Last year I went to the doctor for some answers about my lifetime of chronic back issues. I was diagnosed with mild scoliosis (I've got an 8 degree curve in my thoracic section, to the right), which is congenital. Since then, I've been in physical therapy with a really great woman, and I've learned a lot about how my body works. I've built up from pee-wee balance ball exercises to 2-3 gym sessions of weightlifting a week, and most of the time I feel really proud of myself.

And then sometimes, I just get pissed off. I'll do something - one little thing - and it will send my upper back out of commission for a day or days. I'm slowly learning which movements to avoid. This week, I learned to avoid one particular move in our improv tribal class, because there's no way for me to do it without hurting myself (holding the arms over the head, doing two chest circles, with arms "echoing" the motion of the chest instead of remaining straight up). So now I know not to do that one. Okay, good lesson. But the lesson came at the price of one evening spent wanting to cry, lying on a heating pad, taking Ibuprofin and relying on my man to help me on and off with clothing, getting food, etc. A big part of the issue is that some of the muscles involved are my serratus muscles, which fan across the ribs and help lift the rib cage for breathing. So a bad flare up can mean that it hurts constantly when I breathe in and out - not fun.

I know what to do for myself physically when I cause a flare-up. But I am really, really bad at handling it mentally. I'm normally a very patient person, and I feel pretty lucky to have such mild scoliosis and such a good physical therapist and friends. But the combination of suddenly not being able to do half the stuff I need and want to do, combined with pain, makes it very hard for me to stay grounded. I figured this would be the best and most supportive environment, and that other dancers here would know what I mean about just not being able to avoid getting ticked off.