1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they
want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For smuggling
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical soundsall day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name: Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I Won, I Won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yellineg "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
Fri, February 16, 2007 - 6:01 PMHow about going into the potato chip aisle at the market and saying loudly, "Hmmm, what potato chips do i want?" then yelling, "I want to get Lays! I want to get Lays! I really want to get Lays!"
Or how about, everywhere you go, after every ten steps walking forward you moonwalk back three.
Fri, February 16, 2007 - 6:07 PMAnd, by the way,
>>18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yellineg "Run for your lives, they're loose!!" <<
Me and a friend of mine went to Great America amusement park one time and ate mushrooms. When we were leaving we were imploring to the newcomers, "Don't go in there! Don't go in there!" as if something evil resided. We halfway believed it, as thought the place was designed to drive people insane.
Fri, February 16, 2007 - 6:45 PMThe Honolulu Zoo would be great for that. It's a nice zoo. When i lived there someone gave me a season pass and me and my buddies would go in there and throw frisbee around until we got busted. They would always say that we might upset the animals.
Unsu...Sun, March 4, 2007 - 4:24 PMAs teenagers, we lived in a mountain town - now, even in Denver, people have these precoceptions about what folks living in the mountains are like - mainly, illiterate, barefoot, mangy, overalls and flannel shirts, etc. (Strangely enough, the community I lived in is still one of the richest in the Denver area ) So in the summers, we'd put on our worst jeans, no shoes, flannel shirts, and sit on the front steps of the bar, and chew on gras stems. So when the tour buses came in a dropped off right there, they got an eyeful of "mountain" folks.
But most fun ever was when I took my teenager tot he grocery store and told her to get baking powder. She picked up a can of Calumet and aid in a very loud voice "Oh my god - a frickin' Indian!".
So now, when we go to the store, no matter where in the country, we show it to her and say "OMG! a Frickin indian!" really loud.
We have a bad habit of getting very loud about inappropriate subjects while in the grocery store. Don't ask me why.
Unsu...Fri, March 2, 2007 - 3:17 PMDave - been in a similar situation under similar circumstances. I'd do it again.
We stood next to our car and, loudly, asked one another things like, "Did you see all that blood?" "Yeah, do you thinkg they can save those kids?"
And, "Was that guy shot? I thought I heard a gun go off."
I'm glad we had a 'gooney bird' because nobody else was in any shape tp drive. I had trouble walking - well, that's a normal state of being for me, usually after 4 pm.
Unsu...Fri, March 2, 2007 - 3:24 PMYann,
Did you know that Monty Pyton and the Flying Circus were the folks responsible for the name 'Spam" on that pesky BS email we all get.
All those vikings chanting, "Spam. Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam".
You get the idea, nothing else gets heard.
Unsu...Fri, March 2, 2007 - 3:48 PMWhen I was living in a small town on a lake that got lots of tourists in the summer , I found it infinately amusing to give people the wrong directions when some schmoe from out of town was lost and had the misfortune of asking me how to get somewhere...
On the other hand, it might have been kind of mean...
Sun, March 4, 2007 - 7:15 PMOk, this is so lame, but something that was done in a place where I used to work was to have the newbie call the zoo in whatever town and ask to speak to Mr. C. Lion. The newbie was instructed to absolutely insist upon speaking to that particular person, not just Mr. Lion, but Mr. C Lion. So bad.
Unsu...Mon, March 5, 2007 - 8:09 AM50 fun things to do in an elevator.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
One word: Flatulence!
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
Leave a box between the doors.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Start a sing-along.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Play the harmonica.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Lean against the button panel.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Bring a chair along.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Blow spit bubbles.
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"