Friends of Gabriel's Landing's topics - tribe.net

Party Schedule for Gabriels Landing

2008-07-23T10:35:57Z

Greetings All,
I wanted to let you know when we would be open, and we hope you will stop by for a visit. This has been cross-posted but please pass the word.

Gabriels Landing will have the bar open on the nights that Chalkman's Pub is closed. We may run IHOP (Icelandic House of Pancakes) but that is rarely scheduled and more of a drunken whim, but it would be on an open night.

Gabriels Landing: E17 (just up the hill from Chalkman's Pub)
O'Dark Thirty until O'Shit Blue
First Week: Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday
Second Week: Tuesday, Thursday
Note: For those of you that haven't visited Gabriels Landing before we try to limit our size to 50-75 people at a time, so if we are full, just stop back later. Limiting the size means our bartenders can keep everyone's glasses full, and we have enough elbow room that it won't seem like a Frat Party. Loud Singing of offensive songs; Strong Tasty Drinks; and an odd assortment of characters can often be found at the Landing. The Asshole Rule: unchivalrous behavior towards women will not be tolerated and will get you physically thrown out of camp. So don't be an asshole.

Gabriels Landing Regatta (Irish Car Bomb Boat Race)
First Week Friday, 8PM, (I know I'm not wearing a watch either but we have to organize the teams)
Team: Each team must have 5 drinkers and a Helmsman (sober) to steer their drunken teammates home after the regatta.
Drink: The drink is a full pint of Guinness and a double shot of Jameson Irish Whiskey and Irish Cream.
Rounds: The contest will have four rounds. The first round is a down and back so you will be drinking two car bombs probably in a minute, and the anchor man will drink two in a row. All other rounds are single drink rounds because we want our finalists to survive this contest.
Register: A $20 "Glass Washing Fee" will be charged for each team. Limit of 12 teams total and 4 of them are already filled. The positions will be filled on a first come basis, see Gabriel at the war E-17.
Note: This began years ago as a private contest between the house team and the Aussies, but we thought it might be sporting to invite others to join in on the fun. This is for serious drinkers only; so get your best and your fastest but plan on getting you butts handed to you.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 5 replies

We are not alone...

2008-07-21T19:05:29Z

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2008/07/21/mailman_seeks_comfort_in_kilt/

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

Confirmed KIA

2008-07-18T01:57:57Z

This is not a cute title to spur thought. I am too drunk for that sort of nonsense. It has been confirmed through open source that my two missing Soldiers PVT Fouty and SGT Jiminez were killed in combat. The link to the story is below:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080711/ap_on_re_us/missing_soldier

I wish to extend my thanks to Malicious for sending me this link.

Fouty and Jimenez were pulling guard on route Malibu along the Euphrates when they were ambushed. We surged a ton of Soldiers into the area following the attack. I don't think I slept for three days as we planned recovery operations, and we pressed on for weeks. It hurt my heart to leave that theater with two of our own in MIA status.

If you pray to a god, please ask him or her to accept PVT Fouty and SGT Jimenez with open arms. They were brave Soldiers and they have earned their eternal rest.

Both Fouty and Jimenez were part of 4-31 Infantry, the Polar Bears, who's motto is "Pro Patria" [for country]. It's what the believed, and it's what they died for

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 10 replies

All things old are new again

2008-07-14T20:05:13Z

Greetings All,
I stumbled across a cool little piece of animation that I thought you might like. I was reminded of bugs bunny's "spear and magic helmet'.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=INyo5ctzmGo

Then the not so serious but brilliantly filched; "Oh for Tuna".

http://youtube.com/watch?v=33DqfL7JepE&feature=related

Hope your summer is off to a good start.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 10 replies

Ronin and the 21st Century

2008-07-12T23:48:04Z

Alright broke down and got a "REAL" phone this weekend, super duper unlimited plan and everything text and e-mails hell even television on this thing... so anyone that has had my cell phone number YES the same one I have been using for YEARS, you can now text me on it, and I wont yell at you because of the cost....

YAY me. and ty angel :)

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 8 replies

for anita blake fans

2008-07-08T22:02:41Z

from the online penny arcade comic strip:

http://penny-arcade.com/images/2008/20080602.jpg

(i guess it won't load inside the post itself, sorry)

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 14 replies

stags breath

2008-06-14T04:44:40Z

I was thinking about picking up a case of stags breath and was wondering if anyone wonted to go in on an order with me.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 31 replies

Hail to the king........or whatever

2008-05-29T16:04:12Z

Guntherworld has such a nice ring to it.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 8 replies

water of life

2008-05-27T14:10:55Z

so I was thinking about having a whiskey tasting at war this year of about six or so good whiskeys

the card I have so far is

1 Jameson ( a crowd favorite a good middle of the road Irish whiskey)
2 Paddy ( a malt heavy I rish whiskey, very smooth)
3 Red Breast ( a single malt irish whiskey, different because most Irish wiskeys are blends)

so would anyone be interested? and as there are still three to four slots open would anyone like to sugest a favorite?

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 10 replies

...free at last!

2008-05-25T15:57:27Z

Greetings All,
I wanted to share my good news with everyone.

My favorite Ex-wife is enjoying the remainder of her stay in Florida, but will fly back to Texas by Sunday.

