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New to Dom/Sub

topic posted Mon, May 14, 2007 - 12:23 PM by  Unsubscribed
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I'm still quite young but I love ordering my boyfriend around and making him call me Mistress... It's especially fun to make him obey me in public! But we are both quite new, and looking for tips and ways to make the sexual endeavors more fun... all we have are 4 ties (neckties, not very good at holding things) and a makeshift blindfold, and one plastic dildo. I'm looking for things around the house that could use or make, especially because we have about 4 hours alone every day in which to experiment, we're going to run out of options soon if we don't find some more ideas.

I could just look up ideas online in tantra, kama sutra, etc. help sites, but I figured actually asking what other people enjoy would be more fun.
P.S. I really like sounding but it hurts him very badly to the point where he broke out of the ties, so thats out of the question. He honestly can't handle the pain, unfortunately... if you have any tips on how to make him get used to that pain, that would be great. Until then, i'm just trying to get money for a strap-on.
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    Re: New to Dom/Sub

    Mon, May 14, 2007 - 12:37 PM

    Sounds should *not* hurt! My guess is that you are going too fast or not using enough lube.

    Believe me, I am a big fan of pain, in both directions, but please use caution as to where and how you are giving pain. There are lots of other ways to hurt him!
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      Re: New to Dom/Sub

      Mon, May 14, 2007 - 2:13 PM
      I use very thin plastic rod... and there was a LOT of lube... and i barely pushed it in. I don't know why it would hurt him, as the rod is actually smaller than the urethral opening. I was not going quickly at all, my guess is that he is paranoid... he asks me to go slower, but it's not really possible. This is the smallest thing I have, it's plastic- not metal, and I don't even put it a half centimeter in =/

      I will see if I can find anything smaller, but I doubt it a lot... and i'm out of lube, we've resorted to having water nearby to drink so we have spit.
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        Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Mon, May 14, 2007 - 4:25 PM

        So this is not an actual sound, but something you have decided to use in that way? How smooth is it? Have you tried it in your *own* urethra to see what it feels like? This really sounds bad to me -- you could be scraping his urethra, and this in turn could open him up to infections.

        Personally I would not be willing to use anything on any bottom that *I* was playing with unless it was an actual medical sound. And I do heavy pain play, and I love pushing edges.

        I also agree that spit is not that great of a lube.
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        Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Mon, May 14, 2007 - 7:34 PM
        Okay, we tried again with something far smaller, more lube, and very slowly. For some reason it hurts him a great deal; soft or hard. I told him it really shouldn't, maybe slight discomfort at first... but he says it fells like he's being ripped in two =/
      • Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Tue, May 15, 2007 - 12:16 PM
        >> I use very thin plastic rod... <<

        BTW, to add to the possible hazards you are dealing with, thin plastic rods may break, too - and then your boyfriend will have to have surgery to remove the part left behind, which I can guarantee he will *not* thank you for.
  • Re: New to Dom/Sub

    Mon, May 14, 2007 - 4:50 PM
    Okay, time out. Christine, sounds can be dangerous enough. Pushing plastic rod down someone's urethra is sort of mind boggling. You can cause all kinds of horrible problems if you don't know what you are doing, and I'm sorry to say, it sounds like you don't.

    If he says it hurts, BELIEVE HIM. You're probably causing serious damage to the urethra by shoving in a piece of plastic.

    Some of the dangers of using actual sounds are destroying the urethral sphincter (which will have him leaking urine for the rest of his life)
    Damaging the urethra itself (which can cause infection)
    Causing infection of the urethra or the bladder (this can be from rough usage, unclean toys, and using spit as lube for heaven's sake. If you introduce germs and bacteria into the bladder, what can you expect.)
    Puncturing the bladder
    Puncturing the urethra
    Damage to the urethral opening

    Using a piece of plastic rod is just unsafe because it could be rough, it could have scratches, and it is probably not clean.

    Spit is NOT what you want to use for lube when you are doing something like this.

    KY jelly, at least. And make sure your sound is as disinfected as you can make it.

    One of the things that may be causing the pain if you are being gentle is that he could have growths or polyps in his urethra. It's not uncommon. One of the uses of sounds is to open the urethra when someone has these growths. It is, however, something you'd best leave to your doctor.

    I'd suggest you buy a copy of the book "The Sexually Dominant Woman." It has a lot of good information for someone just starting out.

