I'm sorta new here. I lurk alot... rarely post. I'm a double scorpio sun/moon.
Lately I've been dealing with a lot in life. I'm a very private person and I just deal with things as they come and keep my cool about me even to my friends. Now it feels as though I'm coming apart and I'm not sure how much longer it will be until I break. It's a matter of time.
My personal life is in shambles. I'm mostly to blame because I refuse to let anyone close to me. I'm so terrified of getting hurt. I put up a VERY aloof front and "test" people to see if they care enough to try and get to me. 99% of the time they walk and my pride refuses to call them back and explain that I want them in my life but I don't know how to tell them that. I always let them walk away... watching them go refusing to let them see how hurt I am.
The last one that walked away meant so much to me but he hurt me and I got nasty with him to cover up my feelings. I found out that he now is happily in a new relationship. I want to die. I've never been so out of my mind with hurt.
I'm so use to having control in EVERY single detail right down to my facial expressions or the tone of my voice when talking to people. I'm losing that control and I'm scared to death. I'm scared that people will pity me or even scorn me for being "weak". It's all slipping and the more it slips the more I panic... and lose it that much more control.
I'm doing alot of venting right now hoping that perhaps I could get advice or more insight as to how to gain back at least the illusion of confidence so that I can chin up and go on.
What does one do in these situations? I want to lock up and hide away but I refuse to let him see that he's done this to me. In some ways I think it would satisfiy him because I was down right ruthless with him at one point. Now I'm the one suffering.
Advice? Thanks
Lately I've been dealing with a lot in life. I'm a very private person and I just deal with things as they come and keep my cool about me even to my friends. Now it feels as though I'm coming apart and I'm not sure how much longer it will be until I break. It's a matter of time.
My personal life is in shambles. I'm mostly to blame because I refuse to let anyone close to me. I'm so terrified of getting hurt. I put up a VERY aloof front and "test" people to see if they care enough to try and get to me. 99% of the time they walk and my pride refuses to call them back and explain that I want them in my life but I don't know how to tell them that. I always let them walk away... watching them go refusing to let them see how hurt I am.
The last one that walked away meant so much to me but he hurt me and I got nasty with him to cover up my feelings. I found out that he now is happily in a new relationship. I want to die. I've never been so out of my mind with hurt.
I'm so use to having control in EVERY single detail right down to my facial expressions or the tone of my voice when talking to people. I'm losing that control and I'm scared to death. I'm scared that people will pity me or even scorn me for being "weak". It's all slipping and the more it slips the more I panic... and lose it that much more control.
I'm doing alot of venting right now hoping that perhaps I could get advice or more insight as to how to gain back at least the illusion of confidence so that I can chin up and go on.
What does one do in these situations? I want to lock up and hide away but I refuse to let him see that he's done this to me. In some ways I think it would satisfiy him because I was down right ruthless with him at one point. Now I'm the one suffering.
Advice? Thanks
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Re: Hurt
Wed, July 23, 2008 - 6:21 AM"I'm scared that people will pity me or even scorn me for being "weak"."
It's not weakness if you show your emotions And I don't think most people see it as a weakness. It's only a weakness if you let your emotions control you without using your head to guide you. But it sounds like you're using your head to guide you but trying so hard to bury your feelings and not show anyone your emotions. Try to find a balance between the two and you will probably do a lot better as far as not feeling like you're losing your control.
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Re: Hurt
Wed, July 23, 2008 - 8:51 AMI spent many years trying to bottle up my emotions and not let them show. Doing so is a poison that builds up inside of you till you can't hold back any more. Here in my later years, I've learned that it's OK to feel your emotions and process them. Actually it's quite necessary to work through emotions of pain and remorse. If you don't they will build up inside you and grow.
Learning to work through the hard emotions and let go is a tough lesson. I've learned it over and over again in my life. -
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Re: Hurt
Wed, July 23, 2008 - 1:22 PMListen I am a double scorip too (SUN/ASC) and I used and still am frightened to show my emotions because people may think I am weak.
Scorpios or people with a lot of scorpio are extremely sensitive people. One co-worker said I am 'too sensitive' which pissed me off. But he is right. Sometimes I feel so much pain, emotion, and even passion that it overwhelms me and sometimes makes me cry. I don't see it as weakness, maybe in the past I did. -
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Re: Hurt
Wed, July 23, 2008 - 2:24 PMSure, as long as we are aware of this sensitivity. I find myself with my shield up often in order to keep protected. I do my best to let it down when I am in small groups/intimate situations so I can actualize some of the deeper connections which being more acutely aware of subtleties yields. The thing I find is that I like to help people heal from w/e so I tend to get drawn to situations of hurt or pain and with empathizing I often feel the same kinds of stuff. -
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Re: Hurt
Wed, July 23, 2008 - 5:06 PMWhat are you scared or concerned, if you are sometimes, might happen if you relax your grip on feeling & expressing your feelings?
Are you concerned about your ability to channel or direct the extent to which you feel certain feelings, thoughts and / or actions?
Of course all we can control ultimately is ourselves to an extent, i remind myself. So may as well relax, and enjoy what life and others bring to us. Knowing we can choose what, if and how we relate to most experiences and people.
