I'm a Cancer. I'm suffering from withdrawal from a Scorpio. (Two actually) We (D and I) started talking then had a few dates, then he drops off the planet. Then we reconnected by his doing...just where we left off. He's a lifelong bachelor, I'm ending a 26 yr marriage. He started to distance himself again and I only learned he was in the hospital awaiting THR while his mother also passed away in the same hospital---from a response to a random text I initiated. I was there post surg... (driving to the next state north of me)to give him cards and rub his feet-- at his request.. I texted him a bit next post -op day. Only to have him ignore my texts the day of the funeral and day after. I let a few more days go by, then made my peace. I'm not afraid of his situation, My text said that "toilet chairs and what ever else with his condition didn't scare me, but cruelty does. [To sleep with me, tell me I'm an angel, talk of being soul mates and who knows where "this" will go]...to then be ignored... is cowardice and malice, whether you just buried your mother or not. A simple reply saying I need time and space or even Leave me alone, demonstrates more character than leaving me hanging and hurting does. " Again, no reply. I've dried those tears and demand self respect. But I'm still crying and still longing for him. It's him, not the idea of a relationship. I'm secure in being alone in fact. I made myself be independent from any relationship for over a year. I just don't understand the mixed messages.

To complicate things, I met him through another Scorpio. This guy was much younger ( M,32, I was 46)and we have a strong connection. We met just once over a year ago and wound up intimate. In my ignorance I really thought it was just to talk, but the desire was intense and before long that's what happened. We had talked for three months prior.. Immediately afterward I ended up cutting off the relationship...no more meeting in person then and there, because I wasn't ready. He wanted a relationship, spoke of the future together etc. And he should be looking for someone closer to his age wanting to have his babies....right? I couldn't rob him of that.

But we have stayed in touch off and on. We connect even though we don't make eye contact. I really have strong feelings for him even though we never had a fleshed out relationship. Is that absurd?

We were in sort of a triangle with this other guy (D) when he ended up in the hospital/buried his mother. We (M and I) texted and talked about the other guy. A month prior, I told him (M) I had seen him (D)a few times and liked him a lot. He seemed to be OK with that and never said anything negative, just told me he (D) was a good guy. Fast forward to when I asked (M) how he (D) was doing (cause he went to the wake) he (M)became hostile and angry with me. He told me I should ask him myself. I told him I was giving (D) space and asking him (M) because I didn't know where I stood with him. I was totally honest and he turned from one extreme to another in the way he talked to me.

I would have a relationship with him (M) in a heartbeat, but I can't because he's too young and where can it go? But we don't let go of each other and we tease and play and are also serious in our communications. I really care for him too. How warped is that? I don't know how not to care. I think it's this triangle thing that is awful now. I thought it would all be OK cause (M) and I never really continued and just accepted that it can't be. But I know we both desire it. (Maybe even more becaue of the triangle?) I held back to do what is right, but now am in a mess, emotionally. If D ever smartens up I could see a future, while M is still in my heart and mind hence the torment for both of us.

I really never wanted to be in this situation. I care for two of them and enjoy neither. And ...really ...only want ONE PERSON TO BE SOLD OUT FOR. Is this normal? I pride myself on being moral and honest , living by principle and convictions and not being ruled by my emotions and look at where I am---and this is worse than reality tv and tabloids. None of this was intentional. It hurts. We all are hurting. Now what?