Bay Area Polyamory's topics - tribe.net

Seeking Poly/Poly Friendly Housemate(s) on Peninsula

Aquadextrous — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:49:15 GMT

I am wanting to live with someone (or two, three...) people who are poly or poly friendly. If you have a room for rent, then I'm interested. If you want to search for a place with me, I'm interested in that too.

I'm a 48-year-old female. I've done HAI workshops as well as Landmark Education. Clear communication and mutual respect of boundaries are important to me. I'm conscientious, considerate, easy going, sometimes gregarious and fun, other times I retreat to my bedroom for breathing room. I like to have small dinner parties and plan to have cuddle parties.

I want to live in a place that's kept clean and tidy. I eat healthy and like vegetarian but I eat meat too. It would be in line with my values that the household share a commitment to recycling and conservation.

I'm looking to make this happen fast. Please pass this on to anyone you think may be interested. If you would like to suggest other places for me to post this, I welcome your suggestions.

Thank you,
Janet

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

How do you know you're poly?

Dan — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:41:37 GMT

Did you wake up one morning, greet the sunshine, and realize that you're polyamorous? Or is it an identity that took time?

I know, that's rhetorical, but the question of how someone knows they're poly is an ongoing discussion and one I find quite fascinating. For some, knowing that you'll have more than one lover is their definition, and once they get clarity on that they declare themselves as poly.

For others, it means a primary sexual partner but a knowledge that they can love and spend time with others, but sex isn't necessary or desired; and still, "poly" is how they describe it.

Regardless of how you define it, if you're regard yourself as poly I'd be curious to know how you arrived. I'm still asking the question because I still don't know. Some regard me as poly. Others not. (And it's always interesting to hear those differing interpretations!)

Polycurious

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 2 replies

East Bay Poly Discussion Group, Tuesday August 26

Barry — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 19:06:26 GMT

East Bay Poly Potluck and House Weirdness co-sponsor a poly relationship discussion group on the fourth Tuesday of every month. This month it's on August 26 in San Leandro. Doors open at 6:45, discussion begins at 7:15. Please arrive on time.

What's going on with you in your poly life? We can all learn from each other. This is a place to talk about it, both from the head and the heart. It's more of a moderated discussion than a lecture, though we have discussion topics to help keep things focused.

Like our East Bay Poly Potlucks, we ask that you RSVP in advance, including the names of all guests. It's held in a private home, and that way we know who's coming; it's a safety and no-surprises thing. Send your RSVPs to discussiongroup@ebpp.org.

East Bay Poly Potluck emails a monthly bulletin with ebpp events, other events, and the proverbial sundry miscellany. It's sent out about the 10th of every month. When you RSVP we'll be happy to add you to the mailing list (unless of course you'd prefer not - let us know).

East Bay Poly Potluck also has a Yahoo group for discussion and announcements of interest to the East Bay poly community. If you're interested in joining, drop us an email to info@ebpp.org with a little about yourself.

And on Friday August 22 we're having a Poly & Friends dinner at Hana Japan in Berkeley, a fun teppan reataurant where they cook for you at the table and put on a show, kind of like Benihana if you're familiar with them. See www.hanajapan.com for more on them. Our excuse is Barry's birthday (8/25), Cathy's birthday (8/20), and their anniversary (8/22). Your own excuses are welcome as well, come and join us. For more on this, email us at info@ebpp.org. Please let us know in advance so we can set up the reservation.

Cathy & Barry

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

I'm considering teaching another First Responder class

Jay — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:50:40 GMT

Hi all,

Well, it's been a while since the last one, so I'm once again strongly considering teaching another First Responder class aimed especially and the BDSM and poly communities.

As some of you know, this is a class in very advanced emergency medical care, typically taking at least 50 hours to complete. I've taught it several times before and the results have always been very gratifying.

At this time, it's looking like it would start in October sometime and meet one night a week running through December. Given that I'm often teaching out of town on weekends, I'm pondering having it on Wednesday nights. There would be a fee in the low three figures for taking this class, but I never turn anyone away due to lack of funds.

So, if this sounds like something you might be interested in, please drop me a note at jaywiseman@yahoo.com

Please feel free to forward this as you think appropriate.

Cordially,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

East Bay Poly Potluck, Tuesday August 19

Barry — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:46:29 GMT

Coming up soon, the monthly East Bay Poly Potluck. Yay! This time it's on Tuesday August 19, from 7 to 9:30, at a private home in El Cerrito. Y'all come, hey?

This is a social event where poly and poly-friendly folks can hang out, chat, shmooze, and enjoy each others' company. There is no agenda as such, just a nice potluck dinner, pleasant people, and interesting conversation. We'll be featuring the usual social chit-chat and our typical lovely array of poly-friendly eatables, including main dishes, desserts, salads, vegetarian, meatitarian, you name it. Bring whatever you do best. Kids are welcome with adult supervision. There's a hot tub, bring a towel.

The tradition of this potluck is to RSVP first, including the names of all guests, then we'll send you the directions. It's held in a private home, and that way we know who's coming; it's a safety and no-surprises thing. Send your RSVPs to ebpp@ebpp.org.

Also, on August 26 the East Bay Poly Discussion Group will be in San Leandro this month. Email to discussiongroup@ebpp.org for details.

And on Friday August 22 we're having a Poly & Friends dinner at Hana Japan in Berkeley, a fun teppan reataurant where they cook for you at the table and put on a show, kind of like Benihana if you're familiar with them. See www.hanajapan.com for more on them. Our excuse is Barry's birthday (8/25), Cathy's birthday (8/20), and their anniversary (8/22). Your own excuses are welcome as well, come and join us. For more on this, email us at info@ebpp.org. Please let us know in advance so we can set up the reservation.

East Bay Poly Potluck emails a monthly bulletin with ebpp events, other events, and the proverbial sundry miscellany. It's sent out about the 10th of every month. When you RSVP we'll be happy to add you to the mailing list (unless of course you'd prefer not - let us know).

East Bay Poly Potluck also has a Yahoo group for discussion and announcements of interest to the East Bay poly community. If you're interested in joining, drop us an email to info at ebpp dot org with a little about yourself.

Hope to see you there.

Barry & Cathy

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

BDSM/poly group meets Monday, 08/11

Jay — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 01:51:00 GMT

Hi all,

The next meeting of the BDSM/poly discussion group will be this coming Monday, 08/11 at the SF Citadel. Doors open at 7:00 and discussion begins at 7:30 New discussion format. Come check it out.

$5.00 to $15.00 donation to SF Citadel requested.

RSVP to jaywiseman@yahoo.com appreciated but not required.

Next meeting: Monday, 09/08

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

July 23: Practical Nonmonogamy Workshop by Jen and Pepper

inki — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:17:17 GMT

It's the return of our practical nonmonogamy workshop! We've had a lot of fun with these, so we're doing it one more time.

Wednesday July 23rd, 8-10pm

Good Vibrations
603 Valencia Street (at 17th Street)
San Francisco

$25 if pre-registered, $30 for drop-ins

Full details here:
http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/event/Practical-Nonmonogamy-Workshop-with-Jen-and-Pepper/san-francisco-ca/2e649929-f36b-4330-b3b4-e1311fbe5690

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Help a noob out

Joe — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 06:17:37 GMT

So, my girlfriend of six years has taken a job with a theatre group in New Hampshire this summer. Earlier this week, I got an e-mail from her saying that she has a strong attraction with a guy she works with named Parker. I panic, react with "passive aggressive controlling behavior" and it turns into a very caustic argument.

Background: I've been with this girl since she was eighteen. She didn't really have any significant relationships before me, and while she made it clear that I'm the one and yadda yadda yadda, she always said that she needed some freedom to explore. I said sure, and we had this unspoken-consent thing going on between us. I've had two outside sexual encounters with her awareness and consent, one with a....uh...working girl in Amsterdam, and another with an old friend from high school who lives out of town. Both of these encounters were single night things.

What has been bothering me about this are a few separate things: 1) This guy is not just a physical fling. They live together in a dormitory-like environment, and they have a strong rapport and communication. Things haven't worked out too well for me in the last few years and she's been doing very well in her chosen profession. I'm worried that she'll "outgrow" me, take up with this guy whose in the world she wants to belong to, and leave me behind. 2) I didn't realize that I had a streak of insecurity until she asked me for this. I spent most of my formative years being the attractive person's friend, and my girlfriend is a very attractive person. I have a hard time imagining that if we got into a big poly thing, that I wouldn't be the one left behind. 3) She is very shy socially. I've signed up for the good vibrations poly classes, but she'd never want to go do something that public.

