pain 4

My eyes close and roll back
not from pleasure
but from pain.
I have seen amazing things
but now i sit in my kitchen
slowly rolling inches
back and forth
in my wheelchair
as if it were a rocker,
going nowhere;
staring at the wall,
still seeing things,
traveling in my mind,
and writing them down
as if they had any value,
as if I had any value,
wishing i were dead -
could i please die now?
Is that too much to ask?
i have on fairly clean underwear
what more do i need?

Where is the relief?
it dances around me
throwing microbes my way
that hurt me
and taunt me
but they leave me here
wondering of their dedication,
senses of humor,
and work ethics.

I saw a suicide on TV,
she was hanging
peacefully
still.
She was so still
it is hard to believe it was more
relative pain
leaving
than staying.

A tipped chair on the floor
its life spilled
no longer needed
"wheels for sale"