Hi

I have no idea who all is going to be reading this, but i imagine that a fair number of contactors who go to Friday Dance Jam will read this and so maybe it will be a good space to share thoughts and address issues for Friday Dance Jam.

I am having a problem with Friday Dance Jam in that a lot of my friends don't like to go there becuase of intimacy issues... people getting in their space and not leaving them alone. Of course, things go in waves, and the current Berkeley Dance Jam is much better than it used to be 10 years ago at the SF Barefoot Boogies, but it is an issue.

I like to go because it is a space where the floor is clean, i feel free both physically and socially to roll around on the ground, given the 2 rooms to choose from I can usually find fair to good music to dance to, and there is a higher likelihood than most electronic music parties that i will find others with whom to do contact. I might find more consistently whati am looking for music-wise and space aesthetic-wise at all-night break-beat electronicmusic parties, but the floor and physical/social space conducive to contact are harder to find there.

The drag is the problematic approach to intimacy. This is an issue that has been going on for ages and lots of people know exactly what i am talking about and have talked about it. Usually the problem is men not giving women space, although gender reversal of the issue is clearly also there.

I have many friends that i like to go out dancing with that refuse to go to Dance Jam.

It is clearly much better than it use to be. I just don't go to Barefoot Boogie, but that's also a musical taste issue

Some women don't have an issue with it. Others have an issue with it but navigate through it because they want other freedoms that the space offers. Many just don't want to deal with it and refuse to go or have a shitty time if they do go.

I am curious about how it is easier for some women to just brush it off and get what they want out of the space and for others it takes a lot of energy to deal with. I think for some the subtle actions of pushing a man away just don't take much energy in that context, or perhaps they've already invested time in the space and men who go repeatedly understand proper distance with them. Or, maybe that is whatthey go for there, and they actually like it... Ithink there is a mix for different women.

I am sure that it is harder for some women when they first come to Dance Jam... a combination of taking up less space in an unfamiliar environment and some of the men particularly seeking after "new meat". I have had 3 women friends of mine in the last 2 months report not wanting to go back there again after checking it out once or twice.

I think that there are various cultural reasons why people (mainly men with women) act in a way that feels invasive.

A)practices like Biodanza and some facilitations of ecstatic dance that tell people to make eye contact with each letting people think that they have permission to push eye contact and interaction on others. (The common physical demonstration as i ask women about specific experiences is a copying of some man's stupid-looking googly eyed expression standing in front of them and not letting up on trying to make eye contact, when less than half a second of interaction would normally be easily read as "not right now thank you").

B) the presance of contact in the space letting them feel permission to make physical contact (not understanding subtle (or not-so-subtle) non-verbal converstaions that happen rapidly before contact is made.

C) The fact that some women like it gives some men the feeling that it is always OK.

I always found it uncomfortable at the Barefoot Boogies, what i would call an "assumption of universal intimacy" that went well beyond what I was interested in, and an assumption of consistent openness to interact.

I think there is also an issue that if someone does contact, there is the assumption that they are always open to or wanting that.

Any feedback or thoughts out there?

I am interested inproblem solving and so want to initiate some conversations to see what gets set in motion. Dance Jam is not exactly my world, but a world i travel through it often enough to want to put a bit of energy into it.

There is also a specific guy there who i have now had feedback about 3 times (usually a month or so after the fact). I plan on having a conversation with him. I thought about going up and interupting the interaction whenever i see him standing in front of a woman staring and smiling... change channels and go into a little conversation and remind him that there are many women who are not going to Dance Jam because of him and let the woman know that she doesn't have to assume that his behaviour is acceptable for the space ifshe isn't into it. I also know that a number of the women who refuse to go back were "polite" with him and offered smiles back as they tried to tune him out and get away, so smiling is not necessarilly a sign of a happy camper.

regards
karl