Ever feel like you are lost and out of control?

I can feel like that sometimes. Especially with so many responsibilities on my plate. Head of household, as a single parent, bills, errands, raising my daughter, doctor visits, laundry, work, job searches, dishes, vacuuming, cleaning the house, washing the car, doing the bills, clothes shopping, planning, living life and external interruptions and being easily distracted doesn't help either.

Then I added wanting to be a coach to the mix. A friend of mine said to me, you'd be a natural. They said that people open up to me, and that I have a way with them. :)

I'd never viewed myself from this perspective before. Because I was so busy surviving life, that I wasn't really living my life.

Planning my life. I was going through day after day, surviving on the raw desire to fill my basic needs, of roof over my head, food, clothing, a job, and meeting my financial obligations.

Wasn't that, enough?

Uh... No. :) Because I was being dragged around from one circumstance and situation to another. While I made simple choices through out life or choices about my life brought on by external circumstances, I'd never truly asked myself...

"Where was I going?"
"What did I want?"
"What did I need?"

More importantly, how was I going to fill needs I didn't realize existed?

"Who was I?" for that matter, "who am I really?"

I can say this now calmly but initially when I began asking myself all of these questions, I was quite confused.

I had all of these life experiences swirling around in my head, situations I'd been in, and circumstances brought on by others in my life that... caused alot of resistance to answering "any" of these questions.

It wasn't so much that I was a stubburn turdling or anything, it was more about learning how to think differently and to focus on myself, and learn how to make better choices, admit to certain things about myself and my nature, evaluate what I needed as a person, and what I really wanted in my life.

My goodness I was overwhelmed!

Truth be told, I can still find myself a bit overwhelmed, but not like before.

I was learning how to think better; I was beginning to be surrounded by others who were supportive and who acknowledged my gifts and who I am as a person; I was learning how to trust myself and my instincts more over time by sharing my thoughts in a group of people, and my flaws too... that's important to address... or rather I should say "perceived" flaws due to lifes experiences.

It was QUITE A LOT to absorb!

To think that I could have control over my life? That I wasn't only surviving and flowing along at the mercy of everyone else around me?

That I had a choice?

WOW ...

Little by little as I answered these questions for myself, acknowledged my "perceived" shortcomings and more importantly my strengths... I became better acquainted with Sue T.

While I was busy surviving life, I learned some pretty valuable lessons about life and about myself.

I have a choice.
I'm a pretty strong individual.
I'm smart :)
I'm funny :)
I'm more capable than I gave myself credit for in the past.
I have choices and don't have to go where ever circumstances or life blows me.
I can stop and think about where I want to go, and who I want to be when I grow up. :)
I can go really fast! in this endeavor, or I can take my time and not keep up with the jones' and go at a speed that suits my personal needs.
I can learn how to trust others.
I can learn how to tell people how I feel, without the fear of rejection or abandonment.

The list is endless actually. These are but a few.

My favorite one of all, is that I don't have to feel alone.

This last one is very important to me, based on the lack of family I have around me, due to circumstances beyond my control.

What I had to acknowledge and remind myself of, was that there "are" plenty of people around me who are supportive vs. holding onto the old belief that people didn't care, that I had to go it alone.

Who likes to go it alone?

I did, but that was because, I was put in the position to do so. But it didn't have to be that way.

What I needed to learn to do, was to see in myself what others saw.

I didn't because it had never occurred to me to look at myself that way. Truth be told, every now and then I need a little reassurance, because we have those old tapes that spin endlessly in our heads.

That's "okay"!

What I'm saying is that we all have a choice as to who we want to be ... and how we want our life to be, even though external sources can throw us under a bus sometimes, we have a choice to grow as an individual or keep playing those old tapes in our heads.

After all, are any of those things true?

Just because someone said it to you, doesn't mean it's true.

Your life can be as you want it to be. It may take some time, you may have to think differently, and take some risks, but... you know, it can be done.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I'd like all of you to come with me :) ...

Whattaya think?