Anyway, I tried to address all these things, but I was still getting over the shock and it didn't come out too well and we got into this very nasty e-mail argument. I don't feel secure, I don't feel cared for, and I'm having a rough time with everything. I bought the stupid fucking books and I'm going to the stupid fucking lessons, but all I can do is worry about what she's doing, who she's doing it with, and what I'm gonna feel about her when she comes home.

Feedback? Ideas? Tools? Not to sound hostile, but please don't respond to simply lord over me with your enlightened, free-of-jealousy selves. I've gotten that enough from my poly friends in the area and it doesn't help.

Thanks.
j.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

East Bay Poly Discussion Group, Tuesday July 22

Barry — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:05:13 GMT

East Bay Poly Potluck and House Weirdness co-sponsor a poly relationship discussion group on the fourth Tuesday of every month. This month it's on July 22 in El Cerrito. Doors open at 6:45, discussion begins at 7:15. Please arrive on time.

What's going on with you in your poly life? We can all learn from each other. This is a place to talk about it, both from the head and the heart. It's more of a moderated discussion than a lecture, though we have discussion topics to help keep things focused.

We're trying some interesting new things as we play with the format for the evening. Come help us try new and fun stuff that is both enjoyable, and helps us come together and connect with each other. Got any ideas for this? All suggestions welcome.

Like our East Bay Poly Potlucks, we ask that you RSVP in advance, including the names of all guests. It's held in a private home, and that way we know who's coming; it's a safety and no-surprises thing. Send your RSVPs to discussiongroup@ebpp.org.

East Bay Poly Potluck emails a monthly bulletin with ebpp events, other events, and the proverbial sundry miscellany. It's sent out about the 10th of every month. When you RSVP we'll be happy to add you to the mailing list (unless of course you'd prefer not - let us know).

East Bay Poly Potluck also has a Yahoo group for discussion and announcements of interest to the East Bay poly community. If you're interested in joining, drop us an email to info at ebpp dot org with a little about yourself.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

BDSM/poly discussion group meets Monday, 07/14

Jay — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 00:24:34 GMT

Hi all,

The next meeting of the BDSM/poly discussion group will be this coming Monday, 07/14 at the SF Citadel. Doors open at 7:00 and discussion begins at 7:30 New discussion format. Come check it out.

$5.00 to $15.00 donation to SF Citadel requested.

RSVP to jaywiseman@yahoo.com appreciated but not required.

Next meeting: 08/11

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Silksheets Swing Party is Tonight, May 23rd

blackheart — Fri, 23 May 2008 13:38:27 GMT

Will we see you there? Only if you join the Silk Sheets Tribe!

Hot night. Cool drinks. Only at Edges.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 2 replies

Wanna make as many friends as possible

calman — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:21:15 GMT

Hi

I am new to this community and wanted to expand my friends network. Do you guys also meet on a regular basis?

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Monday June 16th: SF poly under 40 coffeehouse social and dinner

inki — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:40:37 GMT

Monday June 16th (every 3rd Monday)
6-8pm at the coffeehouse
8-10pm dinner at a nearby restaurant
possible clubbing afterwards

Muddy Waters Coffeehouse
521 Valencia St, between 16th and 17th
San Francisco

More info:
http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/event/SF-poly-under-40-coffeehouse-social-and-dinner/san-francisco-ca/b475afcf-20ad-4dbc-aa8e-75546f3bef30

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

HI

Henry — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:15:18 GMT

I know this has been asked before just cannot find the post . Does anyone know of a poly friendly family counsler? in northern Cali .
Henry

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 3 replies

BDSM/poly discussion group meets Monday, June 9th

Jay — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:18:32 GMT

Hi all,

The next meeting of the BDSM/poly discussion group will be this coming Monday, 05/12 at the SF Citadel. Doors open at 7:00 and discussion begins at 7:30

Special guest host this month: Noted poly presenter, workshop leader, and writer Dawn Davidson

$5.00 to $15.00 donation to SF Citadel requested.

RSVP to jaywiseman@yahoo.com appreciated but not required.

Next meeting: 07/14

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Is extramarital sex so wrong?

Alan — Wed, 28 May 2008 06:31:35 GMT

Philip Weiss wonders whether sex outside marriage is always wrong:

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article3997479.ece

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 2 replies

Jenny Block readings: "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage"

inki — Tue, 27 May 2008 04:42:51 GMT

Jenny Block has written a book that I am very excited about, a personal memoir of her journey to polyamory. It is a very different take than our usual how-to-do-poly books, and from what I have seen of her writing, it will be a fun book to read. Jenny is also an active member of polyamory community, and I know her from various online forums.

Her website:
http://www.jennyonthepage.com/

She will be in the Bay Area doing readings and signings the first week of June.

June 2nd, 7:30 pm
Center for Sex and Culture, SF
1519 Mission near 11th St
Donation requested

June 3rd, 6:00 pm
Book Passage, SF
1 Ferry Building, #42

June 4th, 7:00 pm
Cody's Books, Berkeley
2201 Shattuck Avenue

Description (from Jenny's website):

Sex is on everyone’s minds—we’re talking about it, thinking about it, watching television programs and movies about it, reading about it, and writing about it. Open is a book about sex. It’s about sex within the confines of an open marriage.

It’s about the many ups and downs Jenny Block has had as well as the consequences and lessons she’s learned from having made the decision to open her marriage. A decision that that just may have saved the marriage that she was struggling sexually to survive in. Block explores the nature of the open relationship, why it works for her, why it makes sense for her and her husband, and why it makes so many people uncomfortable.

This is not a memoir of cheating and regret, nor is it a glorification or cure-all. It’s a frank discussion of a practice that’s more common and popular than most people are willing to acknowledge. Open also touches upon swinging (which Block doesn’t do), polyamory (she is currently in a polyamorous situation with her existing relationships), and the various ways in which open marriage works for different couples.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Any nice poly girl in SF wana have a drink tonight

John A. Wilson — Mon, 12 May 2008 23:29:20 GMT

If so, send me a message directly, as it will appear in e-mail, don't check tribe all day.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

BDSM/poly discussion group meets Monday night

Jay — Sun, 11 May 2008 16:56:17 GMT

Hi all,

The next meeting of the BDSM/poly discussion group
will be this coming Monday, 05/12 at the SF Citadel.
Doors open at 7:00 and discussion begins at 7:30

This month's group will discuss "time management and needs management." How to balance out scheduling.

$5.00 to $15.00 donation to SF Citadel requested.

RSVP to jaywiseman@yahoo.com appreciated but not
required.

Next meeting: 06/09

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Monday Jan 21st: SF poly under 40 coffeehouse social

inki — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 21:54:15 GMT

Monday Jan 21st (every 3rd Monday)
(This one is Martin Luther King Jr. Day.)
6-7:30pm, dinner and possible clubbing afterwards

Muddy Waters Coffeehouse
521 Valencia St, between 16th and 17th
San Francisco

** In February we are going to start an all-ages coffeehouse social on the 1st Wednesday, with a similar format. The first one will be Feb. 6th. **

Jen, Pepper, and whomever they can pull in will be chatting, socializing, and generally getting up to wacky hijinks at the Muddy Waters coffeehouse next Monday. This is not a discussion or activism group, but rather just a regular social gathering - we will repeat this event the 3rd Monday of every month. We welcome poly and nonmonogamous people (new, curious, or experienced) under 40 years of age. Feel free to arrive late or just stop by briefly.

We will probably be in the back area of Muddy Waters - go around the counter to find us. Our table will have a bondage teddy bear on it. There may not be seating for everyone if a large crowd shows, but we'll prioritize those who need it more. We ask that people buy something small at Muddy, if you have the funds, so they don't kick us out.

Some of us will be going out to dinner afterwards, at a place to be negotiated while at the coffeehouse. You are welcome to show at the coffeehouse at any point between 6 and 7:30 pm. If you arrive later and wish to join us for dinner, call Pepper at 415 305 8766.

After dinner, there may be an outing to the Death Guild goth dance club (www.deathguild.com/) depending on interest.

To arrive by public transport, take the BART to the 16th St station in San Francisco, walk one block west along 16th to Valencia and take a left. To arrive by car, if you are having trouble parking, try the area at Mission and 14th or 15th. Do not leave anything valuable and visible in your car. Do not park in the center turn lane of Valencia - you will likely be ticketed.

The next under-40 coffeehouse social will be Feb 18th, which is also President's day. It will be happening right after TNG Con 4 (www.tngcon.org), which the kinky and under-35 among you should take a look at.

