Resistance and Defiance, some consider them to be a problem if the sub is overtly challenging the authority of the Dom. Maybe it's being raised in the era where "Challenge Authority" was born... but depending on the inflection and implied punctuation even that had several different meanings.
I welcome being challenged with resistance and even defiance, assuming they are done with respect. This provides an opportunity to be thoughtful, often creative, and to be mindful of my role.
From the Dom perspective, a strong sub that is intectually engaged is far more appealing to my needs. When my authority is challenged, even innocently, there is a need to met out disciplinary measures. These actually offer both rewards and reminders of the D/s roles, reinforcing them, while also providing a scenario for play and spontanity. The sub is well aware that while they may be rewarded for their innovation, they may also find themselves being punished for presuming authority. (while the "punishment" may in fact play to the desires of the sub, the context of defiance assists in sustaining the D/s relatioship IMHO).
In some special situations... the defiant sub may in fact "win out" and be able to have their way with me... at least until there is a subsequent challege and a re-distribution of control.
I welcome their resistance and defiance, just as they will welcome my punishment. (and ocassional complaince)
What are your thoughts......
I welcome being challenged with resistance and even defiance, assuming they are done with respect. This provides an opportunity to be thoughtful, often creative, and to be mindful of my role.
From the Dom perspective, a strong sub that is intectually engaged is far more appealing to my needs. When my authority is challenged, even innocently, there is a need to met out disciplinary measures. These actually offer both rewards and reminders of the D/s roles, reinforcing them, while also providing a scenario for play and spontanity. The sub is well aware that while they may be rewarded for their innovation, they may also find themselves being punished for presuming authority. (while the "punishment" may in fact play to the desires of the sub, the context of defiance assists in sustaining the D/s relatioship IMHO).
In some special situations... the defiant sub may in fact "win out" and be able to have their way with me... at least until there is a subsequent challege and a re-distribution of control.
I welcome their resistance and defiance, just as they will welcome my punishment. (and ocassional complaince)
What are your thoughts......
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Re: Resistance and Defiance
Sun, February 11, 2007 - 10:45 AMI have really enjoyed playing with this dynamic with a friend of mine. We are both switches. I found I enjoyed struggling and fighting him during play. One time I kept my eyes open watching him and deliberately tried to dodge him rather than try to deal with the pain. The enjoyment on his face really made the scene for me. (he's a sadist).
We have a wrestling thing going on that is a lot of fun too. He is a slim guy and I'm a big but strong woman so he has me on technique and I've got him on strength/size. We are both masochists and sadists so we are allowed to fight as dirty as we want. It is a very freeing feeling.
I think one of the reasons I am enjoying playing that way is that I never got the chance to really defy when I was young. (Until a few years ago I was a very good girl).
Some subs might enjoy this kind of play but won't do it without the Dom's permission. My friend had to encourage me - I feel if I agree to submit to someone then that is what I do. At least in this type of play setting.
Susie -
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Re: Resistance and Defiance
Tue, February 13, 2007 - 2:28 PMi think the ultimate "the Dom is always right, even when wrong" is unrealistic. Regardless of our orientation we are all human and therefore fallable. It does not lower a Dominant in my eyes when He/She says that they've made a mistake. Rather that shows me the strength of their integrity and humility. i truly admire someone who does that.
Sometimes there needs to be a question. "Sir, are you sure you want to do that?" When i have to question a Dominant i am serving i try to do so with the utmost respect, again depending on our relationship and His/Her mood. i think that is more of a dynamic that has to be worked out in advance. Resistance play is just a way of conducting a scene. i don't know how many Tops wants bottoms that just sit there. They want someone to react... -
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Re: Resistance and Defiance
Wed, February 21, 2007 - 6:52 PMI like your attitude Pandora....
The point of "seeing a reaction" is key ...
Some "inherent" submissives have a difficult time with this concept... others that are more 'feisty" love it,
most with switch tendancies relish it .
A stoic passive response does not offer good feedback. imho... except for perhaps suggesing 'escalation of stimuli' to try to induce a response... if things are 'well and good' the sigh or breaths that indicate that are soooo welcome to me.... if I end up stinging a bit more than expected.... respond ! (gasp, grunt, or something...). My style is to drive up to and along the edge... the brink of crossing from the bearable (and wanted) to the intolerable... for steady and optimal endorphin production.... (.... insert wicked laugh here)
Like you suggest, there needs to be a discussion up front in negotiations about what is and isn't expected... and perhaps even in-scene if you want to break a pattern with a partner.
one fantasy scenario (a switch on switch perspective) is to not really be sure who ends up topping whom...
the simple "vanilla style" analogy here is a tickle fight... you set up ground rules... but depending on the people's attitude... sensitivities... and the other person "inventiveness" or just luck at finding the 'right spot' one of them ends up laughing to tears....
Extend this to the bdsm world and the opportunities expand by orders of magnitude....
here though you may need a break (i.e. between rounds) to re-set groundrules depending on where the play is going.
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Re: Resistance and Defiance
Wed, February 21, 2007 - 6:54 PMI love wrestling too... especially if both get slippery...lol. oh and it's fun to have ice around to torment them when you pin-em... -
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Re: Resistance and Defiance
Thu, February 22, 2007 - 2:07 PMhehe, wrestling...i love wrestling too, but i have a bear spirit that comes out and sometimes i just get into an animal, growling snarling space. i have a tendency to bite, too...i've had all my shots though.
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