~ THE * SHIT * I * STOLE~'s topics - tribe.net

Traveller's Checks

Steve — Fri, 04 Jun 2004 05:46:51 GMT

I have $2500 in American Express Travellers checks that were declared missing and replaced. I am staring at them right now and asking myself a question: How can I cash them in without showing ID? What a shame to waste them. Can anyone suggest a solution?

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 4 replies

More stolen items

Rowan — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 17:37:36 GMT

My middle son made it all the way from New Jersey to California by stealing gas. He watched for people paying with a credit card and surreptitiously ran a couple of gallons in to his gas can. nobody even questioned him, he looked like a guy who needed gas for his mower. that was pretty impressive I thought, never mind that nobody in the family knew he was going to California.
I found the best purse at Kohl's not too long ago. go in with a wallet in your pocket, choose your purse, and as you walk around looking at stuff in other departments the tags come off and are discarded, the wallet and keys go in, you put it over your shoulder and go home. ant this was such a fortuitous choice, it held 2 hardback books, a large bottle of advil and a large size chocolate bar when I went to visit my husband at work at Sam's club. they were already in there by the time I saw him, at home he was flabbergasted. But I never steal anything from stores and salespeople I respect, only the ones who ignore customers, or I feel they owe me, like Sams club who fired me. or if I need food and it's the only way to get any. I guess I should be more ashamed of myself. but I'm not in the league of one of my son's girlfriends who came home with a few posters and a tiara. big posters. or the guys who stole a golf tournament.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 4 replies

Civil disobedience and mormon grafitti

mikster — Thu, 14 Oct 2004 12:20:43 GMT

So, the statute of limitations for catching my bitch-ass is finally up, and I'm posting this story now. Here in Nevada we had this proposition on the ballots known as Prop 2, which was trying to "Protect Marriage." Actually what they were trying to protect was their asanine religious beliefs, but for all official purposes, they were protecting marriage from all us dirty dirty homosexuals. This pissed me off especially because the thought of protecting marriage in a town with actual drive-thru wedding chapels is laughable at best.

Anyways, everywhere I went I kept seeing these damn signs that said, "Protect Marriage...Vote Yes on 2." So, one night while slightly intoxicated, me and some friends stole a whole shitload of those signs out of people's front yards. Then we went to Wal-mart and bought paint...and that's where the fun truely begins. All fifty or so of the pilfered signs were painted with rather offensive slogans insulting the mormon church (which was behind the bill), and just homophobes in general. The one I got the most flack for had a swastika on it and said "Sieg Heil Jesus!"

So, fully armed with horribly offensive painted signs stolen from the front yards of law-abiding right wing asswipes, we headed to the Mormon church at 3:30am on a Saturday night and nailed up all the signs in the front yard. The Mormons were not pleased...

It made the news...but they never found out who did it. So, uh...shhhh....

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 3 replies

receiving stolen goods

missmarymc — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 20:11:26 GMT

last year i got a call from my best friend in the world. like so many conversations we have had it in the past, this one started w/ the drunken proclamation, "you will NOT believe what i just STOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". but this wasnt your everyday 'snatch and sprint' adventure. she went on to tell me that she had persuaded an innocent bystander to load this amazing piece of treasure into her car...without telling me exactly what the object of her obsession was, she promised that i would receive it for my birthday when i came up to see her. nothing says i love you like stolen swag! flash forward several months. i wake up on her futon the morning after my birthday, blurry eyed, hungover, and stunned into silence by what was proudly displayed on the coffee table before me. the picture does not do it justice - smoke wafts from the dragon's nostrils and a crystal ball magically changes colors as water cascades down a tiny stream, past miniature pagodas and water wheels. it is truly a thing of beauty and a joy to behold. you can see a photo on the pictures from my profile page (i'm not sure how to post one here). i'll let the thief herself explain how she obtained the best birthday present a gal could hope for...

