I'm sorry. I know it is painful. Believe me...

I did some things in my marriage that weren't so great but I was really blindsided when my husband decided to leave. Even more blindsided when he decided to "move on". But I realized recently that he had been "gone" long before he left. It doesn't make it easier but it isn't necessarily a reflection on you that he "moved on" so quickly. It may just be that he moved on long before he left. I still question my ex's mental stability and I wish he would have taken me up on my continued offers of getting him some mental help but what can you do?

What would have been my 9 year wedding anniversary will be on Sunday. Last year he had been gone for about a month. It was so hard. It gets better. I swear it does.

*hugs*

that it took her a year and another relationship to really get over the man she had been with for years.

She said the year wouldn't have done it by itself.

And the new relationship wouldn't have done it by itself (and the new relationship was like the first pancake -- only good as a test, not as a keeper).

She needed both.

I thought that was really good advice.

Except it didn't work for me.

But I did the worst possible thing. I re-contacted him and got involved with him again and now, almost five more years into it, I see that nothing has changed or will change and that he is clearly cheating on me again and lying to me about everything, whether it is meaningful or not, just apparently for the fun of it. But from what I can glean from the little bits of truth that I inadvertently run across, this "other" woman is as serious a relationship as his last cheating episode, which means that I can expect him to live with her soon.

I wonder where I would be now if I hadn't gotten back in touch with him. No matter how lonely, at least I would be better off.

That hurts. Dec I was happily married, by jan we were getting a divorce, by march we sold our house and I moved to a new state...and virtually right after I moved he moved in with someone else. It made it feel like he really hadn't loved me those 9 years. But that's not true. He just can't be alone. He will latch onto anyone to not be alone and have to stand on his own. It isn't about me or about not loving me. It's about his issues.

and the same is true of your ex. His being with someone else is about him. Not about you or about how he felt or feels about you. Lots of people use new relationships to cover up the pain of the ones they are leaving or like a drug to numb them.

One of the big things for me was letting go of worrying about him. It's not my job...and more than that it's not my place anymore. I need to not worry about him. and it's ok so say "what a fucker he just jumped right into something else!" you don't have to feel it as pain due to worry about him. I don't know you so I don't know that that is what is going on...but I thought I would throw that out there. It seems like alot of people really seem to feel like they can't be just flat out angry and hurt by the stuff their ex or soon to be ex does. As if they have to put on the good face to show they still care for them or aren't bitter or something. You can love someone in awsome measure...and still think they are being an ass and still feel flat out hurt by thier actions.