    Why not stick to something that is safer such as spanking until you have a chance to take a few classes, read a few books, and maybe get a feel for what you're doing? You can spank someone with a hairbrush (Don't hit the tailbone!!!) if you want to play with a toy.

    Domina
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      Re: New to Dom/Sub

      Mon, May 14, 2007 - 7:44 PM
      I'm really not pushing down, I can't even do half a centimeter before he says it hurts, and I immediately remove it. I got more lube and it still hurts, so I stopped. I told him to talk to his OB/GYN. and he says he doesn't have one . . . . which concerns me, even though I know known of his family has had medical or dental checkups in years for lack of welfare/insurance/money, you should still go to someone for stuff like that.

      And it is not ridged at all, it is perfectly rounded, I made sure to be very careful. I was not actually using saliva as lube, I was just saying that I no longer had any left to try with and was asking for hints, but I got more now! *thumbs up* I don't think i'll be doing it again, because he's my fiancee... he may be my slave, but I also respect him enough to stop if he's truly in pain, you know?


      And how would you go about finding out if he has growths or polyps? Are there symptoms besides "it hurts when I put things in there"? If he has a problem, i'd like him to get it fixed before it does internal damage or something... i'll even pay for the procedural removal myself if need be, i'd like my guy to be healthy.

      As for books, in all honesty I wouldn't be able to, I don't have anywhere to hide the book except with my sex toy... i'll look forstuff online later, though. And yeah, We did a lot of that today... his back is bright red.

      </long post>
      • Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Mon, May 14, 2007 - 8:22 PM
        You don't have anywhere to hide the book? That doesn't make sense to me.

        I'm sorry, but it sounds suspiciously like someone living 700 miles from the nearest city and 300 miles from a highway.
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          Re: New to Dom/Sub

          Tue, May 15, 2007 - 4:21 AM
          Actually I live right in town, with my grandmother >.< I can't afford to move out until I graduate college... My family is poor to begin with and we conserve costs by lots of people living together, but it's just my grandmother and I. She is gone 90% of the day which is why I have freedom, but every so often she goes of on a jag where I'll come home after going to visit family, and my entire room is spotless and the computer has been windexed to hell. Unfortunately things don't stay hidden long in my room, and my family is all catholic-y and would be all "you're sinning, I don't care if you haven't got your PhD yet, move the fuck out and don't contact us again!" Although that would give me a lot of freedom, I'm one of those people (pagan or not) that cares for their family.


          And we're only about 6 miles from a highway.
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        Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Mon, May 14, 2007 - 8:45 PM

        Ok, I am now going to beg you to *please* cease and desist with the plastic rods! If you absolutely *must* do sounds or else, then make the investment and buy medical quality metal sounds and some really good lube. Please.

        When I say that sounds "should not hurt", that does not mean that if your bottom says it hurts that he is wrong. I mean that if your bottom says it hurts, that there is *something* wrong and that you should stop.
      • Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Mon, May 14, 2007 - 9:39 PM
        >> I told him to talk to his OB/GYN. and he says he doesn't have one . . . . <<

        Well, duh, of course he doesn't - he's a man!

        You *do* know what an OB/Gyn is, don't you? Obstetrician (doctor who delivers babies) and gynecologist (doctor who takes care of women's parts). Their patients are all women, obviously.

        And you *do* know the difference between a woman's anatomical openings and a man's, don't you? And the rest of the anatomical differences - *inside*, not the obvious external ones? Because if you don't, then you absolutely should *not* even be *thinking* about doing this sort of play.

        I agree with the others - quit fooling around with this until you actually know something about the anatomy, have the right equipment, and know how to do it safely and reduce the attendant risks.

        You are risking doing *serious* and *lasting* damage to him otherwise - up to and potentially including both amputation of his penis and even death, should he get an infection that turns out not to be treatable. In this day and age of antibiotic-resistant bugs, neither of those possibilities are not out of the realm of possibility.

