There are things in life that slip quietly into daily routines, how a person may do things for themself, (i.e., working out, taking time to do something they truly enjoy) and initially it may be something that they were really happy about.

Maybe they had kids or met a new person in their life, a friend or partner and little by little the things they used to do for ourselves slipped quietly away.

Initially they didn't mind, because they were excited by this new development. Routines began to blend together and it became a part of their life.

It starts innocently enough. They maybe put off working out or going out with the guys/gals because they are including this new situation into our life.

What is interesting to see how it comes as this great shock to many how, they're needs aren't being met anymore.

Initially, it was all about compromise and enjoying whatever it is that was going on around us and they were open to these things. What some may forget to do is to continue to do the things that made them happy as an individual in the first place. Which made them who they were.

Before you know it, a person can neglect themselves so much, they're seething with resentment because they may not be getting the acknowledgement they feel they may deserve for all their sacrifices and shifting their life around to suit this new development.

I respect that sometimes, certain things have to be reprioritized in life and that people may put themselves off a bit in that process. However at the same time, what lies quietly under the surfact are all those things a person used to do, that made them who who they used to be, which aren't there anymore.

Once this realization is made, sometimes it's gone on for so long, the person may lash out at those around them, feel guilty for not appreciating what they do have, while mourning who they used to be.

The thing is, it's not a difficult thing to remedy.

A person can't start off blaming everyone else around them for their choice to do what they felt was the thing to do at the time. Because they chose to do it.

What they can do is begin to recognize that they have neglected their own needs and to start planning out how to include these things in their life.

Mabye it's a night out with a friend, maybe it's joining a gym and focusing on feeling better, maybe it's reading a book.

We can renegotiate our relationships. Taking time out to do the things we'd like to do will make us happier, and I'd imagine that our partner or friends would encourage us to do this.

This can alleviate a couple of things.

a. resentment and guilt;
b. being a martyr;
c. self loathing;
d. feeling unappreciated;

What happens is the individual, due to their choices to do what they thought was the right thing at the time, begins to feel that they are doing all of these things for those around them and when they don't receive the acknowledgement they feel they should be getting, it's everyone else's fault on some or all levels.

This isn't very fair to others. It's not everyone else's job to make a person feel validated and acknowledged "all" the time.

It is up to the individual to recognize that they have contributed to the situation and begin to make changes without falling prey to the blame game.

Take responsibility for the things you let go.
Start off with explaining to whomever that you want to go and do certain things for yourself.

Stop looking for others to fill you up. Find a way to fit in what you need for yourself, and then start doing it.

Sue T.
Moderator