Remembering Jesse and update on Suzanne, the rough unedited version....
Today is a hard day for Suzanne.
She is in limbo once again in Virginia this time. She has finished her classes, but they informed her the day before she was to come home on leave that she did not pass her PT test. Physical Training Tests are one of those things that triggers Suzanne's ptsd. MLester, her main tormentor and abuser, used PT as a way to punish Suzanne in Iraq. He would make her do PT( physical training) by herself while he watched over her for hours. Then the very next day test her and she would fail because of fatigue and he would write her up again. They call this "counseling." The very thought of PT tests creates huge anxiety in Suzanne to the point where she cannot sleep well and feels very stressed. The Army officials waited until the non-refundable ticket was purchased to tell her that she was not going home on April 26th. In fact they have changed her testing date 3 times now and she is very sad and stressed just wanting to come home and be with her family. I immediately wanted to jump in and save her, but Suzanne said, "No, mom. I will deal with this."
I asked her what her plans for the weekend were, she replied, " Sit in my room alone and drink. Saturday will be a sad day for me." Then I remembered that May 5th 2004 was the day Jesse Buryj died in Iraq and how that effected all of the soldiers and families of the 66th MP company. She asked me to call Jesse's mom and I told her I would. I told her she could call. She replied that she just would not know what to say and that she is just too sad. You have all heard about the Pat Tillman cover up? The same thing happened to Jesse. The military lied to his family and to this day his mother still does not know the whole truth about how her son died in Iraq. As I was talking to my husband this morning about our sadness, he replied, " I am sure that every day of the year another military family feels like this, Sara." The effects of this war are so detrimental. The loss of 3,404 troops as of today, does not include the ones that have committed suicide or died after they arrived home. We do not talk about the Iraqi deaths. We talk about the physically injured and the substandard care, but what about post traumatic stress and military sexual trauma? The families that have to care for the soldiers and their wounds, both physically and spiritually, every day.

Our Nation has to start doing more for peace, and more for our ravaged troops.

In some ways I feel like taking off my emotional armor and losing my anger and just weeping. Weep to the politicians who have allowed the deaths of our children and are facilitating the spiritual death of our beautiful nation. Weep to the world that we are sorry and there are people in the United States that want peace. Right now, most of all, my heart is heavy for Jesse and his family. And for my brave soldier girl crying alone in her room hoping that the alcohol numbs her pain just for today.

There are times when my heart is so heavy I feel like I can't move.

And yet we go on......

Peace~

Sara Rich, M.S.W