Let me know what you think, please. It was just sort of a stream-of-consciousness write.
people.tribe.net/b857640e-...0a06e0e8c1
people.tribe.net/b857640e-...0a06e0e8c1
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Indiana
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Re: Lure of the Dance ~ one-shot fiction
Thu, July 19, 2007 - 6:42 AMHey good job, I really enjoyed it. Some pretty descriptions there ... it's very vivid :-)
Rach x -
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Re: Lure of the Dance ~ one-shot fiction
Thu, July 19, 2007 - 6:52 AMThank you very much! :)
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Re: Lure of the Dance ~ one-shot fiction
Fri, June 20, 2008 - 8:50 PMNice visuals. I'd rework the use of the word "cunning". It made me want to look up the definiation to check it.
A "cunning little viper" seems like an off description. I found myself reading past that part , but my brain kept wondering at the cunning of vipers. . . and how little one might be . . . and then I realized I hadn't paid much attention to where I was and had to reread.
Is your reader a belly dancer? If no, then explain mayas and umis more.
I like the way the music felt real via your descriptions. -
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Re: Lure of the Dance ~ one-shot fiction
Mon, June 23, 2008 - 7:29 AMThanks so much for your comments. I am planning on rewriting it soon, to make it easier for folks with no belly dance experience to understand. :) I appreciate the critique.
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