funny/rude horoscopes

topic posted Sun, May 27, 2007 - 8:31 PM by  SilverthornS
found this while surfing the net....

Aries - You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck
about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who
would masturbate at a wedding.

Taurus-Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most
people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell like

Gemini-Your star sign denoted an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic
schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill himself to win a bet.

Cancer-You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an
unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's limbs to by a cell phone. You're likely to be

Leo-The adventurous type, always looking for the thrills and willing to try anything. In other
words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos
are living on welfare.

Virgo-You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to
bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually queers and the majority of the
Virgo women are whores.

Libra-You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For
your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

Scorpio-You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good
traits. You screw small animals and love picking our nose. You should become a stunt performer
with no helmet.

Sagittarius-You are the romantic mushy type, soft hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely
to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. The men are even willing to rent Sleepless in Seattle
to increase the odds to get lucky.

Capricorn-You are deep and personal in your thought, the quiet type. A mean selfcentered
cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an alter boy.

Aquarius-Your are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This
means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a
Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

Pisces-You are an eternal optimist, seeing the best in any situation. You have no grasp of reality
and live in the dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will
continually fail. You're a prick

so, what was your sign again? ;o)
posted by:
  • Re: funny/rude horoscopes

    Sun, May 27, 2007 - 10:49 PM
    Ha, whoever's writing these are doing some switcheroos. I've seen these Virgo qualities written for Libra, for instance; Cancer for Scorpio; Libra for Cancer; etc. Looks like the Aries reading stays the same no matter what... LOL.

Recent topics in "On A Lark..."

Topic Author Replies Last Post
helloooooooo......... 8 August 29, 2013
Cottonwool Kids and Spoilt Brats! 7 February 8, 2010
Carl Jr's Cleveland Steamer Muldoon 0 November 20, 2009
Alice in Wonderland Muldoon 5 August 7, 2009