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          Re: New to Dom/Sub

          Tue, May 15, 2007 - 4:09 AM
          Guys have Gynos too =/ A Gyno deals with man or woman parts to inspect for STD's and abnormalities. Excuse me if I don't know the "correct term" for a doctor who looks at balls instead of girl parts. And yes, I DO know the anatomy! I don't know one reference, don't talk to me like some idiot. I'm not going "oh hey let's shove that way in there and see what happens!" I'm going slowly, gently, and not anywhere near close in! I UNDERSTAND THINGS and I got it the first time around, you guys don't have to tell me the same thing over and over.
          • Re: New to Dom/Sub

            Tue, May 15, 2007 - 12:23 PM
            >> A Gyno deals with man or woman parts to inspect for STD's and abnormalities. <<

            Baloney. They *only* deal with women. At *most*, they *might* prescribe an antibiotic for a man whose female partner had an infection that was treatable with antibiotics, in order to prevent *her* from being reinfected. If a gynecologist were to see a man in the way you claim, she would be practicing outside her area of expertise and opening herself up to losing her license and malpractice lawsuits.

            Dear, don't argue with me about this; you don't know what you're talking about. I've got a medical background that goes back to before you were ever even born, and have had more gynecologists as both my own doctors and as clients than you will ever meet.


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    Re: New to Dom/Sub

    Mon, May 14, 2007 - 9:03 PM
    Have been on the recieving end of sounds play, it should be hurting at all...and the idea of you using a length of plastic...well if soemone approached me with soemthing like that, mistress or not I would red...
    • Re: New to Dom/Sub

      Mon, May 14, 2007 - 11:12 PM
      Christine, I agree with Monty. I've been on the receiving end of real medical sounds (play), also, and there should be NO pain. A slight discomfort at worst. Feels weird is middle. Experiencing total "vulnerability" and the wonderful headspace that comes with it is a great scene. Real medical sounds are metal and *heavy* and slide down on their own. Different shapes for males/females. Once they are all the way *in* then they cay can be moved ever so slowly up/down and twisted slightly NOT turned all the way around (at least I can't handle that). Some men love a violet wand placed on the end (too chicken to try!). Placing anything else in and forcing it down will bring severe regret.
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        Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Tue, May 15, 2007 - 4:16 AM
        Once again, it's not heavy, or forced. I wasn't even the one putting it in last time, he got it in a tiny bit and didn't even slide it before he freaked. I understand the differences between medical sounds and plastic, and he wanted m to use plastic because he said that he didn't want anything sliding in according to it's own weight, he wanted to just see how sounds felt first. We didn't force it at all, so that's not why it hurts, the width is very small so that's not why it hurts, and I don't think the sanitized plastic should hurt because it has no bumps or ridges. And, once again for clarification since people seem to think i'm forcing it down, all I did was put the very tip inside, move it down slowly about 1/2 centimeter, and wait. 1/2 centimeter, that's about |---| that long? And notice I used the word "move", not "push" or "force".

        I don't mean to be so snippy about it all, but I never said I forced it and I did say I was very gentle and didn't put it in far at all.
        • Re: New to Dom/Sub

          Tue, May 15, 2007 - 6:01 AM
          Apparently being polite isn't working so I am going to spell this out in plain English. You are fucking dangerous. You have no clue what you are doing. You are going to ruin this boy and when his cock doesn't work anymore you will walk away. The people that have been telling you to stop what you are doing have years and years of experience and you are acting like you know more then them. Domina is one of the most skilled dominants in the San Francisco area and that's saying something and you just blow her off. Men don't go to Ob/Gyns they go to urologists and they shouldn't need to see one of those until they are well over 40 unless they run into some crazy person with a plastic stick that want's to ruin them for life. Why don't you let your boy get on this tribe so we can tell him about the risks you are taking with his manhood?
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            Re: New to Dom/Sub

            Tue, May 15, 2007 - 9:54 AM
            Christine, I would really consider strongly that you listen to the people who have told you about the dangerous play that you are engaging in. I know them in "real time" and they KNOW what they are talking about. They are very experienced players who have been doing BDSM for years, even DECADES! They are just trying to give you the education that is necessary for anyone who is new...I mean, if ANY of the people who have replied to this post with regards to how dangerous this is approached ME, I would listen to what they were telling me. Some of these people actually teach classes. People PAY money to listen to what they have to say . You are getting free advice from them. I would take it. If you care about your partner (which I am sure you do!) why push back on these people who are just trying to help you avoid damaging him? I really feel that they are coming from a place of concern and are not trying to attack you personally.

