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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 4:35 PMto be loved!
at least I think so. No question for me.
how about you?
it's especially nice when people who love you also admire you sometimes. -
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 5:05 PMI agree with SV ... it is emphatically better to be loved. The reason for me is because love implies unconditional ... admiration implies conditional ... at least for me.
For instance, if someone loves you, they love you. Someone can admire you because you are extremely pretty ... but if you have a car accident and ruin your face, the admiration is or could go by the wayside. The love will never leave and it doesn't matter what you look like. -
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 5:41 PMto be loved. and to love.
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 5:44 PMi take issue with the question because i think it's is kinda vague and tends to bring out our assumptions (sorry, endless hasn't had a chance to respond... hi endless!)
1. do you mean would *i* prefer to be loved or admired or are we talking about a general rule for all people (living & dead?)
2. who is DOING the loving or admiring?
3. why does one preclude the other?
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 6:01 PMI can't tell you how you should or shouldn't take things .... but I took it as a straight question and gave what I thought was a straight answer. There are variables that could change my answer, though. -
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Re: Which is Better?
Fri, December 1, 2006 - 10:52 AM<There are variables that could change my answer, though.>
well for one, i never assume that "love" means unconditional--even people who know you can have conditional love. -
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Re: Which is Better?
Fri, December 1, 2006 - 11:01 AMtrue, love does not necessarily (or even usually) mean unconditional.
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Re: Which is Better?
Fri, December 1, 2006 - 11:45 AMFor me, if it's conditional on any level, it's not love. Just because a person loves me doesn't mean they love everything about me. It just means that the things they don't love about me doesn't change their love for me. They may not be able to live with me, but that's okay, too. -
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Re: Which is Better?
Fri, December 1, 2006 - 12:08 PM<For me, if it's conditional on any level, it's not love.>
that's part of the problem i see with english. the greeks have more than one word for love:
Στοργε - storge refers to the natural affection parents have for their children
ερος - eros is romantic love
φιλια - filia is friendship
αγαπε - agape is unconditional love
i think you'll agree that the love you have for your partner is not the same as for (platonic) friends, family or (wo)mankind. would you also agree that there are possibly types of love that are twisted/unhealthy? -
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Re: Which is Better?
Fri, December 1, 2006 - 12:31 PMIn English, there are more than one word for things that mean love or similar feelings ... for instance, adore. I can adore anyone .. until I find out that they use sheep for sexual partners or they are serial murderers. Adoration over ...
If I love them, though ... I may not like them using sheep or killing people .... I may not be able to live with them or even talk to them anymore ... but the love will always be there as they can change their ways.
I agree that an SO requires love on a different level than a parent, friend or complete stranger. There are sick, twisted and unhealthy loves, too ... at least IMO. I'm sure Osama Bin Laden's parents love him .. even if they don't condone what he has done or is accused of ...
I'm just saying that before I tell someone that I love them, I have to decide if I'll love them for the rest of my life or not. If the answer is no, I won't tell them that. I can tell people all day every day that I admire or adore or care about them. It will be true when I say it ... but could change in the future. -
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Re: Which is Better?
Fri, December 1, 2006 - 1:30 PMthis scenario can be (of course) construed for each individual. for me, the relativity of love or admiration would determine which is better. in the workplace, being admired is better. at home, being loved is. but either sentiment is acceptable only when the desired result is that which you seek. to be admired by one you love has it's upside only if that one loves you back, but to be loved by one you simply admire can be a sticky situation.
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 7:44 PMyou're so cute when you get all intense about details.
what is your first instinct...if I say would you prefer that I loved you? or that I admired you? -
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Re: Which is Better?
Fri, December 1, 2006 - 10:59 AM<you're so cute when you get all intense about details.>
heh, you have thought i was REALLY "cute" when i was a boy... it was charming till it got to be tiring (i'm sure you've experienced a little bit of that with your boys--they seem to have the aptitude for it.)
<what is your first instinct...if I say would you prefer that I loved you? or that I admired you?>
i'd want both. i have people in my life who i love, but don't admire (i struggle with thinking lowly of them) i try to be slightly hippocratic with them "first, do no harm..." i don't like the thought of being that person in someone else's life.
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 7:36 PMdefinitely to be loved.
being admired can be a wonderful validating thing, but really, there is an emptiness about it, something that really can be missing. because admiration, to be experienced, requires a level of vanity and ego. and that tires me out. because i was the public face for an activist organization for five years, i've gotten a lot of admiration over the years, not all of it deserved, but some of it i accept. but i think i've had enough admiration to last a lifetime.
being loved, on the other hand, is rare, and it actually feeds me, making me happier, more content... being loved just rocks. i'll take as much of that as i can get. -
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 7:48 PMyeah admired is usually surface...unless it's admired by someone who knows and loves you. I think there are layers of admiration. Like people admire someone from afar...or you admire someone you really know and have seen in many of thier different facets.
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Re: Which is Better?
Thu, November 30, 2006 - 9:21 PMdefinitely loved... when I'm admired by someone who loves me/knows me it means something to me - I am acknowledge it, but the love part is by far more important. When I'm admired by someone who I don't have a personal relationship.... well, it makes me feel kinda awkward.
