Well I hear you about changing and how much healthier you feel around people who aren't toxic. I tried to move to California this summer and I feel like a failure because I came back. I'm stuck living with my boyfriends parents who just don't understand a life of peace and purity. They eat like shit are in constant denial of everything in their lives. My boyfriend and I are fighting a lot lately because i want the fuck out. I lived on my own for so long and was healthy. To have to come back to this sucks. I would never have gone to California, but a friend of 10 years convinced me to. Not only did I move my whole life ( parting with a lot of it), but I also feel in love with Chad before I left. When I got out there my best fucking friend of 10 years decided to let her boyfriend kick me out. I was really scared out there, my health was bad because I was stressed about the change. I missed Chad so much I was going mad. She did a lot of devious things to me then proceeeded to lie about them after. She wanted me all to herself because her boyriend treated her like shit and she had no one else. I told her to promise me to give me some time for the transition and 2 weeks later I was kicked out after moving 3,000 miles. So needless to say I tried to move back to California wiith my boyfriend and we got there and realized how expensive it was. We came back and have been living with his parents since September. His mom and I often argue because she hates it when I rock the boat. She likes to live in denial while I live for the truth no matter how hard. On top of it all my friends son died of cancer and I couldn't be there for her because she was an alcoholic. That kind of energy disturbed me. She hates me now. I felt like a terrible person because maybe a "true healer" would've supported her. I am a big pussy and death scares me. I try to live each day to the fullest yet I am terrified of not making it financially so I get sick constantly. My mother never calls me or called me on my birthday and I'm pissed at her. I'm ready to call it quits on that relationship and to look to the universe for love. I'm having a hard time at my job because in the beginning the owner of my center made me feel like my skills weren't good enough. She was trying to transform me into something I'm not. Don't ever try to conform an Aquarius! I'm pissed at her too. My eczema is making me think dark thoughts because it's ruining my life. I can't snuggle with my boyfriend or put my all into my work. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here and meditate on some mountain deep on the hills away from the world. I want to feel pure, whole, and loved again by myself. I don't laugh as often as I should. I have no girlfriends because they either deceive more or disappoint me with their caddiness. I haven't trusted women in a long time. I want a nice friend I can laugh with and trust again. I'm getting older and female companionship is important to me. My mother totally fucked that up for me and I have been trying to heal from that pain all my life. I'm ready to crawl the hell out of this pain and free myself.