Apologies to the 40-and-over crowd. We are holding an age-limited event because the under-40 crowd has been unable to establish a strong presence at any of the current poly social venues in the area. Also, check out the all-ages version of this event that happens on the 1st Monday of each month.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 8 replies

Silk Sheets Swing Party May 23rd

blackheart — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 04:37:44 GMT

Everyone is invited to attend our first Silk Sheets swing party at Edges, May 23rd from 8pm-1am. The fabulous Karen (FemCar to some) will be the party host. Enjoy good food, cool drinks, and space to play. Must be an Edges member or a Silk Sheets tribe member to attend.

http://tribes.tribe.net/silksheets

Props to Ann for providing a place to let folks know about the event.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Short men

kahuna Lamaku — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 22:07:16 GMT

Hi all. I'm new to the group. I have a question for the women. Being just under 5'0", I often feel invisible. More than half of my friends are women but, none have been attracted to me. I had my chances in High School but, blew them as I was not ready. Besides the fact that I'm devoted to Huna, I think I'm pretty normal otherwise. Is there a prejudice out there against short men? Every singles ad I see asks to meet a tall man. Almost every short woman I've ever seen has a very tall boyfriend. Should I sell all my stuff and move to Thailand? (I can hear the sarcastic comments that want to be posted already) Thanks. You seem like a nice bunch of people. Sincerely, kahuna Lamaku.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 5 replies

Weirdness Events list (home of the Poly Pool Party) moves to Google Groups

dawndsquirrel — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:06:15 GMT

Hi folks:

For those who might not know, Akien and I run a private list for announcing our Poly Pool Parties (PPPs) and other events that we host here and/or are involved in putting on, mostly. In general these events are local to the SF Bay Area, but sometimes we announce things that we're doing elsewhere in the country. It's a very occasional and relatively low-traffic list.

We've been experiencing difficulties with our Weirdness Events e-mail list again. To deal with this, and to get out of the business of hosting our own server, Akien has created a new group on GoogleGroups, which will be replacing the old Weirdness Events list. People who were on the old list have been sent a message. If you were on the list before, in theory you should have gotten it already. But whether or not you were on the old list, or got that message, you are welcome to join the list now:
http://groups.google.com/group/weirdness-events/subscribe

Current plan is to have the next Poly Pool Party in early May. More details will be announced via the new list (possibly also the old list this time, too, just to make sure that everyone knows about the change).

Thanks, and we hope to see some of you at our place again soon!

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Poly Relationship Discussion Group, 4/22, San Leandro

annann — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 08:54:47 GMT

East Bay Poly Potluck and House Weirdness co-sponsor a poly
relationship discussion group on the fourth Tuesday of every month
7-9:30 pm. This month it's on April 22 in San Leandro.

What's going on with you in your poly life? We can all learn from
each other. This is a place to talk about it, both from the head and
the heart. It's more of a moderated discussion than a lecture,
though we have discussion topics to help keep things focused.

Like our East Bay Poly Potlucks, we ask that you RSVP in advance,
including the names of all guests. It's held in a private home, and
that way we know who's coming; it's a safety and no-surprises
thing. Send your RSVPs to discussiongroup@ebpp.org.

East Bay Poly Potluck emails a monthly bulletin with ebpp events,
other events, and the proverbial sundry miscellany. It's sent out
about the 10th of every month. When you RSVP we'll be happy to add
you to the mailing list (unless of course you'd prefer not - let us know).

East Bay Poly Potluck also has a Yahoo group for discussion and
announcements of interest to the East Bay poly community. If you're
interested in joining, drop us an email to info at ebpp dot org with
a little about yourself.

Cathy & Barry

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

return to matriarchal values

Somaadi — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 14:52:10 GMT

unless there is a '' critical mass '' of both males and females willed and ready to give up the old paradigm / patriarchal patterns and accept the new influx of energies , there cannot be a real change manifested on Mother Earth . it is especially difficult for the male ego to step back and give up the '' control and domination '' games it plays on various levels , in relationships , politics , social structures etc ...... it's hard because what happens is that the influx of new feminine energies is asking for a SURRENDER to the Will OF THE MOTHER GODDESS ( balancing the left and right sides of the brain , while giving priority to intuition and feelings --- the Heart Chakra ---- means that Female Beings will be this time Initiators and Teachers ). of course Polyamory must / will be essential in this new forms of Spirituality , as family structures as prevalent in the collapsing patriarchies are outdated and become more meaningless . we most start on small level by forming communities and living these values

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

BDSM/poly discussion group meets Monday, 04/14

Jay — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 00:10:40 GMT

Hi all,

The next meeting of the BDSM/poly discussion group will be this coming Monday, 04/14 at the SF Citadel. Doors open at 7:00 and discussion begins at 7:30

This month's group will feature "the fishbowl game" -- a safe and fun group process that is always entertaining and insightful. If you've never played before, come and learn. If you're familiar with the game, come and enjoy.

$5.00 to $15.00 donation to SF Citadel requested.

RSVP to jaywiseman@yahoo.com appreciated but not required.

Next meeting 05/12

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

How Long Shoud You Be Together Before You Have A "Holidate"?

Alan — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 04:10:54 GMT

http://jezebel.com/376991/how-long-shoud-you-be-together-before-you-have-a-holidate

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

NY Times article: The fantasy of faithfulness

Jay — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:29:21 GMT

Hi all,

Interesting article, eh?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/18/science/18angi.html?no_interstitial

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

No BDSM/poly discussion group in March

Jay — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:40:25 GMT

Hi all,

Well, drat. I'm going to be out of town over the weekend (Tulsa, here I come) and not back until late on Monday, so there will be no BDSM/poly discussion group meeting this month. See you next month, 4/14, for more discussion of "our thing."

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Poly Discussion Group, 2/26, San Leandro

annann — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:35:56 GMT

Hi Everyone,

I've been to this discussion group a few times and I highly recommend it. It's wonderful to be able to talk about what's going on in your poly life and to listen to other people talk about their life.

It alternates locations between San Leandro and El Cerrito. This month it is in San Leandro and next month it will be in El Cerrito.

Ann

East Bay Poly Potluck and House Weirdness co-sponsor a poly
relationship discussion group on the fourth Tuesday of every month
7-9:30 pm. This month it's on February 26 in San Leandro.

What's going on with you in your poly life? We can all learn from
each other. This is a place to talk about it, both from the head and
the heart. It's more of a moderated discussion than a lecture,
though we have discussion topics to help keep things focused.

We're trying some interesting new things as we play with the format
for the evening. Come help us try new and fun stuff that is both
enjoyable, and helps us come together and connect with each other.
Got any ideas for this? All suggestions welcome.

Like our East Bay Poly Potlucks, we ask that you RSVP in advance,
including the names of all guests. It's held in a private home, and
that way we know who's coming; it's a safety and no-surprises
thing. Send your RSVPs to discussiongroup@ebpp.org.

East Bay Poly Potluck emails a monthly bulletin with ebpp events,
other events, and the proverbial sundry miscellany. It's sent out
about the 10th of every month. When you RSVP we'll be happy to add
you to the mailing list (unless of course you'd prefer not - let us know).

East Bay Poly Potluck also has a Yahoo group for discussion and
announcements of interest to the East Bay poly community. If you're
interested in joining, drop us an email to info at ebpp dot org with
a little about yourself.

Cathy & Barry

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

East Bay Poly Potluck, Tuesday February 19

annann — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:24:28 GMT

Hi Everyone,

Barry asked me to post this notice for him.

I've been to this potluck many times over the past few years and I'll be at more in the future too. I always have a good time and meet interesting people.

Ann

East Bay Poly Potluck, Tuesday February 19

You are invited to the monthly East Bay poly potluck dinner on
Tuesday February 19, from 7 to 9:30, at a private home in El Cerrito.

This is a social event where poly and poly-friendly folks can hang
out, chat, shmooze, and enjoy each others' company. There is no
agenda as such, just a nice potluck dinner, pleasant people, and
interesting conversation.

We'll be featuring the usual social
chit-chat and perhaps the best selection of poly-friendly eatables in
the Bay Area, including main dishes, desserts, salads, vegetarian,
meatitarian, you name it. Feel free to bring whatever you do
best. Okay, we're biased, but it's generally a pretty good
spread. Kids are welcome with adult supervision.

We're trying some interesting new things as we play with the format
for the evening. Come help us try new and fun stuff that is both
enjoyable, and helps us come together and connect with each other.
Got any ideas for this? All suggestions welcome.

