject. Although the swinging community is unfortunately not always the best place right now for het-identified men to explore their potential bisexuality, it is currently a relatively good place for het-identified women to initially explore sex with other women, and this sometimes plays a role in couples choosing to seek it out. In the past, the swinging community has been somewhat unaware of or confused by alternative sexual practices such as BDSM or Tantra. This appears to be changing, and these days you may find many folks in the swinging community who are knowledgeable about such things (though forms of BDSM much more extreme than spanking or very light bondage may make people uncomfortable, depending on the club).

If you're interested in doing so and spend enough time meeting different people, you may actually find that today's swinging community is becoming a somewhat fertile place to meet folks with a variety of sexual interests. It is certainly true right now that the national swinging conventions tend to host seminars and workshops on a variety of sexual topics, which seems at least somewhat indicative of broadening perspectives in the community.

Some women may find the swinging community to be a welcome dose of sanity. Our culture can be quite cruel to women who have an active interest in sex, often derisively labeling them "sluts" - a term which stands in sharp contrast to the less derogatory term for men, "studs". The swinging community may be especially attractive to these women, who may feel their sex drives and/or sexual assertiveness should be appreciated rather than snickered about or reviled.

Some people end up learning quite a bit about themselves and their sexualities through swinging. For example, most folks find that having their partner actively enjoy and appreciate what they are experiencing during sex to be a tremendous turn-on; this is a realization which may stand in sharp contrast to the attitude that "performance" is all-important. Swinging can be an opportunity to learn to relax and appreciate sexual pleasure, and may help one view sex more as a source of pleasure and intimacy and less as a social bargaining chip or ego fuel.
What Might I Dislike About Swinging?

If you are uncomfortable with people being sexually attracted to you and/or flirting with you, then you might be uncomfortable at swinging events; similarly, if your relationship with your partner is on shaky ground, you might find seeing him or her flirt or be flirted with to be an uncomfortable experience. If either of you have hidden agendas concerning finding a permanent "replacement" for each other, you're probably in for a major emotional disaster. If you and your partner cannot communicate directly about relationships and sex, you're probably eventually in for a similarly sized disaster. In general, sex can provoke strong feelings along with its many pleasures; if you aren't comfortable dealing with emotions, then perhaps it might be better to wait a little while before exploring "the lifestyle." If you are a single male, you might actually be better off waiting until you are in a suitable relationship with a female before attempting to become active in swinging - most swing clubs allow very few if any single men to attend their events.
General Hints for Enjoyable Swinging

In the context of swinging, "couples" need not be married. They should, however, have at least a little history together and familiarity with each others' emotional needs, and be comfortable approaching others as a "couple." The general rule of thumb is that swinging works best when couples view swinging as an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship, rather than as a replacement for a failing one.

As one would expect, good communication is critical in any attempt at swinging as a couple. There are many, many different forms that swinging may take, and whichever one you choose is fine as long as you and your partner are clear about what you are doing and why. Sex has the potential to be an emotionally-charged area, and the pleasures that may be found in swinging can generally be reached only when both partners are sensitive to each others' needs, and put their partner's comfort first. From a more pragmatic point of view, there will always be another party, another personal ad, another dance, another convention; there may not be another chance to salvage an exploration into swinging if one partner becomes overwhelmed in "the garden of delights" and forgets to treat his or her primary partner with sensitivity and respect.

It's important to keep in mind that swinging is primarily a SOCIAL activity. The ordinary social customs of meeting people and initiating a conversation are really not that different than at any other type of social gathering, and the process by which acquaintances become close friends is not that different either. The key social traits that tend to be appreciated in the swinging community are responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness, open-mindedness, and most importantly stability with regard to one's primary relationship.

As is the case with almost all human social endeavors, if you already know people in a particular community you'll probably be happier if you attend your first few events with these people so they can introduce you to others. Waiting a little while and watching how others behave is also a good idea, as it is in almost any new social situation. Common courtesy, of course, is as welcome in the swinging community as it is in any other community; we're all just people, after all.

There are several different styles of swinging which you may see in the swinging community. Some people may prefer not to be around when their partner is having sex with someone else ("closed swinging"), while others may insist on it ("open swinging"). The term "soft swinging" refers to trading partners just for the purposes of heavy petting and then switching back to one's primary partner for any actual sex. It might be valuable for you to think about whether there are any potential situations that you feel you would be more or less comfortable in, and discuss these with your partner.

Although not all couples find it necessary to do this, some couples feel more comfortable having social "codes" that only the two of them know. Examples might be discreet phrases or gestures which mean a) one of you is attracted to the people or person he or she is talking to and wants to know if you are interested in swinging with them, b) a reply to the above, either affirmatively or negatively, and c) one of you is not having a good time and wants to get away from things for a while.

At most swingers clubs, it's common for people to dress up or else wear very sexy and risqué clothing. If there's a dress theme for a particular event, go with the theme.

By the way, it is not necessary to actually have sex with other people to have a good time in the swinging community. Activities such as dances can provide a wonderful opportunity to flirt and be flirted with in a non-threatening yet sexually charged atmosphere, which can be fun.
Dealing with Jealousy

There are many different opinions about jealousy - several of the books recommended at the end of this guide devote considerable attention to the topic.

An interesting dynamic can sometimes arise in couples new to swinging, a dynamic which has inspired the community adage that "the more enthusiastic member of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the less enthusiastic partner will keep them there." As Carol Queen puts it in her book Exhibitionism for the Shy
"The swing community has noticed another prevalent dynamic in couples where one partner, more often than not the man, has more enthusiasm than the other. He has had terrific fantasies about freewheeling sex and plenty of it, and he finally convinces his initially reluctant partner to give swinging a try. When they get to the party, she has a great time and is high demand, while he thinks the party's a dud... Before you pack up your sexy outfit and fistful of condoms, take some time to consider and negotiate how you will deal with the chagrin of the less popular partner if such a dismaying event happens to you."

In other words, some jealousy may spring from insecurity: if I'm worried that I'm not valuable enough to keep my primary partner's interest and love, or that fewer people will be interested in playing with me than with my primary partner, I may be more apt to get jealous. For the latter case, some of these fears may be alleviated by choosing, at least initially, to only swing together as a couple; this way neither partner can be left out.

Sometimes jealousy may spring from feelings of scarcity rather than feelings of insecurity: the fear is that "there's only so much love and so much pleasure and so much intimacy to go around." With this in mind, I'd like to quote from the NASCA Guide to Swinging, "The Myth of the Scarcity of Love is the popular belief that 'love is scarce,' which encourages hoarding. Hoarding, in turn, created the very scarcity that was feared to begin with. The myth's premises are that each of us has a very limited amount of love to give, spend, or sell; that if this is divided among several people, each will get less; that love can be saved; and that in order to be valuable, true love must be exclusive."

If you enjoy good literature and want to explore this idea in more depth, take the time to read a short story by Amy Bloom entitled "Love Is Not a Pie" (published in her Come to Me: Stories collection). But just as food for thought for the time being, you might consider a question which Dr. Deborah Anapol poses in Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits: "Imagine a culture in which your partner's attraction to another signified opportunities for greater pleasure and intimacy; would jealousy occur in this context?" I honestly don't know the answer to this question, but for me swinging has been part of the inquiry.

To end this section on a more practical note, many couples find that the secrets to dealing with jealousy tend to revolve around good communication, keeping agreements, reassuring each other as to your love and commitment before and after playing with someone new, and listening to each other's emotional concerns and taking them seriously whenever they arise. If jealousy becomes an issue for you and your partner, you might try working on some or all of these things. Of Interest to Men...

By including these warnings I do not mean to imply that all or even most men would ever act like this; chances are if you're still reading this document you already have a healthy social sense and wouldn't think to misbehave in these ways. But anyway, here goes...

Attempting to hire an escort or sex worker to go to a swinging event with you, if you don't have a regular female partner, just so you can get in the door is a terribly poor idea; this is considered inappropriate at every club I have ever heard of, is generally sufficient to get you black-listed, and is a ruse that is highly likely to be noticed by others. A related concept is taking along someone who isn't really your primary partner and isn't really interested in swinging; such folks are called "tickets" (i.e. you just used them as a "ticket" to get in the door), and this practice isn't looked upon favorably either.

If you want nothing more than to see your female partner have sex with another woman, you will probably be better off forgetting about it until she brings it up; wandering around the club by yourself attempting to find a woman who wants to have sex with her, or otherwise trying to push this personal choice into happening, is considered quite unrefined and to be lacking in discrimination and sensibility.

Finally, please remember to converse with both members of a couple you and your partner are interested in, not just the partner you are interested in having sex with; ultimately it's your ability to form friendships with COUPLES which will determine the quality of your experience in the swinging community.
Using Personal Ads

In general, you will probably waste less time by placing an ad than by responding to ads. When writing your personal ad, it's important to be clear and honest about what your requirements are. You may find it helpful to first obtain a P.O. Box and a voice mail box which aren't traceable to your real name or home address; it's also a good idea to arrange the first meeting with someone new to be in a neutral and/or public place, so that if things don't seem to be going well you'll be able to leave easily and nobody new will know where you live. Ultimately, however, if you have swing clubs (whether on- or off- premises) in your area you will probably be better off meeting swingers through them than through personal ads.
Keeping Yourself and Your Partner Healthy
Introduction

Each sex-positive community in this country has had a different response to the AIDS crisis, and in the face of a very frightening disease it is hard for me to fault people for acting irrationally sometimes. However, I believe the time has come for a more intelligent, pleasure-positive, and long-term response to STDs (of all kinds) than "excluding bisexual men," "inquiring about sexual histories and hoping for the truth," "trying to reassure yourself about how few people in your community you think are infected right now," "stigmatizing anal play," etc.

Learning to use latex and water-based lube skillfully may take a little practice, and ultimately it is up to you and your partner whether you will follow some or all the precautions I'm going to describe. However, try to keep in mind some of the payoffs: increased protection from disease, increased peace of mind, increased protection against pregnancy when another form of birth control (such as the pill) fails, and greater ease in interacting with younger swingers who may have never known a time when they haven't felt it necessary to use latex.
The Basics

Put simply, the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthy when swinging is to use latex condoms for intercourse; this practice is now extremely common in the swinging community, and is often expected.

All condoms are not made alike; men should experiment with different brands until they find the one they like best. When you put on a condom, pinch its tip as you unroll it (all the way down!) to prevent an air bubble from forming in the reservoir tip. For intercourse, you should then put some water-based lube (such as I-D, ForPlay, Wet, or Astroglide) on the outside of the condom for comfort, mutual pleasure, and to keep the condom from tearing during sex.

For a while, health experts were recommending that people use condoms and water-based lubes with Nonoxynol-9 to help guard against HIV transmission; current evidence suggests that, in the real world, N-9 is not nearly as good at HIV prevention as it has proved to be at contraception. Also, many women are allergic or sensitive to N-9, and it tastes horrid. For these reasons I only purchase products without N-9, but of course the choice is yours.

It should be obvious that a new condom needs to be put on for each new partner. If you're going to switch from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, you should also put on a new condom (doing otherwise can cause vaginal infections - similarly, you shouldn't put any fingers that used to be in an anus in a vagina without first washing your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap).

Some men find that more sensation is transmitted to them if they put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of their condom before putting it on.
The History and Future of Swinging

Swinging dates back to the 1950's. Initially, personal ads were the only way to meet people in this particular lifestyle; the first organization to be open about swinging was the Sexual Freedom League (in Berkeley, California during the 1960's). Eventually, an umbrella organization called the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) was formed to promote accurate information about the lifestyle all across the country.

Currently the Internet is becoming an alternative to printed personal ads, and a variety of large swinger's conventions are being held every year. Popular conventions include "New Orleans Swing Fest", "Lifestyles", "Wind and Waves", "Campout", "Northwest Celebration", and "Visions".

