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I was wondering how many of you who meet either many sexual partners or swing in anyway, look for something specific in your sexual encounters? ie: dom/sub..or any fetish?
If so did you evolve to this understanding of yourselves/experience, or do you just plumb for what happens & what comes along?
If so did you evolve to this understanding of yourselves/experience, or do you just plumb for what happens & what comes along?
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Re: what do you look for?
Sun, October 25, 2009 - 3:57 PMLynne,
I've had many sexual partners before being married (twice), and I had known all of them through dating well before hand, so I think I knew most of their desires. I introduced one lover to anal sex who had never experienced it, and have been married to a wonderful woman who introduced me to some encounters and experiences I had never known, and would never have known except for her teaching me. All good experiences I might add. I actually through trust and communication understand my lover more now than I ever did.....
~Steve~
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Re: what do you look for?
Sun, October 25, 2009 - 4:19 PMWhat I look for in a sexual encounter, is how a woman wants to be touched, kissed, licked, caressed, or penetrated. If she wants me to wear a specific type of clothing for her fetish or possible my body type. For example, before the accident I was in, I had an athletic body, I still do to a certain degree. I was in a relationship, a while back and I had made friends with this one woman. She and I were in relationships at the time and she was fascinated with my body type, at the time. All I had to do was to walk up to her, and smile at her while I was doing it, and I could see her nipples showing.
Well, that drove her crazy with arousal, I kid you not. After the demise of two relationships, not of my own doing, she finally caught up with me, and she was turned on. We were in my bed, fucking. Not making love, not making out, not necking, not teasing, FUCKING. weg= wicked evil grin. She came more times that I could count. Of course, I popped a few loads on her or down her throat. She left my bedroom, and my the apartment that I was sharing with a former working buddy, with a big ass smile on her face, because she got to fuck a person with an athletic body. People are weird. Of course, I'm no better, lol! Give me a woman, that has black hair or a woman with red hair, and I'm hoplessly aroused, and especially if that woman let's me take her and take her hard. WOOOOOOO, LOL!
Sebastian
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Re: what do you look for?
Sun, October 25, 2009 - 6:49 PMWe look for people who have training - people who have done classes, workshops, etc. in the areas of communication and sensuality.
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Re: what do you look for?
Mon, October 26, 2009 - 8:49 AMI look for a warm heart, a good mind and love. Some beauty is always nice but it is amazing how a genuine smile can improve ones looks more than all the cosmetics in the world. The real catch is to find all this in a woman who wants my company. -
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Re: what do you look for?
Mon, October 26, 2009 - 9:24 AMI look for hidden cameras and the potential for blackmail, then I have at it anyway.
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Re: what do you look for?
Mon, October 26, 2009 - 1:00 PMfirst of all, all of this: things in common with me. a love of nature, hiking or camping or backpacking or rockclimbing or fishing. intelligence. the ability to hold a conversation that isn't about sex all the time is very important to me. i also love to go hiking with them when time permits.
the ability to be discrete, to keep a secret. i am able to, he/she needs to be able to do the same. i'm not destroying my family or life for my sex life. i'm not destroying his/her family or life either.
clean health. i am tested regularly. i come prepared to discuss my sexual history. so should they be.
i choose my friends carefully, and they Are friends. -
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Re: what do you look for?
Mon, October 26, 2009 - 1:25 PMI know that I can separate sex and love or friendship to the point that I can enjoy having sex with someone I don't know. At the same time, I prefer to be with someone that I DO know, and that I like. I've never tried having sex with someone I didn't like. I'm not sure that would work. -
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Re: what do you look for?
Mon, October 26, 2009 - 5:08 PMwhat i look for is a woman comfortable with her body and open to trying new things. i love
that confident swagger. i had an ex who was wide open. she was down to try almost
anything once. toys, bringing in another person(that was a nice b-day gift)acting out fantasies. a woman not afraid to initiate intimacy. -
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Re: what do you look for?