The tradition of this potluck is to RSVP first, including the names
of all guests, then we'll send you the directions. It's held in a
private home, and that way we know who's coming; it's a safety and
no-surprises thing. Send your RSVPs to ebpp@ebpp.org.

East Bay Poly Potluck emails a monthly bulletin with ebpp events,
other events, and the proverbial sundry miscellany. It's sent out
about the 10th of every month. When you RSVP we'll be happy to add
you to the mailing list (unless of course you'd prefer not - let us know).

East Bay Poly Potluck also has a Yahoo group for discussion and
announcements of interest to the East Bay poly community. If you're
interested in joining, drop us an email to info@ebpp.org with
a little about yourself.

Hope to see you there.

Barry & Cathy

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

BDSM/poly discussion group, Monday, 02/11

Jay — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 22:51:43 GMT

Hi all,

The BDSM/poly discussion group will hold its next meeting this coming Monday, 02/11. (We meet on the second Monday of each month.) As usual, it will be at SF Citadel (www.sfcitadel.org). Doors open at seven and discussion begins at 7:30, running till about 9:30 to 10:00. Requested donation is $5.00 to $15.00 per person. Newcomers welcome.

This month's topic: "I learned about poly from that."

All of us who have journeyed into polyamory have had our "learning experiences" -- ranging from nasty to poignant to inspirational to hilarious. Come listen to what other people have learned from experience and, if you like, share some of your own experiences. (If you like, you can also email them to me at the address below to be read aloud at the meeting. Anonymity will be scrupulously respected upon request.) What have you learned from experience about negotiating agreements, communicating effectively, dealing with upsets, managing logistical matters, and just plain coping with it all?

RSVP appreciated but not required to jaywiseman@yahoo.com.

Next meeting scheduled for Monday, 03/10.

This may be forwarded as you feel appropriate.

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

A name for it

Jay — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:48:22 GMT

Many years ago, a friend of mine coined a term for the on-going "dwama" associated with the BDSM community. He titled it, "As The Whip Turns." I hereby nominate, to serve a similar function in the poly community, "All My Partners."

In our latest episode, Jody told Tim that she felt that Bill was not respecting her boundaries but Susie told Jamie that Tim and Jody were actually in NRE with Patti. Meanwhile. Brad and Betty decided to become secondaries, but Helen felt that Betty hadn't properly told Brad about the time that Helen and Shirley...

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 2 replies

Polyamorous films on the Playa

Jeff — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 09:51:33 GMT

Those of you that are "burners", I have created a new event for your enjoyment next year at Burning Man. It involves magic, fun, creativity, and a camera.
Check out the site for details...
www.jeffdeveraux.com/pfc

If you have any suggestions, let me know.

Ciao

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Poly Kinky Mom's Group

Duracell — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:27:28 GMT

To all the local Mommies out there

I wanted to find out if there was any interest in having a Poly/Kinky Mom's Group. I currently attend a Moms group and find it very helpful and though it might be even better if we make one specific to poly/Kinky Moms. I am happy to host at my home in Oakland and for us to share and learn together as we grow in motherhood. Please let me know what you think.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 4 replies

BDSM/poly discussion group, Monday 01/14

Jay — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 02:11:53 GMT

Hi all,

The BDSM/poly discussion group will hold its next meeting this coming Monday, 01/14. (We meet on the second Monday of each month.) As usual, it will be at SF Citadel. Doors open at seven and discussion begins at 7:30. Requested donation is $5.00 to $15.00 per person. Newcomers welcome.

This month, law school professor Jay Wiseman (Hey, that's me!) will be holding forth on "legal paperwork for alternative relationships." Come learn what's up regarding wills, advance health care directives, powers of attorney, and suchlike. People in alternative relationships frequently find themselves totally cut off from their loved one by the "real" family when a hospitalization or other serious matter occurs. Don't let this tragedy happen to you. Blank forms will be distributed.

RSVP appreciated but not required to jaywiseman@yahoo.com.

Next meeting scheduled for Monday, 02/11.

This may be forwarded as you feel appropriate.

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Lifestyle and swinging info

Felip94608 — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 21:47:09 GMT

What is Swinging?

Swinging is a form of recreational social sex between consenting adults, most commonly consisting of male/female couples meeting other male/female couples for sex and/or ongoing intimate friendships. Contrary to popular belief, couples that are involved in the swinging lifestyle are usually in it more for the friendship with other couples rather than the sex involved. Hence, the expression used in the lifestyle: "friends with benefits".

Swinging (otherwise known as "the lifestyle") can take a variety of different forms. Although single women are generally welcome at swinging events, the degree to which single men are accepted is very limited if at all. Although female bisexuality is generally accepted in the swinging community, the degree to which male bisexuality is accepted also very limited. Swing clubs can be "on-premises" (which means that one may interact sexually with others at that event) or "off-premises" (which means that one would generally go back to the home or hotel room of other couples for sex, after deciding to do so at the event).

Newspapers and magazines, which carry personal ads for swingers, also exist, and to a slightly lesser degree these publications may also be considered an aspect of "the lifestyle." Swingers have traditionally been largely middle to upper class and tend to blend in quite easily with the general population in terms of appearance and ideology.
What Might I Like About Swinging?

People may be attracted to the swinging community for a variety of different reasons. Many couples find the thought of having sex with other people to be very arousing, and may find that swinging becomes a catalyst for improving their sex lives and relationship. Some people may feel stifled by repressive societal attitudes towards sexuality, and may welcome the opportunity to form friendships and a new social network with people of like mind.

Others may simply feel that sex should be a natural possibility in any friendship in which there is mutual attraction, and so appreciate the relative open-mindedness and pleasure-positively with which the swinging community views this subject. Although the swinging community is unfortunately not always the best place right now for het-identified men to explore their potential bisexuality, it is currently a relatively good place for het-identified women to initially explore sex with other women, and this sometimes plays a role in couples choosing to seek it out. In the past, the swinging community has been somewhat unaware of or confused by alternative sexual practices such as BDSM or Tantra. This appears to be changing, and these days you may find many folks in the swinging community who are knowledgeable about such things (though forms of BDSM much more extreme than spanking or very light bondage may make people uncomfortable, depending on the club).

If you're interested in doing so and spend enough time meeting different people, you may actually find that today's swinging community is becoming a somewhat fertile place to meet folks with a variety of sexual interests. It is certainly true right now that the national swinging conventions tend to host seminars and workshops on a variety of sexual topics, which seems at least somewhat indicative of broadening perspectives in the community.

Some women may find the swinging community to be a welcome dose of sanity. Our culture can be quite cruel to women who have an active interest in sex, often derisively labeling them "sluts" - a term which stands in sharp contrast to the less derogatory term for men, "studs". The swinging community may be especially attractive to these women, who may feel their sex drives and/or sexual assertiveness should be appreciated rather than snickered about or reviled.

Some people end up learning quite a bit about themselves and their sexualities through swinging. For example, most folks find that having their partner actively enjoy and appreciate what they are experiencing during sex to be a tremendous turn-on; this is a realization which may stand in sharp contrast to the attitude that "performance" is all-important. Swinging can be an opportunity to learn to relax and appreciate sexual pleasure, and may help one view sex more as a source of pleasure and intimacy and less as a social bargaining chip or ego fuel.
What Might I Dislike About Swinging?

If you are uncomfortable with people being sexually attracted to you and/or flirting with you, then you might be uncomfortable at swinging events; similarly, if your relationship with your partner is on shaky ground, you might find seeing him or her flirt or be flirted with to be an uncomfortable experience. If either of you have hidden agendas concerning finding a permanent "replacement" for each other, you're probably in for a major emotional disaster. If you and your partner cannot communicate directly about relationships and sex, you're probably eventually in for a similarly sized disaster. In general, sex can provoke strong feelings along with its many pleasures; if you aren't comfortable dealing with emotions, then perhaps it might be better to wait a little while before exploring "the lifestyle." If you are a single male, you might actually be better off waiting until you are in a suitable relationship with a female before attempting to become active in swinging - most swing clubs allow very few if any single men to attend their events.
General Hints for Enjoyable Swinging

In the context of swinging, "couples" need not be married. They should, however, have at least a little history together and familiarity with each others' emotional needs, and be comfortable approaching others as a "couple." The general rule of thumb is that swinging works best when couples view swinging as an enhancement to their existing sexual relationship, rather than as a replacement for a failing one.