My best guess as to the future is that as more people in this country begin to think of themselves as "open-minded" and "sex-positive", as our response to STDs becomes more rational, and as more people from other sex-positive communities begin to explore swinging, the swinging community will grow and begin to attract a new generation of sexually adventurous enthusiasts. I suspect that the size and influence of the annual swinging conventions will continue to grow, and also suspect that "cyber-space" alternatives to real-life swinging (involving interactive video, sound, etc.) will become increasingly popular.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

TANTRA SOUTH PACIFIC

2007-11-29T11:05:54Z

Hi. I'm new to Tribe. My friends and I, Swiss, American, Nepalese have 5,000 acres in Fiji and 500 acres freehold on an exotic island not far from Suva, Fiji plus a 50 foot motor sailer and we are discussing establishing a Tantra focused colony/commune/resort there. Any interest or suggestions?
Best wishes.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

MORE PICTURES ARE UP!!! GO LOOK EVERYONE!!! MORE TO COME STILL OF COURSE!!! =D

2007-10-13T16:03:01Z

MORE PICTURES ARE UP!!! GO LOOK EVERYONE!!! MORE TO COME STILL OF COURSE!!! =D

Yay!!!
More pics are up everyone!
So feel free to look and share with friends!
Show everyone you know!!!!! =D
I hope they bring a smile to your face.... =P
And this isn't all either!
Always more to come no matter what... So ALWAYS check back!
But for now, visit what lives there already! =D

If anyone has any questions about any certain one, just comment on the statue desired, and I shall tell you what you need to know!
Also any of the ones listed as toothpick holders, pen holders etc.. Can ALSO be used for INCENSE holding!!!
Just so you all know!!!

-Rivaleka =)

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

MORE PICTURES ARE UP!!! GO LOOK EVERYONE!!! MORE TO COME STILL OF COURSE!!! =D

2007-10-13T15:58:19Z

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Me-Porn

2007-09-28T14:06:18Z

Me-Porn

We have to admit that we spend a lot of time looking at our own pics & profiles, re-reading our own journal entries, engaging in profligate self-love sessions.

We’ve come up with a name for it at FetishGrrly-HQ, we call it ‘Me-Porn’.

DamaCyka likes to think she started it. She had to do something to fix her broken relationship with her own body. & being an artsy-fartsy type in possession of an itsy-bitsy webcam pre-installed in a new computer, it was only natural to start taking photos. She comes from photographers. So, she took nekkid pics of herself. Lots & lots. Nearly a year later & she must have 1500 nekkid pics of herself, a number of them certifiably obscene, we’re sure. & some are so striking to the eye that they can stop the observer dead in their tracks. The power of the ability to objectify the body, to break it into pieces & gain some detachment thereby.

Plus, there’s all these things that can be done to the photos, playing with them digitally until they become like paintings, or are rendered more ‘real’ in some sense or another. To process the photo & turn it into something that resembles an engraving or a watercolor, this gives us pleasure . . . . . . . & in so doing we have us some new eyes.

A number of those ‘early’ pics (taken in late ’06, actually) are on our tribe profile. The creases series, shytit, artytit, backpic, gracefulback, all are examples of DamaCyka me-porn. Even the face pics become me-porn to the degree that we find & fall in love with photos of our faces . . . . .

& what makes it me-porn is that the ‘me’ in the equation spends hours looking at these pics, puts them on as screen-savers, is drawn compulsively back to look at the pics again. Me-porn incites me-lust, which is probably a good thing, & me-love, which undoubtedly is a good thing . . . . . . .

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

2007 Chicago Daka/Dakini Conference and Seminar

2007-09-12T17:57:53Z

Greetings,
We wanted to make sure that you were aware of the

2007 Chicago Daka/Dakini Conference and Seminar
A Conference & Gathering for Sacred Sexuality Healers, Teachers & Practitioners

being held at the Crown Plaza O’Hara in Chicago September 21-23rd

If you have not heard of or registered for this event, there is still time. Please
refer to our website events at www.sedonatemple.com/ddeast2007.html for more
information.

To register, please go to www.sedonatemple.com/registration.html

A list of our presenters is as follows:
Al Polito - Portland
Anna Marti - Portland
Baba Dez - Sedona
Betty Martin - Seattle
Crytal Dawn Morris - Sedona
Dr. Elsbeth Meuth & Freddy Zental Weaver - Chicago
Harold Kornylak - Virginia Beach
Kamala Devi & Michael McClure - San Diego
Lawrence Lanoff - Sedona
Mare Simone - San Diego
Nayka - New Jersey
Martin Barba and Lalita - Chicago
Patrick Russell - Santa Fe
Reid Mihalko - Manhattan
Shivakti Shaktiva - San Fransisco

As well, we will be offering a pre and post event
September 20, 2007 Chicago IL
Manifestation, Magic, and Joy with Baba Dez and Lawrence Lanoff
A One-Day Sacred Sexual Journey for Practitioners, Dakas and Dakinis

September 24th-25th, 2008 Chigaco, IL
Deepening the Love Within
A Sacred Sexuality Intensive

Please feel free to contact us with any of your questions.
Sedona Temple 928-204-1806
mail@sedonatemple.com
www.sedonatemple.com

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

My Men Will Do What You Tell Them!

2007-07-23T12:08:14Z

My Men Will Do What You Tell Them!

Good boys!

Male Sex Slaves For Women
http://tribes.tribe.net/sexslaves

The rules they've agreed to:

All males in this group must follow the sexual commands of the women in the group that are within a 50-mile driving distance. If she says, “come over to my place and take off your clothes”, you do so even if she wants you to get naked in front of a room full of people. If she says, “give me a massage and then lick my pussy”, you do so. If she rolls over and says, “now, lick my butt”, you do so. If she says, “pleasure my friend,” you pleasure her friend.

Within this group only the females are allowed to make any kind of sexual requests or offers. Male slaves must have a picture of yourself in your profile and it also must contain your location. These rules do not apply to the women in the group.

There is also a private "Male Sex Slaves for Women" tribe set up for women, and the males at this site are also their sex slaves.

This Tribe is strictly set up for free exchanges. Fem-doms offering services that are tied to “financial domination” will have their advertisements deleted. Likewise any other advertisements for pay such as for pay porn-sites, professional dating services, professional strippers (male or female), etc. will be deleted.

Nothing involving pain, poop, minors, or that is unsafe is required of our male sex slaves, but all safe and sane sexual commands from our women are mandatory for men to stay in the tribe. Have fun!

Male Sex Slaves For Women
http://tribes.tribe.net/sexslaves

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

UNITED (STATES) a 7/27 fundraiser RhythmWave, a conscious dance camp at Burning Man

2007-06-27T19:05:48Z

Join the Northern Cal/Marin dance community as we raise money to bring the first real spring wooden dance floor to Burning Man. RhythmWave collectively combines community from Sweat Your Prayers, Connexus, Rhythm Society, Barefoot Boogie, Dance Church, Dance Jam and the Groove Garden, into a divine force for conscious, esctatic, joyful dance. Join us in this rare, one time event!

UNITED STATES :: We are one in the dance!

A Fundraiser for Rhythm Wave, a conscious dance camp at Burning Man 2007

Friday, July 27
8 pm - 2 am
Stage D'Or Dance Studio, Sausalito
Tickets: Advance $20 @ http://www.zaptix.com/group/rhythmwave/unitedstates

LIMITED SPACE -- THIS EVENT WILL SELL OUT!

Come unite in a communal state of rhythmic bliss, awareness, presence and grace as we ride ride the wave and sweat deep into the summer night. Unite with the Marin dance community in the only event to support the RhythmWave [Dance] Theme Camp -- dedicated to bringing Gabrielle Roth's 5Rhythms moving meditation practice to Burning Man.

Help us raise funds to build the first wooden dance floor to ever grace the playa--a beautiful high quality sprung floor made of sustainably harvested bamboo.

- Invocation and ceremony to bless the dance floor by Spirit Rock leaders.

- Esctatic trance and 5 Rhythms dancing to DJs -- Rhythmystic,
Davida, Derek, Omer ... and special guests...

- Gorgeous valuted space near the Sausalito waterfront with sprung hardwood dance floor

- Meditative visuals by VJ Kosho http://www.koshoart.com

- Opulently decorated indoor chill space with massage tables -- plus outdoor dome.

- Organic treats, cacao truffles and chai by Ambrozia.

- Beautiful people who love to dance!

Rhythmic dance brings us to states of mind, states of grace, states of awareness, states of presence, states of bliss, states of being, state of the art, states of bliss...

RhythmWave camp is open to anyone seeking the Divine through Dance. Visit http://www.rhythmwave.org to join.

"There is extreme delight in flowing with an unobstructed rhythm..." - Alan Watts

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Please come and join the new Poly-Couplery tribe!

2007-06-04T05:42:38Z

Hey folks, I just created a tribe called Poly-Couplery. It's for people like me and my boyfriend who are poly and consciously trying to date, fall in love, and overall be connected to other poly people....but as a couple. We'd LOVE for you to be part of this tribe! Yay!
http://tribes.tribe.net/polycouplery

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

My Book Finally Arrived!

2007-05-20T02:46:51Z

I am so excited to post this Press Release about my new book. It is such a thrill. Please contact me for more info if you have ideas about where to distribute or do book signings. Wow, wow, wow! I promise you a great read!

Love & Gratitude,
Laurie Handlers

New York, NY - For Immediate Release: Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy

In this book Tantra yoga is explained by a true Tantra goddess. Laurie’s take on Tantra, Tantric sex and how they relate to intimacy will have you laughing and possibly crying – you will definitely look within. You may even find a way to transform your relationships in the process. That’s what Tantra is all about according to Sex & Happiness author Handlers – Tantra = transformation through pleasure!

Book Reviews:

“Terrific! A great time. Growth and awareness, kindled by Laurie’s wisdom and sense of humor, await you.” – Dr Judy Kuriansky, author: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex

“SEX & HAPPINESS puts the innocence an love back into sex and gives Tantra the respect it deserves in the West. Take charge of your life – emotionally, physically and spiritually. A wonderful meditation on the self.” Alan Steinfeld, producer/host: New Realities TV

“Authentic! Handlers offers you a priceless opportunity to ‘grow your love’ in a playful way. Her down to earth style captures the depth and profundity of Tantra. SEX & HAPPINESS will make you smile inside!” - Cynthia Taylor Lamborne, owner: Nectar Products, Tantric Tools for Sexual Healing

Excerpts from Sex and Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy

“Even after listing sexual expansion techniques, I would still say, “Come to the bedroom with no expectations, but rather with openness in your heart for whatever happens.” And you would probably say, “Yeah, well, if I could do that I wouldn’t need to read this book, now would I?” And you would be right. This whole book is about regaining the unguarded openness of your heart and bringing it to sex.

Have you heard the Zen expression, beginner’s mind? It’s a way of being in the world like everything in it is new. There is no expectation, no pain from a history of hurts and humiliations. Everything is experienced from an alert yet unguarded place. It’s a fresh, open, childlike state of mind. Practicing Tantra is one path to this clear, childlike place, but it doesn’t just happen. It takes work and training to come back to the open and loving place that is our natural state, because there’s so much grief and rage to be dealt with between now and then, so much shame and guilt, and so many ideas about how we should be in love, in relationship, and in sex.”

“Intimacy with someone else requires, first and foremost, coming to peace with your own emotional and physical life. This is not a small task, but it is a crucial one. It takes time and courage and forgiveness, coming from you to you. If you want a love affair that is sexually electric and truly intimate, you have to begin by unblocking and unleashing the sex force that is already inside you and learning to feel safe expressing it, in whatever way feels right to you. In order to do that, fear and rage and grief – feelings that you’ve learned to resist – have to be acknowledged and cleared out on a regular basis, and that alone can be one heck of a ride.

What I’m trying to say is that this whole process is going to take time. It’s going to take some time, a lot of tolerance, and a lot of deep breathing. Fasten your seatbelt and settle in for the ride.”

The chapters are based on the Ten Tantric Laws of Intimacy Laurie Handlers teaches in her Ecstasy Advanced Tantra course. They are:

Law 1: Be Your Own Witness
Law 2: Please Yourself
Law 3: Practice Emotional Release
Law 4: Honor Your Anger
Law 5: Speak Your Truth
Law 6: Set Your Boundaries
Law 7: Look in the Mirror of Your Beloved
Law 8: Practice Full Contact Confrontation
Law 9: Surrender
Law 10: Make Love in the Unknown

In her Tantra workshops, Laurie often begins dinner with desert first so in her book Sex & Happiness: The Tantric Laws of Intimacy she begins with Law 10: Make Love in the Unknown and then works you all the way through the rest of the other Intimacy Laws in order 1 – 9 so that you can arrive back at the sweetest part Law 10. The book is a “how to” look into modern intimacy establishing a new paradigm at a time when 50% of marriages fail. It includes tips, real life examples and chapter summaries for you to follow in your own life.

The book can be ordered at www.butterflyworkshops.com and sells for $19.99 plus shipping and handling. The eBook sells for $14.99. The audio book will be available soon!

