-
-
Re: Fucking around
Wed, April 23, 2008 - 9:30 PMNo, see, he wasn't really interested in the answer. That's why he warned us he was just "fucking around" and to therefor disregard the next question.
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, April 24, 2008 - 1:27 AMI've never cheated on anybody, spouse or otherwise -
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, April 24, 2008 - 5:37 AMI made out with someone once while I had a boyfriend, but I felt so terrible about it afterwards that I never cheated again. But if we're talking cards...sometimes I cheat at Munchkin or Apples to Apples, but I do it in a really obvious way, and am always careful to evoke the "cuteness factor" while doing it. Sometimes I even get away with it.
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 1:05 PMRegarding my ex, yes, I cheated, that's how I found my wife. But I was faithful for 18 years of frustration before I started looking around and I stuck with it for another 16 years after that.
I do not cheat on my present wife, but then we did some swinging together, so yes, we did "fuck around" but it wasn't behind her back.
K
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 3:19 PMNever, and I should. But I won't. -
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 3:25 PMI'm going to fuck in 44 days for 4 days, 4 orgasms a day, by 4pm
~V~
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 3:53 PMMy wife announced a few years ago that she was "done with sex". Actually, she was done ten years ago, but didn't make it official until then. I've toyed around with idea of having an affair, but it just goes against my nature. I survive by seeing a tantric healer who helps keep me balanced. -
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 4:19 PMYep. As soon as my daughter is off to college.
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 1:56 AMYou might ask if she'd be willing to let you get your needs met elsewhere since she is no longer willing to provide.
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 5:26 PMYou don't have to cheat if you have an open and loving relationship. -
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 5:34 PMHey Jeff: sorry to hear that
regards,
~V~ -
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 6:01 PMGood for you Jeff for not cheating...except you are cheating yourself. If you are just waiting for the kid to go to college and settled on divorce...stop waiting. I told my counselor years ago that I was waiting for my then 17 year old to grad HS then I'd leave...she said "if you leave, what's the worst that would happen to her." She was so right...that helped me..I left...the kid ended up at a couple of counseling sessions..but is very glad to see her mom very happy.
Cheating isn't necessary..but I too, met my current husband by cheating. I would never do that again and know SO much more now. We are bad at monogamy so have a poly relationship..of course now that i can do what I want with others...I don't want to. I guess it's like realllly wanting a treadmill..then it sits in the garage. :)
Cheating is wrong and people get hurt. Be honest. -
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 6:32 PMThanks for that thoughtful posting Kelly.
I would definitely get out now if I felt it were more damaging to my daughter for us to remain together. We somehow manage to coexist peacefully and I honestly believe that it's better for my child if I stick it out until she's older. I'm happy and content in most areas of my life. It's only in the realm of sex and touch that I'm severly deficient.
I'm sorry... I didn't mean for this discussion to be about me. -
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 6:42 PMNo problem jeff with two f's, we are here for each other. -
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 7:18 PMbeen there done that and paid a large toll for the effort. Would not again. I need her to be faithful, I have made a serious commitment and could not again.
but
her
over there
behind her hair
is so attractive, sexy, attentive, naughty, feminine, available................
what?
I am so male
so much a Leo,
take my hand temptress
tell me lies
listen to mine
laugh at my jokes
touch me
stare into my eyes
I'm such a slut! -
-
Re: Fucking around
Tue, April 29, 2008 - 9:49 PMBut Jeff, you are a good example of WHY people cheat. That and low self-esteem are big causes.
I do feel like a lot of people become unhappy with their sex lives and move on--but that should be only a small part of why you don't want to stay with a partner. Here I am married to my fuck-buddy that I had sex with a LOT when we met and now we're like other married folks...too tired...lucky to do it once a week. :) -
-
Re: Fucking around
Wed, April 30, 2008 - 7:41 AMI have been married to mine for almost eighteen years, we have no kids and have sex rarely. I admit I do fanticize about others, but to me that promise meant no matter what, so I,m here all the all. We sometime forget those vows and we get to wrapped up in our own little spider web to think that their is another person involved. Jeff, why did your wiff give up on sex. Is there any love between you two that might just accomidate for the missing link.
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 7:44 AMOnce a week? I would be in heaven with once a week! With my first marriage, I remember feeling deprived because we only had sex on weekends. In retrospect, that was awesome! It's like in 'Annie Hall' where they're both talking to their respective therapists in split screen and both are asked how often they have sex. Annie says "Constantly... I would say, once a week!." Woody answers the same question "Hardly ever... I would say, once a week!."
-
-
-
-
Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 2:01 AMJeff, you may be right about sticking around but I would like you to consider the case of my dear friend and ex-lover J. He was an accident and his parents got married because his father believed in "doing the right thing." He then stayed with J's mother until he turned 18. J grew up in a marriage that functioned fine and in which the participants were friends but it was only functional, there was no passion. That is the model he was provided with for how relationships work. He has no idea how to show passion or love to other people. He has no working model for the expression of affection to a partner. He also now knows that his father sacrificed almost two decades of his life to a miserable marriage for J and he feels wretchedly guilty because of it. -
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 2:02 AMAnd there are too many ill-defined "he"s in that paragraph, my apologies. Let me know if you can't muddle through the mess I've made and I'll clarify.