That is all.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 32 replies

AWP leftovers

2008-05-19T18:33:38Z

someone left a black tool kit at War Practice. The tools inside have red handles. Post this onto other lists that you think might be appropriate.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

War Practice XIX May 15th thru 18th

2008-05-12T21:28:37Z

Hi all, This is a post requested by War Practice Staff: please crosspost if you belong to a household list or group, Thanks!

http://warpractice.steltonwald.org/index.shtml

Additional information:

There will be NO TROLLING IN AFTER 3 PM SATURDAY AND NO ONE RE- ADMITTED TO THE SITE AFTER 3PM SATURDAY WITHOUT THEIR MEDALLION/ TAG OR PROOF OF PAYMENT ( in other words, keep your "stuff" with you just like Pennsic, and plan on being there before 3 PM on Saturday!!)

CARS PARKED ON THE ROADS AROUND THE STORE AND THE BARN WILL BE TOWED..
SERIOUS...
THE PORTA JOHN TRUCKS NEED TO GET THRU THESE AREAS AND NO ONE IS TO PARK ON THE ROAD.
Arrangements have been made with the Tow Company!! You can "pull into" your camp sites , but , Please Stay Off of the Roads!

And the standard No Pets, unless assistance animals.
Other than that, keep thinking positive weather thoughts and have fun!!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 11 replies

Crosspost - this sounds like FUN!

2008-05-11T04:29:21Z

And since I know we have a few runners...
http://pnet-refugees.tribe.net/thread/f3359ce7-82bd-43fc-be85-f98816230b27

*HUGS*

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 3 replies

Why have i never heard of these guys before??

2008-05-08T23:37:40Z

http://www.redstateupdate.com/home

Just started watching the videos. I got to the myle cyrus one and had to stop and catch my breath.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

Pushed Over the Edge

2008-05-07T02:57:46Z

Hey Guys,
I am sitting here plotting the subversion of a few minor laws that nobody that I care about really cares about, and it spurred me to ponder one of "those" questions. So let me put it out for a discussion.

What is keeping you from jumping off the precipice of extraordinary? Why do you continue to lead your ordinary life rather than taking the leap and doing something....more?

The point of asking is not to "stick a wet finger in your eye", but to find a way to help. I suspect that if we distill all of our collective reasons down into a concentrated answer it would be something like "security". All of our, "well I have bills to pay", or "what if I fail" answers properly boiled down would become a strong stew of, "I need security". Again, to be clear, I share the same fears and I make the same excuses so I am not trying to pick at a scab. Here's my thought, you are all extraordinary in some way or the other. It's a fact, not an opinion, you ARE extraordinary. You can try to deny it but the word extraordinary is defined as: beyond what is usual, ordinary, regular, or established; and you are most certainly that. The reason you read pages like this is that we have something in common. You can define what that "something" is in your own terms, but if we can all accept that we are "beyond what is usual", it's a start.

So if what you are living now is mostly "usual"; what is beyond that? If you were to turn and walk the path less traveled; where would it lead? I'm not trying to be wild esoteric so let me clarify. During those moments in your life where you are in your element and you feel the most free, what is it that you are doing? Would it be possible to do that, or something that provides that feeling, for the rest of your life? Isn't that the goal? Why aren't we trying to achieve that goal?

Using myself as an example, I get to live only brief moments of the life that I desire. I get to be "Gabriel" for perhaps 5% of my time. Most of the time I am an Army officer and successful in my field. I am responsible for millions of dollars and there are times when the things I say can cost Soldiers their lives, but that is not the life I want to lead. If I were to walk to the edge of the cliff, it would be a life of adventure that I would see below. If I were unencumbered by my own personal needs for security, I think I would be a treasure hunter. Wildly optimistic, I love the idea of betting everything I have against my ability to hit pay dirt. The "security" excuse that I tell myself is that I just have to hold out for another 6 years until I retire and then I can chase my dreams with a security net below me.

The point of this entire diatribe is to find out if anyone is closer to the edge than I am, and to encourage them to jump. What would have to change in your life for you to be able to take that leap of faith and lead the life less ordinary? Is there anything that I can do to help? I am coming up to a significant change in my life and I excited to turn the page. I would love to help someone else make a significant change in their life. Maybe what you need is beyond me, then again maybe it's not. It's an interesting mental exercise if nothing else. When it really comes down to it; what needs to change for you to change your life?

My friends, I'm interested to hear what you think. Post a note when you get a chance. Maybe I just shouldn't drink dark rum alone, who knows? Take care; be well.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 8 replies

An Oldie but a Goodie

2008-05-07T02:16:08Z

Hey Guys,
I stumbled across a couple of great old clips that really reminded me how much I love the classics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEhF-7suDsM

And I love how just a couple of clicks on YouTube links will take you way down a dark road.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UT02--Ijdc&feature=related

Enjoy.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 2 replies

Gabriel is my pal and INSANE because....

