My boyfriend has attended alone for the past 4 years. I have never been and this year he is being very persuasive about me joining him. We are a committed couple of many years and I need a bit of advice from seasoned folks. I have been told that this event can cause great strain on a relationship or be a relationship killer. In light of all I've read, this seems odd. Anyone have any advice, words, cautions?
Thanks.
Thanks.
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Thu, June 21, 2007 - 7:36 PMI think the problem may rise that it is a place where
people are encouraged to leave their comfort zones
behind and venture outside normal boundaries. And
if flirting and sex play is going on around you it might
be difficult not to join in. So if that's not okay, trouble
looms. Also you are hot and tired and may be dehydrated
enough to bicker and fight more than normal. If you discuss
possible scenarios and establish boundaries and ways
to communicate ahead of time, you should be fine.
The key is be clear with one another, talk, and then
talk some more, then check in with one another as
you go through the experience. If things start feeling
weird, stop and figure out how to fix it.
Vixxen
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Fri, June 22, 2007 - 10:16 AMMe and my boyfriend were both virgin burners last year which many people considered the kiss of death. We handled it just okay (and are still together) but that was only because we were prepared for it. We had long honest discussions about what our expectations were of each other. What situations are okay to be in and which aren't? Are you both okay doing some things on your own? And we were both very honest and frank with each other.
The biggest thing for us though was that we bickered _a lot_ more than we usually do because it's so friggin hot in the day, and we both would get irritable. We set up a code word before getting to the playa so that instead of saying "You're such an asshole" and escalating the situation, we'd say "Drink some water." That was the sign that this conversation is ending, you're being unreasonable, and it's probably because you're dehydrated and cranky. And it turns out, in every instance of bickering, if we both walked away, drank some water and cooled off, the whole thing went away.
So basically if you have a truly honest and solid relationship where you can talk openly about everything and you know how to avoid having a huge blowup, you're golden. That's my two cents. :) -
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Fri, June 22, 2007 - 2:22 PMThank you both for the good advice.
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Sat, June 30, 2007 - 11:52 PMeh nah..... nevermind it is what it is.. just f@@@@@@@ burningman enjoy yourself and and and -
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Mon, July 2, 2007 - 1:35 PMThank you for the energy, Dennis. -
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Sat, July 14, 2007 - 6:52 PMCommunication is really important.
And time apart. You may want to do something that he might now, and vice versa, and that's okay. Last year was my first burn and I went wioth my best friend w/ bennies. We made the leap to the next level in our partnership and, well we both consider tae burn to be where we got married.
I don't get to go this year, but he is and I know he's going to have a great time. -
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Mon, July 30, 2007 - 2:51 PMIt is all about communication & expectations.
I was a virgin last year and my partner was a 4-year veteran. We talked beforehand about what we felt our limits would be in certain situations and expectations re: time together and apart . Once out there, it was all about checking in with each other - and all about mutual RESPECT. I ended up running off to play solo more than he did, but we always found ways of checking in with each other throughout the week.
The Relationship Survival Guide recommends setting "dates" - keep in mind most people either don't wear watches, can't find each other in crowds, or just lose track of time. Be realistic with whatever "plans" you try to make! We had talked about setting dates, but never needed to. Everyday our camp had communal dinners - we almost always saw each other then before heading out on our evening adventures.
One thing I like about the Survival Guide is the advice to monitor each other's water intake. Staying hydrated can prevent a lot of the bickering. I drank tons of water out of virgin paranoia, but he didn't ... patience goes a lot further than nagging. -
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Sun, August 12, 2007 - 4:15 PMi know this is an older post, but i had to respond once i read. are you still planning on going?
i would suggest following tips from most of these responses, but also, lighten up and remember to have fun and enjoy one of the funnest, craziets, most meaningful weeks of your life with someone you love! that is a gift that is priceless.
my experience with my husband of a year (as of last bm) was amazing. we've been together for a long time (before we were married) and so a lot of the "spark" in the day-to-day has faded. but out on the playa, we fell in love in a completely new way. sounds cheesy, i know, but we both learned a lot out there and grew together and in a common direction. he couldn't stop telling me how beautiful i was, and we could both recognize the beauty and sensuality of other people there without crossing any boundaries.
all the caution about relationships out there is true: if your relationship is unhealthy, ridden with jealousy, or there are some major issues, a week camping in extreme conditions in total beauty, chaos, and insanity will end up in tension, frustration, or termination (of the relationship...haha:)
but if you are confident in your relationship, and you are able to make decisions by yourself and as a couple, i would say "go for it!" and have a blast...who knows, maybe you'll be gettin married on the playa next burn!
good luck and hope to see you out there! -
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Mon, August 13, 2007 - 8:12 AMAgreed with the advice above.
I'd also add that trusting each other is really important out there (and here in the default world too of course, but more so in BRC). There are many beautiful people and so much intense energy swirling about. It can be very overwhelming...
Communicate with each other, accept your feelings, and have a damn lovely time being yourself.
Many couples have been successful on the playa and so can you two.
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Re: Advice for a couple at Burning Man?
Tue, August 14, 2007 - 10:38 AMI was a bm virgin in 06 and my bf had already been goin for 2 years and I hafta say that maintaining good communication as well as being able to go out and do your own thing at certain times made everything run smoothly. I ended up having some of the most liberating sexual expieriences of my life while I was there with my bf and other amazing people because we were open and communicative and werent trying to be deceptive or hide anything, I noticed other friends had issues because its not so liberating if your lovers puttin out a negative vibe by being secritive or shady about what they are doin while theyre there
