I have thought about it quit a bit… I have had so much responsibility taking care of everyone my soon to be ex (separated/separate addresses) My sister, my son ( but he is a joy) I thought giving into submission where I didn’t have to be responsible would be a welcome thing… but I cant I cant give up that control..
Am I a control freak???
No I don’t think so….
But driving home from an event today I was thinking about it… and maybe I am way off base… but I think I cant surrender until my shit is under control first…it is almost as if my burden is to much. I don’t want to pass it on to any one ..until it has been resolved..
Has anyone else experienced this? Had the same feelings? Is it a control issue and I am not recognizing it?
And the other side is that I have a huge urge to dominate & or top… but not enough skill ...so I am holding off until I know I can comfortable control my self in those scenes/situations.
Amy:-)
Am I a control freak???
No I don’t think so….
But driving home from an event today I was thinking about it… and maybe I am way off base… but I think I cant surrender until my shit is under control first…it is almost as if my burden is to much. I don’t want to pass it on to any one ..until it has been resolved..
Has anyone else experienced this? Had the same feelings? Is it a control issue and I am not recognizing it?
And the other side is that I have a huge urge to dominate & or top… but not enough skill ...so I am holding off until I know I can comfortable control my self in those scenes/situations.
Amy:-)
posted by:
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Wisconsin
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Re: sub urge vs dom urge (x posted)
Tue, April 24, 2007 - 9:29 AM"I have a huge urge to dominate & or top… but not enough skill ...so I am holding off "
Hey, you just start with what you do know. You know, Hitting a boy with a stick. Learn where not to hit him, so you don't break your toy, of course and go from there.
Keep doing the bottom things to learn what to do as a top and to deal with your control issues.
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Re: sub urge vs dom urge (x posted)
Tue, April 24, 2007 - 6:49 PMI know I am guilty of wanting everything to be all worked out and together before I "present" myself to the world or let anyone else in and willingly be vulnerable. When you realize everyone has shit they're working on, and many times it's right out there... and that the time will probably never arrive when you are fully satisfied with where everything is in your life. In other words, "life" is the act of working on the the shit and enjoying yourself and your loved ones while doing it. If you want others to accept you, where you are emotionally, and still be willing to partner with you in playing (topping/bottoming), romance, or something more serious... you must accept yourself first. And then you can take slow steps towards trusting someone else with your safety and satisfaction while you are in play headspace.
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Re: sub urge vs dom urge (x posted)
Wed, April 25, 2007 - 9:22 PMIME, when I feel the most fear of losing control is the time that I most need to look closely at what it is that I'm really fearing. What is the worst that can happen if I spend a couple of hours out of control? What is the best? Maybe the best thing I can do for myself when I'm feeling the need to cling tightly is to let go, and in the freedom of releasing I can allow myself some reprioritizing, and gain new perspective... -
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Re: sub urge vs dom urge (x posted)
Thu, April 26, 2007 - 11:32 PMI would say, just be really honest with your level of skill. You may also want to put your self out "there" to some really experienced bottoms/subs that are willing to give you feed back.
I'd say, don't be too afraid or over think things. Take the leap when you feel the time is right for you. You'll know when it is.
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