Bio: Laurie Handlers is a Tantra Teacher, an intimacy coach, an author, a radio talk show host and a Spiritual Leader. She holds a Masters degree in Education and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Sociology. Her career includes over thirty years as a corporate change consultant, individual empowerment coach and international seminar leader. She is a dynamic speaker, facilitator and has taught Butterfly Tantra workshops for women, men, couples and singles since 1999 on ancient Indian, Tibetan and Egyptian Tantric techniques and secrets that are the basis of healing the body, releasing past emotional trauma, stopping the aging process, and reducing stress. Pod casts from her internet radio show Tantra Café can be accessed through www.tribecaradio.com. Laurie is a global citizen and currently divides her time between the US, India and the UK.

Her Vision: “Women and Men Dancing in Eternal Ecstasy on Earth Now!”

Butterfly Workshops, Inc.
"Women & Men Dancing in Eternal Ecstasy on Earth Now!"
(202) 686-7440
http://www.butterflyworkshops.com
http://butterflyworkshops.com/blog/blog.html
http://www.tribecaradio.net/blog/categories/tantraCafe/

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Women, What Really Gets Your Goat about Men in Relationships

2007-05-02T05:19:47Z

I am finishing a book on truthful, uplifting relationships and I am doing some final research on what women really think are the worst problems you face from Men in relationships.

try to be objective about the problem,, give scenario not a judgement..

like " Why do men say they will call back and then not do it"

not " why can't men be more emotionally attuned" we all know that..

I guess you could say that also,, but i want to hear about specific scenarios you have had,,

What are the recurring themes you are stuck in?

Women, what problem would you love to see addressed in a book about Love relationships?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Because we need something new on the top of the list.

2007-04-23T21:43:57Z

Hello all,
I have had a day from heaven. I woke up this morning and felt loved. I had a weird night as my husband john was away and I didn't sleep well but I have been feeling this wonderful up swelling of love in my life and so I decided to meditate on Love this morning.
My revelations are for me alone for the most part but I wanted to say that we all have love in our lives if we allow ourselves to be loved.

How many times have we looked for love only to have it slip away when we turned our heads to look at another part of our lives? How many times? Could it be because we have been trying to make love happen instead of Letting love happen? i know I'm rambling but this is how I'm told to write this.

Love you all,
Grimm

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

An intro to "the orrior way"==a vision whose time has come; "orrior" not "warrior"

2007-04-05T06:49:49Z

This is a visionary angle of mine, meant to possibly inspire thoughtful discussion everywhere. It is foremostly a way of *radical/radicalized* loving and may well be interesting to those of you most dedicated to your "art of loving" desires.

What is this "orrior" word about? Well, the idea is the "or" beyond the "war" in the much taken-for-granted idea of "war-rior" (which I feel tends to tool us into traps we'd rather avoid somehow). The idea of permitting ourselves, validating ourselves to see ourselves and our desires for peace (tho in this case, i'm talking about *radical/radicalized peace*; where *we* get to define our ideas of peace/sanity instead of forever deferring to others in a kind of "chain-of-command" structure of envisioning ourselves and this reality we find ourselves in.

One idea about this "orrior" idea is that the words we pick up and utilize either have a way of "going to the heart" of liberating vibes, or they tend to get tooled by tyrannical vibes and aggressions. Thus the idea of "orrior" is meant especially to escape/evolve from the "war" within the word, and to create a "new" power, while validating our *own* ways of envisioning ourselves.

(to note: my inclination is *not* to promote artificial avoidance of "war" itself, which i think is unrealistic in a world full of persons mobilized to such *physicalities*, but to avoid how the general use of the term has a way of "occupying" and filling up the territory of our minds and our visionary imaginations, with its variously alienating aspects--i.e. the intense alienation of elites pushing uncomprehending populaces against each other for reasons of corporate- and state-craft).

Notably, as you read about these ideas, they are not "pacifist"/passive; they are coming from CONFRONTATIONAL strategies of nonviolence, similar to the "mass ju-jitsu" ideas of Saul Alinsky (whose creativity I agree with, not his reformist polytricks).

Other terms relating to and providing a kind of foundation for "the orrior way" include the "cruciaL aRtz" and "spanarchy" (see links below).

Two links go into image details,
the updated intro to "the orrior way":
http://la.indymedia.org/news/2007/04/196344.php
and
the original full zine (or, what I *think* is the whole thing):
www.angelfire.com/indie/desires/OrriorComix1/indexOR.html

Background info can be found here:
www.angelfire.com/folk/crucialarts/ (the crucial arts)
and here:
www.angelfire.com/folk/crucialarts/spanarchy.html (and an ideah called "spanarchy")

Note: all art shared here is by me, is anti-copyright (excepting use by government, corporate, or formal reformist-type media) and may be informally self-published everywhere (i.e. to help finance your survival desires, tho "not for profit")

For ideas relating to the "orrior" way, see Green Anarchy #23, Summer/Fall '06:
http://www.greenanarchy.org/index.php?action=viewwritingdetail&returnto=viewjournal&printIssueId=20&writingId=641
...Especially the part where there is discussion of Mohawk scholar Taiaiake Alfred's new book _Wasáse_ (2005). Here is a portion:

"...[Alfred] asks the question, what prevents us from decolonizing our minds? Interestingly enough from a surrealist perspective, he points to the atrophied power of the imagination as a key impediment to decolonization. As he explains, "We have lost our ability to dream our new selves and a new world into existence. We have mistakenly accepted the resolution to our problems that is designed by people who would have us move out of our rusty old colonial cages and right back into a shiny new prison of coping defined by managed fears and deadened emotional capacities.""

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

On Starlight and Fire

2007-04-05T00:59:44Z

"... It wasn’t that in those early days, there was no violence of nature and of other tribes, quite the opposite. But Herald’s birth-tribe survived because they were strong and many; and instead of attacking any tribe or person they came across, they shared what they had... "

(to read full post)

http://people.tribe.net/justiceputnam/blog&topicId=eab9b6d3-64aa-4170-9707-b88515d38b94

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

a single glimpse

2007-04-05T00:52:50Z

of what part of the human body would peek your interest??

for me it is the tiny XXXX on the back of a mans neck, the pattern draws my eye everytime...

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 13 replies

Gourmet LIVE vegan cuisine

2007-03-29T00:52:45Z

Hello, my name is Brian Lucas aka Chef BeLive Light.
I used to be head chef and co-owner of Organica: The Living Cuisine in San Francisco from 98-99, open 1 year. It had previously been Jeremy Saffron and Renee Underkoffler's Raw Experience for a year and before that Juliano's Juliano's Raw Living Foods for 3 years. Jeremy Saffron and Juliano Brotman were my teachers. I learned and channeled the gourmet twist of Juliano and the LOVE energy and knowledge of Jeremy in to my own transformational intuitive exotic gourmet live cuisine. You can check out my website at www.belivelight.com and my myspace profile at www.myspace.com/brianlucas to read more about me.
I am currently doing private chef work, lessons and guest chef appearances so if you want to utilize my specialties than please contact me at belivelucas@yahoo.com and (310)460-9253. Also, if you're by chance in LA on Friday, April 13Th, please come to my guest chef appearance at Taste of the Goddess in Beverly Hills. At least tell your family and/or friends if you have any in LA area. It is going to be a 5 course gourmet Mediterranean meal from 7:00-9:30pm for $65 a person if you RSVP or $70 at door. I will be doing one at my friend Melissa's restaurant Terra Bella soon also.

Taste of the Goddess Café
Co-owned by Forest Whitaker Lawrence Zarian's, "The Fashion Guy" from the KTLA morning Show,
"One of his favorite places to Dine!"
7373 Beverly Blvd., (Nestled inside of Prive hair salon & Ona Spa)
Los Angeles, CA 90036
323-933-1400
www.tasteofthegoddess.com

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

From The Prophet...

2007-03-21T22:46:31Z

This is one of the most beautiful descriptions of love that I have ever read. I just re-read it after having let it sink from my memory for 10 years. Thought I'ld share it with this tribe, since I have yet to read a more artful description of love then this...

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 3 replies

Why is there so much...Trouble connecting

2007-03-18T23:22:48Z

Why do so many wonderful people I know, of differing sexes as well as sexual orientation have so much trouble maintaining a healthy, happy relationship? I was at a party the other night and I looked around at a room of attractive creative good hearted people and the majority of those in the room were in the midst of lamenting the dysfunctionality of their relationship.

Is it because of the emphasis that our society places on individuality or is it just part of the human condition to have difficulty making that connection? Is that why poets, artists, writers and everyone else places sucha value on Love, because it is the most elusive of states?

Please, let me know what you think?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 16 replies

Read this three times a day for a month - it may change your life (repost)

2006-12-16T05:30:48Z

there were a couple mistakes in the original, so . . .

Back when i was in college i was given this book 'The Greatest Salesman In The World' by Og Mandino. It's a little book, the story where someone finds these ten scrolls for mastering salesmanship, if i remember correctly. To attain this you are supposed to read each scroll three times a day for a month, starting with the first scroll for the first month and etc. Overall it is a religious text, and now is something that i would be very skeptical about - i'm much more cynical than when i first came across this thing. But it was right for my openness at the time.

It was a very new time in my life, experimentation with psychedelics and forming new ideas of what was important and possible. I don't remember how it all happened but i know that reading this one particular scroll had a real effect on me. It was the only one i actually was dedicated to reading daily. The others were more about actual sales and stuff. Basically they were all just full of affirmations. But sometimes affirmations are very powerful tools.

Anyway i thought i'd reproduce the 'Love scroll', as i call it, in case anyone here wants to give it a try. I tell you that somewhere along that month i had connected with a universal awareness of love in myself and everything which lasted over a long period of time. The most powerful part of the scroll for me was where it says, 'And how shall i greet each whom i meet? In only one way - in silence, and to myself, I will address him and say, "I love you!" . . .' I did this everywhere i went and it had a great impact on me.

I changed a little bit of the male gender-specific-ness of it that i thought would be bothersome to some women . . .

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Scroll Marked II

"I will greet this day with love in my heart!"

"For this is the greatest secret of success in all ventures. Muscle can split a shield and even destroy life but only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of men and until I master this art I will remain no more than a peddler in the market place. I will make love my greatest weapon and none on whom I call can defend against its force."

"My reasoning they may counter; my speech they may distrust; my apparel they may disapprove; my face they may reject; and even my bargains may cause them suspicion; yet my love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the coldest day."

"I will greet this day with love in my heart. And how will I do this? "

"I will look on all things with love, and I will be born again."

"I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit."

"I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars."

"I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul."

"I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge. "

"I will greet this day with love in my heart!

"And, how will I speak? "

"I will laud my enemies and they will become friends."

"I will encourage my friends and they will become brothers."

"Always I will dig for reasons to applaud; never will I scratch for excuses to gossip."

"When I am tempted to criticize, I will bite my tongue."

"When I am moved to praise, I will shout from the roofs!"

"Is it not so that birds, the wind, the sea and all nature speaks with the music of praise for their creator?"

"Cannot I speak with the same music to his children?"

"Henceforth, will I remember this secret and it will change my life."

"I will greet this day with love in my heart!"

"And, how will I act?"

"I will love all manners of people for each person has qualities to be admired even though they are hidden!"

"With love, I will tear down the wall of suspicion and hate, which they have built around their hearts, and in its place, I will build bridges so that my love may enter their souls!"

"I will love the ambitious for they can inspire me!"

"I will love the failures for they can teach me!"

"I will love the kings for they are but human!"

"I will love the meek for they are divine!"

"I will love the rich for they are yet lonely!"

"I will love the poor for they are so many!"

"I will love the young for the faith they hold!"

"I will love the old for the wisdom they share!"

"I will love the beautiful for their eyes of sadness."

"I will love the ugly for their souls of peace."

"I will greet this day with love in my heart!"

"But, how will I react to the actions of others?"

"With love!"

"For just as love is my weapon to open the hearts of men, love is also my shield to repulse the arrows of hate and the spears of anger; adversity and discouragement will beat against my new shield and become as the softest of rains. My shield will protect me in the market place and sustain me when I am alone. It will uplift me in moments of despair yet it will calm me in time of exultation. It will become stronger and more protective with use until one day I will cast it aside and walk unencumbered among all manners of men and, when I do, my name will be raised high on the pyramid of life."

"I will greet this day with love in my heart!"

"And, how will I confront each whom I meet?"

In only one way - in silence, and to myself, I will address him and say, "I love you!" Though spoken in silence these words will shine in my eyes, unwrinkled my brow, bring a smile to my lips, and echo in my voice; and his heart will be opened. And, who is there who will say nay to my goods when his heart feels my love?"

"I will greet this day with love in my heart!"

"And, most of all, I will love myself!"

"For when I do, I will zealously inspect all things which enter my body, my mind, my soul, and my heart."

"Never will I overindulge the requests of my flesh; rather, I will cherish my body with cleanliness and moderation."