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

We ripped off a golf tournament

Andrew — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 03:28:31 GMT

God, I hope they can't prosecute after 25 years. My friends lived on a pretty swanky golf course in south Florida. We were all about sixteen at the time. Ok now you know how old I am.
Back to the story. There was a PGA tournament going on and we were all working it. I was valet parking, some of my friends were caddying for local celebs, some were working the concessions, and some were in the restaurants. We had the place wired. The last day before the final round we were all bitching about how shitty the tips were and how all our bosses were being dicks about us being stoned at work. Just then one of us stood up and declared that we should rip off the tournament.
We didn't need much persuasion. Off we went in my friend's Delta 88 and its huge trunk. Six of us in the 88 and 5 guys in my other friend's yellow Celica. Armed with only crow bars, screwdrivers, and hunting knives we went out into the night. The concession booths were made of only plywood and locked with cheap hasp locks that peeled like burned sugar on creme brule'. The contents were something to behold: Chips of every variety, beef jerky, cookies, candy, every Coca-Cola product, and the capper .......BEER!!!!!!!! Heineken, Michelob, Bud, Miller, it was all there and cold. With a great deal of stealth and speed, we managed to clean out 3 of the 10 stands. The cars wouldn't hold any more. in addition we stole all of the big advertising signs from the grandstands. I had a 20 foot Heineken sign for a long time until my wife made me take it down.
We had a monumental party that night and all of us were late for work the next day. We were the talk of the tournament. They even thought about postponing for a day because of lack of signs and supplies. Later that night we threw an even bigger party to celebrate our felonius behavior. It was sick and legendary. I know one of the guys is a lawyer and one is a missionary. I wonder how everybody else turned out. I should write a screenplay about those two days.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 2 replies

Mannequin

Sandie — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 03:19:42 GMT

Someone was crazy enough to put a life size female mannequin outside their house. I guess it was suppose to be lawn art. This was a pretty upscale neighborhood and it was on a quiet street. I got tired of looking at the damn thing and decided that it would look better sitting outside my ratty old mobile home. On a whim, around 3am, I stopped by and liberated her. It took a few trips, as things like hands and legs keep dropping off of her! I finally got the life size gal packed into my trunk and drove her home. Now, every time I pass that house I smile. Pretty shitty, huh?

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 2 replies

Gnomes.

Allison — Wed, 30 Nov 2005 11:03:27 GMT

I steal gnomes.

http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a396/allisonlawson/thepictures113.jpg

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 4 replies

Pussy!

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 02:10:06 GMT

I ripped somebodys cat; still got the sucker. It was crying to get in and I walked by, being as drunk as I was, sat on the curb, and went, "Here kitty, kitty." It climbed all over me, so I walked off with it, collar and all. She was spaded and well took care of, but she be my cat now. Sorry about somebody's fuckin' luck.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 3 replies

Tell how you got it

summerrose987 — Sun, 25 Jan 2004 23:28:24 GMT

Okay, so here is the sroty of how I got the privelage of taking a photo shoot with the baby jesus...

So Kass and I were on our way to this "party" out in fricken Waseca...aka: lil'shitty farm town...

Turns out, this town is smaller than we expected so we decided to liven up our journey a bit, when WOOO HAAA, we spot a little church one block before the house we were going to...and a nativity scene still on the lawn, even though it's long after christmas...

Kass says, "OMG! LETS KIDNAP THOSE LAWN ORNAMENTS>>>LETS GET BABY JESUS!!!"

So I flip a very dangerous u-turn all for the cause, and Kass gets out of the cars, grabs baby jesus, and gets back into my car...Being a great get-a-way driver and all, I squeel my tires leaving the church, and we proceed to go to the "lame party" where we donate jesus to the people there, who definatly need some "guidance"

A guy there, just so happened to have a camera phone, where he took our pic's with heyzus, and we emailed them to ourselves...Jesus, is still to this day, in their house.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 14 replies

donated frames and albums with the pictures still in them

Lorna — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 19:11:54 GMT

I want to do an installation of pictures that are donated to second hand stores in frames and albums. No one wants the old albums that will ruin your pictures and if someone buys the frame they will throw the picture out. I feel as if these pictures should be rescued. If you see them could you please take them (not pay, why should you have to pay for something so important?) and send it to me? I will send you something cool in return!

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

the best place for free shit in East Bay

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 02:37:13 GMT

hello tribers
this is a personally hand-typed request for your help
not an automated advertisement looking to generalize...

The Art Exchange: what do you need? what do you want to get rid of? Or are you just looking for some extra cash, some inspiration, or bargain gratification? You don't need to be an "artist" to enjoy this space, it is more on the level of an indoor flea market that has whatever you need and may also have a movie playing on a giant projector screen, or a buffet of tainted goodies.
We are trying to encourage people to re-evaluate their garbage. Most of us at the Art and Found warehouse are dumpster divers and see how much people waste every day. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of paying for things that I only use once, or paying a tax on something that is already overly priced.

