Church of Whatever's topics - tribe.net

god is good god is great

conphx — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 05:52:19 GMT

There are times when i see a Woman & I know that there is a good, sane, & merciful God. Since G's a Woman, She must be a Lesbian because Women are the most beautiful & perfect Creations that i can think of & Somebody sure loves Them.
i've had the good fortune to meet a Remarkable Woman who is Beautiful, Intelligent, Humorous, Committed to Her Beliefs, Involved in local theater-i can go on & on-and She's Dominant, too! Oh my, the thought of Her takes my breath away!
Who But God could be responsible for a Goddess, for that's what She is. And we're surrounded by Goddesses but most of us are too self-absorbed to see.
Thank You God for opening my eyes to the Wonders of this World & if i'm a good boy, please let me worship this particular Goddess. Amen.

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New Member

conphx — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 05:34:01 GMT

it's been so long since I wrote anything on this site I couldn't figure out how to post a new sermon. Since I have an actual Church Member, I decided I should preach something of importance before he runs back to The Flying Noodle Church or whatever it is. However, now that I'm a certified idiot dunce, not much has inportance & while I enjoy noodles, I don't much like sugar cookies.
I just returned from the Bay Area where my sisters live in fine homes. My daughter & I lived in the Sunset District of SF more than 30 years ago in the bottom of a house behind the garage. It was an expensive place to live then & is more so now. I enjoyed the beauty of the area, then & now, & was impressed by all the open land still left.
Count your blessings people-you could live in Phoenix.

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dead flowers

conphx — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 23:03:16 GMT

Send me dead flowers every morning,
Send me dead flowers by the U,S. Mail,
Send me dead flowers every morning,
And I promise I'll put red roses on your grave.

I no longer know what love,true love between a woman & a man is (or between anyone or sex),but if I ever had someone say the above words ( by those Glimmer Twins,Jagger & Richards-and yes,there was a time when the Rolling Stones were the best band in Rock) to me,I'd be theirs for several lifetimes. That is love between people that have made an impression upon each other.
I've been fortunate to love several women & I hope I get the chance to love one more-for keeps this time-for ever & ever ,until death parts us. And if I'm the survivor I promise there will be red roses on the grave.
But hey,I've said similar words before & had such words said to me. What happens? Like the survivor of an auto accident,who knows. Things change,people change,circumstances & situations change. Your ideas are as good as mine.
I've read that when we first fall in love,we are really falling in love with ourselves,that when we look into our beloved,we are really seeing the reflection of our souls. I've also read that love is a chemical reaction in our brains. Love is lust,love is respect,love is hate. There have been more words & thoughts on love than anything else I can think of & I'm not smart or original enough to add anything new.
If you're in love with someone & loved in return,God bless you.

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divine whatever

conphx — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:48:12 GMT

One of the nice things about writing for this is that no one reads it & I don't have to write anything if I don't feel like it. But I have no money & it would be great if I had actual church members who gave enough for me to afford simple things,like getting laid. Boy (or girl),would I crank out the tripe then!
Religion is crazy. To truly believe,one must suspend rational thought & intelligence. I've never been catholic (I was a lutheran for a while-a kind of sissy catholic) but I've taken communion from priests while I was in prison. It is ritual cannabalism & I truly believed (and still do) that the priest had the power to change matter & that I was digesting the body & blood of Christ. Although I am now a zen buddhist,no one can tell me that I wasn't munching on Christ.
I believe in 3 other trinities-kharma,dharma & reincarnation. Why? I suppose it was to stop me from going truly insane & giving in to hatred. Hatred can be a wonderful drug & it gives focus & purpose. I understand why one becomes a "terrorist" & would give their life to help destroy "enemies".
One of the first things I learned in my studies is that I was/am insane-that we all are & that it isn't easy to become well. I had to become a terrorist against me-my ego,my thoughts-I had to destroy myself & was only successful when I stopped taking it all (especially me) seriously. I don't have any answers for anyone or anything but I know this. Relax,enjoy the show. It's all over too soon & even the bad scenes are a gas,gas,gas.

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Magic

conphx — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 06:20:54 GMT

Spring has already come here,the apricot & pear tree are in full blossom-a wonderful sight. I'm told that birds will eat most of the short-lived,ripe apricots & that the pears will only be edible for horses. Good,at least the fruit won't go to waste. I can't get anyone to pick up all the fallen pecans-for free-& i've given away bags of oranges & grapefruit that I've picked. Birds get their fair share of those,too, & the dogs love pecans but I have to open them.
At times in the spring & fall,here in the desert,there are magical sunsets. The sinking sun turns a rich gold & if you watch for a few brief minutes,you'll see the tree tops turn golden. I stand in the fading light & can look directly into the sun because it is the soft,warm light of a much loved,burnished wedding band. I can feel power & magic all around me & I become one with the beauty of this earth,so happy & fortunate to experience this glorious journey called life.
amen.

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Discouragment

conphx — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 06:33:26 GMT

People ask me if I've become discouraged that no one has joined the Church. ( Well,no one has asked me anything because nobody reads this,but they might if they did.). Did Moses get discouraged wandering around in the desert for 40 years after god pulled a fast one on Him? Did Jesus have doubt when He was being nailed to a tree? Did Buddha start wondering what the fuck He was doing sitting under a tree all those years when He could have been partying? Was Mohammed depressed because He wasn't converting the civilized world fast enough? (I know less about Him & I don't know much about the others,but I'd better learn quick before the Moslems win the war. I don't know about you, but when it comes down to being a galley slave,being beheaded,or converting,I'm learning which way Mecca is really quick.)
Knowing human nature,the answer is Yes! But then again,maybe those guys weren't really human & did have Whatever's private number. What keeps me going is that if I save one person from,well,something,I will not have preached in vain! I can't say saving some one from hell because I believe we create our own heavens & hells. But hey, if you're turned on by the thought of people you don't like being roasted & poked with pitchforks by little red guys for eternity,go for it! I must admit that the idea of certain people spending the next gazillion years as Walmart greeters is appealing,but remember-somebody may be wishing the same thing for you & they might have Whatever's email address.

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Babyback Ribs

conphx — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 04:25:22 GMT

I was going to write a sermon earlier but I was cooking ribs. I like to precook them by boiling in beer,coca-cola,orange juice,spices,whatever. I prefer vineger but my daughter doesn't like that. I also made the barbeque sauce, a hot ,sweet one&cut the lawn. I still can't get used to cutting a lawn this time of year& I'd rather there was no lawn,but it's there so I keep it neat.
What the fuck does this have to do with Sunday,the Amerikan Holy Day of shopping, spending money&recovering from hangovers? Not much, but I hope you enjoyed your Sunday,too. And did something for someone-even as simple as not preboiling ribs in vineger.

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Valentines Day

conphx — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 20:04:02 GMT

Today is a Hallmark Religious Holiday so I got to preach something. Some guy got shot full of arrows so we could make all the purveyors of junk richer, so if you're one of them, give thanks. Otherwise, if you have someone you love, let them know it. You might get shot full of arrows when you least expect it. Let those loved ones (or things,inflatable dolls, sheep, etc ) know how much you cherish them.
amen.

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