Mon, October 26, 2009 - 8:58 PMA woman (or man) exploring boundaries, and willing to cross them to see what happens. Someone comfortable laying in my arms and chatting.
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Re: what do you look for?
Wed, November 11, 2009 - 3:42 PMI'm usually a "go with the flow" type of guy. As far as experiences go, I love being a third to couples and enjoy having male thirds come play. Physically, while there are some things that I find appealing. I'm not picky. Just an open mind and the willingness to have fun. -
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Re: what do you look for?
Wed, November 11, 2009 - 9:38 PMWell first thing I looked for was they were Alive ;). When we were swinging I didn't just drag the first female I saw into the bedroom, believe it or not she had to appeal to me often I was just attracted to the eyes, but a nice smile often attracted me than a great pair of boobs. That plus some of the real lookers were actually quite poor in the sack :( -
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Re: what do you look for?
Thu, November 12, 2009 - 10:24 AMWhen I was swinging years ago, I was pleasantly surprised to see what I considered to be one of the most physically beautiful women in the place crawling towards me looking hungry. Seems she wanted to suck my cock. Of course, I was quite agreeable on that point. Watching my hardon slide between her luscious lips was awesome. But she was the worst I have ever experienced at giving head. If it were not so enjoyable to watch, I would have stopped her. It was that bad. So yes, Peter, some of the real lookers can be quite poor in the sack. -
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Re: what do you look for?
Sat, November 14, 2009 - 11:38 AMa heart and a hole, and a pulse,,,
I enjoy friendship with a woman tho I have also had sex within twenty minutes of meeting with few words,,,tho there has to be some kind of connection,,,and a feeling that the moment is unique,,,the experience of the moment
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Re: what do you look for?
Sat, November 14, 2009 - 12:23 PMI'm poly, omnivorous, and a life long slut. I life and play in queer SF which includes the multitude of men only semi/fully anonymous play spaces. My tribe is pansexual, queer and kinky. I've got both boy friend and girl friend as well as a sweet wonderful gender queer wife of 38 non-monogamous years.
I never LOOK for anything specific but over the years I've learned that it's the energy that someone puts out that attracts me.
Are they comfortable in themselves, do they have a smile on, do they have a bit of twinkle? Are they a wall flower waiting to bloom? Are they like the fool in Tarot about to step into the ablyss at the start of a journey? Is there an energy new to me?
As for what happens, well yes, it's whatever comes along.
Hugs,
Rig Daddy
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Re: what do you look for?
Tue, November 17, 2009 - 12:52 PMI'm just looking for some erotic fun in general. I guess you could say that I'm plump for what happens. So Lynne, what are you looking for I really want to know! You area real cutie too.
Ben -
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Re: what do you look for?
Wed, November 18, 2009 - 12:07 PMHi Bennie..thanks, I was just curious where others come from when they make sexual choices.
Myself, well, because I was a professional dominatrix for many years..I kind of found my strengths & weaknesses that way without all the complications that emotions can (not always) evoke.
I now write about my `life` so to speak & my experiences with others that it may help.
The Dom bit kind of found me first..when I noticed all the guys lying prostrate in front of me, with no pre-emptives from me..lol!..I got the gyuist quite quickly..but in time realised this was a great strengh that was `always `there.
But in time I also realsied that no-one should `always` be on-top..the balance is created by understanding & knowing what its like to be a bottom too!
But why I brought up the question was I got to thinking that many people who decide to have sex, do it because at that instant they are turned on by the other/s & with little thought to whether they are taking a dom role/sub role/switch role etc. & none of this may matter at all what I am saying but many after meeting each other for a while have no idea as to the dynamics of that relationship beyond saying to themselves `I fancy him/her` etc, etc. Do you get what I am saying? Then as time progresses they find something missing from their relationship but cannot put their finger on it, so I wondered if anybody else has come across this or experienced this themselves. I used to see many clients who`s partners just were either appalled or uninterested in the deep intricasies of sexual play, so therefore they sort out the services of people like myself.
many finding that balance in ones sexual life helped to balance out power plays or demands in ones day to day life.
