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i want to somehow drag conversation back to the content of these books- and their aplication to life-
I am deeply intrested in exploring human relationships that are based in "actuality" as steven puts it- but my encounters with full contact relationship have been compeatly brutaly disillusioning. actuality or non beleif isnt a new place to hide or a new idea to discus, it penetrates every aspect of our beings, and often when confronted, i am shown all of the pain i am running from- with the fairy tales i so fiercly defend. no wonder noone wants to go there. it often veres off into something resembling an argument when i refuse to agree to some very basic premisis that generaly facilitate conversation or relationship. how does this work? ive noticed that im tending towards opting for quiet, or not revealing my true feelings and perceptions that i have discovered through the self exploration that stevens books invited.
im curious about others atempts at this kind of relationship- or expirimentation with the ideas presented here : )
???
I am deeply intrested in exploring human relationships that are based in "actuality" as steven puts it- but my encounters with full contact relationship have been compeatly brutaly disillusioning. actuality or non beleif isnt a new place to hide or a new idea to discus, it penetrates every aspect of our beings, and often when confronted, i am shown all of the pain i am running from- with the fairy tales i so fiercly defend. no wonder noone wants to go there. it often veres off into something resembling an argument when i refuse to agree to some very basic premisis that generaly facilitate conversation or relationship. how does this work? ive noticed that im tending towards opting for quiet, or not revealing my true feelings and perceptions that i have discovered through the self exploration that stevens books invited.
im curious about others atempts at this kind of relationship- or expirimentation with the ideas presented here : )
???
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Re: experiential hedonism
Fri, March 6, 2009 - 10:33 AMhi ahkalayah ~ i'm not sure i follow exactly your connection between full-contact relationship and "experiential hedonism" and wonder if you could say more about that.
as far as self-expression of true feelings and perceptions, i often have to bear in mind that the "true" in that is not a universal - it's a particular, and the celebration of that is often either over-elevated or dismissed entirely.... what it's required of me is to allow for and appreciate everyone else's "truth" - and that can be just as hard to come by. for me, the psychological need to be heard has tended to overwhelm genuine communication.
despite my aversion to formulaic answers, one thing that has shown itself to be amazingly effective is having the capacity to ask. not with any guarantee, obviously, but the asking itself moves a lot of energy....
thanks for your questions, and let me know whether this addresses them at all... -
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Re: experiential hedonism
Fri, March 6, 2009 - 11:08 AMnot ultimate truth, just my expirience. what else do we have to share, but what we are in contact with in our lives? -
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Re: experiential hedonism
Fri, March 6, 2009 - 11:11 AM>what else do we have to share, but what we are in contact with in our lives?<
i have no idea!
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Re: experiential hedonism
Fri, March 6, 2009 - 12:11 PMI'm also uncertain of your meaning here but the one relationship I experienced where we were fully honest with each other, fully *present*, masks down, was the most powerful of my life but it required a lot of energy, a lot of intensity and couldn't be sustained. Similar attempts at honesty have often been disastrous--hurt feelings, lost friends, wounded insecurities, I'm sure you know the drill. But it is something I always have my eye out for, someone with the ability to appreciate that type of interaction...someone kind, lol. -
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Re: experiential hedonism
Fri, March 6, 2009 - 2:16 PMyeah, lori, i would never underestimate the power of kindness....
at long last, almost inadvertently, i find myself in an open, honest relationship. it's also extremely unconventional, with him still married (tho they each have other partners, and live separately) and him retaining a polyamorous identity which i don't share, except in abstract terms (ie, i grok the absurdity of "exclusive" love, while not needing to prove it either way.)
it's been a long, hard, maddening road.....and i'm as surprised as anyone that we're still together, creating a nurturing home. bottom line, we're really good and committed friends - even if that commitment should require us to part - and discovering HOW to communicate and embrace each other's imperfections has been a helluva learning experience.
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Re: experiential hedonism
Sun, March 22, 2009 - 9:06 AMMy first post on this site which I joined quite some time ago. In the meantime I have constructed another completely ridiculous reality in an attempt to hide from... what? I am not able to apply this to life easily. I end up experiencing a kind of aloneness that I am convinced I cannot bear and so I let the stream of openness and uncertainty go underground once more. What I use to assuage the loneliness ultimately makes me feel more lonely- it is all such a load of BS and I am not wanting to move in any direction at present. -
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Re: experiential hedonism
Sun, March 22, 2009 - 9:36 AMg'morning, kate.
sometimes staying put is all there is to do. i hear you.
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