Larry, this comes off a little like advice from a magazine column. I know it's well intended, but it just plays around the edges and avoids the real issues. This group is about the big question: stay or go?

Thank you Larry, I will do that....I realize I need to be more vocal about my grievances. He has Never caught onto any of my Not Quite So Subtle Hints. But, whenever I do try to be black and white he will instantly rebut, put up defenses and argue to the point of by the end of it all, the blame is pointed back at me, and what I was trying to explain to him was something he does that is disrespectful to me, will end up being my fault. ie...if he does anything it is my fault he does it. The whole focus will change from him to me. To the point where I don't want to bother voicing anything anymore. I don't have the energy. He, on the other hand, has Lots of energy to pick on me. I am always doing something wrong on a daily basis. I don't know how to get away from the negativity from my SO....I live in constant fear of doing/saying the wrong thing. I realize how unhealthy this is.

And I have a true Limerence Love (mutual LO), as you know, waiting in the wings, who picked me out while I was ripe for the taking. I should say I hunted him down too. But not with the intention of beginning any kind of affair (ie emotional or physical), however, when he disclosed, it was all over. Perhaps I really did want to start something subliminally, as I was all used up and spent by my SO and probably was looking for a way out. But like many people who wind up in these situations....it is the kids that cause me to relentlessly despair over the fact that I shouldn't go after true happiness and I should remain and suffer. I am exhausted from being in a state of limbo and am also not happy with the irresistable draw between me and LO while I have an SO to deal with. I don't know what to do.

I saw John's post today (massage LO)....and his lady has a whole new set of problems to deal with now after being discovered/found out by her DS, while trying to repair her marriage for the sake of the kids. I have a chance to stop this before it progresses further...to at least if anything, get my life sorted out, without the distraction of an LO. Then if I end up split from SO and alone, then I will be alone and fully available for LO. I debate many times, the power of LO: on one hand he has caused me to open my eyes to the abuse from SO and has caused me to see what true love looks like. But on the other hand, he is causing me to face the truths of my marriage while also blinding me by his indescribable love, which could ultimately seriously damage my kids and destroy a home. So, while I practically worship him, at the same time, he seems like the devil to me. Problem is that I cannot resist LO. If I end up not seeing him for 2 weeks, I am in serious pain.
NC would kill us both.
And while I feel I deserve happiness and love from the one who truly loves me, I feel convicted that I am not going about it the right way.
I wish SO would find an LO or do something violent so I could have an excuse. Although I believe his controlling ways are just another form of abuse.

Present circumstances, however, prevent me from being able to make a move in any direction....(cannot split from SO and cannot get any more serious with LO - even though it is already serious)...I have personal business matters that must be completed first.

Anyway, thank you for being a friend and for the good advice! I wish life were easier.

Hi RD,
Congrats on getting closer to your goal. Is that still your goal? Find a job and leave SO?
My path has been continuing to reveal itself to me as I tread these treacherous waters. I have finally discovered that I need to get OUT of the harmful drowning water and get myself on dry land again.
I have come to know that my SO's abuse went far beyond just being controlling. It is much worse.
So, I have work to do but I have a clearer picture and my LO is there for me every step of the way....even tho I have pulled back the reigns to say that I cannot handle 2 relationships at one time. He didn't like it but is willing to accept whatever it takes to make me happy. And he makes me happy and loves me and I love him like no other. But I need to make sure nothing clouds my present judgement. So, since I have distanced myself somewhat from LO, I have been able to talk this out with friends and family and all my online friends and plan to see a real life counselor for the first time this week.
It is so not healthy to remain in a bad situation. I hope you are doing what is best for you! Good luck finding just the right job! (and maybe that will be just the "Write" job! You would be a great writer! Go get 'em!!! )
=)