As one would expect, good communication is critical in any attempt at swinging as a couple. There are many, many different forms that swinging may take, and whichever one you choose is fine as long as you and your partner are clear about what you are doing and why. Sex has the potential to be an emotionally-charged area, and the pleasures that may be found in swinging can generally be reached only when both partners are sensitive to each others' needs, and put their partner's comfort first. From a more pragmatic point of view, there will always be another party, another personal ad, another dance, another convention; there may not be another chance to salvage an exploration into swinging if one partner becomes overwhelmed in "the garden of delights" and forgets to treat his or her primary partner with sensitivity and respect.

It's important to keep in mind that swinging is primarily a SOCIAL activity. The ordinary social customs of meeting people and initiating a conversation are really not that different than at any other type of social gathering, and the process by which acquaintances become close friends is not that different either. The key social traits that tend to be appreciated in the swinging community are responsibility, friendliness, flirtatiousness, open-mindedness, and most importantly stability with regard to one's primary relationship.

As is the case with almost all human social endeavors, if you already know people in a particular community you'll probably be happier if you attend your first few events with these people so they can introduce you to others. Waiting a little while and watching how others behave is also a good idea, as it is in almost any new social situation. Common courtesy, of course, is as welcome in the swinging community as it is in any other community; we're all just people, after all.

There are several different styles of swinging which you may see in the swinging community. Some people may prefer not to be around when their partner is having sex with someone else ("closed swinging"), while others may insist on it ("open swinging"). The term "soft swinging" refers to trading partners just for the purposes of heavy petting and then switching back to one's primary partner for any actual sex. It might be valuable for you to think about whether there are any potential situations that you feel you would be more or less comfortable in, and discuss these with your partner.

Although not all couples find it necessary to do this, some couples feel more comfortable having social "codes" that only the two of them know. Examples might be discreet phrases or gestures which mean a) one of you is attracted to the people or person he or she is talking to and wants to know if you are interested in swinging with them, b) a reply to the above, either affirmatively or negatively, and c) one of you is not having a good time and wants to get away from things for a while.

At most swingers clubs, it's common for people to dress up or else wear very sexy and risqué clothing. If there's a dress theme for a particular event, go with the theme.

By the way, it is not necessary to actually have sex with other people to have a good time in the swinging community. Activities such as dances can provide a wonderful opportunity to flirt and be flirted with in a non-threatening yet sexually charged atmosphere, which can be fun.
Dealing with Jealousy

There are many different opinions about jealousy - several of the books recommended at the end of this guide devote considerable attention to the topic.

An interesting dynamic can sometimes arise in couples new to swinging, a dynamic which has inspired the community adage that "the more enthusiastic member of a couple will get the couple into swinging, but the less enthusiastic partner will keep them there." As Carol Queen puts it in her book Exhibitionism for the Shy
"The swing community has noticed another prevalent dynamic in couples where one partner, more often than not the man, has more enthusiasm than the other. He has had terrific fantasies about freewheeling sex and plenty of it, and he finally convinces his initially reluctant partner to give swinging a try. When they get to the party, she has a great time and is high demand, while he thinks the party's a dud... Before you pack up your sexy outfit and fistful of condoms, take some time to consider and negotiate how you will deal with the chagrin of the less popular partner if such a dismaying event happens to you."

In other words, some jealousy may spring from insecurity: if I'm worried that I'm not valuable enough to keep my primary partner's interest and love, or that fewer people will be interested in playing with me than with my primary partner, I may be more apt to get jealous. For the latter case, some of these fears may be alleviated by choosing, at least initially, to only swing together as a couple; this way neither partner can be left out.

Sometimes jealousy may spring from feelings of scarcity rather than feelings of insecurity: the fear is that "there's only so much love and so much pleasure and so much intimacy to go around." With this in mind, I'd like to quote from the NASCA Guide to Swinging, "The Myth of the Scarcity of Love is the popular belief that 'love is scarce,' which encourages hoarding. Hoarding, in turn, created the very scarcity that was feared to begin with. The myth's premises are that each of us has a very limited amount of love to give, spend, or sell; that if this is divided among several people, each will get less; that love can be saved; and that in order to be valuable, true love must be exclusive."

If you enjoy good literature and want to explore this idea in more depth, take the time to read a short story by Amy Bloom entitled "Love Is Not a Pie" (published in her Come to Me: Stories collection). But just as food for thought for the time being, you might consider a question which Dr. Deborah Anapol poses in Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits: "Imagine a culture in which your partner's attraction to another signified opportunities for greater pleasure and intimacy; would jealousy occur in this context?" I honestly don't know the answer to this question, but for me swinging has been part of the inquiry.

To end this section on a more practical note, many couples find that the secrets to dealing with jealousy tend to revolve around good communication, keeping agreements, reassuring each other as to your love and commitment before and after playing with someone new, and listening to each other's emotional concerns and taking them seriously whenever they arise. If jealousy becomes an issue for you and your partner, you might try working on some or all of these things. Of Interest to Men...

By including these warnings I do not mean to imply that all or even most men would ever act like this; chances are if you're still reading this document you already have a healthy social sense and wouldn't think to misbehave in these ways. But anyway, here goes...

Attempting to hire an escort or sex worker to go to a swinging event with you, if you don't have a regular female partner, just so you can get in the door is a terribly poor idea; this is considered inappropriate at every club I have ever heard of, is generally sufficient to get you black-listed, and is a ruse that is highly likely to be noticed by others. A related concept is taking along someone who isn't really your primary partner and isn't really interested in swinging; such folks are called "tickets" (i.e. you just used them as a "ticket" to get in the door), and this practice isn't looked upon favorably either.

If you want nothing more than to see your female partner have sex with another woman, you will probably be better off forgetting about it until she brings it up; wandering around the club by yourself attempting to find a woman who wants to have sex with her, or otherwise trying to push this personal choice into happening, is considered quite unrefined and to be lacking in discrimination and sensibility.

Finally, please remember to converse with both members of a couple you and your partner are interested in, not just the partner you are interested in having sex with; ultimately it's your ability to form friendships with COUPLES which will determine the quality of your experience in the swinging community.
Using Personal Ads

In general, you will probably waste less time by placing an ad than by responding to ads. When writing your personal ad, it's important to be clear and honest about what your requirements are. You may find it helpful to first obtain a P.O. Box and a voice mail box which aren't traceable to your real name or home address; it's also a good idea to arrange the first meeting with someone new to be in a neutral and/or public place, so that if things don't seem to be going well you'll be able to leave easily and nobody new will know where you live. Ultimately, however, if you have swing clubs (whether on- or off- premises) in your area you will probably be better off meeting swingers through them than through personal ads.
Keeping Yourself and Your Partner Healthy
Introduction

Each sex-positive community in this country has had a different response to the AIDS crisis, and in the face of a very frightening disease it is hard for me to fault people for acting irrationally sometimes. However, I believe the time has come for a more intelligent, pleasure-positive, and long-term response to STDs (of all kinds) than "excluding bisexual men," "inquiring about sexual histories and hoping for the truth," "trying to reassure yourself about how few people in your community you think are infected right now," "stigmatizing anal play," etc.

Learning to use latex and water-based lube skillfully may take a little practice, and ultimately it is up to you and your partner whether you will follow some or all the precautions I'm going to describe. However, try to keep in mind some of the payoffs: increased protection from disease, increased peace of mind, increased protection against pregnancy when another form of birth control (such as the pill) fails, and greater ease in interacting with younger swingers who may have never known a time when they haven't felt it necessary to use latex.
The Basics

Put simply, the single most effective thing you can do to stay healthy when swinging is to use latex condoms for intercourse; this practice is now extremely common in the swinging community, and is often expected.

All condoms are not made alike; men should experiment with different brands until they find the one they like best. When you put on a condom, pinch its tip as you unroll it (all the way down!) to prevent an air bubble from forming in the reservoir tip. For intercourse, you should then put some water-based lube (such as I-D, ForPlay, Wet, or Astroglide) on the outside of the condom for comfort, mutual pleasure, and to keep the condom from tearing during sex.

For a while, health experts were recommending that people use condoms and water-based lubes with Nonoxynol-9 to help guard against HIV transmission; current evidence suggests that, in the real world, N-9 is not nearly as good at HIV prevention as it has proved to be at contraception. Also, many women are allergic or sensitive to N-9, and it tastes horrid. For these reasons I only purchase products without N-9, but of course the choice is yours.

It should be obvious that a new condom needs to be put on for each new partner. If you're going to switch from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, you should also put on a new condom (doing otherwise can cause vaginal infections - similarly, you shouldn't put any fingers that used to be in an anus in a vagina without first washing your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap).

