For me, this event was the ultimate roller coaster of emotions that I have experience. At prior events, I had the right to use to self-medicate the mind trip. Now, I have lost that right. No drugs and No alcohol. There is no negotiations with my malady. My life was render unmanageable by the bottle. And that is why I was not there in 2008, the year of the horror. And therefore, I must work steps of life to prevent the subject event from happening again.

This event had a sexual energy that was too much for to deal with. My autistic mind was overwhelmed by the roller coaster of emotions that went on there. The beautiful people had an energy that I could not cope with and that started the roller-coasters. The ups and downs of the event started. From depression to utter serenity to loneliness were all felt there,

In the past, I would take a bottle of vodka and drink myself until pass out to deal with the emotional roller caster. Not now, I just had to endure the emotional roller coaster and knew that Sunday was nirvana, No alcohol and so the utter pain started, but eventually ended when I left Elysium today.

Things like losing your keys and than going to utter panic and than finding your keys minute later was not helpful. In addition, I got frustrated because I could not locate a place to plug in my phone so I get pictures. Just more fuel to the fire for that emotional rollercoaster that I was on.

They say that Elysium is a mind trip. People drop stuff to go on the mind trip here. Me? I took the mind trip, but this time was cold sober. and the trip was rough. Rough for person in recovery with seven months. Sexual energy that was unbearable at times. But some how, I was determined to remain clean. And I remained clean for the event. And then I drove in Mission Viejo today, the suburban ghetto was refreshing and beautiful. Serenity returned and my experience at Elysium was shared with other alcoholics.

I guess that I had a bad trip. Oh well, there is next year. And my advice, is do not go to the event if you have less than a year clean from the addiction. Cuz it is mind trip. And people that are trying to learn to cope with life without substances will face the rollercoaster of emotions that is called Elysium. And some people that I know in the rooms will go out on the mind trip. Only the strong survive this mind trip and remain clean.

This account is Crisco's account for trying Elysium without substances and only seven months clean. The purpose of the post is to illustrate how this event affected me and what it is like to do it with being so young in soberity and also having a spectrum disorder. My goal is to get a year clean through BM community and demonstrate to the community that it can be done. That you do not have to leave the community if you think that you have addiction. And that it is okay to get help and get involved with a 12-step program. And that you can do it openly and do it without fear

You think that you have to leave the community because all of the drugs and alcohol in the scene. In reality, I have discovered the opposite to be true. That the community is one of more supportive communities out there/ That your relationships will get infinitely better and that you can really make that emotional connection to people in the community without substances. And that you can really show the true burner love, compassion, and tolerance that we strive as a community to achieve.