WHAT IF... We didn't need money for anything but food and rent? What if all the things you want to buy along the way, you can get by trading something you are about to throw to the curb? Imagine if this idea took off, and eventually you could barter a deal with your landlord and get out of paying rent. Think of the people you would be connected with, the events you would hear about along the way, and the elimination of stress over being poor.

The Art and Found: Its a warehouse in West Oakland filled to its brim with pretty much everything/anything: clothes, furniture, instruments, tools, computers, bikes, car parts, costumes, ART SUPPLIES, craft supplies, collectibles, jewelry.... I mean everything. And its the place you can sell your stuff at, and its the place you can call if you are looking for something to buy at a cheaper rate, and its the place that is going to hopefully take back what we have invested in capitalism so we can start living off the waste of it instead.

I'm getting pretty excited

As a start... Become a member of the Art Exchange Tribe
Call us if you need something/want to sell something...
(518) 435 5924
check it out with your own eyes: THIS SATURDAY!!! And every Saturday
Open Flea Market from noon to dinner time
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS long ass thing

Olivia Royale
Director of the Art Exchange
moderator of www.tribe.net/theartexchange

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

dude I got a dell...

Manuel — Wed, 16 Mar 2005 05:51:16 GMT

hahaha ok, maybe it was just the dell insignia off of a school computer...fine.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 2 replies

I stole this shirt

p4websolutions — Mon, 09 May 2005 17:44:40 GMT

I stole your shirt.

http://www.tees4cheap.com lol

Top that one bucko.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

10Kg of Prawns

GaryQ — Mon, 31 May 2004 06:01:45 GMT

Safeway is a great place to steal things from because they pay the 15 year old check out kids so little that they couldnt care less what goes on under their noses.

A while ago, there was a special price on Prawns (shrimp) which my wife and I enjoy. So instead of a kilo or two, I asked for 10Kg. Rather than measure out and bag all these sharp little crustaceans, the girl behind the deli counter went out back and handed me a 10Kg box straight from the freezer.

Being an unusual thing to see in a shopping trolley, the checkout girl didnt blink when I left it there after unpacking all the other things we'd bought. She just assumed I'd already bought the box of prawns somewhere else. $260 worth. Thanks, they were even more tasty because they were FREE!

GaryQ

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 4 replies

dominoe's

Manuel — Sun, 14 Mar 2004 04:02:17 GMT

I like to steal random things like a rug from dominoe's and a menu from friendly's for instance. Quite worthless, but entertaining to explain.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 9 replies

Yomango

tianren — Thu, 25 Nov 2004 23:10:39 GMT

ehmmm, never heard about it?
YOMANGO!!!!
http://www.yomango.net

absolutely fun!!
(in spanish :/)

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

Street signs and such....

Manuel — Thu, 26 Aug 2004 01:15:54 GMT

Ok, we have all stolen cones and signs. My friend stole has stolen some lights from those barrell cones in Boston. Too funny, he has them in his garage.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 7 replies

Dine and Dash... or Leisurely Saunter

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 11:35:07 GMT

So yeah... how many of you have partaken in the infamously known "Dine and Dash"? My partner and I were eating at one of our favorite breakfast joints. The food there is always fantastic. Its a little hole in the wall that serves addicting french toast and omelets the size of your head, crammed full of junk.

So generally, the staff there is fairly good; however, there is this one female server that is simply horrid. She has no personality, never checks back on you and is just simply a terrible server.

So a few weeks ago, we both happened to have the same morning off and decided to attend out favorite morning spot. To our dismay, this stinky waitress was our server. After making several serving blunders, in my opinion, we finished up our meal and had our plates spotlessly cleaned. She continued to go about her business (of nothing of particular importance) and didn't bother to clean off our table. We continued to sit and wait for our check, which they usually bring directly after serving your food.

I went to the bathroom...came back... still no check. My partner went to the bathroom... I waited... still no check. I kept glancing her way, waiting. She strolled around the building, doing nothing. By this time my blood was boiling. She strolled some more AND THEN HAD THE GAUL TO SIT DOWN AND CHAT WITH HER COWORKERS.

By this time my partner returned and we were both pissed. Should we have to ASK for our check???? We are both honest folks, but I deemed that this fucker of a server deserved to learn a lesson the hard way...