2008-04-24T13:15:34Z

He drives me through Unbelievalbe blizzrards without even Considering heading back for Excellent barbeque food And because he is picking up oooooo say a kajillion lbs of tent canvas for me! oh yeah and he takes my phone calls :)

Hugz Mae Ly

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 16 replies

possibly pennsic

2008-04-16T14:17:24Z

I know a few people had asked if I might make it to Pennsic this year and I have talked to a few people and actually it might be a possibility. It is still in the air and I will keep progress posted.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 1 reply

This is how it always begins...Shadowrun

2008-04-16T14:11:57Z

Greetings All,
I had to share a link that my brother Micah sent me today. He sent the link with the note, "I think I found the best reason to play Shadowrun".
All I can say is that I caught myself thinking, "Holy Shit that's cool". I quickly followed that thought with, "I wonder if this is how it always begins". So if we find that this technology is actually ends up taking us down the dark road to a Shadowrun like existence, I will know that I am at least partially at fault. I say that because I really want one.

http://www.physorg.com/news122819670.html

Cheers!
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 8 replies

Twisted Genius Discovered

2008-04-16T08:42:42Z

Greetings All,
My buddy sent me a link to xkcd and I have not laughed this hard in a long time so I thought I would pass it along. There are times when I am absolutely staggered by the creativity of our species. While those times are rare they help me remain hopeful about our shared fate.

My new desktop:
http://xkcd.com/291/

Also brilliant: 72, 75, 81, 88, 116, 137 and the list keeps going

Take care; be well.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 3 replies

report cards are in..

2008-04-15T07:08:56Z

Greetings All,
I wanted to share my nice piece of good news with you. I wandered into my S1 shop (HR) today to ask about some random numbers and the guy asked me if I was there to sign. Playing along, I asked what he needed signed and he acted like I was kidding but informed me that I needed to sign my annual review. Honest to god I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what my review will look like or when it's due so I had forgotten all about it. This was essentially my report card for the tour in Iraq or actually the last 10 months in Iraq. As the most junior Major in the brigade it doesn't really matter what you get for your review because you are expected to be all fucked up while you are learn your new job. On top of that, I made it clear to my boss that I don't even care about my report because I am not going to be promoted again before I retire. An annual review in the Army is very structured, as you might imagine, and it really comes down to three things; your boss' comments on your performance, his boss' comments and a checked box. You would not believe how cut throat the competition is to get the top block and receive the "above center mass" rating. The boss can only give a few above center mass evaluations because they are tracked at the Army level. Typically, the top block is reserved for the senior officers of each grade in order to help them get promoted to the next rank. Well, I was just given the Above Center Mass rating as the most junior officer in my grade, and to add insult to injury, I beat out all of the Infantry as a logistician. For those of you with little military exposure, logisticians are like the military equivalent of the black grungy stuff that grows on the underside of pond scum. I expect to have my tires slashed tomorrow. About half the officers in the Army will go their entire 20 year career without ever receiving a top block, and this is my second one in a row. In a hundred years it will mean less than nothing, and in 10 years nobody will remember, but today it feels pretty good to feel appreciated.

As Spider Robinson says, "shared pain is lessoned, and shared joy is increased." My friends and family, I hope life is treating you all well and I hope you feel appreciated. I had a really low moment right after reading my review. I can't tell anyone at work what happened, and as most of you know I am going through a divorce so the house is empty when I get home at night. So the low moment came when I thought for a brief moment that I had nobody to share my moment with, and then I remembered you. Thank you for being a part of my life, through the rough seas and the smooth sailing. Cheers!

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 17 replies

Donations Needed

2008-03-21T22:24:11Z

NME News
Sperm donors offered free festival tickets

Passes to any music festival in Europe available

Sperm donors are to be offered free tickets to any music festival in Europe under a new initiative.

Passes to a festival of their choice will be offered to any donors in Europe who contribute to Ireland’s sperm reserves.

Irish stocks are apparently dwindling, with demand far higher than is sustainable, and donations down by 40% over the last four years.

The Sperm For Tickets initiative makes use of special donation containers and a fast courier network to offer donation via mail.

Anyone in Europe can request a donation pack, indicating which European festival they wish to attend via Spermfortickets.com.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 3 replies

Gulf Wars Bound

2008-03-21T22:15:44Z

Greetings All,
My leave was just approved and I am heading down to join Sir Forgal at the Gulf Wars next week. Is anyone else planning to attend? Chime in if you are planning to brave the hazards of Lumberton Mississippi. Hope to see you there. Rest your liver now, this is bound to hurt.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 6 replies

Question

2008-03-17T07:04:05Z

Anything going on between now and blackstone that we can all get together at? Since odds are i will have to make a 12-16hour drive make it a weekend thing !!!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

Vincent & Gabriel

2008-02-26T16:45:58Z

You 2 are gona need to get some good Cigars for AWP since i went out and picked up a bottle that is supposed to go great with a good Cigar. Is rough when i wander into a store and they ask me if i would like to sample a "wee dram or two" Next i need to get some stags breath to go home with me.

I need to win the fucking lotto so i can move over here the people are great, i like this kinda weather and the pubs ........ohhhhh the pubs.

Wulf

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 15 replies

I'm so screwed...

2008-02-26T05:18:25Z

My liver will soon give up and admit defeat, now that this is available...

http://www.patronspirits.com/en/content/spirits/patron_xo/

I had some last night, and it is GOOD. Like really, really, happy-happy yummy good. Danger, baby, danger!

*HUGS*

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 11 replies

Merry Gentry Fans

2008-02-22T06:50:12Z

So this is from Laurell's blog on myspace:

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Tears, and a present I can’t deliver
Current mood: anxious
Category: Writing and Poetry

I ended today's writing session in tears. I actually had to get up and find some Kleenex. Yeah, someone died. I won't tell you who, because I didn't see it coming until two days ago. Then the writing which had averaged eight pages, crept to barely four a day, because part of me knew what was coming. Then all of me knew what was coming, and I didn't want it to come. Goddess, this is going to be a really hard book for Merry.