What do you all think? -
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Re: what do you look for?
Wed, November 18, 2009 - 12:36 PMBe your self, have fun, enjoy.
Some times I am aggressively horny and want to fuck, at other times I feel more passive and enjoy my female lover to be more assertive even aggressive and fuck me really good. A balanced personality, I believe has a bit of both Dom and Sub weaved into its fabric. Just depends on my mood, I would suppose my testosterone level and my lover.
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Re: what do you look for?
Thu, November 19, 2009 - 5:34 PMLynne,
For me it was when I started working as a masseur for a women’s health (for weight reduction) spa. At first I wasn’t sure if I’d enjoy giving massage to a bunch of overweight mature women. I was 29 when I started and worked for almost two years. The women’s ages ranged from about 45 to 65. It didn’t take me long to realize how sexy and aggressively sexual many of them were. That attraction for me was most flattering as extremely sexually gratifying for me as well. I had a blast. For me it was how much pleasure I derived from gratifying them and their sexual needs. The age difference was so very foreboding that it made it even more exciting. To sum it up I loved serving them all in the most erotic manner too. After working as a masseur part-time in the evening, quite a few of them wanted to shower with me at closing, wherein it allowed us to be alone nekkid to play. As word spread among the women there that grew to almost every night at closing to an average of almost two a night. That of course led to some of them inviting me to play with them at home or my place. Since I am totally uninhibited about nudity and sexual gratification, I was more than willing to enjoy even more intense sexual fun. The BDsm was more and more frequent. I say BDsm meaning that the bondage was very real but the S & M was more playful than seriously painful. Some of them desired total domination and humiliation while others needed me to be submissive and subservient. I enjoyed it all either way. It’s all good to me. It was quite easy for me to switch from master to submissive with each girl. However it was very difficult to navigate the various emotional intimacies that would develop from some of them. I had to keep reminded them as well as myself that it was all just erotic fun and nothing more. The spa closed for financial reasons but I continued to play with several of the girls I met there. Since it never had anything to do with money and everything to do with mutual sexual gratification, a few of the girls misunderstood and developed emotional ties to me. As soon as that began to happen I had to take stop and re-establish the relationships. After a few more years of sexual fun I moved back to New Orleans. Some took it well while a few were extremely upset. Even though having such beautiful mature women desiring me sexually I had to adjust my attitude to not be so damn shy with women my own age. The dynamics were very interesting. To date I prefer mature women and have some difficulty thinking that I could be attracted by women close to my age. I’m 54 now and would enjoy having an emotional connection with a woman that would enjoy sharing (both ways) as well as a BDsm playful lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong about S&M, I enjoy having my body used and abused, I just have some difficulty subjecting another to as much as I enjoy having done to me. As for top or bottom it really doesn’t matter to me as long as it alternates and evolves through open adventures. I’d also enjoy sharing my future girlfriend with other men or women and would hope for the same in return, together. I feel that I have balanced out power and sub with some degree of understanding and respect. I also run like Hell from people that are into mind games. Mind games can be fun but eventually not good for one’s emotional health. I was married for quite some time to a woman that loved being shared with other men and often too, but she simply didn’t like sharing me at all hardly. Hence my divorce in 2005. I loved watching her being used and defiled by other men as much as she enjoyed being used and defiled so to speak. I just wanted the same in return once and a while. You are more than welcome to ask me anything here or email me directly to nastybeau123@yahoo.com
Ben
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Re: what do you look for?
Fri, November 20, 2009 - 3:53 PMHey sexy Lynne,
If you email me directly I'd be happy to give you alot more idea. MY direct email os nastybeau123@yahoo.com
Ben
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