My partner left and cranked up the little scooter we both arrived on. Then I looked the server's way, one more time, and simply walked out of the building, hopped on the sputting scooter, and we rode away into the sunny day. It was pretty funny, making our getaway on a scooter. Don't think we could have outrun the police with a maximum velocity of 45mph.

I haven't been back to the establishment yet, but who knows...she may not have been phased at all...with the exception that I didn't leave a tip either.

Think the authorities will be waiting for us the next time we go there????? LOL

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 5 replies

You are all under arrest.

anarchistslut — Sun, 06 Jun 2004 17:43:16 GMT

Right now.

Hey, has everyone here heard about the eight Boston anarchists who are organizing for the protests against the Democratic National Convention later this summer? They were recently arrested for planting flowers in an emty lot, on a bunch of trumped-up felony charges.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 2 replies

stole a pen

Mike — Fri, 28 May 2004 14:16:49 GMT

In 8th grade I went to six flags in st. louis and as retribution for getting ripped off on a ring toss game i stole a baseball bat pen with the cardinals logo on it. i was very paranoid walking out to the car waiting for the authority to crash down upon my evil being. i got over my fear of authority last week when i was arrested in LA for sitting in some lawyer's porsche without a photo ID. if anyone has a porsche, i love to drive them and i love to entertain. also i now steal odwalla juices because of the CC corporation, even though they did some good things for mexico with caloric intake in poor areas.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 2 replies

Muahahaha

summerrose987 — Sat, 29 May 2004 01:18:46 GMT

Okay....I havent been in here for a while, but I have so much to update you all on as far as my stolen shit goes...

Kass and I have taken the following as of lately:

A syrup container from Perkins.
some cases of pop sitting outside of gas stations
lottsa gas and goes ever since the crazy increase in fuel prices
a peanut butter bar from a coffee shop because they were assholes
hotdogs to eat

I know there is more, but I cannot recall everthing this very moment so I will keep ya posted once I remember...we do not have pics, due to the nature of the shit...ie: gasoline is in my car, food and pops are in our bellies, etc, etc.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

WHAT STAN LEE MEANS TO ME

stanleylieber — Fri, 28 May 2004 14:26:35 GMT

Years ago a friend up and boarded a bus, headed for Seattle, of all places (we lived in southern Indiana), with nothing but a copy of _Moby Dick_ and some assorted junk in his backpack. This coincided neatly with my latest landlord's final descent into complete fish-fucking madness, and I was obliged to lean on my friend's hospitality by asking to live in his house while he was gone. As he had so many times in the past, he acceded to this latest unlikely request graciously.

While holed up in his pad, I spent a lot of time sifting through his rather extensive, it must be noted) collection of Silver Age Marvel comics. Nice stuff, even if some of it was in rough condition. An awful lot of those 60s issues featured the exact same "learn to draw" ad on the back cover, and most of his copies exhibited light browning and "Marvel chipping." I didn't
care.

Over time, as I always eventually did, I ran out of money. For no particular reason at all, I started selling comics out of his collection. Especially perplexing is why, when I couldn't get cash for many of the issues at a local shop, I traded them for a nearly complete run of John Byrne _Fantastic Four_s and some scattered Walt Simonson _Thor_s. Less confusing was the handful of Kirby _Fantastic Four_s, which I'm not even sure I ever even took out of their bags.

Later, I got a call at work one day from my friend, who was just letting me know he was back in town. Now, I had received a postcard from him from Portland that week, stating that he was enjoying himself immensely, and didn't know if he ever wanted to come back. I recognized immediately that this phone call represented an non-trivial threat to my on-going 60s/70s era comics business. Fortunately, he didn't want to move back into his place right away. He was content to let me keep paying rent to stay there, and he'd bunk with his parents.

Basically, when he came over to the (his) house one afternoon bearing a troubled expression, wanting to know why the local shop had a copy of _Defenders #1_ with exactly the same barely-visible crease in the upper corner as his own cherished copy, I looked him straight in the eye and told him that I'd been selling his vintage comics at cut-rate prices -- and in
some cases, even trading them for inferior books -- and that I had no good explanation as to why I'd done it.

He said: "Of course, this means you'll have to move out."

A year or so later, safely ensconced in my new place, I wrote an entire album of almost-listenable songs called _StanLee_; ostensibly about this period of my life. I don't know Stan Lee, and what I know *of* him is limited to his comic books and the claims made by him and his former co-workers over bitter reminisces fed by long decades in the industry -- so I'm certain my use of his name to represent the rotten, conniving, thieving son of a bitch I'd become by the mid-1990s is crass and ill-considered at best -- but I'm certainly interested in reading Tom Spurgeon and Jordan Raphael's book about him.