"Never will I allow my mind to be attracted to evil and despair; rather, I will uplift it with the knowledge and wisdom of the ages."

"Never will I allow my soul to become complacent and satisfied; rather, I will feed it with meditation and prayer."

"Never will I allow my heart to become small and bitter; rather, I will share it and it will grow and warm the earth."

"I will greet this day with love in my heart!"

"Henceforth, I will love all humanmankind! From this moment, all hate is let from my veins for I have not time to hate, only time to love."

"From this moment, I take the first step required to become a man or a woman among humanity. With love, I will increase my sales a hundredfold and become a great salesman!"

"If I have not other qualities, I can succeed with love alone. Without it, I will fail though I possess all the knowledge and skills of the world."

"I will greet this day with love, and I will succeed!"

-Og Mandino

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 3 replies

Good. evil...LOVE

2006-12-09T23:49:39Z

Thanks to all for sharing. If there is love and no love, and in everyone's deepest truest hearts of hearts and soulthey desire to live in love, is not the difference between good and evil how we chose to try and travel froma state of no love to a state of love. Some of us, those who seem truly full of violence and (self) destructio n, can not even begin to face their existence in no love and so try to destroy what reminds them of it. It is in the space between love and no love that all action, thought and feeling occur.

It's like the story of the crossroads. It is the path that you chose all destinations are the sa,=me, a return to oneness. Perhaps the experience of love is a resting place along our road. That is why we all crave, a little descanso, in which to breath for a moment, a return to the womb, where we existed in a world of our mothers love completely. Does the kabbalah contain a story of the crossroads?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

sincere request and plee

2006-10-06T00:16:58Z

Hi to you all,
>
> My name is Pierce Sharelove and I am posting
> this here today to ask for your prayers. I am
> facing complete financial ruin and the prospect
> of not having access to my two beautiful
> children. They have always been the Priority in
> my life and I want to be able to continue to
> offer them the emotional and spirirtual guidance
> that only their father can give them.
>
> I know that by asking for help, I am doing the
> right thing. Please consider this genuine
> request from my heart to yours in asking for
> your prayers and visualizations, or whatever
> method you use to connect with intention - to
> see me happily, joyfully and respectfully
> continuing to fulfill my lifelong passion being
> the best father I can be. I am only asking for
> your thoughts that will send energy and
> solutions my way so I can further provide and
> create a nurturing, supportive and loving
> environment for my children.
>
> Thank-you from the bottom of my heart for your
> sincere efforts, as I know many of you out there
> believe as I do, in the power of intention.
>
> My humblest prayers of gratitude and love to you
> all that devote even just one minute of your day
> in support of my children and I, in carrying out
> this request.
>
> In love and the sincerest appreciation,
> Pierce Sharelove

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 2 replies

Upcoming Sensual Events at One Taste

2006-09-06T04:54:38Z

UPCOMING Events at One Taste Urban Retreat Center
1074 Folsom at 7th Street, San Francisco
415.503.1100
www.onetastesf.com

One Taste is a community-operated organization, we invite you to join us in creating events, gatherings, and work that fulfills our mission and enriches your life. Our vision of ONE TASTE goes beyond that of a community center. We see it as an experiment in evolution itself, creating new forms of interacting, experiencing, and learning with each other. We welcome fellow explorers who wish to join us in this adventure and experience deeply fulfilling community.

COMING SOON
Men and Women’s Groups
OMing Stroke Clinics
More courses, more parties

FREE LECTURES ON SENSUALITY
Mon, Tues, Thurs and Friday nights 7:30 to 9:30 Aug 12 to Sept 21st
The teacher trainers of One Taste's Urban Monk Program invite you to a series of two hour lectures on sensuality. During these lectures, we will be discussing man/woman dynamics, dealing with resistance, communication, and our practice, Orgasmic Meditation (OMing). By donation, no experience necessary. RSVP appreciated.

URBAN MONK PROGRAM OCT 9th – JAN 12th A SENSUAL IMMERSION TRAINING
Our Sensual immersion training will redefine what you can have in your life. We offer an integrated program that takes care of the whole being – physical, emotional, and spiritual – by expanding the delicate and potent energy of orgasm. Learn a practice that brings the depth and sensitivity of meditation into sensuality. GAIN freedom in your relationships. EXPAND your orgasm. CHANGE your life. Contact Nicole Halpern at 415.503.1100 or nicoleh@onetastesf.com.

IN GROUPS: DELIBERATE COMMUNICATION GAMES
Wednesdays at 7:45pm
Savor MORE in your life: more fun, more honesty, more intimacy. Join us for an evening of communication games and explore the sensations of friendship, community, and being seen. Come find out what lies beneath the surface. No RSVP necessary. $10.

UPCOMING COURSES WITH THE INSIGHT INSTITUTE: www.insightinstitute.net
Sat, Sept 9th: 10 Women want you to learn how to handle their pussy – The title says it all $195-
Sun, Sept 10th: The Sensual Communication Course : If you talk in the bedroom, you can talk anywhere ONLY $100-
Sat, Sept 16th: Advanced Sensual Communication Course- See below the communication $195-
Sat, Sept 23rd: Raw – A Sex Course for Women $195- Spread the Turn-on one Stroke at a time

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Feeling love in dreams

2006-09-01T04:51:45Z

The most pure love i have ever felt in my adult life was in a couple of dreams i had while in college. They were about a girl i was powerfully crushed on at the time - my frst real love. We were really just good friends but i was in love with her.

Anyway, in the two dreams i had the feeling was so real and amazing that i woke up and wrote about them. I wrote, as the emotions faded slowly away, how the feeling of love between us was nothing more or less than true love. It was so simple and easy, so real. The crux of it was the absolute knowledge that she felt the same as me and that she knew i felt that way toward her.

The mutuality was nothing like the times that i've been 'in love' with someone while it remained unrequited for whatever reason.

The importance of the dreams was that they seemed to be a kind of gift to me, telling me that such love IS possible in real life. Maybe very hard to find, but possible.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TEACH ME

2006-08-27T05:29:08Z

HOW TO LOVE

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 3 replies

Upcoming Events at One Taste

2006-08-08T16:17:26Z

UPCOMING Events at One Taste Urban Retreat Center
1074 Folsom at 7th Street, San Francisco
415.503.1100
www.onetastesf.com

One Taste is a community-operated organization, we invite you to join us in creating events, gatherings, and work that fulfills our mission and enriches your life. Our vision of ONE TASTE goes beyond that of a community center. We see it as an experiment in evolution itself, creating new forms of interacting, experiencing, and learning with each other. We welcome fellow explorers who wish to join us in this adventure and experience deeply fulfilling community.

FREE LECTURES ON SENSUALITY
Mon, Tues, Thurs and Friday nights 7:30 to 9:30 Aug 12 to Sept 12th
The teacher trainers of One Taste's Urban Monk Program invite you to a series of two hour lectures on sensuality. During these lectures, we will be discussing man/woman dynamics, dealing with resistance, communication, and our practice, Orgasmic Meditation (OMing). This practice is an enhancement for any sex life. These lectures are by donation-only and are akin to a "dry run" for a theater production. We'll be stopping, starting, critiquing, and laughing at our flubs. Come learn in a fun and intimate environment. No experience necessary. RSVP appreciated. Please call 415.503.1100 or email us at info@onetastesf.com to reserve a spot or any questions. By donation.

URBAN MONK PROGRAM STARTS ON OCTOBER 16th: SENSUAL IMMERSION TRAINING
A three month program of daily practice, lectures, and exercises
Discover exactly who you are in a unique, once in a lifetime experience. Why an immersion program? At One Taste, you will experience a different approach to spiritual wholeness. Build your spiritual practice and being to integrate your awakening with the reality of the daily urban life. Join a community of people who have dedicated their lives to sensuality. Research your sensuality along side them by completely immersing yourself in their daily practice. Your 12 week program includes 3 healthy vegetarian meals daily, classes exploring sensuality and communication, yoga, meditation and personal coaching. Specialized evening program available. Contact Nicole Halpern at 415.503.1100 of nicoleh@onetastesf.com. $12,000 includes room and board. Other options dependant on length of program.

IN GROUPS: DELIBERATE COMMUNICATION GAMES
Wednesdays at 7:45pm
Savor MORE in your life: more fun, more honesty, more intimacy. Join us for an evening of communication games and explore the sensations of friendship, community, and being seen. Come find out what lies beneath the surface. No RSVP necessary. $10.

SAVE THE DATE: The Next Temple of Sirens Party, Gypsy Nights, is on Aug 25th

Upcoming Courses with the InSight Institute: www.insightinstitute.net
Sat, Aug 12th The Opening Course (Teacher Training) – Our Introductory Course $100-
Sun, Aug 13th, Adv Sensual Communication – Go underneath the communications $195-
Sat, Aug 19th: The Opening Course $195-
Sun, Aug 20th: The Advanced Opening Course Expand yourself to the next level $195-

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

a continual round writing..

2006-06-08T03:29:45Z

*feel free to add your own bit to this..

When you whisper into my hair, it sends shivers down my soul
bringing forth the sizzle in my eyes..
I long to taste your scent along your skin..and your..

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Expand your Sensual Self at One Taste

2006-06-07T21:18:03Z

The InSight Institute at One Taste Urban Retreat Center offers a great way to expand your sex life!

The opening course is on June 10th, 10-8pm
The Advanced Opening Course is on June 11th, 10-8pm

The Opening Course
A great introduction to orgasmic meditation. We believe that every sensation can be pleasurable. Every interaction can be intimate. Expand your sensual self, open to you desire, hone your skills of seduction and learn the practice of orgasmic meditation. Join us for this course and risk having a life filled with pleasure. $195-

The Advanced Opening Course
Dive into the world of orgasmic living. Learn to expand your orgasm to the point where you can tap into it throughout your daily life. Get a taste of doing for both men and women. Learn the proper touch for taboo erotic practices. Get a feel of the art of fantasy enactment. Prerequisite: The Opening Course. $195- single.

Call 415.503.1100 to register. Space is limited...
www.onetastesf.com
www.insightinstitute.net

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Upcoming events with Steve & Lokita Carter

2006-05-18T00:27:06Z

These folks hold some fabulous events so I thought I'd mention them here. Most of them are held at Harbin Hot Springs, (http://harbin.org), in Northern California, a few hours north of San Francisco.

The Goddess Weekend for women, and Erotic Tantric Massage: The Art of Infinite Pleasure are the perfect way to celebrate Spring and get rid of those cobwebs! Another great event is A Day of Timeless Loving May 20th at Sebastopol. Read more here: http://ecstaticliving.com/workshops/TLtantra_couple_single.html

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Upcoming Sensuality Courses at One Taste

2006-05-04T03:49:01Z

RAW: A Sex Course for Women by Women

RAW is a course in intimate sexuality for your emotional, spiritual, physical, and sensual selves.
RAW is women exploring, touching, and stimulating our bodies, consciously and safely.
RAW is a loving reintroduction to your sensual anatomy, self image, and divine experience.
RAW is a practice that you can use immediately to enhance your enjoyment of yourself.
RAW will bring your sex life and your relationships to new levels of pleasure and fulfillment.
RAW lets you communicate freely with your passion and sensual desire whenever you wish.
RAW is a practical course created by women, for women.
RAW is you – open, vulnerable, and free in your own sensuality.

RAW is brought to you by a group of ten women who have dedicated their lives to sensual practice and want to share their experience with you. Come play with us. Spend a day as part of a community dedicated to the liberation of every woman’s body, and learn how to expand your senses, your orgasm, and your confidence.

RAW: it’s hot.

Spaces are limited. Reserve your space today by calling 415-497-7558 or email us at templeofsirens@gmail.com.

For more information: http://www.onetastesf.com/ii/raw1.html
When: Saturday, 5/6 at 10am
Where: One Taste Urban Retreat Center 1074 Folsom Street SF 415.503.1100
Cost: $195-
Contact: 415.497.7558 or templeofsirens@gmail.com

10 WOMEN WANT YOU TO KNOW!
How would you like to:
GLIMPSE behind the Veil of the feminine in order to travel beyond your doubts and fears and meet in the field of Play and desire?
SPEAK the hidden language of seduction and Tap into a woman's raw desire?
ENHANCE your sex life through stroke by stroke instruction that will leave you confident, aware, card for turned on and Desired?

For more information: http://www.onetastesf.com/ii/tenwomen3.htm
When: Sunday, 5/7 at 10am
Where: One Taste Urban Retreat Center 1074 Folsom Street SF 415.503.1100
Cost: $195-
Contact: 415.497.7558 or templeofsirens@gmail.com

The next TEMPLE OF SIRENS Party - May 19th Arabian Nights
Save the date!