            Namaste,
            Keri
            • Re: New to Dom/Sub

              Tue, May 15, 2007 - 10:10 AM
              I'm going to add another endorsement here. You are finding offense in the people giving you advice. You are being obstinate in trying to fault our interpretations, but it is not an issue of clarity. The collective experience in this room is astounding, and you asked for some specific advice. What you got was a collection of red flags raising immediately to the rafters. We have explained why what you are doing is unsafe and anything BUT sane, yet you continue to argue. I don't care where you got your plastic stick. It doesn't matter what kind of plastic it is. Plastic is porous and prone to microscopic scratches and fraying. And where is it being kept? How are you sanitizing it? The risks in your "play" are absolutely astounding, and you seem determined to proceed regardless. This scenario is not a case of "if at first you don't succeed..." This is a case of "stop what you are doing." While you are busy trying to argue that men see OB/GYNs, you are continuing to put your partner at risk. Domina, Darin, Wendy, Keri, and the rest of us aren't just trying to jerk your chain here. As has been pointed out, you are getting free advice from people who have had decades of experience as both dominants and submissives, tops and bottoms. To blatantly disregard that advice is folly.
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                Re: New to Dom/Sub

                Tue, May 15, 2007 - 10:58 AM
                Also, you may consider that we are also trying to protect YOU! Obviously, we are most concerned about your partner getting injured. He is the one who is immediately at risk. But some, if not all, may also have your own welfare as a concern as well. Knowing that you have damaged another human being for life and knowing that you could have avoided it is something that I would hate to see you have to bear for the rest of YOUR life. You sound like a person who has a bright future (you mentioned that you were attending college) ahead of you and to have to live with the guilt and the pain that would come with damaging another person is something that I would hate to see you live with...because you WOULD have to live with it. For your ENTIRE life. Again, I really think that we are coming from a place of concern...
          • Re: New to Dom/Sub

            Tue, May 15, 2007 - 11:26 AM
            >> Domina is one of the most skilled dominants in the San Francisco area and that's saying something and you just blow her off. <<

            And my professional background is emergency medicine and pharmaceuticals. Between all the people who have responded to your question, collectively we have *decades* of experience which is relevant in one way or another to this topic.

            If you're as smart as you'd apparently like us to believe, then you ought to understand the value of that and just take in what you are being told - and then *act* on it accordingly.

            Christine, it's hurting him because plastic rods don't slide smoothly into tiny fleshy orifices and are rife with little scratches and bits sticking out that you can't even see. It's the nature of the material; it's just not smooth enough, and nothing you do will ever make it so. Plastic also can't even be adequately cleaned, never mind sterilized, so God only knows what fuzz and debris you're dragging along for the ride that's contributing to his discomfort.

            Some people are just too sensitive to some forms of play anyways, no matter what you do, no matter how careful you are or what equipment you use, no matter how appropriate. Sometimes the things we want to do just simply *don't work* for a given person for one reason or another, end of story. *Good* dominants quit trying to do it when that happens - or at least insist on using the appropriate items and actually getting some training from people who know what they are doing before trying it again.

            *You* are the one who has the responsibility to make *sure* you do not harm him. Don't break the toy, or it won't be there for you to play with for much longer.

            You can whack someone's backside or back with pretty much anything on the planet if you aim right and don't hit too hard, but you *cannot* stick just anything up their urethras without risking causing serious harm. Many things can be improvised, but this is *not* one of them.

            If you are going to keep trying the same thing over and over again, and refuse to listen to input from others with far more experience and knowledge than you have, then I have to agree with Darin that you are just too dangerous to play with, and hope that your boy wakes up and runs fast and far before you damage him for life.

            If you are in a living situation in which you cannot keep proper equipment around for the type of play you want to do, that's unfortunate, but it does happen. It doesn't mean you have the right to risk another person's health and safety and fundamental functioning just to get your jollies, though. Find other ways to play until you *can* get the right equipment and training. To do anything else would just be selfish, unloving, uncaring, dangerous, and flat out irresponsible.

            And if that's not enough for you, trying to keep doing something harmful like this could get you sued or locked up for a long time if he were to feel so inclined to press charges if you damage him.








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              Re: New to Dom/Sub

              Tue, May 15, 2007 - 12:36 PM
              "*You* are the one who has the responsibility to make *sure* you do not harm him."

              klg is absolutely right! As the Top/Dominant, it is your responsibility to know what you are doing before you do it. A lot of responsible Tops will have the thing that they are going to do to someone else done to them beforehand. In doing so they will know what the experience feels like so that they have a guage to work with when playing with a bottom/submissive. I mean, what if that innocent looking toy isn't so innocent when you actually use it? Knowing this before weilding it is a very good idea.