Some men find that more sensation is transmitted to them if they put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of their condom before putting it on.
The History and Future of Swinging

Swinging dates back to the 1950's. Initially, personal ads were the only way to meet people in this particular lifestyle; the first organization to be open about swinging was the Sexual Freedom League (in Berkeley, California during the 1960's). Eventually, an umbrella organization called the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) was formed to promote accurate information about the lifestyle all across the country.

Currently the Internet is becoming an alternative to printed personal ads, and a variety of large swinger's conventions are being held every year. Popular conventions include "New Orleans Swing Fest", "Lifestyles", "Wind and Waves", "Campout", "Northwest Celebration", and "Visions".

My best guess as to the future is that as more people in this country begin to think of themselves as "open-minded" and "sex-positive", as our response to STDs becomes more rational, and as more people from other sex-positive communities begin to explore swinging, the swinging community will grow and begin to attract a new generation of sexually adventurous enthusiasts. I suspect that the size and influence of the annual swinging conventions will continue to grow, and also suspect that "cyber-space" alternatives to real-life swinging (involving interactive video, sound, etc.) will become increasingly popular.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Polyamory vs Swinging

ShinHee — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 15:43:06 GMT

I got a little lost and ended up in this tribe (easily disoriented--up all night). So then I got to thinking, "what's the difference between poly and swinging?" Does swinging just refer to older terminology for the same thing? So is it perhaps the progenitor to poly; or are they two separate things entirely? Poly seems a bit more politicized but is there more to it?

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 4 replies

Tribe News from Mark's Blog

annann — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 05:50:51 GMT

Tribe News from Mark's Blog

Hi everyone,

For those of you who don't check the staff's blogs I thought I'd let you know there is a news update on Mark Pincus' blog (founder and chairman of Tribe). This is the first blog post from Mark since March. He gives some info on the current staffing of Tribe and his thoughts on members paying for a monthly premium service.

You can go to his blog and let him know your thoughts about paying for Tribe.

see his blog post here: http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/template/pub%2Coc%2CDetail.vm?plugin=blog&inst=2394&topicid=696641b6-8100-4598-8328-afcaf7d83122&commentid=4587fd09-e068-4ec2-86a8-250f0bfef014#4587fd09-e068-4ec2-86a8-250f0bfef014

“as you know, tribe has been experiencing more downtime lately and we're sorry.

a lot of people have been posting and emailing with concerns about tribe. here's the quick status on tribe. tribe has been living off the cash it generates from showing adsense ads for the past 7-8 months. that has generally been enough to pay for bandwidth and two full time employees (darren and wendy) who manage the server uptime and customer support. from time to time the site has been lucky enough to get off hrs input from former developers like brian and jenni.

going forward, a lot of people have offered to pay for a premium account or make donations to support the site. if we could generate another $60-70k a year (about $5k per month) we could hire a full-time engineer to work on more serious maintenance and even new features (like a cool newsfeed like facebook has). that might require 1000 subscribers at $5 per month. i love the idea of testing this out.

if you have further thoughts email me (mark@tribe.net) and andrew trader (at@tribe.net). we may not be able to respond to everyone but will try.”

http://sanfrancisco.tribe.net/template/pub%2Coc%2CDetail.vm?plugin=blog&inst=2394&topicid=696641b6-8100-4598-8328-afcaf7d83122&commentid=4587fd09-e068-4ec2-86a8-250f0bfef014#4587fd09-e068-4ec2-86a8-250f0bfef014

I love Tribe and prefer it to all the other sites. Help Tribe and Mark by letting him know how you feel even if you do not want to pay. Let him know about any ideas you have too. I found the comments on his blog very interesting.

Thanks,

Ann

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

BDSM/poly discussion group meets Monday, 11/12

Jay — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 23:39:08 GMT

Hi all,

OK, Monday night, 11/12, is our regularly scheduled meeting of the BDSM poly discussion group. (We meet on the second Monday of each month.) As usual, it will be at SF Citadel. Doors open at seven and discussion begins at 7:30. Requested donation is $5.00 to $15.00 per person.

This month, noted poly educator Dawn Davidson (co-founder of the personal and relationship coaching resource Mandala enterprises -- www.mandalaenterprises.com) will be leading a discussion on the topic of women and polyamory. What are the particular wants, needs, benefits, and issues of women as regards polyamory? Why are so many of poly's most vocal proponents women? Come and share in an exciting discussion. All genders welcome.

Note: no poly meeting in December. Enjoy the holiday season.

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Calling All Poly, Open, Attached, and/or Unattached Boyish Girls

jennylaura — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 21:58:50 GMT

I need some new friends. My current friends don't understand the whole poly/open relationship thing, and it's really frustrating to not have someone to talk to about it all.

My partner (a male) and I have been together for 9+ years, open for about 5. He's starting up a relationship with a new friend, and I'm looking to do the same. I've dated femme-ish girls in the past, but there hasn't really been an attraction. I'm mildly interested in dating men. I figured that a boyish-girl would be a perfect fit... they're totally hot and the best of both worlds.

I'm 26, white, short, curvy (i.e. some extra pounds), and very much into people who are intelligent and opinionated. I'm a teacher, a scholar, a loud-mouth, and I melt into a puddle for Siamese cats. I don't do drugs (my lungs would attack me) and I haven't been much into alcohol lately (I don't really need those extra calories), but that doesn't mean I won't have a drink with you.

The first impression that people usually get of me is that I'm uncomfortable or uninterested when, in reality, neither of those are true. I'm just socially awkward at times, I guess. I love to laugh and tell dirty jokes and make "off-color" or inappropriate remarks about sensitive societal issues.

Anyway, if you haven't written me off by now, you should consider replying. The worst thing that could happen is that you get a free drink.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

Why do males die before females?

Alan — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 03:20:56 GMT

In humans and many other animals, males age faster and die earlier than females.

New research suggests this might happen because of intense competition over sex.

Scientists compared monogamous species with polygynous species, in which each male mates with many females. Males in monogamous species, such as the barnacle goose or the dwarf mongoose, naturally compete less over females than ones in polygynous species, such as the red-winged blackbird or the savannah baboon.

After investigating about 20 different vertebrate species, researchers Tim Clutton-Brock and Kavita Isvaran at the University of Cambridge in England found the more polygynous a species was, the more likely their males were to age faster and die earlier than females.

The researchers explained that as competition among males for sex grows more intense, each male on average has less time to breed. As such, there is no strong incentive to evolve longevity among males in such species.

Since men age faster and die earlier than women, these findings suggest that "at the time when current human physiology evolved, perhaps around the late Stone Age, polygynous breeding was the norm," Clutton-Brock told LiveScience. "Of course, this doesn't provide any justification for polygyny or promiscuity now for males."

Clutton-Brock and Isvaran detailed their findings online Oct. 17 in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

Books for Research

sara — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 10:39:57 GMT

Hello,
I am presenting and writing a proposal to add G.I.E. to the anti-discrimination laws in Tampa.
I need to find texts that pertain to trans-rights, trans-issues, genderqueer, etc.
I have googled many things, but I do not know who is THE scholar(s) in these issues or who is most renowned. I have web sources, but lack a more academic basis. I am basically looking for a 101 book on anything trans/queer. I need to be able to field basic questions on this topic almost expertly. (So- the less dense the better- considering I am in a time crunch). I am trying to avoid looking like an idiot when I present this information in a week to the Human Rights Board in Tampa.
The most difficult questions, according to my attorney, will involve bathroom use while transitioning. Personal stories will be most valuable.
Also,
If you know of any books/experience on personal stories pertaining to violations of rights (because of being queer/trans) such as: housing discrimination, employment, bathroom use, crime, etc. THAT would me very valuable.
Thank you for your input!
-Sara

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Sunday, 11/03 San Francisco Poly Conference

Jay — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 15:40:00 GMT

Hi all,

The good folks associated with Loving More are putting on a most excellent poly conference in SF on Sunday, 11/03. For more info please see http://www.lovemore.com/sfseminar.shtm

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

Tennis anyone?

Drive — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 19:07:40 GMT

Just moved to the west coast, I'm in North Bay..
Does anyone play tennis in this group?
Hopefully female...

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

BDSM/poly discussion group meets tomorrow night

Jay — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 17:05:10 GMT

Hi all,

OK, tomorrow night is our regularly scheduled meeting of the BDSM poly discussion group. (We meet on the second Monday of each month.) As usual, it will be at SF Citadel. Doors open at seven and discussion begins at 7:30. Requested donation is $5.00 to $15.00 per person.

This month, Pepper will be facilitating a discussion on the various forms of nonmonogamy in the BDSM community. What is it about BDSM that makes people lean towards nonmonogamy? What are the different forms of nonmonogamy in the community? How should we address cheating in the BDSM community? Is there some way that poly people can facilitate various other forms nonmonogamy within the kink community?