Hard book for the main character means a hard book for the writer. I'm still down, and no amount of sunshine is going to change that. One of the hardest things about writing for me is leaving the book at the computer, and not carrying it with me through the day and night. To be wrapped in someone else's sorrow so that it colors your own joy gray, is not a fate I wish on anyone. But if I did not feel my characters so deeply, would you, the reader, feel them, at all?

It's not all doom and gloom, this strange immersive way I write. I was looking on a website of birth stones for a potential gift for a friend. Then I saw that they had March listed as aquamarine. I thought, Nathaniel's birthday is coming up. He likes jewelry. Maybe a ring, or . . . About then I realized that Nathaniel was fictional and so was his birthday. Only real people can receive gifts and actually use them. I felt silly for a moment, but Jon says, that it's a wonderful thing that my imaginary friends are so real to me. It is, even I believe that most of the time. But it's not just their sorrows that bring me down. I had a moment of true regret when I realized that I couldn't give Nathaniel his present. Sometimes, even I wish that my imaginary friends were real. Not all the time, not every day, but there are moments when it seems wrong that I can't walk into the other room and share my day with them.

So I wonder who's she's killed off?

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 12 replies

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

2008-02-22T00:53:06Z

From the Vulgar Unicorn posted by Darter:
"I found out from my father, while visiting him in Prospect, PA, (just 8 miles from Cooper's Lake) that Eppinger's EAT is no longer open. He said something about a chain buying it up, then closing it down...

After years of going in there for my breakfast on my way to fish Slippery Rock Creek I am kind of saddened by this news. I know a lot of Pennsic folk also liked to stop here as well..."

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 4 replies

Evil Overlord Top 100 things

2008-02-14T06:31:57Z

Greetings All,
You may have seen this before, but it was new to me and I thought I would share. Enjoy.

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Of course, these are merely the Top 100 Things I'd do. Other suggestions have been sent to me which didn't quite make the Top 100 List. But they are still so good that I couldn't bear to throw them out. Therefore, as an expression of gratitude, I have tossed them into...

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 6 replies

The Dog is Going To Eat Like A Queen Tonight

2008-02-06T17:08:01Z

So I got home early and decided I was going to make a stuffed pork loin with spinach and feta for dinner. Now it's in the oven and Ronin is going to be home late. I guess it will just be me and the dog. Maybe we won't leave any leftovers either!!!!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 12 replies

Beer Exchange

2008-01-31T03:02:08Z

Thought that this tribe might appreciate the idea....

My ex-boss and my husband have been involved in a Christmas beer exchange for the last few years. They get 24 people to agree to buy a case of unique beer and then putting one of each in a case. Then you get to try all 24. Here's what they had this year:

1 Atwater Block Brewery "Winter Bock" 7.5% Detroit, MI
2 Rogue "Santas Private Reserve Ale" 8.7% Newport, OR
3 Unibroue "Trois Pistoles" 9% Chambly, Quebec
4 Warsteiner Pilsener 4.8% Warstein, Germany
5 Unibroue "Maudite" 8% Chambly, Quebec
6 "Okocim Lager" 5.9% Poland
7 Sam Adams "Winter Lager" 5.8% Boston, MA
8 Clay Pipe's "Pursuit of Happiness Winter Ale" 8.25% Westminster, MD
9 Breckenridge "Vanilla Bean Porter" 4.7% Denver, CO
10 Full Moon "Winter Ale" 5.6% Golden, CO
11 Troegs "Mad Elf Holiday Ale" 11% Harrisburgh, PA
12 Hoegarden "White Beer" 5% Begium
13 Smithwicks "Irish Ale" 5% Ireland
14 Stone Brewing "Oaked Arrogant Bastard Ale" 7.2% Escondido, CA
15 Wild Goose "Oatmeal Stout" 5.9% Frederick, MD
16 Magic Hat Brewing Co. "#9" 5.1% Burlington, VT
17 "Ecaussinnes Ultra Blonde" 8% Ecaussinnes, Belgium
18 Great Lakes "Christmas Ale" 7.5% Cleveland, OH
19 Clipper City "Winter Storm" 7.3% Baltimore, MD
20 Anderson Valley "Winter Solstice" 6.9% Boonville, CA
21 Stoudts "Fat Dog Imperial Oatmeal Stout" 9% Adamstown, PA
22 Brooklyn "Monster Ale" 10.8% Brooklyn NY
23 MacTarnahan's "Amber Ale" 5% Portland, OR
24 Weyerbacher "Merry Monks Belgian Ale" 9.3% Easton, PA

Happy New Year!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 15 replies

Double Duty

2008-01-31T00:06:35Z

So in Italy they apparently have a problem with toilet paper in the older pipes they have come up with the ingenious solution to add bacteria to the toilet paper itself to start the decaying process immediately. The company is now wanting to sell it in the US and has approached our lab to do testing. I don't know but wiping your butt with added bacteria sounds a little creepy to me.....

But they could start a smear campaign for better toilet health!!!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 1 reply

For Monday

2008-01-14T21:22:20Z

REALNEWSPAPER ADS

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES:
Â½ Cocker Spaniel, Â½ sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES...
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog..able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat ... been out a while.
Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIAPEACHES
Californiagrown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE.
Call Stephanie.