              There is nothing wrong with admitting that you don't know how to do something and need to learn. But DON'T use your partner as a guinea pig. There are PLENTY of skills that I don't have when I Top. So I DON'T DO THEM! In fact, if it was totally out of my range of experience (like CBT or needles) I would take a class, ask someone who is has a lot of experience on the subject, and even have the person/people co-Top at first to give me guidance when I do the new thing that I have learned on another human being.

              When you are Topping someone, they are putting their LIVES in your hands during a scene. This takes a lot of trust on their part. Please do not toss this fact aside, seeing it as something that is trivial. It's HUGE! Respect it.

              Being someone who is very new to Topping, I have gained an even better appreciation of the responsibility that comes along with being "on the other side of the whip". Just as I have stated that the trust is huge when a submissive bottoms to you, it is equally huge that you accept the responsibility that comes with being a Top. Even more so, in fact.
              • Re: New to Dom/Sub

                Tue, May 15, 2007 - 12:50 PM
                >> There is nothing wrong with admitting that you don't know how to do something and need to learn. <<

                There's not only nothing wrong with it, but it's the only honorable and honest thing to do, along with just not going there until you *do* learn.

                Admitting to what you do not know and having the self knowledge and self-control to not exceed the limits of what you *do* know is a mark of strength and character.
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                  Re: New to Dom/Sub

                  Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:30 PM
                  I am not saying I didn't know. Because I DIDN'T. And I WAS being gentle, and I STOPPED. I listen to advice and take it, but I don't need to hear the same thing 30 times after I have already heard it and said that I had stopped. I am not brushing off anyone's advice, or ignoring them. I take forever to read all this,

                  and I honestly thought that guys had Gyno's too. If not, than I am disgusted. How do guys check to see if they have STDs? Girls have to go every 6 months or every year, and get cold things shoved in places that don't like cold things... and have their vaginal walls pressed on from inside and out... and it helps us to know we have no diseases or unseen problems. Ho do guys know if they have an unseen problems? Just hope? Or just hope that their dick is irritated and that's not an STD? If that's how it works, i'm going to continue using condoms even if I am on the pill! I am not catching some nasty disease.
                  • This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.

                    Re: New to Dom/Sub

                    Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:39 PM
                    "If that's how it works, i'm going to continue using condoms even if I am on the pill! I am not catching some nasty disease. "

                    Always a good idea, unless you both get a blood test.
                    Guys generally go to a regular doctor or, as mentioned above, a urologist. And trust me, they have neasty stuff done to them that makes a cold speculum seem like a little thing.
                    Like, oh, sounding comes to mind!
                  • This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
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                    Re: New to Dom/Sub

                    Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:39 PM

                    > I am not saying I didn't know. Because I DIDN'T. And I WAS being gentle, and I STOPPED. I listen to advice and take it,

                    That's wonderful! It sounded to me like you went and did it again even after reading Domina's post. Because you wrote another post after hers talking about doing it again.

                    That's why I was so concerned. I can't speak for others, but if that's the impression I got, possibly others got the same impression. Thanks for being willing to listen and learn. That willingness will make you a much better top!


                    You might like to take a look at this tribe too: tribes.tribe.net/newtobdsm-uncensored
                  • This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.

                    Re: New to Dom/Sub

                    Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:43 PM
                    Seriously?

                    Guys go to general practice physicians. If it's beyond the abilities of a GP, then we are referred to a specialist, as has already been mentioned. A penis isn't a vagina. And you should always practice safe sex, regardless. If you are working on a PhD, I would think you would already know that.

                    And you say you are being gentle, but your initial post stated that he was restrained and broke his ties when you tried it. And you have tried it at least on one other occasion. Something doesn't add up there. In my mind, "gentle" and "going slow" does *not* equate to breaking restraints and screaming that he feels like he's being ripped in two.

                    You're also posting a thread to a tribe with hundreds of members. You can't then lament that you are receiving similar responses from several different individuals. Rather than arguing your point of view, learn from the perspectives of people who are vastly more experienced.

                    In the end, it may have nothing to do with a medical condition as much as it has to do with physiology. Some people just aren't built for certain kinds of play. Some people love anal sex. Some people are physically incapable of it. Just because it works well on one person doesn't mean I'm going to go shoving something into another person for whom anal intercourse is physically impossible. You have to exercise a level of common sense there. But you aren't yet in a position to even *know* if that's the case, because you're going about it in absolutely the wrong way. That's what we're all trying to tell you. You are working from the assumption that something is wrong with *him*, but the reality is that there's something wrong with the tools you are using and how you are going about it.