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

10 Women Want you to know

2006-04-14T03:42:48Z

10 Women Want you to know....What Ten Women Want You to Know--
A day long course in male sexual empowerment

IMAGINE yourself in the presence of a gorgeous woman--or how about 10--and knowing exactly how to act.

NOW IMAGINE what it would be like if any one of these women YEARNED to show you exactly what she wants...
...EXACTLY how she wants it.

This is...What Ten Women Want You To Know

Treat yourself to this day long course where TEN WOMEN will take you through the in’s and out’s of really PLEASING a woman.

Indulge yourself in theory, practical information and techniques which include individual hands on instruction, that you can integrate into your life right away and launch you into a new SENSUAL paradigm where you both understand what she wants and how to give it to her.

How would you like to:

GLIMPSE behind the veil of the feminine in order to TRAVEL beyond your doubts and fears and meet in the field of PLAY and DESIRE..
SPEAK the hidden language of seduction and TAP into a woman's raw DESIRE.
ENHANCE your sex life through stroke by stroke instruction that will leave you feeling confident, aware, cared for, turned on and DESIRED!

What Ten Women Want You To Know is that your sex life will never be the same.

The InSight Institute at One Taste Urban Retreat Center
www.insightinstitute.net
415.503.1100

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 6 replies

Shiva Pleasure Temple

2006-03-30T04:31:10Z

Friday night, March 31st, 8pm to midnight
Enter the sacred temple and meet 30 tantrikas in a beautiful setting in SOMA. Our desire is for you to feel the loving warmth of an attentive and turned-on woman.

Enjoy connecting with these goddesses throughout the evening through loving massage, sensual treats, food baths and more.

Witness a goddess in orgasm for 30 minutes. You'll feel the experience in your body and beyond.

This is a safe, intimate experience.....

Men and women, singles and couples and others welcome

$150-
Pre-registration only at info@insightinstitute.net

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

Art of Intimacy at One Taste: A new way to connect

2006-03-09T03:06:53Z

Have both at One Taste (www.onetastesf.com). Every Thursday night we host a set of structured communication games where people get intimate without the pressure. Feel close to complete strangers in moments...

The Art of Intimacy
Thursdays 7:45pm - 10:30pm

A Mixer created by women for the enjoyment of everyone...."
Meet someone new. Get to know someone better.
For health-minded and meditative individuals.

The Art of Intimacy is a playground to explore your skills in relationship, a forum to learn about yourself and others. Learn what men really want, how women love to play and who we are at our deepest levels.

Create an honest connection with others. Drop your masks and choose to really be seen and in that being seen find yourself again.

"The Art of Intimacy changed my life. In one instant I saw how I love, who I am and how I can choose to connect in any given moment with another human being."

“This is the perfect event for single people who are fed up with going to bars and clubs and ending up with superficial connections.”

This is a forum designed and created by women for the enjoyment of everyone. $15 per person, $10 pre-register. Preregister by calling 415.503.1100. Space is limited. Singles, couples and others welcome.

To purchase tickets, please call the center at 415.503.1100

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

What the bleep do we know?

2006-03-07T06:56:35Z

I had this film as a present over the christmas off a friend...what a friend!! Forever will be grateful for the window on our thoughts & the way we `could` change the world...its a film about how science (quantum physics) & spiritual concepts can merge together.

We walk through life making adjustments to our original concepts & thoughts, but the main thing is that we ask those questions of ourselves!
The fact is this film resounds in many peoples identity with themselves in the world that they create!

Heres a thought:
What leads to disappointing experiences in your life? Probably when things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to. Since the sixties we know already that we are our own creators. If we are - why doesn’t all our creations manifest? How come there is still a tremendous amount of suffering in the world? How is it possible that people can’t get rid of illness and diseases. Why would someone create a divorce or a bankruptcy or just being depressed?

Questions most of us have asked more than once…I guess.

Just look in your favorite bookstore and see how many books are written about topics similar to ‘how to get rich quick’, ‘getting things done my way’ and ‘you can do it’. I have even seen a bookstore that covers nothing else than self improvement books!

Can quantum physics shine some light on this precious topic?

Let start with the premise that we have free will. If we have free will then we can manifest whatever we want. It would only be limited by our own thoughts, beliefs, and concepts.

If you would make a broad study on how successful people are with their manifestations, you may find out that people tend to rate their successes by more than 50% and their failures by less than 50%. Now, if you take in consideration that most people are more identified with their successes then with their failures, the reality of the outcome is probably close to 50/50. That seems almost random to me!

On a personal level, we can almost say instantly why some things worked out and others did not. We are pretty good in ‘making up’ reasons for the outcome of our actions.

Now, what if I am telling you that the reasons you made up are just illusions!

If you investigate deep enough you will never know why things work out or not. Reasons lead to your own concepts about the world. If you go far enough backward you end up with blaming the ‘Big Bang’ for the ultimate reason. You think this is exaggerated - try it!

However, we like illusions so much that we believe in them as they satisfy our minds.

What Exactly Happens on a Quantum Level?

Fascinating studies have been conducted by Benjamin Libet. Libet’s experiments reveal a substantial delay – the "mind time" – before any awareness affects how we view our mental activities. The conclusion of his work is that unconscious processes initiate our conscious experiences. Freely voluntary acts are found to be initiated unconsciously before an awareness of wanting to act – a discovery with profound ramifications for our understanding of free will.

You may want to read this last paragraph again…

I like the example of how Fred Alan Wolf explains this study further. Just imagine, you are sitting on top of an elephant. The elephant is your subconscious and you are sitting on top (that’s your ego). Now, you want the elephant to go left? You touch the left ear and the elephant goes left. It would be great if it works like this every time… but it doesn’t. Sometimes, the elephant just goes in the other direction and thats what we call a failure!

Welcome to the World of Illusion!

In reality your subconscious is constantly collapsing wave functions. Waves are simply random possibilities of what can happen. The moment a wave is collapsed, it is no longer a wave, it then becomes a particle. Particles are what we call reality in space & time. This is the famous wave particle problem that gave most scientists grey hairs.

The amount of randomness is determined by your concepts. The concepts are setting the borders of your play field. Are you playing with one dice? Then the number can only be between 1 and 6. Are you playing on a larger scale with two dices then the number can be between 36 possibilities.

Here is a more practical example. You want a new car, it should be red, under $20,000 including a 6 year guarantee. These are the concepts and the possibilities you make up with your mind (ego). However, there are additional concepts in your subconscious. For example, your neighbor drives a new Mercedes and somehow that information sinks deep in your subconscious. Your subconscious has also stored the experience of all the other cars you previously owned. You see that the possibilities of what can manifest in reality is getting more complex.

Back to our example and what happens on a quantum level. The elephant gives you a ‘telepathic’ sign that it wants to go left. Because of that ‘you decide’ that you want to go left and therefore tap the left ear… VWOLA! The elephant goes left.

So where does this all leaves us with our free will?

It is very simple, but also very challenging to put this knowledge into our ‘daily’ lives. Quantum physics and science finally proves what most religious people since hundreds of years have already told us. The ego is an illusion and only through practicing silence can you expand beyond the daily illusions and experience where your true power is and comes from.

Speaking of power - this is unlimited power versus force, which you need constantly to keep the illusion of your ego alive. That’s why a lot of people are constantly in stress and have no energy.

At one point in your life you are faced with an experience over which you have no control. Maybe an accident, a disease or a bankruptcy. You can resist this experience or you can surrender to it. Resisting means denying your own creation. Surrendering means you are finally listening to your true self instead of some beliefs or concepts you have adapted from society or someone else.

At this point, decide if you want to ‘improve’ your ego or if you want to connect with your true power. From my experience this is the only decision you can make and the only instance were you have free will.

Quantum physics is… in its core foundation… so simple that even most scientist cannot grasp its implications yet!

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

A MODEL FOR POLYS TO GO APE by Janet Kira Lessin and Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. Worldpolyamory@aol.com

2006-03-06T04:46:50Z

A MODEL FOR POLYS TO GO APE by Janet Kira Lessin and Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. Worldpolyamory@aol.com

In our polyamory and tantra seminars and private sessions, men outnumber women 3 to1. Women, we found, fear tantra and polyamory as emphasizing sexuality too much and so avoid both. What, we wondered, makes women cautious about situations they perceive as involving sex?

Nan Wise (The Attachment Flu: Lessons In Loving and Letting Go: Loving More #22) discusses a biological basis for this caution. She writes, following Ken Wilber ( A Brief History of Everything)

When a woman’s skin is stroked, she releases oxytocin, the hormone of relationship and attachment. It’s nature’s way of assuring that woman stay with our partners and nurture our young and feather our nests. It is present in men in smaller quantities.

Years ago Janet read a similar article noting that a woman’s oxytocin increased with the number of orgasms she has with a man. Orgasms and oxytocin keep her coming back to him, attaches her to him for more love and pleasure until she conceives. The man is rewarded by reproducing. His genes continue.

“Oxytocin,” in Nan’s words, “is part of my hard wiring. Once I attach it is very difficult to let go. It is why I pay attention to relationships. It is why I have held on tightly to my lover as I have, past the point that my reasoning mind thought was suitable. It is partly why I have tolerated unacceptable behaviors and suffered from the side effects associated with valuing relationship over self.”

Perhaps this is the major reason women are cautious about workshops and coaching involving sex. This varies, of course, with the woman. Some men, too, have higher levels of oxytocin and are consequently as sensitive, bond as much emotionally and can be as devastated as women. The amounts of oxytocin released varies with each individual.

Men and women both release testosterone, a hormone that increases interest in sexuality. Men tend to have more testosterone, and are more drawn to activities, such as poly and tantra workshops, that they think will involve sex. Amounts of testosterone also varies among individuals, and some women, with higher levels of testosterone relative to oxytocin, are sexually free and able to have many casual lovers, like men.

Women imagining polyamory and tantra workshops to be potentially sexual also fear competition with other women for men. Sad to say, but women have been trained to distrust each other. They’ve seen how sex led their mothers to have children. Then, in the ostensibly monogamous relations of most parents, woman may have seen their mothers either be abandoned or sexually ignored by their fathers.

It seems that a woman’s mothering can get in the way of her sexuality, especially if she makes her relationship to a child more important to her than her relation with her man. The man feels abandoned and seeks other primary relationships. This can kill the standard monogamous relationship. The man, the woman or both may think of cheating and eventually do so, or the sexual interaction between the couple may lessen or die.

Bonobo chimps solve problems of female fear of non-affiliation with sex partners that bedevil humans. Bonobos eliminate competition among females, resolve conflict, love intensely and intimately and maintain very active sexual connections their whole lives.

The bonobo are female-centered and sexually egalitarian. Their females ally to inhibit male aggression; sexual behavior (in every partner combination) replaces aggressive behavior. Unrelated bonobo tribes make love rather than fight.

When two tribes of bonobos meet the lead females of each group inspect, then engage in sex with each other. Then each of these females each takes the leading male from their respective groups by the hand and leads him to the female she just loved. She presents this male as a sexual gift to her female counterpart. Each lead male then has intercourse with the lead female of the new tribe. Then all the members of both tribes enjoy sex with one another. Bonobos use sex to avoid conflict.

Anything that arouses the interest of more than one bonobo tends to result in sexual contact. If two bonobos approach a cardboard box thrown into their enclosure, they will briefly mount each other before playing with the box. Such situations lead to squabbles in most other species. But bonobos are quite tolerant. , They use sex to divert attention and to diffuse tension.

A jealous male might chase another away from a female, after which the two males reunite and engage in scrotal rubbing. Or after a female hits a juvenile, the latter's mother may lunge at the aggressor, an action that is immediately followed by genital rubbing between the two adults. The species' most striking achievement sensitivity to others. (DeWaal, F: Bonobo Sex and Society)

We have much to learn from our bonobo cousins. The sensitivity they display is crucial in the human polyamorous dance. My husband, Sasha, and I use the bonobo model when we date couples; it seems to work well.

At the start of our date with another couple, Sasha makes love with me and the other couple also makes love. Then we women connect before we exchange men.

If the other woman and I do not bond and connect, if we don’t feel flowing and natural, we keep our relation social and do not become sexual. We don’t manipulate, convince or pressure her to more intimacy than she chooses.

If click energetically, I watch the woman of the other couple love Sasha. Then Sasha and she watch me make love with her man.

We commit to open, honest expression and treat emotional upset and jealousy, should they arise, as blessings–paths to deeper awareness and spiritual growth. We encourage an upset person to identify his feelings.

Sometimes, in a foursome situation, you may not know why you feel scared or jealous.

