The Church has recently adopted some doctrines I thought ya'll'd like to know about, because they are particularly relevant to you having sex with Nugget.

First, I would like to elaborate on the membership process. All members that have not had sex with Nugget are provisional members, currently. While no one will be ex-communicated - I would never prevent a woman from the oppurtunity to get into Heaven in bed - a Messiah's got to have his standards:

1) A twenty-four hour Trial Membership is given for making out with "Nugget." Because of the second tier of membership, heavy petting will not procure longer membership.
2) A three day membership is given for exchanging of oral sex with "Nugget." This includes blowjobs, cunnalingus, and sixty-nining.
3) Lifetime membership is granted to anyone who full-on fucks "Nugget."

There are penalties, however for inactive provisional members. After a time period designated in secret in which provisional members have not had sex with "Nugget," a Holy Fuckwa will be put out on you. Unlike one of the Ayatollah's Fatwas (death orders), the Church will send out a devout legion of three hundred Bountyfuckers to carry out Nugget's Holy order. Beware, they may all find you at once.