i am the only one that controls me

sometimes i decide to give up that control to another person or some thing

and then i (most always) quickly take it back

it just seems to be an interest and exploration. new things have opened up. before i was one dimensional, now i see an endless amount of things i can take an interest in, learn about, enjoy and make a difference possibly. i feel kind of limitless as to what i can do with my life. i have no fear of others, or authority. i am not self conscious as i once was. maybe this is just a natural part of growing up and seeing a wider world, and taking a part in it. i see that anything that happens is only because somebody has made it happen. i feel its important to do something about whatever takes your passion.

i have got bored of 'doing nothing' and now am learning new things every day, maybe basic things to some but just doing work on my property opens up all sorts of questions and decisions. in our daily lives there is so much going on, we ignore so much of it. i'm also starting to see the difference between science and art, i guess. a lot of material things are predictable, science can explain why, but with art for example writing a song, then anything is possible, there is no correct answer.