AND THE BEST ONE :

FOR SALE BYOWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes Excellent condition
$1,000 or best offer No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 1 reply

What would you do?

2008-01-12T15:57:06Z

So, at school we've been debating parental responses to 'Hitting' ... We have a bet re the difference between mom/dad responses. I'm really interested in what people do tell thier kids. I think sometimes when parents talk to school staff they say what they think we want to hear- not what they really think. Which doesn't really help anyone.
So, what do people think?? If you have a few moments, would you mind telling me? Even if you don't have kids- what would you do, if you did?? I think it will be really interesting....

What would you do in the following circumstances:

1) A child touches/hits/pushes your child (no specifics just general circumstances).
Would you advise your child to
A) Always hit back
B) Hit back only if the other child hit intentionally
C) Get help
D) ___________________

2) A child teases your child
Would you advise your child to
A) Tease back
B) Tease back only if the other child teasedintentionally
C) Get help
D) ___________________

3) A child /hits/pushes your child aggressively
Would you advise your child to
A) Always hit back
B) Hit back only if the other child hurt you
C) Get help
D) ___________________

4) The school calls to tell you that your child hit an other student
Would you:
A) Condone the hitting
B) Condone the hitting only if your child was hit first
C) Talk with your child about hitting others (and advise against it in all or most circumstances).
D) Tell the school your child can and should always hit back to "defend" themselves.

5) Do you believe it is ok for "kids" to hit each other to solve problems?
A) Yes
B) For ages 5-8 Yes
C) For ages ages 5-10 Yes
D) For ages 5-13 Yes
E) For ages 5-18 Yes

6) Are you
A) Female
B) Male

7) Age bracket
A) 18-25
B) 26-35
C) 36-45
D) 46-55
E) 56-65

8) (Only if you feel comfortable) What is your ethnic background?

______________________

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 3 replies

Benefse drug update

2008-01-08T18:36:22Z

I am sure she will post about it later, but things did not go well. This drug doesn't seem to be the one that will kick Sjogrens's ass, but I will let Benefse discuss it in further detail herself. For now she is just sleeping it off, so don't worry - she will give you all a much better update, but I at least wanted to let you know she is alive.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 8 replies

Tis the Season

2007-12-24T12:22:33Z

I would like to take a moment from the chaos that this time of year brings. To wish you and yours, Happy Holidays and a Joyous New Year.
For those of you who will be traveling a very uneventful trip.

Always,
Vincent

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 2 replies

Christmas Operation Order

2007-12-20T21:28:16Z

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

*Christmas Operation Order*

Operation Order 12-2004 For: Official Visit of LT JG Santa Clause

1. An official staff visit by LT JG Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S- Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. Personnel will utilize standard "T" ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in "T" ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.

d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. 1SG's will submit stocking handling plans to S-3, Training prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All leaders will ensure their subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging.

e. At first [sign] of clatter, all personnel will spring from their beds to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order OPLAN 7-01 (North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. SDO and all CQs will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in Bldg 9828 prior to the start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The SDNCO will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.

g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency and the Motor Pool will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24 and eight Reindeer, Tiny, for use by LT JG Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator's license with roof top permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On Dancer, On Prancer, etc."

2. LT JG Claus will initially enter Bldg 9828 through the dayroom. All offices without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1 which will be submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 Dec. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn- in at the conclusion of visit.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night." This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of each section NCOIC.

FOR THE COMMANDER GOODE, U. B., LTC, OD Executive Officer

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

Merry Christmas guys, I'm damned glad you are a part of my life.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 3 replies

Tainted Love

2007-12-17T03:36:20Z

Greetings All,
I am having a great time zipping down the information superhighway. After 15 months at 1-3k a second speed I can't tell you how nice it is to have the freedom to download anything I want and to know that it's only a few seconds from download. I have gleefully wasted a few hours on Youtube this morning and I found a commercial that I have loved for years and I thought I would share.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVY04NQUpxk

Hope everyone is getting ready for the Christmas break. I have started my leave and will be in full screw off mode for a month. Don't be bitter, I did my time and I am in need of a break. Don't work to hard and Do have that second glass of eggnog. Take care; have fun.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 2 replies

Best comic ever..........ok maybe not but still funny

2007-12-15T23:03:48Z

http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20071210

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 4 replies

Dirty Laundry?

2007-12-13T13:24:43Z

Ok so we've been doing some work for GE on their front loading washing machines. The results are not pretty! The mold levels are extreme. It seems that if you don't leave the door open the unit never dries out properly. They are working on building a new unit that will eliminate this problem, but for those of you out there that may have a current one.....If it smells funny call and complain lots. Especially if you have mold allergies or health problems.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 1 reply

It's not so much the product but, the comentary... :D

2007-12-12T17:45:34Z

Thought you all might enjoy this. =

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000796XXM/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

::smooches::

Morgon

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 1 reply

This man is my HERO!

2007-12-06T18:08:31Z

Irish Police Bust Beer Bandits
December 6, 2007 - 10:38am

By SHAWN POGATCHNIK
Associated Press Writer

DUBLIN, Ireland (AP) - Ireland's national police force has arrested two men in connection with an audacious robbery last week on the landmark Guinness Brewery in Dublin _ but said Thursday they were still looking others involved in the beer banditry.