Maybe I can figure out some way to profit from it.

c.2003 R. Earles

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

shoplifters of the world unite!

lanceuppercut — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 01:34:20 GMT

shoplift! is for the urban hunter/gatherers who in a world of consumerism choose to resist privitization of natural resources that we could freely gather from.now our natural resources in the era of strip malls and mega marts are the strip malls and the mega marts in the land of over production.
-discussion of techniques,inside info on our workplaces,scams,and the like.
if you cant buy happiness....take it!
lifters.tribe.net

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 6 replies

the crocodile cafe (seattle)

pantsy — Sun, 14 Mar 2004 05:10:46 GMT

apparently i stole somebody's beer last night at the Croc. didn't really realize anything was amiss until a friend pulled up next to me as i was walkin up the street towards home: "jared, hey what's going on man. you know that's illegal right?"

i look down and i'm holding a mexican ale of some sort. i wasn't even drinkin beer last night.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

Buy Nothing Day

mario — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 22:22:52 GMT

"Steal Something Day" (http://resist.ca/story/2003/1/5/173829/0813 ) is a fairly good critique of Buy Nothing Day, albeit a little prolier than thou
when they let you know what neighborhood they are in so as to contrast themselves with the wealthy activists behind Buy Nothing Day...But what is the purpose of buy nothing day for most of the worlds people that make less than $2/ day? And what is the point of holding off on a glass of wine until the clock strikes 12? Not much, I'd say.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

the art of shoplifting

lanceuppercut — Sun, 29 Feb 2004 01:31:31 GMT

The Art of Shoplifting
NB:The following is a reproduction of the article published by the Student newspaper Rabelais in July 1995. The article was effectively banned and the editors charged facing 6 years in jail and $24,000 fines. In March 99 the charges were finally dropped without explanation. The article still remains banned in Australia. Shine is publishing this article as an anit-censorship protest and to make people aware of Australian's lack of a right to freedom of speech. Click here for more information about the Rabelais case.

Shoplifting is a topic that is practically relevant to many and it should therefore not become an exclusive craft confined to a small shoplifting elite. On the contrary, shoplifting is an art that deserves the widest possible dissemination. For your convenience we have printed below a step by step guide to shoplifting. Good luck.

Within capitalism, most of us are either (1) alienated from our labour and hence dependent on the ruling classes for commodities as basic as food and clothing, (2) excluded from the division of labour, in which case we are likewise dependant on the State, or (3) performing unpaid and/or unrecognised labour and hence dependant on patriarchal relations for food, clothing, etcetera. In any case, our access to resources is severely limited by contemporary relations of domination. One partial solution to this problem may be to STEAL.

Sadly, however, many people living precariously on low incomes tend to either: (1) avoid shoplifting for anachronistic moral and/or ethical reasons; or (2) remain ignorant of the better methods and techniques of shoplifting, thus failing to maximise their lifting potential.

From the onset, the golden rule of theft should be enunciated: NEVER STEAL FROM SOMEBODY WHO COULD CONCEIVABLY BE A COMRADE. Hence kicking into a house on Bell Street with a beaten up old Mazda in the yard is irresponsible and counter-revolutionary!

Be careful, too, about taking stuff from small 'corner store' type shops -- you could be ripping off someone in a situation not dissimilar to your own. On the whole, it is best to play it safe and go straight for the big corporate fuckers.

Some people will suggest that shoplifters are a selfish breed, since 'we all pay for it in the end' through inflated prices to cover losses and so forth. However, comrades, this and closely analogous arguments are used to justify lowering wages, breaking unions, lowering corporate taxation and taxation on the rich and corporate sector we may as well sell ourselves into bonded slavery now, or join the Liberal Party.

No, the injunction against stealing from capitalism is itself a capitalist ideology and should be spurned as such. Although we have been taught that 'thou shalt not steal', an order historically backed by threats of divine retribution, this should not for one minute stop us from taking the redistribution of wealth into our own hands. Believe me, no-one is likely to do it for us.

What follows is a list of effective methods and observations that may prove useful.

Preparing oneself for the big haul:
1. If possible, you should always have some money on you when intending to shoplift, because if you've got none, it's rather hard to argue that to steal the item was a spontaneous decision. As a result, if you've got no money and are caught shoplifting you are more than likely to be charged for burglary as well as theft.

