I don't know - I like those slow deep BJs.....

I have this crazy idea. How about asking your wife what she likes? Also, the difference between "never says anything" and says "oh my god that was so hot, baby do it again" is . . . er . . . noticeable. If my boyfriend does something new that I really like, I'll be sure to mention it, so he knows to do it again. But if he does something I find boring, but he really seems to like it, I might just consider it a small kindness to him.

I agree with everyone else about checking to see if she really likes it. I think people might do stuff with their partners just because they know their partner likes it..but they secretly hate it.

My partner likes to grab my head as you described and the only part I like is that it's very Dominant of him and powerful in that sense so I enjoy THAT aspect of it..I don't like the cock in my throat without me controlling it somehow. I usually end up with watery eyes..but he also finds that very sexy.

So it's 50/50 for me..I like it..but don't.

The best way I've found is not to tell them they are doing something you hate but tell them you LOVE it when they DON'T do that thing.
For example: If you hate having your partner grab your head and fuck your mouth don't tell him "That's awful, stop doing that!" Tell him "I really love it when you let me control the blowjob. It lets me really focus on what I'm doing and control the depth and speed so I don't hurt myself on (and here's where some ego stroking can be helpful) your big hard cock." Make it into something sexy he can do for you rather than something not-sexy he needs to stop doing.
If he persists then a gentle suggestion that such-and-such isn't really you're thing might be good. If you don't mind it too horribly but he really likes it you might suggest saving it for special occasions. If it's really a problem for you let him know. He'll feel wretched (and foolish) if he finds out after he's been doing it for years.

I actually just this happen a few days ago and discovered something new about myself because of it. (Hopefully that IS what it's all about anyway, right?)

As I was giving my beloved aan amazing and fabulous blowjob--I knew it was fabulous not just because he was so into it but for the first time since I can remember I got really, REALLY into as well-- he began thrusting HARD into my mouth and I almost couldn't handle it. So, I sorta switched gears and made it into a personal challenge to see how far we could go with this. In other words, I had to intellectualize it in order to handle it...so I lost most of the more primal, sexual turn on in order to do this for him.

I'm glad I had the experience, but I now know that I prefer being the one in control in this scenario. And yes, I communicated this to him so now we both know.

-K

"Why do some guys assume that is what a woman would want or desire?"

Because they think it's hot and don't understand or just plain never thought about everything you just explained. Most guys have also never given a blowjob ( or won't admit to it) so they've probably never encountered any of those problems. I also know a lot of guys do like the situation reversed with their girlfriend to have her rub herself against their face until they're covered in juice and can barely breathe. I won't fault a guy for trying it and not understanding why it might be a problem. It's only if they keep trying to do it AFTER you explain this to them that there's an issue, and they such men as that should really be summarily dumped.

It works great in phone sex....I agree..but IRL....no way!