We women distanced ourselves from each other as we developed sexually and vied for men, we abandoned each other for them. Or we imprinted the woman-vs-woman competition habit. My girl gang in Avalon, PA, agreed without words to break dates with each other to go out with men. We acted like it was okay. In reality, it hurt.

This uncertain past with one each other disempowers us as individuals. It blocks the synergistic potential of our sisterhood. We need to become pals, to enjoy, encourage and help each other. Like the bonobos.

Bonobos are bisexual. Bisexuality gives females an additional level of intimacy that goes beyond just friendship.

I only discovered my bisexuality well into adulthood and I am delighted that I now have this added dimension for relating. Connecting with my female lovers enhances polyamorous interludes and reconnect me with the feminine in ways I haven’t known since pre-adolescence. Before adolescence, I was in love with my girlfriends. We adored one another. We gave each other “friendship” rings, like we were going steady. Now that I’m again lovers with women, I return to childhood innocence, to early days before adults shamed us for feeling what we felt--true affection and love for our dear, sweet girlfriends.

Bisexual or not, when two women in a two-couple date connect energetically, if not sexually, we bond to help and encourage each other. It’s so much easier to feel safe and really trust a woman that you know, feel and love.

We share more with bonobos. We and they enjoy recreational. We and these chimps use sex to nourish love feelings, bonding, intimacy. Bonobos, like us, make love face to face, eye to eye.

Both humans and bonobos, at the level of actual, genetically proven studies, show most humans have many sexual partners. In one study, one third of recorded fathers were not the genetic fathers. Humans are, in actual sexual behavior, one group of lovers. Our children are the children of us all, of the tribe.

In other ways, bonobos differ from us. Bonobo females run things and bonobo males are peaceful, nonviolent, opposite humans, with male control and violence. The peaceable bonobo has retained traits of common ancestry that we patriarchally-socialized people find hard to recognize in ourselves. It’s time for us to emulate our ape allies and live from bonobo consciousness.

Janet Kira Lessin, Chief Focalizer for the World Polyamory
Association and Dr. Sasha Lessin are featured speakers at the Annual Harbin Hot Springs
Polyamory Conference, "Celebrate Relationship Choice, May 2-14,
Harbin Hot Springs, CA. See www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 2 replies

La Dolce Vita

2006-02-20T21:01:14Z

*
Name your price,
And I’ll double it,
And you’ll pay,
For you have no where else to go.

Your husband thinks about someone else when he makes love to you.
Your daughter rejected your breast,
But you always knew she was a mistake,
Telling her you loved her all the same.
Your parents died in a nursing home,
Where you’d put them after transferring all their property to you,
Their only beloved.
Their last memory being of the nightshift nurse,
Who changed them, without ever addressing them.

You look at your photos in a magazine.
Vanity Fair’s cover you never graced.
But the Junior League accepted you anyway.
Now you want forgiveness,
For the vanity you never achieved.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

Mary Magdalene you’ll never be.
But I won’t forgive you, if you can’t forgive yourself.
Name your price, your soul is worthless anyway.
Don’t you remember your confirmation,
When your eyes struck me harder than my hand did your cheek.
They looked up at me.
That night you phoned me and told me to read Leviticus,
Your favorite book from the Bible,
And asked me to choose my favorite passage,
Which you would perform,
In a Passion Play for me, only me.

Name your price,
And I’ll double it,
And you’ll pay,
For you have no where else to go.

Last night you dreamt that magnolias crested onto the shoreline,
Beneath the moonlight,
With stars sailing in the sky,
In a caravan towards an all engulfing fire,
Like moths propelled towards a blinding light.

I couldn’t bear it any longer.
My rosary beads had eaten away at my fingertips,
And I returned your call.
You answered, after having made love to him,
His sleeping body next to yours.
What took you so long, you said.
And told me to wait for you on the pier,
By the sleeping fishing boats with names like
La Dolce Vita, the Albatross, and Star Gazer.

But it poured sheets of rain
That sliced through the night,
Confining me to the sacristy,
And you to your husband’s bed,
Where you’d conceived your daughter,
Whose lips I touched when I gave her her first communion.
Her lips warm, her eyes like yours, far away, like in the Gulf,
Lost in the horizon.

You won’t forgive me, then.
I can’t, if you won’t forgive yourself.
You loved me.
Name your price, and I’ll double it.
You won’t forgive me.
For not loving me.

Bless me Father for I have no where else to go.
And my loneliness needs you tonight,
Even if I can’t forgive myself for what I’m about to do tonight with you,
In the place that you married me.

And where my finger touched your daughter’s lips for the first time.

*
Tristan Isolt

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

happy V-day

2006-02-16T06:51:29Z

from http://LOVEspace.org

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

If you could not say those 3 little words..

2006-01-31T15:13:04Z

What would you say?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 6 replies

where is love?

2006-01-20T08:13:57Z

When we look inside ourselves, where is love?

Does the capacity for love begin within our capacity to love ourselves, or is the very act of love that which takes us out of ourselves and connects us with others? Where does the space for love originate? Is love nothing more, and nothing less, than a spaciousness in our hearts?

Love, where art thou?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 6 replies

Sensual Communication Course at One taste

2006-01-05T06:04:21Z

Greetings lovers.

The Insight Institute at One Taste Urban Reteat Center (SF Weekly's Best Urban Retreat-2004) is proud to announce its Sensual Communication Course on January 21, 2005 from 10am-10pm. $50-. To register, please contact us at 415.503.1100 or info@onetastesf.com.

In this course, you will learn:

- How to break down your communication to its basic elements and build it back up using a value-neutral system.
- How to imbue your communications with sensation.
- Your habits that have you avoid intimacy and connection.
- How to ask and get what you want in your sensual life and beyond.

The energy at the end of the day should be through the roof. For more information, please review our website at www.insightinstitute.net.

The Insight Institute is a private educational organization which offers a direct, integral, and empirical approach to the art of sensuality. We are not attached to any particular dogma or system of belief, preferring to remain grounded in the individual’s sensory experience. Our approach is, essentially, that:

- there are essential truths that can only be apprehended and communicated in a spirit of play and pleasure.
- in sensuality, as in other spheres of human experience, to give is to receive, manifold.

Our workshops provide:

- a safe, fun and unencumbered space, conducive to deep and gratifying exploration of our bodies
- practical exercises in sensuality and communication
transformative techniques to help expand your capacity to both give and receive pleasure
- direct body knowledge and methods for creating turn-on in both yourselves and your partner
- ongoing dialogue and a social venue in which to integrate and build upon our experiences

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

The Gift of Presence

2006-01-05T03:06:27Z

Here's a wish for each of us in this new year: to give one of the greatest gifts we can share with ourselves and with others. The gift of presence – our inner strength, stillness and silence. Indeed, with all of life's stresses, everyday distractions, and hurried "to-do's," practicing and cultivating presence is a rare and precious gift that allows us to awaken to and embrace the full potential of each moment.

To be present is to have a relaxed body, open heart, and peaceful mind. To be in your body, fully aware of your inner sensations and perceptions as you witness, with conscious compassion, your experience and the experience of another.

To be fully present is to be with things simply as they are, with clarity, mindfulness, and gentleness. It involves setting aside the past and the future so that there is no goal. To surrender, for now, your expectations, agendas, judgments, projections, and preferences. To show up with a "beginners mind" and a willingness to not know – even to be surprised.

How do you know when you are not present? Think of non-presence as a veil, layering your consciousness and awareness with a lack of attention, reactivity, neglect, ignorance, distraction, rigidity, numbness, addictive behaviors, fear, shame, etc. It's falling out of harmony and connection with yourself, and the world around you. It is a shadow blocking out the richness, brilliance, and texture of your life – where instead you may experience an inner chaos that can often manifest as disharmony, dysfunction, or dis-ease in your external life and relationships.

Here's a simple exercise. Stand up, take a deep breath, and assess your relative state of presence as your neutral starting point. Now, step to the left, and be as un-present as you can be. Notice how that feels. Then, step back to the right to neutral, noticing the difference. Now, step to the right and choose to be as present as you can possibly be. Notice how that feels. Finally, step back to neutral, noticing how it feels to step out of being fully present to how you normally are.

Practicing presence involves cultivating mindfulness within yourself and the world around you. It requires noticing with clarity and non-judgment when you are present and when you are not. Often when you practice, you'll notice your presence will blink on and off. No big deal. As you notice, simply allow yourself to know that presence is your choice at any moment, and you can choose again in this moment to become present.

You can also choose to enrich your presence, allowing yourself to become full-filled or even intoxicated with life itself. Simply invite your senses to be open, relaxed and receptive, so that you can truly see, hear, smell, taste, and feel this moment. Let each moment be an empty canvass upon which life paints its magic.

Being present is like riding the crest of the wave, open to the aliveness, delight, and excitement of this moment, and surrendering to not knowing what the next moment holds. As Swami Satchitananda once said, "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

Namaste,
Michael

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Happy New Year

2006-01-04T08:19:23Z

NAMASTE

May the new year bring you all many blessings and love.

In Love and Light

Pritam

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 2 replies

clearing

2005-12-29T19:10:45Z

I've returned from a trip to Asia, in which has occured a short but significant chapter of life experience. Now, here in SF in the midst of a fog, something ineffable has cleared. Perhaps a journey of 10,000 miles was just the ticket :-)

What has inspired your own process of becoming clear?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

HARBIN NEW YEARS DANCE FESTIVAL--12/27-1/2

2005-12-04T17:09:03Z

NEW YEARS DANCE FESTIVAL -- HARBIN HOT SPRINGS

Hey Guys,

Here's your invitation to attend the Harbin New Years Dance Festival.

I have been attending and DJing the Festival for the past five years. Each year, I think that I will do something different for New Years and then I end up going to Harbin again and loving it.

If you love hot springs, nature, dancing, music and kind beautiful people, and who doesn't, how can you say "no?"

...ahhh...a flood of lovely memories just hit me. OK, I think I just talked myself into it. ;-))

I hope you will give serious consideration to attending this delicious event.

Thanks,
Patrick

===========================================
The Friends of Unconditional Dance invite you to
The 6th Annual
NEW YEAR'S DANCE FESTIVAL
At the Harbin Hot Springs Conference Center
December 27-January 2,2006

The theme of this years festival is Groove Your Body & Move Your Soul. Please join us in our celebration of the union of All.
In embracing opposites while maintaining the center,
we each become whole.

As always, the festival will include ritual, classes,
dancing to live & DJ'd music, and excellent organic
food, all within an atmosphere of art and celebration,
plus access to Harbin's wonderful pools.
Indoor group camping is provided.

CONTACT US at 866-446-7556 or
www.friendsofunconditionaldance.org This year's TEACHERS include:

SUKHAWAT ALI KHAN:will give an Indian classical vocal and raga demonstration and lead a class to intoxicate the heart and spirit.

PETER & ANEETA MAKENA: sufi Dance and vocal

HEATHER CHRISTENSEN teaches us to ride GABRIELLE ROTH's
WAVE, from trough to crest, emptying, purging,
detoxifying body, mind and emotions.

RICHARD BOCK our guide to QUANTUM LIGHT BREATH, moving
us beyond our obstacles into recognition of our own
radiance.

SEAN SEWARD...The exploration of mutual support while
honoring our true desires, with CONTACT IMPROVISATION.

OMER NIZRI : will take us through a mystical journey through
music and dance.

SAMANTHA BEER : The exploration of mutual support while
honoring our true desires, with CONTACT IMPROVISATION.

INIKA SPENCE: Aquatic Contact Dance.

HALIMA WILLIAMS: Therapy Dance.

SHAARI KAMIL: Movement Meditation.

KUSURU HALISI will lead the Salsa dance.

LIVE MUSIC: SHABAZ , ALI KHAN , RIFFAT SULTANA.

DJs include DRAGONFLY, DJ OMER, (probably DJ PATRICK HARVARD) AND MORE...

Blessings
Peace & Love
Regina & Omer
707-987-9592
Eric 707-987-3838

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

The Definition of Love

2005-12-02T05:01:15Z

I thought some folks here would get a kick out of this thread:

http://tribes.tribe.net/d3616763-d6cd-4182-9229-85bd5420997d/thread/a2d39200-6a17-4b82-bd92-bf5d77cfd6b9

Much love,
John

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

where is real love?

2005-11-26T21:48:08Z

The desire to attain knowledge of the self will dawn only in the
person who is free from desires, who has a pure mind, and who is quite disgusted with this worldly life. Such a man only is competent to hear, meditate and attain Brahman, jnana or knowledge of Brahman.

When the knowledge of the self dawns, ignorance, which is the seed for bondage and the cause of karma is totally eradicated and the aspirant attains immortality and eternal bliss.

