oh I know that one. I am amazed at the power of my mind at making up excuses and at the power of my compulsions to act on things I know are going against the decision I made when I was thinking straight! But I just kept working on it and it does get easier. and you need it to be over. You need a death of the relationship you have...that doesn't mean a new more healthy relationship can never been born in the future...but this unheathy one must truely end and be dead.

Yeah, I had that problem myself. Only made my life worse when I did call, write, text, etc. Esp. if I got the new girlfriend on the phone. *ugh*

As for the writing letters and saving them to draft. You know, I considered that a huge step towards healing that I could write something and NOT send it. Keeping a journal and talking to a therapist are really helpful.

It does get better... I swear.

I found this meditation helpful in trying to understand and guide my actions; how I am responding to my fears; and what behaviors of attachment are based upon desire or love, love for the mother of my daughter as we remain parents even though we are no longer husband and wife or desire based upon fear as I work through my separation and divorce:

When you are alone you are not alone, you are simply lonely - and there is a tremendous difference between loneliness and aloneness. When you are lonely you are thinking of the other, you are missing the other.

Loneliness is a negative state. You are feeling that it would have been better if the other were there - your friend, your wife, your mother, your beloved, your husband. It would have been good if the other were there, but the other is not. Loneliness is absence of the other.

Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.

When there is no "significant other" in our lives we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough even to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends or colleagues.

If you are facing such a situation now, be aware of how you are choosing to view your "aloneness" and take responsibility for the choice you have made.

i've done much better lately not calling him. in fact, i have a few new interests. time does heal... eventually.