The Garda Siochana police force declined to specify how many kegs have been recovered following the Nov. 29 raid, when a lone man drove a truck into the brewery, hitched up a trailer loaded with 450 kegs and drove straight out through the security gate into rush-hour traffic. Guinness called it the biggest robbery in the 248-year history of the brewery.

Police said they recovered an unspecified volume of the stolen beer Monday at an undisclosed location in County Meath, northwest of Dublin, and arrested two men Tuesday on suspicion of involvement with the theft.

Police said one man was charged Wednesday with possessing stolen property and received bail pending his arraignment in Kilmainham District Court, west Dublin, on Dec. 21 _ an unusual delay that reflected detectives' desire to keep looking for others involved in the robbery before showing their hand in court.

The other man was released Wednesday without charge. But police said he was suspected of lesser involvement in the robbery and a file of evidence was sent to the state prosecutors' office, a common practice in Ireland.

The Garda Siochana said it would not release any details about the two men, their alleged involvement, the location of the recovered kegs or how much of the beer booty remained at large, saying it could make it harder to catch others involved in the raid.

Irish detectives sometimes put bailed suspects under surveillance in hopes that they might help police to identify others involved in a particular crime.

The stolen trailer was loaded up with 180 kegs of Guinness stout, 180 kegs of brand Budweiser and 90 kegs of Danish brand Carlsberg. Guinness has a contract to brew and distribute those beers in Ireland.

Each keg holds about 88 British-sized pints, the most common serving size in Ireland _ about 20 ounces each. The total theft involves 39,600 pints with a retail value exceeding $235,000.

The Republic of Ireland, a country of 4.2 million, has more than 10,000 pubs and bars. The Guinness brewery in Dublin is the biggest supplier, producing more than 5 million kegs annually.

(Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.)

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

Home again Home again Jiggety-Jig

2007-12-04T03:20:29Z

Greeting All,
I am back in the states. I got back in late last night and I am working through all the administrative crap that comes with turning your life back on after 15 months in storage. Today's little success was getting a phone, and tomorrow I hope to get back into my house.

I recommend to everyone that they spend a few months outside the US so when they return they can see the luxury that we live with every day. For those of you that have trouble seeing the forest for the trees; we live in the prettiest damned country on this wet little planet. It's damned nice being home.

That old black rum's got a hold of me... Sorry, I had to go to bed; jet lag and rum are a tough combo to beat. I have about 24 hours left before I need to get back to work so today's goals are get a license from the Empire State and start moving back into my house. Wish me luck.

Have fun; be well.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 10 replies

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it

2007-11-28T21:45:44Z

Greetings All,
I wanted to take a second and say thanks for all the well wishing and I especially wanted to thank everyone who came out to the welcome home parties in Pitt and DC. It's great to be home. The funny stories keep stacking up and I know I should sit down and write a blog post about my adventures.

I will give you an odd one from tonight. I have another entry into the book of "Your life is not dull if...". The last entry for those of you who heard it was; your life is not dull when your lawyer calls and advises you to hire a private investigator. Today's entry is; your life is not dull if you find yourself with a shot gun in your hands facing a man who is trying to explain that he has embezzled tens of thousands of dollars from you. I love my life. It's so not dull.

All things considered, life is good and it's great to be back. I am still trying to move back into my house and get things in order. I hope to see you all soon. I am working out the event schedule for this year but it looks like Yule in Jersey, Blackstone raids in West by god; St. Patty's day with the Rogues; Gulf Wars, and Pennsic. With some measure of luck, I will see you at one of those events. Take care; be well.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

P.s. for the record, I didn't shoot him

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 6 replies

Last orders for Guinness?

2007-11-27T03:57:25Z

BBC NEWS
Last orders for Guinness?
By Debbie Fabb
BBC Money Programme

Guinness is one of Britain's best loved brands, yet sales of the famous black stout have been falling year after year both in the UK and Ireland.

But with nearly 250 years of history behind it, Guinness is not about to go quietly.

It has launched a fight back with a new lighter, sweeter version, Guinness Red, and a much hyped multi-million pound advertising campaign.

Will it be enough to reverse the decline?

Global reach

In the last two years Guinness sales by volume have declined by 13% in the UK and things are even worse in Ireland, where sales are down nearly 30% since 2001.

Guinness is however, continuing to perform well in some markets, particularly Nigeria and America.

In the UK and Ireland, a growing taste for lighter, blander, more refreshing drinks and a long term shift to entertaining at home, have taken their toll on Guinness's sales.

Despite this, the brand is hopeful.

"You're talking about a company that's been around for 250 years and a brand that has been growing from strength to strength, not just in this market but all over the world over that time," says Philip Almond, marketing director for Guinness GB.

Something refreshing

Andy Lee and Ollie Scott are typical of the sort of consumer Guinness wants to attract.

Guinness could look to new territories for salvation

Both are young professionals in their late 20s, they meet regularly for a game of football and a post-match pint.

But it is lager, not Guinness they go for.

"It's just what you want after a game, because it's refreshing," says Mr Scott.

The preference for "refreshing" drinks is a trend that has seen lager brands grow their market share from just 7% of all beer sales in 1970 to more than 70% today.

More recently, it is reflected in the "cider over ice" phenomenon, started by Magners and Bulmers, which has added more than £200m to cider sales.