Do not depend upon anybody. Rely on your own self. Be centred in the atman only. The sweet wife deserts her husband when he is on the roll of unemployment and marries another young man. The rich husband divorces his wife when she loses her beauty on account of Protracted
illness and marries another woman. Even Lord Jesus and Buddha were forsaken by all their friends, followers and disciples.
This is a strange world. Mysterious is maya (illusion)!

Real affection can be found in God and sages only. Worldly affection is only showy, hypocritical, illusory and changing. Just see whether your relatives, even your friends, your brothers and sisters show affection to you when you are unemployed, when you are suffering from a chronic, incurable disease and are without any money inyour hands.

Saints and prophets who have realised God are shouting at the tops of their voices that the Lord is dwelling in the hearts of beings, and yet no one is earnestly attempting to make a vigorous search in his own heart. Is this not lamentable? God is above below, within, without and all around. Thirst for his darsan (vision). Look within, practise introvision. Try earnestly to attain the immortal being. In Him, you can find eternal peace. Enter His kingdom right now in this
very second. Stand firm on the rock of truth or Brahman. Have a firm grip of your reality, the selfluminous, immortal atman or soul. Look upon this universe as your all-full form.

Only when knowledge of the self dawns in your heart can you free yourself from rebirth and become identical with the supreme self. Equip yourself with the four means. Hear the srutis (scriptures), reflect, meditate and realise.

May you become a sage!

--His Holiness Sri Swami Sivananda Maharaj

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 20 replies

Honesty...

2005-11-26T18:19:30Z

Honesty can have many effects...some we don't want...Sometimes just saying nothing is the way to go...
Your Thoughts?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 12 replies

spirituality

2005-11-23T15:04:56Z

How important is it to you that your lover share your spirituality?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 15 replies

Can there be only One Love?

2005-11-15T23:36:19Z

I am posing this question, as in what is the One Love = that which all lesser loves stem from? (Or the power behind such a love). Also, what would be the object of this One Love?

I feel that I was born to be in love. I think it's more essential for me to love than to feel loved. It's such a mind and soul thing. It has to be with someone who can inspire me with their imagination and the physical attraction comes after that.

When I was younger I would meet someone that I could always have a laugh with and I wanted to marry him and always be with him. Then I would meet another person and we would have great sex together so I would want to be with them forever.

To get all those things in one person, I have to know myself really well, and I'm learning. Perhaps the One Love is loving oneself?

It isn't calculated. That's one thing love isn't, so there are no perfect answers to this inquiry. All comments are welcome.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 4 replies

SF TantraFest coming up! Who is planning to attend this amazing BENEFIT?

2005-11-13T23:53:54Z

Namaste all,
Forgive me for being too much of a tantric cheerleader here, but we really need to get the word out about this benefit and encourage advance registration! It would be wonderful if the community here in the Bay Area could really get behind this event, through attendance, sponsorships and/or being a vendor. Even donating to the raffle!
Please go to www.tantrabliss.com for more info and to register.
Mahalo! (Thank you!)
Amy
----------

TantraFest!
A Benefit for Tantrika International

November 19, 2005
9am to 11pm
One Taste Urban Retreat Center
1074 Folsom Street
San Francisco, California

www.tantrabliss.com

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

What is the point?

2005-11-10T20:37:32Z

Ok so let's say you find "the one" you are preoccupied with and you are happy with them, how will this fulfill you or complete you? Is that important anyway?

OR will you realize (or are you already realizing) that quest for the ephemeral "one" is just a quest to know yourself better, and a way to escape | facing those parts that are hard to face. Are we merely looking for othe things in another we sense are lacking in ourselves?

Are the ones we are naturally finding leading us to this perfect realization?

These are the questions that arise for me.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 15 replies

Just need some hugs...

2005-11-07T03:35:51Z

I am going through an amazingly painful period of change and self realization. As are alot of the people I am close to right now. Misery loves company. =)
I recently realized that my long term relationship has to end for my mental, emotional and spiritual health. And I have also found another amazing person that I really want to keep ...well...forever, but because of my self doubts and fears I can't give myself too.

And I need a hug or three. =)

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 15 replies

I'm new

2005-11-05T05:10:24Z

Just joined, This looks very promising, maybe people actually meet each other in this Tribe. Warm Greetings... BlackIndian

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 2 replies

Hi all

2005-11-05T05:06:17Z

Hi from a newbie to Tribe.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 19 replies

the sudden spikes of anger

2005-11-03T23:48:53Z

you are in a relationship. madly in love. doting the ground the other stands on. and then boom, an argument. no one wants to talk to the other. yet the love is there. it makes it worse because as people, we just rather be mad for a bit instead of trying to let it go and just get back to the loving.

in an ideal life, everyday stress will not affect love. but we do not live in one. we have to deal with everything from annoying bosses to misbehaving children while trying to love someone.

loving is an art.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

Keeping them safe from your love

2005-11-03T05:45:16Z

The "Never to be in-love again" post got me thinking about this and I wondered if anyone else felt the same.

My issue with being in love with someone is that I feel like I'd be saving them if I chose not to engage in that "in love relationship". I feel like I'm pretty messed up emotionally and I don't want anyone else to have to deal with the confusion, irritation and occasional pain of loving me.

On the other side of that, how do you find your way out of the emotional darkness if there is no light of love to guide you?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 16 replies

Listen to your heart

2005-10-24T20:41:39Z

In reading the love lost thread it got me to thinking ... well first of all thank you for everyone who posted their heartfelt words ... while I did not author the thread I related to the situation as I'm currently dealing with something similar so the words, advice and two cents were helpful ... ok back to what I read last night ...

You miss the garden because you want a small fig from a random tree. You don't meet the beautiful woman. You're joking with an old crone.....

She has you by the belt, even though there's no flower or milk inside her body. Death will open your eyes to what her face is. Leather spine of a black lizard.

No more advice. Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.

Rumi - The Illuminated Rumi

Our preconceived notions of beauty, joy, and satisfaction keep us from experiencing beauty, joy, and satisfaction. Listen to your heart and set fear aside. May we all find the inner courage to set fear aside and truly know and embrace the art of loving. :)

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 8 replies

Your best time...

2005-10-24T20:26:13Z

was it with someone you loved or not?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 23 replies

Tantric Puja & Celebration Anyone?

2005-10-24T19:36:38Z

Dear Ones,

Tonight (Monday, 10/24) begins the first Sacred Circle Tantric Puja and Celebration at One Taste, An Urban Retreat Center in San Francisco. This is my first foray into a regular community event up here in SF, so I would be most honored and grateful to see friends and tribemates (new or old). Tonight will be gentle, sacred, and lots of fun. We'll co-create intention for healing, honoring, and celebrating our selves, others, and even mother Earth. I do hope to see you there. More details below.

Blessings & Namaste,
Michael Skydancer

~~~Sacred Circles™~~~
Connect. Communicate. Celebrate.

What: Join our weekly drop-in evening devoted to Tantric rituals, practices, and meditation.
When: Mondays, 8pm – 9:45pm (begins Oct. 24th)
(Please arrive early so we can start on time)
Who: Open to individuals, couples, groups, and all like-minded, open-hearted souls.
Where: One Taste, An Urban Retreat Center, 1074 Folsom Street, San Francisco, CA.(www.onetastesf.com)
Donation: $10 - $20/person sliding scale. No experience, no registration necessary. All are welcome. Feel free to just drop in.

~~ABOUT SACRED CIRCLES~~
Join us for a weekly community celebration of sacred connection. Each Sacred Circle is unique, drawing from traditions such as Tantra, meditation, yoga, Sufism, Buddhism, Native American, dance, chant, and other paths to help us connect with ourselves and each other from a place of presence, awareness, and aliveness. Often, you will participate in a Tantric Puja (sacred ritual) that may involve movement, music, breath practice, energy work, dance, chant, active and still meditations, guided visualization, communication practices, and other ways to honor and celebrate our hearts, our bodies, and spirit. Practices and rituals may be done alone, with a partner, or as part of the whole group. We strive to create an environment that is safe, respectful, and comfortable for those coming alone or as a couple, those coming for the first time, and those who want to build an ongoing community of people devoted to cultivating sacredness and joy in life. For more details about each week’s theme and schedule, please visit www.ecstaticlove.net.

~~~ABOUT YOUR HOST~~~
Michael Pooley (aka Skydancer) is co-founder of The Art of Ecstatic Love™ (www.ecstaticlove.net) and a Certified SkyDancing Tantra Teacher™. He offers fun, practical workshops and classes, tantric pujas and events, and private sessions focused on ecstatic awakening and conscious relationship, sexual healing and sacred sexuality, and expanding men's and women's orgasmic potential. Michael’s work weaves together decades of study and exploration of Tantra, yoga, meditation, breath, psychology, dance & movement, bodywork, music, self discovery, and the creative process. His teachings and insights are a direct transmission of his passion for and experience with applying Tantra in the bedroom, living room, and board room. In addition to his “day job” as a professional writer and Silicon Valley marketing consultant, Michael is a poet and songwriter and has been studying and practicing Tantra, work as a spiritual path, and creative problem solving for most of his adult life.

Michael is licensed and empowered by Margot Anand (world-renowned Tantra master and best-selling author) to facilitate her SkyDancing Tantra(r) methods and techniques for healing and transformation. SkyDancing Tantra teaches you to choose with awareness what brings pleasure and joy – a path that opens the door to a deeper connection with spirit and a greater sense of aliveness and well-being. SkyDancing Tantra combines ancient secrets and modern techniques to awaken your ecstatic potential, open your heart, heal and honor your sexuality, and cultivate love as an art form and a path to spirit.

For more info, please call Michael at (831) 457-6535, email info@ecstaticlove.net, or visit www.ecstaticlove.net.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

Conscious Relationship Workshop

2005-10-20T01:49:03Z

hey folks,
I will be leading the "Conscious Relationships through Astrology" workshop at One Taste SF -

this should be a lot of fun,, we will be doing some breathing exercises and mantra chanting as well as discussing the timeless, powerful relationship principles used in vedic (Indian) Astrology - this is the same Spiritual tradition of Yoga and Tantra and have been predicitng happy marriages for thousands of years - Yet modern Western relationship gurus like David Deida also refer to the same timeless archetypes or the empowered, yet sensitive male and female.

http://www.vedicastrologycenter.net/relationship-workshop.html has more info an the ability to register. email me with questions..

Modern relationship paths and Western relationship gurus like David Deida have led the way to a deeper and clearer path of understanding in relationships. These relationships find men and women meeting from postions of strength and respect for the sacred masculine and feminine.

Did you know that these techniques are clearly and succinctly revealed in the Vedic Astrological texts and ancient archetypes? These are the same powerful techniques that have been accurately predicting happy, long-lasting marriages in India for thousands of years. These techniques and principles can be applied to support all of your relationships, not just romantic ones."

Bonus: Everyone will receive a free quick Astro analysis and a mantra / gem recommendation based on the planets in their birth charts (sent via email afterwards).
* for these FREE extras you should have accurate birth info (date/time/place).

When: Wed 10/26 AND Thurs 10/27 | 7:30-9:30PM (4 hrs. total)
Where: One Taste SF - 1074 Folsom at 7th (415.503.1100)
Price: $45 for individuals - $80 for couples
(couples may have their charts looked at as a part of the class, with permission)

FORMAT:
Day 1: (2 hrs) Larger themes, male|female strengths and archetypes discussed within the relationship dynamic, Sun and Moon discussed
Day 2: (2 hrs) Other planets discussesd, see these themes and techniques illustrated in real charts
* We will be chanting the names of the planets (mantras) at different times - there is no better way to feel what the planets do than by chanting their mantras.

Sam Geppi (Sadasiva) has over 20 years of Vedic Study and experience. He is a Hatha Yoga instructor and certified Vedic Astrologer and Teacher through the American Council of Vedic Astrology (level 2) as well as a contributing author to various Astrological publications and the Author of "The Ascendant - 108 Planets for Vedic Astrology.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 3 replies

Falling in love is the Achilles heel for most who could do greater things with their life.

2005-10-19T20:10:06Z

All of us are guilty of the good we did not do.

Love without limitations or attachments by definition is greater than love with limitations or attachments. If that is what "in love" is, then being "in love" is limiting.

If "in love" is a more powerful ability to simply love, then why limit such love to just a few in this lifetime? Why be so niggardly with something so precious?

If "In love" is actually a choice and is not a subjective infatuation or hormonal/chemical reaction, then this sin of miserliness is compounded by those have have explained themselves by using the phrase "I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you". Meaning: 'I'm choosing to keep you out of my heart and will conduct my life without considering you, you are not worthy of it'.