                    You are using an instrument that, by now, you should know is absolutely incorrect. Plastic of any sort, with all its inherent risks and problems, is out of the question. If you just *have* to shove something in there, then wait until you have the time, knowledge, skill, and equipment to do it properly.

                    etc., etc., etc.
                    • Unsu...
                       

                      Re: New to Dom/Sub

                      Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:58 PM
                      "In my mind, "gentle" and "going slow" does *not* equate to breaking restraints and screaming that he feels like he's being ripped in two."

                      That's why I was so concerned. Ad he doesn't go to a GP, I mentioned this before... none of his family goes to any doctors or dentists, or gets welfare, and their mom just got out of prison and their dad just died, so they have no income. They're lucky that their aunt stays with them and pays the rent so they HAVE a house to live in, and they get school and lunch at school for free. They barely get by, they can't afford doctors and things like that... and i'm on "free insurance"... Free my ass =/ The insurance costs about 90$ a month instead of about 215$ like my dad's insurance costs, and we pay 30$ upfront instead of my dad's 10$ upfront... it's helpful for my family who is pretty poor, but his family can't even afford that much.

                      And so far we have learned no anatomy, we're stuck in "understanding Disorders of the Nervous System" such as schizophrenia, bi-polar, adhd, multiple-personality, etc... So I haven't learned the difference between Urologists and OB/Gyns until now, but I do realize anatomical differences. And we do practice safe sex, but being on the pill, if he's disease-free, means we don't have to cash out as much on condoms; and have money for other things.... such as an apartment and classes and instructional booklets. -wink- I'm safe (paranoid-safe) which is why i'm seeking and taking advice...

                      "In the end, it may have nothing to do with a medical condition as much as it has to do with physiology."

                      Yes, but if there's a problem... it would be nice to fix it. Honestly, even if I get a medical sound now, i'd really rather not try... He can if he wants to, but i'm terrified of hurting him again, or even damaging him internally. Even a tiny internal scrape that hurts for about two days and leads to no infection or anything would leave me guilty pretty much for years- I still regret that one time when I was five and I accidentally got gum in my friend's hair and she had to have it cut. She looked adorable with a short bob at only 4 years old, and she actually liked it, but I still feel horrendous about it, you know? I don't want to hurt him at all if it can be helped; if he says his back stingss from whipping, I switch to something else so it's more pleasure than pain.
                      • Re: New to Dom/Sub

                        Tue, May 15, 2007 - 6:39 PM
                        "They're lucky that their aunt stays with them and pays the rent so they HAVE a house to live in, and they get school and lunch at school for free."

                        Is he a minor?
                        • Unsu...
                           

                          Re: New to Dom/Sub

                          Tue, May 15, 2007 - 7:05 PM
                          He and I are the same age... we're both poor and unable to afford to get a place of our own for a while yet.... probably a long while.

                          And if people must know, technically we're minors, at the age of consent at least, and engaged. Not trying to make excuses or anything but I said we were young... We are simply far more mature than anyone we know... except maybe 2 other people. IDK if there's an age restiction to the site, I always put my age at 26; as that is my mental age, I think.
                          • Re: New to Dom/Sub

                            Tue, May 15, 2007 - 7:24 PM
                            "technically we're minors"

                            There's a big difference between "I'm young" and "I'm a minor." There's also a problem with saying you are 26.

                            I, for one, am no longer comfortable giving advice to, or participating in a sexually explicit thread with, a minor. I wish you the best of luck.
                            • Unsu...
                               

                              Re: New to Dom/Sub

                              Tue, May 15, 2007 - 7:42 PM
                              Okay, i'm not asking you to. If you are not comfortable with it, please don't converse with me on these matters then. I don't want to make you feel awkward. And I don't say i'm 26... I feel 26...
                          • Re: New to Dom/Sub

                            Tue, May 15, 2007 - 8:19 PM
                            >> IDK if there's an age restiction to the site, I always put my age at 26; as that is my mental age, I think. <<

                            You really shouldn't do that, you know. If you are underage for what the law allows for access to a given site, especially if you are 13 or under, your presence and activity there could get the operator of the site into all kinds of legal trouble, including ending up in jail if it's found out.