RSVP appreciated but not required to jaywiseman@yahoo.com.

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Seeking queer triads for research!

sunny — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 22:28:18 GMT

My name is Sunny. I am a graduate student in the Sexuality Studies program at San Francisco State University. I am conducting research on polyamory. The aim of my study is to explore how individuals in queer polyamorous triads discuss love in their relationships. I am in search of individuals in queer, long-term (one year or longer), polyamorous triads to interview. Individuals must identify themselves and their relationships as queer, and the triads must be three people who are all sexually and romantically involved with one another.

Participating in this study will entail a 45-90 minute one-on-one interview at a comfortable and private location convenient for both of us to discuss your experiences and feelings of love while in a triad.

If you are currently in a queer, long-term (one year or longer), triad relationship and are interested in participating in the study, please contact me!

smnordmarken@yahoo.com
(415) 516-0908

I am currently seeking people to interview! Please contact me as soon as possible if you would like to participate.

Thank you!
Sunny

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

SF Poly Under 40 Coffeehouse Social, Mon Sept 17

inki — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 00:03:05 GMT

Monday Sept 17 (3rd Monday)
6-8pm, possible dinner afterwards

Muddy Waters Coffeehouse
521 Valencia St, between 16th and 17th
San Francisco

Jen, Pepper, and whoever they can pull in will be chatting, socializing, and generally getting up to wacky hijinks at the Muddy Waters coffeehouse next Monday. This is not a discussion or activism group, but rather just a regular social gathering - we will repeat this event the 3rd Monday of every month. We welcome poly and nonmonogamous people (new, curious, or experienced) under 40 years of age.

We will probably be in the back room of Muddy Waters - go around the counter to find us. Our table will have a bondage teddy bear on it. There may not be seating for everyone if a large crowd shows, but we'll prioritize those who need it more. We ask that people buy something small at Muddy, if you have the funds, so they don't kick us out.

We will likely be going out to dinner afterwards, at a place to be negotiated while at the coffeehouse. You are welcome to show at the coffeehouse at any point between 6 and 8 pm. If you arrive later and wish to join us for dinner, call Pepper at 415 305 8766.

To arrive by public transport, take the BART to the 16th St station in San Francisco, walk one block west along 16th to Valencia and take a left. To arrive by car, if you are having trouble parking, try the area at Mission and 14th or 15th. Do not leave anything valuable and visible in your car. Do not park in the center turn lane of Valencia - you will likely be ticketed.

RSVPs are not required, but we would appreciate a note if you think you are going to join us.

Apologies to the 40-and-over crowd. We are holding this event because under-40 folks have been largely unable to establish a strong foothold in any of the usual SF-area poly social events (with some exceptions, like the pool parties).

Pepper

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Monday night BDSM/poly discussion group

Jay — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 15:39:58 GMT

Hi all,

My apologies for getting this month's announcement out late. (Next month's meeting is on 10/08. Please mark your calendars.)

Our topic for this meeing will be a communication exercise called "I've got a secret." People will be able to anonymously express a concern or issue they're struggling with and get feeback from the group on it.

As usual, doors open at 7:00 and discussion begins at 7:30 and goes until 9:30 or a bit later. Donation of at least $10.00 is requested.

Best,

Jay

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

Need reference material - what can you suggest?

UCPhotog — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 06:46:23 GMT

A friend has told me that she's got a boyfriend, who she has both emotional and physical ties with, yet has found another gent that she is also feeling emotionally close to (and has "cheated" on her SO since he doesn't know) and has been physically intimate with.

I've told her that this is not a bad thing, other than the lack of communication. I've tried to explain polyamory to her, but with my explaining she's not really seeing past her upbringing.

Can anyone recommend a good site, book or other tomb of information to suggest to her?

Thank you,

Marc

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 4 replies

Poly discussion/rope workshop

Jay — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 20:34:39 GMT

Hi all,

For the upcoming BDSM/poly discussion group (Monday, June 11th), we're very fortunate to have Dawn and Akien return to do a mini-program on jealosy, based on their upcoming, much more comprehensive workshop on the topic to be held at the SF Citadel in the latter part of July. (If you don't know who these highly knowledgeable poly people are, check their bio's on the Janus events calendar for July 22nd.)

As usual, doors will open at 7:00 and the group will start at 7:30. Oh, given that the SF Citadel definitely has bills to pay, while the requested donation is $5.00 to $15.00, please try to donate at least $10.00.

Also, the next evening (Tuesday, June 12th), yours truly will be teaching his "Rope Bondage You Can Actually Use" workshop at the SF Citadel. See the SF Citadel or Janus events website for more info.

Best,

Jay

Tools for Navigating Jealousy

Dawn and Akien will present a small handful of practical tools for reducing feelings of jealousy. Depending on time available and the desires of the group, we may cover 2-4 items from a list including tools such as Trance Rehearsal, The Inner Child Meditation, Jealousy Pie, The Acknowledgments Exercise, and Juggling for Idiots. [NOTE: This evening will be a taste of presentations to be made at the West Coast Loving More Retreat (6/21-6/24; www.lovemore.com), and the full afternoon Jealousy Intensive to be presented at The Citadel on Sunday 7/22 from 1-5pm.]

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 1 reply

Please come and join the new Poly-Couplery tribe!

69 — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 05:47:30 GMT

Hey folks, I just created a tribe called Poly-Couplery. It's for people like me and my boyfriend who are poly and consciously trying to date, fall in love, and overall be connected to other poly people....but as a couple. We'd LOVE for you to be part of this tribe! Yay!
http://tribes.tribe.net/polycouplery

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

6/01 Primal "Pulse" queer erotic party, in SFReminder - It's this Friday.

edukink — Wed, 30 May 2007 20:36:55 GMT

Reminder - It's this Friday.

This is a mixed energy event. Wide range of ages (18+) and queerness (bi, trans, gender queer, leather, etc). A unique event, open to any non-mainstream (hetero-normative) sexuality. We also transform the venue.

- -
Primal "Pulse"

A Private, Queer Erotic Party
Hosted by Iain & Angela of EduKink

Friday, June 1, 2007, 8 pm – 1 am
SF Citadel, 1277 Mission Street, at Ninth Street
$20 per person

The Primal parties are alternative sexuality parties for queer and queer-friendly adults, celebrating all genders, orientations, and preferences.

You must be on the invitation list to attend. Anyone 18 or older with a positive, personal interest in celebrating sexuality in all its flavors, colors, shapes, and expressions, may apply at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EduKink-Erotic-Events

Strict Dress code. Basics:
- Ordinary street clothes not permitted.
- Red sexy attire admired, but not required.
- Trans folk may dress as they please.

Featuring live music by Cuir Bleu
(CuirBleu.com)

Feel the pulse … .. low beat of the drum … .. feel it throbbing in your veins … .. the rhythm of sex … ..
… .. the pulse … .. … .. pulse … .. … .. pulse … .. … .. Feel it.

For more information, see http://EduKink.org/Primal

Do not forward this message to other lists without permission.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Dating or being single? Be positive and you will win your love!

Fri, 18 May 2007 01:20:49 GMT

Dear,

We are dedicated to helping black people to find friends&love&more. Join For Free to see whether it will work wonders! It may refresh your life, even bring incredible changes to your life! Do not let the chances pass you by!

http://www.everythingebony.com/ebonydating

You can browse tons of hot profiles&photos all over the country or in your local area, initiate emails&winks&chatting, check other's stories&blogs and enjoy many other online free services.

All the best wishes to you!

Our members:
BBW - Black Beautiful Women
BHM - Black Handsome Men
BBBW - Black Big Beautiful Women
BBHM - Black Big Handsome Men,
or any combination of the above.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 7 replies

Can adultery save marriages?

Alan — Sun, 20 May 2007 09:00:25 GMT

http://www.ibnlive.com/news/india/05_2007/adultery-saving-marriages-40901.html

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

love being a vegan and I love my life.

Thu, 10 May 2007 10:10:10 GMT

I'm a vegetarians. I love my life. I love wild animals. I hate people hunting, I hate them killing the wild animals. All the creatures have their lives, we should respect and them as we respect and treasure our lives. I'm just a girl hoping to meet some down-to-earth people. Because I'm tired of constantly being ridiculed for being vegetarian and I'm sure it will come to an end. If you are interested in vegetarianism, environmental protection, peace and animal rights. Feel free to contact me at http://singlevegans.bravehost.com, I'd like to share everything with you!

