I'm bringing a virgin...

we tried to do a number of things...one was, one night we went to bed hella early and got up before dawn.....will that suffice? if you can get him up and out for a few hours in the morning light?

remember that people are just different, what may feel just *hot* to you, may really be unbearable for him...like food, and taste...sometimes it tastes good to some and others are not able to stand it....ya know? different chemistry.

about costumes: some people are just not comfortable coming out of their shell...ask him what he WOULD wear....maybe a pair of horns???? or face paint?

ask him what he wants and give it to him...then maybe he will ask you what you want....

i love it that you both had a horrid time and want to go back....hehehehe. on some level you were still so wow'd you have to do it more....!

everyone will experience burningman differently, and each persons experience is their own...

we have been, this will be 12 years, and it's curious how over the years things I take away from and experience on the playa are not the same ones he recalls...

I'll say, did ya see that, he recalls it differently.. in the early years of this I'd have my feelings easily hurt by what I perceived as his lack of interest in the same things....

seemed we rarely shared a common experience out there..

my expectations were such that it put some pressure on our playa experience...

over the years, I have learned, that we can each have our own experiences, and come back and share our excitement over what we saw, or experienced with one another... if its then something the other finds curious enough we can then go experience it together...

but if ya feel as though you HAVE to go do something that you may not feel interested in, that will put pressure and expectation on you, or him and that can cause the issues...

everything about the playa has a way of magnifying the senses, things that may not otherwise matter seem to become larger than life...

when you mix the elements, heat, cold, elevation, dust, wind, along with being physically tired, and psychologically on overload from all the sensory input ya have a petri dish for a ripe culture of potential "viral" issues.....

we have found that if we go out to explore alone, find things we are interested in, and then come back to camp, and share our expeiences with one another it seems to encourage us to want to go and experience it together..

we tease about it being our own expedition.. we even say to one another.. I'm going on an expedition, if I find something you might enjoy I'll come tell you about it and maybe we can go experience it together..

that way no one feels as if they are being dragged all over the place in the heat or cold or whiteouts when they may really only want to hang at camp and enjoy their own experience...

and, remember, Time does not exisit on the playa, what may seem like only a few minutes can really become hours, we never wear watches, so, when we go explore alone we try to remember to come back before the other person feels the need to send out a search team....

I ALWAYS carry a spray bottle with me, and a bandana that I can use to cover my face in a whiteout, or wet and tie loosely around my neck to help keep me cool... and if you wet the bandana in a white out, it helps to breathe easier thru the moisture, and cathes the dust on the wetness rather than filter it thru the material..

if you allow your body to just rest when it needs to, eat when you're hungry, sleep when ya feel the need, and remember to keep hydrated, your experience wil be much more fun, not to mention more comfortable.

its the expectations we put on ourselves to continue going and going and expect those with us to keep going and going too that creates the "performance anxiety" and finally it's no longer fun, but becomes "work" and No one I know wants to go and have to work while trying to have a good time

if you can accept the fact, you will see what you are meant to, do what you are meant to and experience what you are meant to, then it's likely you'll have a beter time because there isn't such a focus and drive to be everywhere and do everything....

if ya take individual expeditions, ya can each have your own experiences.. and then share them, ya cover more ground that way too,

we have photos of things that each of us have taken that we may not have otherwise seen had we stayed together for all of the time out there.....

as for the personal interactions.. our rule is, if ya want to play, bring em back to camp so we can all meet before ya go off together.. but then we have THAT kind of relationship already, and its not just a playa thing

the trick to a positive playa experience is to have NO EXPECTATIONS!! just allow the playa to direct your path, find a rhythm that works for you, allow him to have his rhythm, and if you're meant to, the rhythms will become insync....

be prepared for the heat, I do believe, based on our wacky weather, we're going to have a Hot one.. but, then, that's just "my" expectation... <grin>

I hope ya have a wonderful time this year.....


Bare

Thank you it's good to hear about a couple who succeeded. I hear so much negativity like "Bringing in a 3rd party complicates things" "Brining in a third statistically will cause a break-up" This is from professionals and otherwise. My B/F means too much to me for me to want to put our relationship at risk for something that could have been easily avoided. Yes I fear where is heart would be...but I guess what happens happens right? If he were to fall for someone else... then avoiding a threesome for that fear would have been pointless as likely it would have happened eventually anyway. The unknown is a scary thing.

When I was in a previous relationship it wasn't as risky. Anyway, thanks for sharing. I think it's great that you two are strong enough to peruse that, have fun with it, and be strong enough to not let uncomfortable feelings break you. And admit it. I think when I have had discussions before with people that have had "successful" threesomes that always say.. "Oh neither of us had a problem. Everything was great. " When people say that it indicates that I must not be ready for it, because if I'm going to do it I should feel the way these people do and be completely comfortable and carefree about it. But now that I'm looking I bet their situations were a lot like yours. They just couldn't tell me honestly what it was really like.

Your experiance seems a lot more attainable and realistic.