                            These laws are clearly problematic for young people seeking knowledge that they need to remain safe, like you are apparently doing, but they exist for a reason, namely to keep the same young people from being victimized by sexual predators who feed on children and use the Internet to find victims.

                            These child molesters *are* out there, too - I happen to know one who shows up in this tribe from time to time, even. If any adults approach you about wanting to play, please turn them into the police and stay away from them, for your own safety. If you need help or advice about this, please feel free to PM me.

                            I don't know how well the laws really work to prevent this sort of thing, but the idea is a good one, at least in concept. And whether we like it or not, it *is* the law, and the consequences to a site operator who allows a minor to remain on the site once that information is know can be quite dire.

                            Also, there is nothing wrong with being young and inexperienced in both sex and BDSM; we've all been there. You are likely to get a much better reception if you don't try to pretend you know things that you *don't* know, though. Certain things are common knowledge by the age of 26, for certain, but if you are only 16 or 17, people *won't* necessarily expect you to know them. On that note, my apologies for my "Duh!" comment to you, but knowing that men do not go to gynecologists is one of those very fundamental things that pretty much anyone at least over the age of 18 and certainly 21 will know, or ought to. You actually do your own self a great disservice by trying to pretend you are older than you are, in many ways.

                            This is not meant as a cut, but you appear to be woefully uninformed even for a teenager, I'm afraid, so please try to ask questions, and if people tell you something that conflicts with what you think you know, ask more questions, if you need clarifications, rather than trying to tell people they are wrong when they give you information. Certainly adults *can* be wrong, and often are, but there are some things that we just generally know better than kids do simply because we've been around longer.

                            And if you try to keep more awareness of what you've written before when you post new messages, I think you will find that you will say fewer things that conflict with prior statements, which will help keep others from getting confused and getting the wrong impression about you.

                            HTH ;->

                            Wendy
                            • Unsu...
                               

                              Re: New to Dom/Sub

                              Wed, May 16, 2007 - 4:18 AM
                              I'm actually about 17, but I honestly feel that age is too young... I feel about 26, at least lately. Sometimes I feel about 23, but lately i've been stuck about 26. Don't ask me why xD

                              I'm also not here to pick up playmates. If anyone asks me to join for a scene or something, even "just once", I would have no desire to. I'm here not only because I have a serene interest in the kinky, but my fiancee does too, and since we started experimenting we've felt a lot closer... not just sexually.
                              • Re: New to Dom/Sub

                                Wed, May 16, 2007 - 7:53 AM
                                Christine,

                                This is really an adult tribe. 17 is too young to be here. Even if you "feel 26" you are under aged, and in some ways, your posts make it clear that you are very immature. Frankly, you are scaring the hell out of me and several other people in this tribe.

                                There is a website for people your age who want to ask about alternative sexuality. www.scarleteen.com This is a fantastic site, and is probably the best place for you to learn about sexual anatomy, STDs, etc.

                                I don't know what the Tribe rules are for minors. We've never knowingly had this problem before. I feel that you really need the information you can find here, but I am uncomfortable knowing that you are a minor and are on this list.

                                The people at Scarleteen are pretty non-judgemental, so I would like to ask you to please leave this list and talk to them about your questions.

                                I'm not trying to be mean, but do you understand where I'm coming from?

                                Domina, Tribe Moderator
                      • Re: New to Dom/Sub

                        Tue, May 15, 2007 - 7:55 PM
                        Christine,

                        I'm sorry to hear that circumstances are so tight for you both right now. I *am* glad that you've clarified what you've been up to, and that you *aren't* continuing to try to do this sounding with the plastic rod.

                        You don't need to sacrifice medical care and safer sex precautions just because one or both of you can't afford insurance or medical bills, though. Check out the free or sliding scale clinics that I'm sure are in your area that will serve both men and women. Call your county health department to find out what may be available. You are very likely to be able to at least get some free condoms there, as well as full medical exams, testing for STDs, etc., and certainly an exam and treatment if there's been any injury. I believe that Planned Parenthood will provide all of these services either free or at reduced rates to women, at least as far as birth control and STD-related matters go, but I'm not sure about guys.

                        If neither of you has ever been sexual with anyone else, you're in the clear as far as STDs go, but if either of you has any experience with others, you should both be tested for everything they can test for before continuing to have unprotected sex with each other or with anyone else, because some STDs have no or few symptoms in the early stages, especially in men, but can cause all kinds of problems down the road, ranging from sterility to causing blindness in babies to death, depending on the disease in question. Many of them are treatable, at least in the early stages, but some are not, and may require using condoms life-long.

