The costume is lovely.
Your dancing is pretty. I can see a lot of Ariellah in your dancing.
But I didn't feel much of a narrative, or that your movements had much to do with the music. Although it was a sword piece, I felt it lacked drama. When you pick up your sword, face the audience and really show how powerful and dangerous that sword is. It isn't just a pretty prop to do a little dance with - it's a weapon. Especially for a goth performance, you should work that element of danger.

I think you could work on making some movements bigger and more visible, like your mayas when you were facing backwards.

At the end, there is a female vocalist and then what sounds like pauses. Truly pause for the pauses in order to make the movements to go with the voice more powerful.

A little after that, while you have your sword on your head and you're doing shoulder articulations, you look like you're concentrating really hard. The audience shouldn't know how hard you're concentrating - keep working at this until you can keep your face composed in whichever expression you choose.

Finally, your ending just trails off. Not sure if we missed something but it doesn't look like there was any real end. This goes along with the narrative and drama that is lacking.

I agree with Nepenthe. I felt like there wasn't much difference between the non-sword stuff and the swordwork. And while I do feel like you should treat the sword as a dangerous sharp object, you should also act like you're not afraid of it at all and could fling it straight up in the air and catch it with your teeth if you felt like it.

*I liked the simple and flattering costume and thought it worked really well.

*You move really well but I really want to see MORE....MORE pushing and pulling in your slow hip work, MORE from arms, MORE accentuation in your undulations and the sharp movements as well. Overall it lacked oomph, and I ended up feeling like if I watched 30 seconds of it I'd seen everything. You are obviously a talented dancer--don't be afraid to push yourself more. It was hard to hear the music, but I agree that it could have been played with a lot more.

*I'd like to see more personality...although it was hard to tell in the harsh sunlight. I want to get a sense of what you're really trying to convey with this piece.

*Picking up the sword...if I were you, I would place it at the front instead of the back, and then make it a Thing to get down and get it. Snake it up and milk it! You did seem a bit nervous once the sword was on your head, which I assume is only because you're new to it. I just got a sword and have been trying to figure out the spots where it gets shaky myself. One thing I've tried to do is just kinda walk around with it and get used to it...at least as much as I can in my little apartment! Another idea is to do the same thing but with a book...anything to get you much more comfortable with moving as naturally as possible while balancing something.

All in all...nice work! Don't be afraid to use your performance space more...I know you had limited space where you were, but keep it in mind. Many goth BD'ers tend to get stuck a bit in one place. You've got the moves--now work 'em!