your son reminds me of my brother. nathaniel hasn't been formally diagnosed as having asperger's, but he exhibits many symptoms and he believes he has it. he is scary smart, and a total introvert (among other symptoms). he's 17 now and doing better, socially, but the last eight years or so have been really hard. i know how you feel. as his big sister, there were MANY times when i wanted to beat the shit out of his so-called friends. i remember one incident when he was in middle school. we went to a very small school, (elementary through high school in the same building) and there were two or three kids in his class that would toy with him. you know, friends when no one is around but as soon as they're in public he became their whipping boy. anyway, i was a senior and one day i happened to be on campus for lunch (usually i went off campus...but i *might* have had lunch detention...) and ran into him in the high school wing. he was walking back to the middle school wing in his gym shorts. now, it was january or feb. and i asked him where is pants were. he didn't want to tell me, but another kid who was sorta his friend (you know how it goes, they were friends-ish) told me that one of the boys who were his fickle "friends" had taken his pants and hidden them. i lost my shit. i stormed into the middle school wing, found the kid in quesion and *might* have preceeded to threaten his life, name him for the shit that he was and threatened to castrate him if he didn't lay the fuck off my brother. the teacher came in and wanted to know what was going on. i told her what happened and she asked the boy about it. they didn't do shit to the kid for taking his pants. the kid denied it even though there were two other kids who said he did and *i* got detention (again) for making him cry. whatever. he had it coming. anyway, later, i felt bad for my brother for having his sister fight his battle for him, even though he didn't ask me to. i've always tried, since then, to let him handle it, but it is so damn hard. i remember being the wierd kid. i was fat and quiet and read constantly. when i was 13 i had enough of being the class punching bag and was adopted by the punk/goth kids and i found my voice. it was painful to watch nathaniel struggle to find his voice, but he finally has. he'll be eighteen this fall and he finally has real friends and do you know what he's doing tonight? he's at his senior prom. with a beautiful girl :) i am so incredibly proud of him and this is such a HUGE step for him. I'm sure you understand what a big deal this is.

the point of all this (finally, the point!) is that the next few years are going to be bad, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. as long as you continue to love, encourage and support him, he'll be okay. it might take years, but you'll get there.

...which means at least a 3-day cooling off period. I would insult their mothers, right now.

and if I might suggest

there are communities where Asperger-iness is generally well accepted

computer programmers spring readily to mind (also math-heads, etc.)

online groups are another possibility

(yes I know that's not the same thing, but it's social interaction AND the practice of same)

You know, when they fall down and scrape their knees, we can put a Spongebob bandaid on it and make it all better. Even if, God forbid, they break an arm or a leg, they get a cool colored cast and everyone wants to sign it. Broken hearts are a completely different matter. They hide way down deep inside, and we can't even see them, much less fix them. My 12 yr old has never come by friends very easily. He's different. Adults love him, but the kids just can't relate to him. He has a very old soul. He finally found a best friend this year, and now this kid is being a jerk, refusing to sit with him at lunch or talk to him at break, because the other kids say my son is a *nerd*. He even made up a story to tell his mom so his mom could justify how he's treating my son. So I sit helpless while my child feels alienated and rejected, angry and sad. Fio, I totally know where you're coming from, and I hope you can find the answers and support you need. You're a good, good mother, and he's lucky to have you.

Hey, Fio, do you know of something that he really wants (a physical thing)? Give him a few days to nurse his wounds and then maybe get him an awesome b.day gift?