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 4:38 AMI'll second Myriad's comments about her freind.
As the child that was the cause of one of "those" marriages I can say with certainty that it not only affected me but my sister too. I've got one failed marriage to show for it and she is still not in a stable relationship being able to show emotion or share intimacy on certain levels.
If the Kids are older and you can vocalize your thoughts on leaving in a non-threatening way (is that possible?) then ask them how they feel aobut your relationship. My father asked my "permision" to re-marry and my answer was simply that I wanted to see him happy. I still do. -
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Mon, May 5, 2008 - 9:33 PM"If the Kids are older and you can vocalize your thoughts on leaving in a non-threatening way (is that possible?) then ask them how they feel aobut your relationship. My father asked my "permision" to re-marry and my answer was simply that I wanted to see him happy. I still do."
I would agree with this completely. Kids in high school see all that is going on, they have learned the looks you and your spouse give, they understand what the parents think they don't understand as far as the unspoken word, and even the passive comments don't smell like the roses they are put out as. I can say this as I lived through it. My parents are still married, but when I was 19 I really questioned why??
Lynn
-
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 7:39 AMYou make a very good point, Myriad. My in-laws have a marriage very much like ours. They merely tolerate each other, but the relationship is completely loveless. This is the type of marriage that my wife observed all of her life and she has ended up with an identical situation. She has extreme intimacy issues and is uncomfortable with physical affection. My mother picked up on this right away when she tried to hug her and my wife (then girlfriend) shied away. I am worried that my daughter is going to continue this legacy. On the rare occasion that my wife and I kiss, my daughter is completely appalled. -
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 7:49 AMNow that, that right there above all, is what dictates that you have to deal with this, yesterday. Lot's of people stay for the kids, some do more damage by staying than dealing with it and possibly leaving.
Just don't doom your kids to a vicious cycle in the name of saving them pain. 'k? -
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 8:00 AMPeople are not controlled by their past, which everyone seems to believe. When I married, my wiff also had intimacy problem, but me being a touchy-feely type, I won her over. Within a year, she couldn't keep her blessed hands off me. Love conquers all. -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 8:42 AM"People are not controlled by their past, which everyone seems to believe. When I married, my wiff also had intimacy problem, but me being a touchy-feely type, I won her over. Within a year, she couldn't keep her blessed hands off me. Love conquers all. "
Controlled? No not at all. But the only experinece they have when not working on it is their past.
How much WORK was that ina year? For many they are not capable or willing to put in that much work and time to get results.
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 6:00 PM"Love conquers all"
The cry of one who has had an abnormally blessed and lucky love-life. No, my friend, love conquers very little. Love can forgive much but it rarely conquers anything. Work, communication, cooperation, blood, sweat, tears: these can conquer many things, but nothing can conquer a heart that refuses to participate in its own recovery. No love, no Herculean effort, no god, no church, no state, no money, no time, no thing is enough to fix a person who does not desire to work on their self. -
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Fri, May 2, 2008 - 7:54 AMits more like : money conquers all
love means little anymore, especially in our very material shallow neo-satanic american culture .. on west coast especially .
-
-
-
-
-
Re: Sticking around for the kids
Mon, May 5, 2008 - 10:10 PMI stuck it out as long as I could for the kids till it damn near killed me, at 31 years of age I had a stress related heart attack.....
-
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Wed, April 30, 2008 - 10:06 AMbut y'know it's there if you ever feel like goin' for a ride ;-)
> I guess it's like realllly wanting a treadmill..then it sits in the garage. :)
-
-
-
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 10:32 AMA fling isn't cheating - keeping in contact every day with the person is. We are human and all have the need of a new taste now and again.
So I am waiting............ -
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 6:02 PM"A fling isn't cheating"
There are many people who would strongly, in some cases violently, disagree with you.
If any lover told me "But it was just a fling, it wasn't cheating!" I'd kindly advise them not to let the door hit them on the way out and remember to take anything with them that they intended to keep. -
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 6:51 PMI second that Myriad! Hell, I don't think you even have to have sex with someone else for it to be cheating...some people think lusty e-mails or naughty chat is cheating and I tend to agree with that thought. -
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Sun, May 4, 2008 - 2:02 AMIf a "fling" isn't cheating, I don't know what is. You don't have to fall in love with a paramour to be cheating.
-
Re: Fucking around
Mon, May 5, 2008 - 9:36 PMThird on that Myriad.
and forth!!!
Lynn
-
-
-
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Thu, May 1, 2008 - 7:19 PMI don't cheat...but sure would LIKE to sometimes. -
-
Re: Fucking around
Sun, May 4, 2008 - 11:25 AMShells, can you make it so it's not cheating?
-
-
Re: Fucking around
Sun, May 4, 2008 - 11:38 AMNot on this time around, first marriage I wasn't exactly the model husband, of course she wasn't the model wife either.