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Monday, 5/14 BDSM/Poly Discussion Group

Jay — Mon, 07 May 2007 15:25:34 GMT

BDSM/Polyamory Discussion Group

Held at the SF Citadel on the second Monday of each month. Doors open at 7:00. Meeting from 7:30 to 9:30.

Join us for discussion, sharing, and occasional speakers on the unique challenges and joys facing those who are both into BDSM and also non-monogamous.

This discussion group is facilitated by noted BDSM and polyamory author Jay Wiseman, moderator of the Bay
Area BDSM Polyamory tribe on www.tribe.net and the BDSM and Polyamory association on www.free-association.net. It is open to SF Citadel members and their accompanied guests.

Mini-program: Jay will give about a 45 minute presentation on "nonviolent communication." Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a form of self-expression and dialogue that is hugely popular, and deservedly so, in the more vanilla polyamory community. Based on the book by the same name written by Marshall Rosenberg, it is one of the most effective communication techniques ever devised for conversing about difficult issues. By applying the techniques of NVC, one greatly increases the chances of discussing difficult issues with an excellent "light to heat" ratio.

This is a "welcoming" event and people of all relationship types, including singles, and all genders, gender identifications, sexual orientations, and so forth are welcome.

RSVP to Jay Wiseman at jaywiseman@yahoo.com (www.jaywiseman.com) appreciated but not required.

To support our community dungeon space, be prepared to donate $5.00 to $15.00 per person to the SF
Citadel for hosting this event. (They do, after all, have bills to pay.)

The SF Citadel is located at 1277 Mission St in San Francisco.

This message may be forwarded as you think appropriate.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Deleted Thread, Sorry

annann — Thu, 03 May 2007 08:08:35 GMT

Hi,

Sorry, I just deleted the wrong thread. I don't know how it happened, I was trying to delete the one at the top from the unsubscribed person and before I knew it, I had deleted a thread with a few responses.

I do wish that there was more discussions in this tribe but that seems to happen in the larger Polyamory tribe.

So, I am sorry that I accidentally deleted a discussion thread, even if it was small. It is too late at night for me to be on Tribe.

Ann

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Marin Munch - Mill Valley, 5/7/07, 7 pm

annann — Thu, 03 May 2007 08:04:41 GMT

Marin Munch - Mill Valley, 5/7/07, 7 pm

Monday, May 7, 2007

7:00 PM
Marin Munch - Mill Valley

The Cantina
651 E Blithedale Ave
Mill Valley, CA 94941
www.greatmex.com/

Meet fellow Bay Area kinksters at the Marin Munch ? the first Monday of the
month at 7pm. This is a lively bunch and newcomers are more than welcome!
We won't bite unless you want us to.

A friendly group of people who share a interest in the scene. Good place to
meet people & newcomers are always welcome. It is a casual get-together of
people who share common interests. We're friendly and non-judgmental.

There is no charge to attend the Munch except for whatever food or drink
you may order. The restaurant only allows one check, so please bring cash
and be prepared to add on 30% to cover tax & tip.

We have a semi-private room but since it's a family restaurant, no fetish
wear or overt scene behavior please. Trashy talk is fine, though.

Please respect the confidentiality of those who attend the Munch.

To subscribe or for more info, visit www.marinmunch.com

See you there!

Ann

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Communication Q

Alan — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 05:23:54 GMT

If a Poly guy wants to play with another lady or couple, does he need to tell his current partners? And if he does tell them, does he need to get 100% approval or can he still play even if the others veto the idea? Lastly, how much does he need to tell them?

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 4 replies

Marin Munch - Mill Valley, 3/5/07, 7 pm

annann — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 17:31:39 GMT

Monday, March 5, 2007

7:00 PM
Marin Munch - Mill Valley

The Cantina
651 E Blithedale Ave
Mill Valley, CA 94941
www.greatmex.com/

Meet fellow Bay Area kinksters at the Marin Munch - this Monday night at 7pm. This is a lively bunch and newcomers are more than welcome! We won't bite unless you want us to.

A friendly group of people who share a interest in the scene. Good place to meet people & newcomers are always welcome. It is a casual get-together of people who share common interests. We're friendly and non-judgmental.

There is no charge to attend the Munch except for whatever food or drink you may order. The restaurant only allows one check, so please bring cash and be prepared to add on 30% to cover tax & tip.

We have a semi-private room but since it's a family restaurant, no fetish wear or overt scene behavior please. Trashy talk is fine, though.

Please respect the confidentiality of those who attend the Munch.

See you there!

Ann

To subscribe or for more info, visit www.marinmunch.com/.

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Heads up---Next Peninsula Poly Dinner--Friday March 16th

Cindy — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 01:58:35 GMT

PENINSULA POLY DINNER

We can’t wait to see your smiling faces.

Everyone is invited. Bi/Gay, Straight, Trans-gender, Families, Poly and so on.

Rules: You must respect everyone’s space and person.

So please plan on the 3rd Friday of each month joining at our house for a great potluck dinner and great conversation.

WHEN: Friday, March 16th, 2007
TIME: 7:30 PM
WHERE: HODO (House of the holey donut)
ADDRESS: 241 LAKE DRIVE, SAN BRUNO, and CA 94066
PHONE: 415-793-2219
E-MAIL: captivatinglove@gmail.com, if you have any question please give me a ring or email me.

WHAT TO BRING: ANYTHING YOU WISH. Please make a list of what is in your dish for allergy reasons.

OUR HOME: We are a pet free household and do not allow dogs or cats in our home. We have a roommate that is deathly allergic to their fur. We do allow smoking outside.
There are steps in our home so if you have any problems with stairs let us know. Our home is on a hill but there is plenty of parking. We prefer that you remove your shoes when you enter but not necessary if you do not wish too.

Kids are welcome too. We have a great den downstairs for games.

Thanks
Cindy

PS….FUTURE DINNERS

April 20th

May 11th (second Friday because of baycon coming up)

June 15th

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

A love triangle? Try a hexagon

Alan — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 08:28:42 GMT

http://www.sptimes.com/2007/02/18/Floridian/A_love_triangle_Try_a.shtml

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Peninsula Poly Potluck 2-09-07

Cindy — Tue, 06 Feb 2007 00:10:17 GMT

PENINSULA POLY DINNER

We can’t wait to see your smiling faces.

Everyone is invited. Bi/Gay, Straight, Trans-gender, Families, Poly and so on.

Rules: You must respect everyone’s space and person.

So please plan on the 3rd Friday of each month joining at our house for a great potluck dinner and great conversation.

*****In February it will be the 2nd Friday of the month.

WHEN: Friday, February 9th, 2007
TIME: 7:30 PM
WHERE: HODO (House of the holey donut)
ADDRESS: 241 LAKE DRIVE, SAN BRUNO, and CA 94066
PHONE: 415-793-2219
E-MAIL: captivatinglove@gmail.com, if you have any question please give me a ring or email me.

WHAT TO BRING: ANYTHING YOU WISH. Please make a list of what is in your dish for allergy reasons.

OUR HOME: We are a pet free household and do not allow dogs or cats in our home. We have a roommate that is deathly allergic to their fur. We do allow smoking outside.
There are steps in our home so if you have any problems with stairs let us know. Our home is on a hill but there is plenty of parking. We prefer that you remove your shoes when you enter but not necessary if you do not wish too.

Kids are welcome too. We have a great den downstairs for games.

Thanks
Cindy

PS….FUTURE DINNERS

March 16th---There a slight chance that this dinner might have to be postponed but I will know know until that month.

April 20th

May 11th (second Friday because of baycon coming up)

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies

Polycamp in Mt. Vernon, WA Aug 10-12 2007

Tree — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 17:16:38 GMT

Hey folks! Just wanted to let you know of an upcoming poly gathering for folks in the Pacific Northwest - but ALL are welcome. Polycamp 2007 will be occuring Aug 10-12 near Mt. Vernon Wa. This campout is for anyone who identifies as poly (or wants to know more about it).

It's a family event, but single people are definately welcome. There will be workshops and seminars in relationships, tribe and family building, Queer & Poly, dating, fun and games, a concert by Gaia Consort, hopefully a dance and lots of other great activities. Friday Creek, the site, has 26 campsites all with power and water and we'll also have access to the nearby Thousand Trails site which has a pool & hot tub. There's also some cabins and yurts available to rent at TT. For folks who don't like sleeping on the ground there's a hotel very close by.

If you'd like more information about polycamp, please go to our website at www.polycamp.org or contact me directly at polycampgoddess@yahoo.com.

Thanks!

Tree

posted in Bay Area Polyamory - 0 replies