2. Buying something at the same time that you steal stuff doesn't necessarily ensure success. Approaching staff for items you are absolutely sure they don't have is just as good. Think of something that you know they don't have (i.e. a doona cover with a specific pattern on it or something equally obscure) and pretend that you are looking for this, so that you have an excuse for being there. If staff are ever suspicious of you or ask if they can help you, ask them if they've got the thing you are sure they don't have. Never screw this up -- if you do you will have to buy the item or they may realise that you are there to steal.

3. It is always a good idea to carry a bag although you should never stash anything in it -- if security/sales staff are suss on you the first place that they'll check is your bag and it may just get you off the hook if they can't find anything suspicious inside of it.

4. Remember that there is no such thing as a standard store detective -- there is no qualifying dress code, age, race, gender or class. Grandma will bust you this week and next week it'll be a 5 year old kid.

5. Just as there is no typical store detective nor is there a standard shoplifter. Security do not go looking for the poorly dressed people. They may pick on you out of boredom, but remember, only an unsuccessful store detective picks on poorly dressed people. By the same token don't believe the stale myth that suits + dresses = more successes; security anticipate that professional shoplifters will dress up a bit. Wear whatever you want.

On entering the maze:
1. As soon as you enter the store, suss out the sales people. First impressions often count here. You could find a valuable blind-eye turning ally in younger or less-affluent employees. Alternatively, an employee can often stand out as a more wishy-washy gullible individual -- so even if they see you they are likely to be too gutless to mention it, either to you or to security.

2. Don't be put off by signs such as 'shoplifters will be prosecuted' or 'security police patrol this store'. Often this is just bluff anyway, and in any case there is no security measure that cannot be undone by a clever shoplifter or a quick talker. Do, however, keep your eye on security and be on the lookout for video surveillance cameras.

3. Try to find where the video surveillance monitors are and who is watching them; often they are not even looking at them. See if you can get a glance at their monitor. Often it is one monitor hooked up to 20 cameras which changes sequentially (every 30 seconds or so). Other times it's one guy in a room looking at 50 screens while reading the paper or glued to the box. These monitors are usually pretty small and have a wide aperture, showing more of the room but not enough detail to adequately see what you are up to.

4. It is a good idea to keep your back to the camera as much as possible without looking suspicious. Check out cameras (hold-up cameras) are often set up to check on employees, so they are not hard to keep your back turned to.

Blind-spots and other lifting techniques:
1. A blind-spot is a section of the store where you are barely visible and can thus feel free to both dump and collect stuff, without fear of being seen. Display units can make perfect blind-spots -- they ensure security is confident they have their eye on you, when in fact they can only see your top half -- at the same time they enable you to keep your eye on security. For these reasons, the best blind-spots are usually below the chest -- around waist high. Blind-spots are good for loading into the lip of your jeans or into a jacket.

2. Make sure your blind-spot is not under surveillance. Never hang around your blind-spot for too long. Most of all, be careful to never lead security to your blind-spot.

3. A good method is to take everything you want to your blind-spot and collect it all later in one go, or better still get someone else to collect it for you. Getting someone else to collect for you can be a great system, particularly with exchanges -- which I'll come to later. If you are really pedantic, or you think that they are watching you, then load up, go to the toilets and pass the stuff under the wall/partition of the cubicle to a waiting friend in an adjoining cubicle and get them to leave with it.

(No item 4 in original text -- ed.)

5. Speaking of dunnies and change-rooms, one of the oldest tricks in the book is to put more than one garment on a hanger (works particularly well with women's underwear), go to the change-rooms and put the garment underneath what you are wearing. Alternatively, if you are a woman, you can slip your old bra on a hanger and put on the new one. DonÂ€ t be put off by the staff as you enter the change-rooms -- they are usually quite disinterested and so long as the number of hangers you exit with matches the little plastic number they've given you they'll be satisfied.

6. On the subject of women's underwear, the lingerie department is ideally suited to male shoplifters -- not only is it the perfect excuse for looking embarrassed or suspicious (they have come to expect this), but staff are less likely to harass you by trying to help you and will be more sympathetic generally.

Exchanging crap for more crap
Exchanging things -- that is, taking the redistribution of wealth into your own hands by refunding yourself for an item you never paid for, or swapping something you stole that you don't want for something you do want, or swapping something that you don't want that is unstealable and therefore refundable -- is a whole new ball game.

