I wanted the topic to read;
A Young Lover's Primer, then I remembered that age has virtually no relativism with regard to sexuality, and so, undeveloped it is.
Helpful hints:
1) No, dear, that's not a tonka truck, that's my clitoris.
2) It's not an easy bake oven either, dear.
3) Mood lighting is always nice, but turning off all of the lights is an insult, or a cry for help.
4) Turn off the TV or I will kill you. (MTV RAP is not a precursor to a great orgasm either)
5) Offer me a beverage before removing your shorts
6) If my hands are still cold, stay back!
7) Never parade around while wearing a soiled condom
8) Never congratulate yourself and your imagined prowess.
9) Never leave it to Beaver, finish the job BITCH!
That's all for now, but please add on...
A Young Lover's Primer, then I remembered that age has virtually no relativism with regard to sexuality, and so, undeveloped it is.
Helpful hints:
1) No, dear, that's not a tonka truck, that's my clitoris.
2) It's not an easy bake oven either, dear.
3) Mood lighting is always nice, but turning off all of the lights is an insult, or a cry for help.
4) Turn off the TV or I will kill you. (MTV RAP is not a precursor to a great orgasm either)
5) Offer me a beverage before removing your shorts
6) If my hands are still cold, stay back!
7) Never parade around while wearing a soiled condom
8) Never congratulate yourself and your imagined prowess.
9) Never leave it to Beaver, finish the job BITCH!
That's all for now, but please add on...
posted by:
|
SF Bay Area
|
-
Re: Primer for the undeveloped lover
Thu, January 4, 2007 - 4:00 PMA reply from the other set of chromosomes.
1) Yes, not a tonka truck and not the under-advertised tonka "little man in the boat" playset.
2) easy-bake oven? You mean there's no 100 light bulb hiding somewhere? Note to self.
3) Mood lighting? Candle-light (candle light has a candlepower of about 30 feet in radius), low-lit 40 watt and below, moonlight. Please specify.
4) And in local news, police were called to a house where they made a grisly discovery . . .
5)Would you like that shaken, stirred, neat, or with a water back?
6) Brrrrrrrrrrr
7) & never while dancing to the "Baby Elephant Walk"
8) OK, never ever make the statement, "Wow, I should have my johnson bronzed."
9) I'm still thinking about this one
10) Should you only yell "I'm coming" if you are thirty feet behind and trying to catch up?
11) Asking "What's my name" only reveals a neurological condition.
12) Use of terms like "daddy" should probably have a safe word attached to it.
13) Safe words should be monosyllabic, in English, and not easily confused. Octogenerian is probably not a good safe word.
14) If you keep pushing in and she keeps pulling back, you might trying to park in the wrong garage. Or you need the "clicker."
-
-
Re: Primer for the undeveloped lover
Wed, January 10, 2007 - 12:16 AM#3 lighiting is relative to the circumstance and the participants, I suppose... I prefer candles because I like fire. Dimmers? But early morning sunlight is quite lovely too! There is a certain womb like quality, or perhaps an early caveman thing, with complete darkness, but I hate it when eyeballs and teeth glow, like cartoons...
Eye contact is just a very important part of it, for me.
#4 aw shucks, never.
#10 hmm...a warning as a precursor to a tantric display of control...is nice, but who cares what people yell when they come. "This one time at band camp", Someone yelled, "water!" in Turkish, which sounds like the name SUe...it could have been awkward, fortunately, as a heartless bitch, I laughed.
#11 But "What's my name bitch!!?!!" is hot.
#12 Oh, daddy.
#13 Bettie -Davis, worked.
#14 hahahahahahaaaaaaaa, you crack me up! K!
-