Amongst the wines, it is rose that has been the winner, with sales increasing 188% since 2005.

Guinness Red

Guinness's secret weapon, Guinness Red, "is still a stout, but it's slightly smoother and sweeter than the mainstream Guinness", Mr Almond says.

"It's aimed at people who perhaps enjoy other beers and other drinks and are looking for something a little bit more refreshing."

Following a six month trial, Guinness is spending £2.5m on rolling out Red across the UK. It is the brand's biggest attempt yet to lure back lager and bitter drinkers.

Critics question whether it is the right product for the job.

"It maybe bridges the gap between a stout and an ale," says Ian Bell of Euromonitor. "But if you look at the reality, where both the stout and the ale market are declining, something which sits on the fence between the two is probably unlikely to work."

From pub to home

There is another problem for Guinness to address.

Great Guinness advertising did not equal great Guinness sales
Julian Spooner, former Guinness' marketing director

At the moment, Guinness Red is unavailable in cans, yet more of us are choosing to drink at home.

Fifteen years ago, only a fifth of beer drinking was done at home. Now it is 43%, and rising.

Despite revolutionising the home drinking market in 1988 with the launch of the "widget" - a bit of plastic inside a can that makes the beer inside frothy when poured into a glass - Guinness has struggled to be accepted away from the pub.

The message

Guinness is almost as famous for its adverts as it is for its beer.

"Guinness has survived as a brand as well as a product, and that's what's enabled it to stay afloat when lots of its peers absolutely drowned," observes advertising guru Peter York.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF GUINNESS
1759 - Arthur Guinness signs a 9,000 year lease on a disused brewery at St. James's Gate, Dublin
1769 - The first export of Guinness leaves Dublin: six and a half barrels bound for England
1886 - The Guinness brewery becomes the first major brewery to be incorporated as a public company on the London Stock Exchange
1936 - The first Guinness brewery outside Ireland is opened at Park Royal, London
1958 - Guinness draught is launched
1963 - The first brewery outside Britain and Ireland opens in Nigeria
1988 - The 'widget' is launched, and Guinness is available in cans
1998 - Guinness Extra Cold is launched
2005 - Park Royal brewery in London closes
2007 - Guinness Red is launched

In 1999, Guinness launched its famous "surfer" advertisement: a surreal black and white story of a surfer waiting for the perfect wave as white sea-horses gallop around him.

Culminating in the tag line "Good things come to those who wait", the advert won several industry awards, as well as the public vote for best ever advert in a TV poll.

It was the epitome of Guinness advertising: sleek, stylish - and surreal. And that, for some, was the problem.

"I think it had gone too far away from the product," says Julian Spooner, former Guinness' marketing director.

"It created a separation between Guinness, the advertising brand, and Guinness, the brand itself. So great Guinness advertising did not equal great Guinness sales."

This month Guinness has launched its most complex and expensive advert ever: Tipping Point.

Yet again the beer maker has gone for the surreal, with the inhabitants of a remote Argentinean village using everyday objects to create a domino-style toppling sequence through the village streets.

The culmination is a giant statue of a pint of Guinness made out of books and the old tag line "Good things come to those who wait".

The real question is this: Will it help the brand increase sales?

The Money Programme: Last Orders for Guinness? - BBC Two, Friday 23 November at 1900.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 5 replies

Happy Thanksgiving Goody! Alices Resturant!

2007-11-22T15:22:02Z

For those of us old enought to rememeber, and those of us too young to rememeber the first time it aired! lol! But here is last years rendition of Alice's Resturant by Arlo, live with additional "comments" from him. Great video, and one of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions! Happy Thanksgiving from my family!!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5_7C0QGkiVo

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

A little piece of weird for your Monday....

2007-11-20T02:58:52Z

I had no idea what this was when a co-worked sent it to me...but it's kinda hawt *grin*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UIpOUgQt-g

Enjoy!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 2 replies

2 weeks

2007-11-14T20:48:50Z

That's right in just two weeks time it will be the first annual Skanksgiving party.
What is this you ask? We figure what a better way to celebrate the early history of Europeans in this country than to have an old fashioned American kegger. It will be November 17th which is the Saturday before Thanksgiving so I don't want to hear any lame ass excuses about how you need to get up the next morning or you have work or blah blah blah. Just shut up and get your ass to the party. It will be at my house 438 Biddle ave in Regent Square. If you need more info just get a hold of me and I can tell you more.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 2 replies

Chili 101

2007-11-13T21:47:15Z

I just imagine this to be: Katdavar, Ronin, & Gunderic.

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope
for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed
to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas.
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to
the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is.
They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes
around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San
Antonio City Park.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was
visiting from Springfield, IL. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be
selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in
sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the
judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when
the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native
Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they
told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and
became Judge 3."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now
my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced
from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was
unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the
beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb.
woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm
eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and
I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that
her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from
bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if
I'm burning my lips off.
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming.
Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with
gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm
worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand
behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to
wipe my ass with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am
worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be a bit of distress as he is
cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with
chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava
to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what
killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it;
I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in
through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI......
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted,
passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have
reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 2 replies

AUUGHHHH

2007-11-08T19:05:39Z

So the ritual of putting 15 pounds onto the eployees has started in full force at the office. There is no shit 5-10 pounds of chocolate on our lunchroom table. Le sigh, must actually start using the treadmill at home....