1. If you plan to steal something and then make an exchange always take stuff that people are likely to take back like sheets, or other obscure household items. If questioned you can say to them "as if I'm gonna keep the receipt, I didn't plan to bring it back". Books and other small but expensive items such as computer software are also great exchangeables.

2. Stealing women's underwear and cosmetics are the perfect alibi for male shoplifters who specialise in exchanges. Male customers always fuck up buying stuff for their girlfriends/wives/mothers and when it comes to lingerie, it's just too easy for a guy to look goofy, have sales staff sympathise and all too quickly agree to exchange or refund the items. This works particularly well around Xmas time when you can tell them you bought it for your mother but she already had that one.

3. Never take an exchange item to the store you stole it from and make sure the other store (e.g. Myers in Doncaster as opposed to Northland) has the same item before you take it back.

4. Make sure you have chosen your item before you approach anyone for an exchange. Also, tell the people in the first department that you want an exchange without mentioning receipts -- they should send you down to the appropriate department for your other item and then ring up this department providing a referral, which if you are lucky will mean you do not have to provide a receipt given that everything appears legitimate.

5. The first time you exchange a stolen item for another product make sure you get something unstealable in return, like a video, watch, or something else kept behind a counter, so that the second time you do it, even if you don't get an exchange receipt they will not suspect that it is stolen.

6. Exchange receipts are a pain in the arse. Sometimes smart arse sales people will write a cross the original docket 'no original receipt' which is a problem, so if you have a bit of money on you, it is a good idea to exchange for something that costs a little bit more so that they have to give you a cash receipt.

7. Don't freak out if they call security while you are acting out an exchange -- as returns will often require security's signature this is quite standard procedure and nothing to worry about.

8. If you're having problems getting an exchange, big department stores normally have consumer rights people located upstairs somewhere -- they can usually be contacted by information telephones. These are people with big egos who like to wield power and the sales staff, who are much lower down the hierarchy, are usually pretty freaked out by this power. If you do get the ego from upstairs on side, they will organise a sales person to look after you and after the egomaniac goes up upstairs again, they sure will -- because the sales person does not want to reprimanded by the same person from upstairs more than once, you will be practically able to get them to do anything that you want them to. A good technique is to tell the person upstairs a different story to the one that you tell the sales person. You can get angry at this stage and tell them that they fucked you around, that you don't want an exchange any more and that you want a refund now and they will usually comply.

9. Be wary of the long term employee -- you've got to know when to stop. Be particularly wary of the head of sales or middle management who have been working there for a long time (sometimes 20 years or more) and are not as scared of the big guys from upstairs as are the newer employees. You can often convince some of the younger staff that they are allowed to do refunds if you tell them that you used to work there.

10. Another commonly used technique is to take an empty bag from the same store with a receipt in it for previously paid for items and then nick the same stuff, which gives you the perfect alibi.

11. Better still, if you've got some money, find two things that are worth however much you've got, take them out of the store and stash them somewhere, then go back in and buy the exact same items. While leaving the checkout, make a big deal about it. "Am I doing the right thing? Will she like it? Will it fit him? etcetera" and then "what the heck!" (Make sure you don't go overboard and push them to mention keeping the receipt or worst of all mention it yourself!) Pay for it. About half an hour to a couple of hours later (not too long) take the stuff back to the same sales people and they'll usually give you cash without a receipt because they remember selling it to you. If you pull it off you've got a cash receipt and your stolen goods which you can exchange at another store.

Leaving the store safely:
1. Always double back just as you are about to leave the store so that you can check if anyone is following you (99.9% of the time they will follow you out of the store before they approach you). Alternatively, go up and down an escalator or in a lift and press every button in the lift and it will be obvious if anyone is following you.

2. If people are watching you, whatever you do, do not try to discreetly dump stuff unless you are absolutely sure that you can get away with it. If caught dumping stuff they usually won't charge you but they may fuck you around for a few hours.

3. If you are caught dumping stuff never let a store detective know it was because of them. Always make out it was a result of a sudden guilty conscience. Never let a store detective know that you know that they are on to you, because they won't put them on you the next time. That way you get to know store security and are able to keep your eye on them as much as you can.