Have you ever used this phrase to explain yourself? If so, then how can any of your love be any less miserly?

If "In love" is a choice, then how would you decide to choose not to be "in love" with those you have been "in love" with before "the one" you kiss now/next?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 4 replies

bored

2005-10-19T18:20:03Z

Sending out loving energy and vibes to everyone. Love is what makes the world go around. Love has the power to bring us to higher levels, and love also has the power to make us doing stupid things.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 4 replies

Hello All! Love Vs. "In" love.

2005-10-18T14:38:52Z

I am brand new here to this tribe, and would like to say hello to everyone here. I would like to hear your oppinions. Some people make the distinction between loving someone and being "in" love with someone. If you feel there is a difference, what would say it is?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 18 replies

I'd like to invite you to...

2005-10-13T18:05:28Z

Art of Intimacy: Exploring deeper connections

When: Every Thursday night at 7:45pm
What: Art of Intimacy: Exploring Deeper Connections

how much: $15.
Please preregister by calling 415.503.1100--Space is limited

Where: One Taste Urban Retreat Center:
1074 Folsom @ 7th St. San Francisco, CA 94103
Contact: Suzanne at 415.503.1100

Description:
The Art of Intimacy is a playground to explore your skills in relationship, a forum to learn about yourself and others. Learn what men really want, how women love to play and who we are at our deepest levels.

Create an honest connection with others. Drop your masks and choose to really be seen and in that being seen find yourself again.

"The Art of Intimacy changed my life. In one instant I saw how I love, who I am and how I can choose to connect in any given moment with another human being."

“This is the perfect event for single people who are fed up with going to bars and clubs and ending up with superficial connections.”

This is a forum designed and created by women for the enjoyment of everyone.

Both singles and couples welcome.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 5 replies

Is it so wrong...

2005-10-12T05:46:18Z

to want a man to love me like this:

Even though I'll never need her,
even though she's only giving me pain,
I'll be on my knees to feed her,
spend a day to make her smile again
Even though I'll never need her,
even though she's only giving me pain
As the world is soft around her,
leaving me with nothing to disdain.

Even though I'm not her minder,
even though she doesn't want me around,
I am on my feet to find her,
to make sure that she is safe and sound.
Even though I'm not her minder,
even though she doesn't want me around,
I am on my feet to find her,
to make sure that she is safe from harm.

The sun sets on the war,
the day breaks and everything is new...

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 33 replies

Time to say Goodbye

2005-10-10T19:50:02Z

Time to Say Goodbye

Figlio Perduto - Sarah Brightman

Time to say goodbye - Sarah Brightman &
Andrea Bocelli

Anytime, Anywhere - Sarah Brightman

- Tristan Isolt

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

love lost?

2005-10-07T17:15:03Z

What if you meet someone and it feels like they are the one, but then as you two get to know each other, you see there's fundamental personality differences that keep you both from being able to fully trust with one another? Can this be healed?

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 29 replies

Magdalene

2005-10-06T21:10:34Z

"Magdalene"

My heart is dead.
But my arms are full with the space you left behind.
You said you loved me.
But you were promiscuous with the Word.
You made your decision, yet you appeared to me afterwards,
Like a bad dream: Not a nightmare, not a dream, but someplace
In between.
Regret? Or did you just want to see the resentment in my eyes.

You uttered my name, and I responded , "Rabboni."
You'd expelled the seven devils from my heart
And replaced them with something far worse.
Faithless you should've left me.
You shall forgive, but I will never forget.

My eyes you dare not meet again, Rabonni.
The morning star never shown so bright on those you left behind.

- Tristan Isolt

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

ideal lover

2005-10-05T05:14:37Z

How do you envision your ideal lover?

- - - -

She is thoughtful and attentive. In a thousand beautiful ways she reminds me that I am her love. . . .

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 56 replies

How do you know when you're in love?

2005-10-05T01:19:52Z

When does attraction shift into infatuation, when does a crush blossom into full blown LOVE?

When do you know it's gone over into truly, madly, deeply . . .

For me, it's a feeling . . . impossible to capture in words....

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 39 replies

Love for GOD

2005-09-28T20:48:50Z

its very discouraging place, the material world.beyond this material world ,beyond this physical dimension, beyond this mundane space, time, inaccessible to our limited senses and mind there is the personal abode of Lord Sri Krsna.
In this exclusive spiritual path untouched by the miseries of material world pure soul engage in loving devotional service to Sri krsna

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

a2

2005-09-23T07:14:55Z

surrender
and now I'm here
it feels different
and so clear
all my fear
disappeared
this eternal blackness
creation
re-appeared

my love in this world
my one true love
this world shows me
how blessed I am
to be
to see everything
every experience
every moment

so fucking beautiful

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 0 replies

feel my love~

2005-09-21T21:24:14Z

for those of you who know me, the following is from my heart and it's for someone special I met at burning man! I don't know what the future holds for us, but I want to put my feelings in words, and share it with all of you here, bliss and love~

***Feel my love*****

It breaks my heart to feel how grateful you are to receive the sprinkles of love I offered you when we first met, to feel how starved you are of being deeply loved with no condition and doing. I want you to know that you are loved, when you merely present yourself and allow all of you to be witnessed, whether it's your pain, your wisdom, your hair, you wounded heart, your sweaty body, they are accepted here, all of it. And they are loved and cherished because these are the parts of you that are unique and alive. I want you to know that my love is offered freely to your open heart. It doesn't seek commitment or promise, my heart flows with love for you, and your presence alone inspires that love, nothing extra or added is necessary to create that love.

When I express my sexual thought to you, I want you to know that you bring up these feelings in me, and I share them with you out of enthusiasm, because I feel blessed that you arouse these rare feelings in me. To desire a man is a gift, a bliss, to care for a man and feel that deep love flowing and glowing makes me feel alive, it makes me feel connected to being a woman. I can feel all of my chakras and a deep gentle shuddering in my heart, as it contracts, responding to that rare fuzzy feeling. Who would have guessed that my heart is capable of loving a man that deeply?

My heart is filled with love for you, at this moment, and I look forward to learning with you, being with you, growing with you, and loving you, and being loved by you. I know one of these days we'll grow apart, perhaps out of live situation, perhaps by our own choice; and that's okay because your love changed me, it healed me and make me a happier and stronger person. And hopefully my love would have changed you and helped you grow and heal as well.

Forever is not the assumption when I am with you, because I am not seeking you out for the sake of you providing for me for the rest of my life, like my ancestor mother might have hoped from her own man. I am here to share my life with you, whether it's one week, one month, or a year. I have no attachment on how long it should be, or the assumption that it should be the rest of our lives. Because whatever happens, I am confident it's right, I will trust it's what's suppose to be shared between us. And I know the moments we share will be beautiful, because you touch my heart in a way that no one else has in a while. I want to enjoy the way it flies and sings when you are near, when I am thinking of you.

I need to know that you understand this is how I feel, that I love you means simply, that my heart is overflowing with deep care and tenderness when I see you. It doesn't mean I expect or assume we will be together for a specific length of time, or that we need to force the relationship any other way than what is suppose to be. I love you, and I want you to know that.

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 7 replies

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

2005-09-21T02:13:40Z

I been workin' on the next bender piece, but I found meself a little bit blocked, and then I got one of these "what wouldja do te me if..." posts on myspace and had to respond te that. I be puttin' it here fer yer readin' enjoyment:

You had to ask...
...on International Talk Like A Pirate day. I didn't _want_ to go for creepy, but you really give me no choice.

Well, little missy, first I'd be checkin' ya out te be sure you were fit and yar and ready to go. I'd start at yer bow and bring yer jib down ever so slowly. I'd be callin' the pipes, and the boys'd be lettin' out the lines.

About then. we'd drop the sea anchor te slow things down a bit. You'd still be catchin' some wind, but you'd straighten out a bit.

Then we'd be droppin' the mizzen. I'd have to climb the nets to check the sail and the fittings as they were exposed. I'd have me can of polish up there and work every stop and pully until it was shiny as me glass eye, and moved as ready.

Next would be the mainsil. Normally, ya drop the mainsil first, but call me a romantic. I'd go up te the crow's nest to be sure the main mast was straight and hard and ready to do its job behind that mainsil. I'd probably slap it a few times just to wake it up and knock it into shape. Then as the boys lowered the mainsil, I'd make them look away, as I didn't become a pirate to entertain young boys (well, maybe at first, but I got over that).

When it was far enough down that it would take care of itself, I'd send the boys off to weigh the main anchor. It wouldn't do to be driftin' all over Neptune's back yard with
no good direction.

Then I'd go where the mainmast thrusts down into the deck and check the supports and fittings there. I'd slather gobs of hot tar onto that crucial joint to be sure it could move how it had to, but wouldn't leak all over the place or start slantin'

After that, I'd go down to the hold to check the cargo. A lot of old salts stay away from the hold, but ya know what I say, ain't nothin down there gonna hurt ya, just watch out for the rats. So I'd be down there unwrapping the cargo, checking it out, and then stuffin' it where it belongs within an inch of its life. Ya gotta use a lotta tar down in the hold. It gets leaky down there, and if ya don't take care of everything and pat it down good, ya end up with wet rot, dry rot, or worse... splinters.

So then after I was done with that, I'd go up on deck for a smoke, and maybe a shot of grog, and I'd let the boys stop tending the anchor so they could finish up fer me.

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day,

posted in ** Art Of Loving ** - 1 reply

** Art Of Loving **'s topics - tribe.net

Meet single bikers for dating

Harbin car pool?

Incest -

"The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm

Incest 2

would love to find faux family

cheating brother in-law

Sleepysex

Swinging? Threesome? HELP!

-=Marriage=-

Channel G!

RESOLVE EMOTIONAL CONTRETEMPS FROM POLY LOVE-INS by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D.

WAND WORK FOR EMOTIONAL DEPTH, EJACULATORY CONTROL by Sasha Lessin,

SACRED MATRIX by Deiter Duhm, founder, Poly Zegg Communities

Desire is not the Problem, Dualistic Identity Is

Rainbowheart

The Last thing someone did to make you feel Truely Loved..

The Return of Desire

How do you listen to a sexual assault survivor?

I need a hug....

What is love?2

Justin Hermin Plaza April 9th SFWorlds Biggest Water Balloon Celebration

U.S. RECOGNIZES TANTRA LEGALLY AS AN OFFICIAL RELIGION

Is there a moderator of this tribe?

TRAPPED - That's what I am

URGENT! PLEASE HELP TIBET! SIGN THIS PETITION!

Love...............

Lifestyle/Swinging info

TANTRA SOUTH PACIFIC

MORE PICTURES ARE UP!!! GO LOOK EVERYONE!!! MORE TO COME STILL OF COURSE!!! =D

MORE PICTURES ARE UP!!! GO LOOK EVERYONE!!! MORE TO COME STILL OF COURSE!!! =D

Me-Porn

2007 Chicago Daka/Dakini Conference and Seminar

My Men Will Do What You Tell Them!

UNITED (STATES) a 7/27 fundraiser RhythmWave, a conscious dance camp at Burning Man

Please come and join the new Poly-Couplery tribe!

My Book Finally Arrived!

Women, What Really Gets Your Goat about Men in Relationships

Because we need something new on the top of the list.

An intro to "the orrior way"==a vision whose time has come; "orrior" not "warrior"

On Starlight and Fire

a single glimpse

Gourmet LIVE vegan cuisine

From The Prophet...

Why is there so much...Trouble connecting

Read this three times a day for a month - it may change your life (repost)

Good. evil...LOVE

sincere request and plee

Upcoming Sensual Events at One Taste

Feeling love in dreams

LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TEACH ME

Upcoming Events at One Taste

a continual round writing..

Expand your Sensual Self at One Taste

Upcoming events with Steve & Lokita Carter

Upcoming Sensuality Courses at One Taste

10 Women Want you to know

Shiva Pleasure Temple

Art of Intimacy at One Taste: A new way to connect

What the bleep do we know?

A MODEL FOR POLYS TO GO APE by Janet Kira Lessin and Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. Worldpolyamory@aol.com

La Dolce Vita

happy V-day

If you could not say those 3 little words..

where is love?

Sensual Communication Course at One taste

The Gift of Presence

Happy New Year

clearing

HARBIN NEW YEARS DANCE FESTIVAL--12/27-1/2

The Definition of Love

where is real love?

Honesty...

spirituality

Can there be only One Love?

SF TantraFest coming up! Who is planning to attend this amazing BENEFIT?

What is the point?

Just need some hugs...

I'm new

Art Of Loving 's topics - tribe.net