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 4 replies

Deinsularization (i.e. Friday Bash)

2007-11-07T23:29:47Z

I love making up words!

I have been in touch with the guest of honor himself. Friday is at my house, and is open to anyone wanting to come party it up with Gabriel and crew.

I’m about 20 miles south of the city in Houston PA (Near Washington PA). I have plenty of crash space, so anyone needing to bunk down for the night or the weekend is more than welcome. Its more or less a given that this will be going into the wee hours, so if in doubt, just plan on staying. I do ask that you bring an air mattress or sleeping bag and pillow as I have limited actual bed space.

For anyone with allergies, I do have a cat and a dog. The dog will not be here for the weekend, the cat will.

PM me or Annie for directions. Or you can call Vincent. He is experiencing on and off computer issues, so I don’t recommend PM ing him.

Can’t wait to see you all for the drunken debauchery that is sure to ensue!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

you use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore

2007-11-07T21:07:13Z

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.- Hedley Lamarr

So I met the three young Captains that will take over my primary responsibilities today and we just locked up our customs containers so it really is almost time for me to start thinking about home again. My plan is to take a long hot shower to wash off the road dust accumulated from 26 hours of flying and however many days I have to wait in Kuwait. I think the next priority is to try to eat the #4 special at the Golden Unicorn and only then see if my house is still standing.

Naturally I can't talk about troop movements, but the first weekend I will be back is Veteran's Day Weekend. How's that for irony? When I get back my parents are going to be there for the welcome home ceremony and will stay through the 9th. I am currently planning to fly down to Pittsburgh on the November 9th. I will try to catch the early flight at 6AMish and should be there by about 8AM. I need to pick up my new Jeep and then I am free and mobile for 4 days of playing and I hope see my people. I thought I would spend the 9th and 10th in Pitt and then drive over to DC for the 11th and 12th.

Who will be around? I can't wait to see you guys. I will probably have tons of time talk shortly when I go into overwatch mode. I will get a new cell phone when I get back and I am looking at Verizon but I am open to suggestions.

Can't wait to see y'all. Have fun; be well.

Yours in Service,
Gabriel

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 19 replies

Sir Koredono' Armour stolen

2007-11-06T15:57:27Z

Since many of us know Don, I thought I would cross post this... maybe you will see someone wearing, selling or E-Baying ( funny how you can make a verb out of anything these days, hunh!) his things, please let him know !
see below

Hi everyone
I feel somewhat odd posting this, but was urged to do so, on the off
chance it actually does help, so bear with me:

Yesterday, in a two hour window during the morning before going to
fighting practice, my armor was stolen right off my porch (exc. my
helmet, which was sitting on top of the bag and ignored); I had
thought it was placed such as to not be visible from the street, but
was apparently mistaken. The contents of the armor bag were:

1 set of plastic Japanese-style body armor
1 plastic gorget
Japanese-style thigh armor (plastic plates attached to red and tan
brocade)
1 pair of plastic EGG Armour gauntlets, incl street hockey gloves
1 pair of aluminum elbow cops, attached to soft pads
1 pair of aluminum knee cops, attached to soft pads
1 pair of soft football forearm pads
1 pair of plastic youth soccer shin guards
fighting clothes (dark blue hakama, pair of red brocade leggings)
1 pair of soccer cleats
1 pair of sneakers
several white belts and fighting chains
various rolls of tape (duct, strapping, colored electrical)
armor repair tools (leatherman, pliers, &c)

A picture of me wearing all this gear is available online at
http://picasaweb.google.com/koredono/GulfWarsXVI/photo?authkey=bbs3cPTt3zY#5125115719402977378
and
http://picasaweb.google.com/koredono/GulfWarsXVI/photo?authkey=bbs3cPTt3zY#5125115727992912002
(rather than sucking up bandwidth and drive space by making them
attachments)

If anyone comes across someone possessing these items, or attempting
to sell them, or has any information regarding it, please let me know.

Thank you

Sir Koredono

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

just when you thought you'd thrown a big party........

2007-11-02T23:09:09Z

1. Admiral Edward Russell's 17th-Century throwdown

Think you can drink like a sailor? Maybe you should take a moment to reflect on what that truly means.

The record for history's largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer's party that employed a garden's fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests' cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.

The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn't end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 43 replies

Short and cute (4 mb)

2007-10-31T18:10:32Z

http://www.his.com/~calderon/wake-up.wmv

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

Lick of Frost

2007-10-25T11:30:03Z

Out today wooohooo!!!!!!!! Although I have to wait to read it so no spoilers out there please!

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 6 replies

Any guesses who this could be for here?

2007-10-23T05:44:08Z

http://www.cafepress.com/illwillpress.157169405

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 9 replies

Next Year

2007-10-22T18:12:35Z

what nights are best for a Visit?

Achbar

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 7 replies

Another truth of life

2007-10-16T01:22:26Z

http://www.leasticoulddo.com/

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 0 replies

OT: A Gentleman's Dual (7 minutes - YouTube)

2007-10-13T23:25:19Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wC2Y7RzLF3I

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 2 replies

Note On Fridge

2007-10-11T22:05:18Z

Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst Beer is normal. I didn't even know you liked beer.

posted in Friends of Gabriel's Landing - 3 replies