                        You need to read up on these things and learn more about them to be able to protect yourself, as well as a lot more about male anatomy and physiology if you want to really be safe in your play. I imagine that the Planned Parenthood website would have a good bit of useful information and links, but I will try to find a few things online for you as well.

                        Wendy


                        • Unsu...
                           

                          Re: New to Dom/Sub

                          Wed, May 16, 2007 - 4:24 AM
                          I live in New Jersey, corruption central. I had to go to planned parenthood once, they want to charge 30$ for a pregnancy test when you can buy a good one for 7$ in the store next door to them (eckard), and I think it's 40$ for an exam and then 60$ for blood-tests. 137$ to get one of each of those, you know? I really don't trust new jersey, when i lived in pennsylvania all that stuff was free for anyone under 21. I've been trying hard, but -shrugs- corrupt politicians set standards here that financially kill us off x.x;; Higher taxes, lower wages.

                          I have been sexually active with quite a few others, but I also was checked very recently, and since then it has only been he and I. He has been sexually active with one other, and it was protected sex, and it has been months... closer to a year. So he's probably safe, but i'd still like him to have a clean bill of health... I take care of my men! (and ladies, when I have them)
            • Unsu...
               

              Re: New to Dom/Sub

              Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:41 PM
              >>If you are going to keep trying the same thing over and over again<<

              Once again, not to be bitchy, BUT I STOPPED. And before I was told to, even. And I got rid of the plastic rod due to what you just told me, I didn't realize it could have bumps or scratches on it. I am not continuing again and again, we tried 2 times total, and then when he said "try again, i'm sure I can get used to it after a while" I told him no. I still am not going to try anything else, metal or not. If HE wants to try on his own accord with something of his own, let him. My aim is to tease him, sometimes deny proper oxygen (until his signal, of course), but not to actually HURT him. He is not a masochist or a painslut, and I RESPECT him. He's not just my toy, he's my fiancee... I care about him, not just his body but his mental and emotional wellbeing as well.


              >>And if that's not enough for you, trying to keep doing something harmful like this could get you sued or locked up for a long time if he were to feel so inclined to press charges if you damage him. <<

              Once again, i'm not continuing to do it, and I really do not want to cause damage. The most damage I want on him is a whip, bite, or scratch mark- which will be gone within a week or two.
  • Unsu...
     

    Re: New to Dom/Sub

    Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:45 PM
    >>Because you wrote another post after hers talking about doing it again.<<

    . . . Oops. No, I meant we had done it earlier as a re-test, but when he found it painful again, I told him I wasn't trying anything like that again. See, i'm intelligent, but have screwed-up wording... It makes me a great poet ;)

    Sorry, I thought I had made it clear, that's why I was frustrated when people kept telling me "stop, stop!" I was all, "I stopped before this page even had 5 replies!"
    • Re: New to Dom/Sub

      Tue, May 15, 2007 - 2:48 PM
      sometimes you really have to look at the times of posts. The threading sometimes gets all screwy. And sometimes people respond to the First post without reading the whole thread.
      You'll get Tribe figured out.
      • Unsu...
         

        Re: New to Dom/Sub

        Tue, May 15, 2007 - 3:01 PM
        Noticed. How do I edit the first post? I want to note that i'm looking for different techniques and the sounding issue has been resolved-
        it's called "i'm not doing it again unless you have done it yourself and it's not painful and we have the thing you used that doesn't hurt".
        • Unsu...
           

          Re: New to Dom/Sub

          Tue, May 15, 2007 - 5:10 PM

          You can't edit posts except *just* after you've posted them. I think it's clear now, because you've said later in the thread that you're no longer doing that. If you want you could start a new thread about different techniques that are unrelated.
          • Unsu...
             

            Re: New to Dom/Sub

            Tue, May 15, 2007 - 7:16 PM
            ahh that's inconvenient. i'll restart a post later. my guy has some beautiful marks on his back (that will be gone by tomorrow so he can actually change without people staring), and my arms are tired. i texted him a "good night, be in bed by midnight, see you tomorrow, hope your back is nice and fresh for then" =) also asking him if he'd like to continue 24/7 servitude, we were just doing a 3-day test run at first... he seems to REALLY enjoy it but i'd still like to ask, you know? i'll probably head off to bed as soon as I get his reply.

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