Sometimes I feel I need to relate more with people than I do, as I can easily go on being fairly self-contained, self-sufficient in many ways. Though am feeling I also lose out on some important experiences, enjoyment & growth sometimes by this that is both a strength and a liability depending on how its expressed. I could use some closer, personal intimate friendships / relationships again in my life. Seems my closest friends & I now live in other states & countries, and I've yet to connect & develop deeply mutually satisfying, rich & feeling level harmonious close friendships here. Am gradually, intentionally opening up more in various ways to connect with people both as a pure giver through volunteering and hopefully in other ways will connect with soulfully rich, compatible feeling level intimate friendships.
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Re: Hurt
Wed, July 23, 2008 - 7:36 PMego is built up by outside influences while confidence is built up on the inside.
it seems that us scorpios are driven by our ego. well.. not just scorps but people in general. we don't want to seem "weak" or "too sensitive"
i say our emotions are a blessing. to feel the highest of highs but also the lowest of lows. there cannot be any positives if there aren't any negatives.
it will do you a lot good to open up once in a while. being vulnerable doesn't necessarily mean you are being weak. in fact, it takes courage to make yourself vulnerable. maybe in your vulnerability, you will find the healing you need.
transformation. scorpio is all about it. letting go of the old and starting anew.
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Re: Hurt
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 1:50 AMThanks for the replies. I've since sat back drew breath and analize the situation and the possible outcomes. I feel as though I'm gathering up the loose ends and I'm more in control.
My biggest fear was realize when all this happened. I was left with strong feelings and he moved on. I felt as though I look like the fool. I opened up however small amount it was and I feel as though I'm being punished for it. "I told you so" Over and over in my mind.
I'm WAY too sensitive. I generallyy overcompensate for that with always being the first person to attack. If at all threatened in the smallest way I'll strike. I feel as though I was blindsided this time and I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing it coming.
Yes, alot of it is hurt ego and pride. But hurt is hurt and it's very accute. I really did care for him.
And... I have the ability for a little vengence. It seems his new relationship started before our physical activities ended. Basically he cheated on her with me. As horrible as it sounds that is what's giving me the feeling of regaining control. I can easily get that info to her if I want but do I? In some ways I feel as though she has the right to know but is it petty? He's lying to her and he's hurt me. Hell hath no fury.... -
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Re: Hurt
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 5:05 AMIt is cool that you are analizing the situation. I usually put all of my energy into analization when I encounter problems. Maybe by the time you understand how he feels, you wouldn't feel so hurt. As far as I understand, he is a traitor and he hurt your ego!!! Don't you want to bite his head off? That urge should overpower any good memory.
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Re: Hurt
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 5:58 AM"I've learned that it's OK to feel your emotions and process them"
We do feel our emotions, but how do we process them?? -
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Re: Hurt
Thu, July 24, 2008 - 5:45 PM<Re: Hurt
"I've learned that it's OK to feel your emotions and process them"
We do feel our emotions, but how do we process them?? >
By processing feelings, I mean not suppressing them. The urge to suppress bad and hurtful memories and emotions can be strong depending on how sensitive you are. I was an immensely sensitive kid growing up in a tough place. The SF City streets were very unforgiving back in those days, in a lot of ways. I witnessed horrible crimes, violence and got into a lot of fights.
Now that I'm much older I've come to realize how much of that crap I suppressed just to make it down the street. My survival skills are top notch now, but the skill didn't come cheap. I avoid violence now and am mostly a pacifist. Sometimes that street kid anger sweeps over me, but I've learned to process it quickly and not let it tilt my head.
The Emperor: Good, I can feel your anger. I am defenseless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete! -
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Hurt = Another Opportunity To FEEL
Fri, July 25, 2008 - 6:37 AMGreat Jedi Reference Ron.
We can Learn Infinite amounts About ourselves by investigating our own Shadow.
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Re: Hurt
Fri, July 25, 2008 - 7:43 AM"Sensitive watery types run a naturally high risk of getting stuck in self-defense mode, and the defenses we assert and deploy can often be more apparent than the sensitivities that elicit them. Look at the rest of a chart for the most likely manners and means of defense."
same response as elsewhere.
different water signs may feel hurt for different reasons and in different ways, but again, the response is likely to come from elsewhere in the chart. Look first at the opposite sign. -
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Re: Hurt
Sat, July 26, 2008 - 12:52 AMMel, my sixth sense told me that this guy has aqua moon. -
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Re: Hurt
Sat, July 26, 2008 - 8:33 AM"I was down right ruthless with him at one point"
in that case, let's hope that his moon is in aquarius :)
i applaud mel's critical self-analysis --a significant consolation. -
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Re: Hurt
Sun, July 27, 2008 - 10:59 PMActually folks... he's a Pisces moon.
I thought I had a bit of an inside understanding of him being a watery type myself. Perhaps his Libra sun or Sag rising cancels out the water?
To clarify.Yes ruthless. I whipped the tail and stung him good. Made sure it was a poisonous sting too. In my experience it would have left most people stunned but it didn't really seem to soak in with him. He looked a little pained but.... walked away unscathed.
Maybe in the end that is what I'm so pissed and upset about. Damn that scorpy ego!! -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: Hurt
Mon, July 28, 2008 - 3:31 AMMel, Sag rising people are extremly positive. My mom has cancer sun, sag rising, and if someone stings her, she always says, "I hope they are doing well."
As for pisces moon, here is a thread started by a pisces mooner about her relationship with a scorpio moon guy. :
scorpiomoon.tribe.net/thread/...3eee7e0a
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