4. If you want to have a bit of fun and don't plan to continue shoplifting that day, or ever, or you just don't give a shit, go up to a store detective and treat them like a sales person, asking them for help etcetera. It is just as embarrassing for them to be caught as it is for you. It is always a good thing to break their spirits or at least bring them down every now and again. Alternatively, use reverse psychology on them. Say "I'm going down to such and such department. I'll see you down there". Often they'll be too embarrassed that they've been busted and think that you won't do it now that you're being watched and you will have the run of the mill.

5.NEVER GET TOO CONFIDENT or you will start to make silly mistakes.

The end:
Finally, if you get caught -- lie your teeth out! Never admit to premeditation. Always say that the opportunity arose, so you took it. Don't act tough or be a smart arse. Cry. Bawl. Admit a guilty conscience. Beg them not to call the cops. Tell them that CSV will take your kids off you and then weep.

Even though some stores say they have a policy to call the police it is not necessarily true and they may, after lots of tears and admissions of guilt, just get you to sign a statement which says you'll never enter that store again. If the cops do arrive, it's a good idea to act scared shitless because they may assume you're a first offender and not bother to check your record. Don't antagonise the filth -- it is their personal discretion as to how bad you get busted.

You are most likely to be charged with 'theft' if caught shoplifting, but you can be charged with 'burglary' as well if you don't have any money on you. 'Equipped to steal' is what you will be charged with if, for example, you have a slit in the lining of your jacket for concealing stolen goods. 'Obtaining financial advantage' and 'deception' are what you are likely to be charged with as well as 'theft', if caught exchanging stolen items.

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 0 replies

The Monkey story....

danadivine — Mon, 02 Feb 2004 17:14:18 GMT

I posted this this morning somewhere else, and then thought to copy it here.
Please enlighten your monday and laugh at me....HARD!!!

When i was in high school I thought i was this big hippie and that i could save the world, or at least the animals anyway. i had a real thing for animal rights. A friend and i (my partner in crime at the time) used to stay late everyday. We went to an all girls catholic highschool (we were too bad for public so our parents thought). So one day, we were running around the halls playing tag/relay races, or something stupid and we came across the bio lab. We had this ongoing thing, see there were these creatures in bottles...gross i know. They used to have an aborted HUMAN fetus, but got rid of that earlier that year due to legal issues and shit, but they kept the rest. The largest was the monkey baby in a jar. Saposedly it died of natural causes and now it's body was used for research and shit. We had a big problem with this, it was doing no good just sitting there collecting dust. Have some respect, show some decency, poor little monkey!!!!....so since we were high, and bored, and just naturally crazy, right....what did we do???????
WE FREE'D THE MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually we stole it. (yes kass, i'll repost in your tribe!)
No big deal really, or so we thought. We were satisfied with our method of rectification for "monk". The next day we go to school and there's this announcement over the loud speaker in the morning regarding our "rescue" from the night before...we were dying...like holy shit! Sister Margaret warned us all of the dangers of phermaldahyde(spelling?) and not to open the jar, followed by an hour long prayer service for the safety of said "thieves", and for their salvation! "Please let jesus forgive these criminals, for they have sinned...." RIGHT!!!! I though we were gonna pee our pants! Stealing is bad ummmkay. The nuns, the disciplinarian, the cops, the guidance councelors had daily meetings over this, interrogating students constantly. Everyday, the announcements got more and more intense....in the meantime we had a propper burial for "monk", and felt much better about all this. Deny, deny, deny....What was the big deal anyway!?!?!!? The announcements continued and got more intense until we eventually had enough and returned "monk" to them via brown paper bag (left on the front steps of the gym anonymously). We had big mouths. Somebody told. We got caught. I was politley asked to leave and got sent to public school...(thank you jesus for listening)...and my friend got sent to a military academy for bad little girls. She was never the same since...i mean this. really. very bad...
The monkey is still there as of a few years ago. i've been back. i am very tempted to take a ride back there again someday soon to finish what i started....now that i'm thinking of it.
FREE THE MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 7 replies

stuff you keep after you break up

nicolov — Wed, 28 Jan 2004 10:59:53 GMT

do you consider it stealing?

I've always considered it more of a consolation prize.. Or "war booty"..

PS: if seb ever finds this: I have nothing of yours, don't call me! <shifty eyes> hehehehe <shifty eyes>

posted in *~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~* - 2 replies

*~* THE * SHIT * I * STOLE*~*'s topics - tribe.net

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~ THE * SHIT * I * STOLE~'s topics - tribe.net