* gigglelicious *'s topics - tribe.net

WAL-MART INTERVIEW

2007-08-29T22:51:21Z

WAL-MART INTERVIEW

A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring
someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally
qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them
only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the
conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT." It just pops into your head. There's no
warning.
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.
"And, now you sir?", he asked the
second man.

"Hmmm...let me see. "A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is
the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The
blink of an eye, that's a very popular
clichÃ© for speed." He then turned to the
third man, who was contemplating his
reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out
of the house and on the wall there's
a light switch. When you flip that switch,
way out across the pasture the light
on the barn comes on in less than an
instant. "Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the
fastest thing I can think of"

The interviewer was very impressed with the
third answer and thought he had
found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed
of light," he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man,
the interviewer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, "After hearing
the previous three Answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by
the response.

"Oh sure", said Old Bubba. "You see, the
other day I wasn't feeling so good, and
I ran for the bathroom, but before I could
THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I
had already shit my pants."

Old Bubba is now the new greeter at a
Wal-Mart near you!

You probably will think of this every time
you enter a Wal-Mart from now on!....

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

Funny JOKE STATION....Submit The Funniest Joke You've Heard Lately...

2007-08-28T02:10:44Z

One day Little Cindy got her monthly period for the first time in her life. Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Joe.

Little Cindy dropped her panties and showed Little Joe what was happening.

Little Joe's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

posted in * gigglelicious * - 11 replies

Best of Craigslist you PISSED on my floor

2007-06-25T18:02:21Z

There was one more that I had to post because it touched on a recent topic of discussion in my world and it was too funny not to post. I know we all have done things we are not proud of in our life at one time or another but I have never soiled anyone's bathroom floor. LOL! Apparently the person who posted this has officially launched a new publicity campaign. Enjoy!

***************************************************************************************
best of craigslist > new york > you PISSED on my floor
Originally Posted: Mon, 7 May 01:23 EDT

you PISSED on my floor
Date: 2007-05-07, 1:23AM EDT

so I know things weren't going well. I tried to break up nicely a lot of times. I really didn't want to hurt you, but neither of us were happy. We were both miserable infact. I'm sorry it didn't work out. It would have been lovely if we had both fallen madly and passionately in love- but we didn't. it needed to end.

all of that, however doesn't explain why

YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR

and then you left.

I called to see if you had somehow slipped. I was hoping there was an explanation. You hung up on me.

I'm pretty sure that means you deliberately

PISSED ON MY FLOOR

i don't even know what to say to that. I don't know what to think.

I'm not sure I can protect your dignity anymore.

I need to tell everyone, because it's so fucking crazy.

YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR.

I have a new rule in my apartment now.

Its the

NO PISSING ON THE FLOOR RULE.

it goes like this-

DON'T PISS ON MY FUCKING FLOOR.

thanks for a good laugh though. It's so much better than the cliche shit that ends way too many relationships. I"m sure the next time I break up with someone, I'll be saying

AT LEAST HE DIDN"T PISS ON MY FLOOR.

* Location: not in the toilet
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 325829361

Copyright © 2007 craigslist, inc.

posted in * gigglelicious * - 1 reply

Best of Craigslist Yesterday Was Hell

2007-06-22T00:47:04Z

OMG! My friend Chris sent me the link to this posting on Craigslist today and I was very amused by it so I thought I would do the right thing and share it with you all. Enjoy!
***************************************************************************************************
Yesterday was hell
Date: 2007-05-18, 7:44AM EDT

All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience:

0.Occupied

1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.

2.Poo on seat.

3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.

It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with the suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"

Next door I could hear fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth.... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

-

Alas, it is evidently difficulty to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced to the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has manged to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 333345372

posted in * gigglelicious * - 1 reply

Bad Pun

2006-07-14T19:46:03Z

Scientists have announced that we have made contact with an alien race who's planet is entirely covered by one gigantic shopping center. The sceptical scientists didn't believe it at first, but they've now confirmed that it's a mall world after all.

posted in * gigglelicious * - 2 replies

A few jokes to laugh at

2006-07-13T05:22:03Z

Voodoo Dick

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd buy her something to keep her occupied while he was gone. Otherwise, she'd be tempted to screw another man while he was out of town.

He went to an adult sex store and started explaining his situation to the old man behind the counter. The old man said, "Well, we have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but we don't have anything that will keep her occupied for weeks except..."

"Except what?" the man interjected.

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but we have this voodoo dick." The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old, wooden box, carved with bizarre symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary looking dildo.

The businessman laughed and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

"But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." The old man pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door split in two, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" Sure enough, the voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.

"I'll take it!" exclaimed the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great -- like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she tried to pull it out, but it was stuck, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to remind her how to shut the darn thing off. Finally, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.

On the way to the hospital, she had another orgasm, causing her to swerve recklessly. A passing police officer noticed the erratic driver and pulled her over. "Your driver’s license and registration please..."

Gasping and twitching, she pleaded with the officer, explaining that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy and the darn thing wouldn't stop screwing her.

The officer looked at her curiously and said, "Yeah, right, voodoo dick my ass!"

2 boys talking:

Funny boy: Hey, do you know what the girl said to her boyfriend, when he asked her, if he could sleep with her?

Annoyed boy: No

Funny boy: Right!! Do you know what the girl said when her boyfriend asked her, if he could sleep with her?

Annoyed boy: Not again

Funny boy: Right!!! Do you know what the girl said to her boyfriend, when he asked if he could sleep with her?

Annoyed boy: Hey, this is the third time! It's enough now! Leave me alone!

Funny boy: Right!!!!

30 harsh things a woman can say to a naked man. . .

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no.... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.'

68

A very tired husband came home from the office after a long grueling day to find his wife in her sexiest nightgown waiting for him at the door with a couple of glasses of wine in hand. She took his briefcase from him and led him over to the couch where she proceeded to help make him "more comfortable."

"How should we do it tonight, honey?" she cooed in his ear, "Shall we do 69?"

"I don't think so dear. I'm pretty tired. How about 68?" he said.

"Huh, 68? What's 68?" she asked, a little puzzled.

"You do me, and I'll owe you one."

A Diet Pill, Too?

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks.

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. Would he like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm starving."

A Family Decision

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."

A Sucker Born Every ...

A whorehouse gets busted. The girls are lined up out front, and a cop is going down the line giving them all tickets.

A little, old lady approaches one of the girls at the end of the line and asks, "Why are all of you lovely ladies here in line like this?"

The smart-assed whore explains, "Lady, we're waiting in line for our lollipops."

"Oh, that's nice, dear," says the little, old lady. "I haven't had one of them in so long. I think I'll get in line too."

A few minutes later, the cop is standing in front of the little, old lady. "Lady, aren't you a little old for this?"

She looks him right in the eye and winks, "As long as they keep making 'em, I'm gonna keep sucking 'em."

posted in * gigglelicious * - 2 replies

Another hilarious video ( my stomach still hurts from laughing so hard)

2006-07-12T16:29:13Z

Go to www.youtube.com and type in I cant dance. its funny

posted in * gigglelicious * - 1 reply

Funny a** vid. I am serious

2006-05-27T16:26:34Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJPJORnOwzE&search=scare%20pranks

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

Another mean but funny video of kid that got scared of the game maze

2006-05-26T05:11:37Z

www.youtube.com type in The maze scared my nephew this game is freaky. you can play it at www.wimp.com/maze/ Scared the s*** out of me. Surprise is at the end

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

Hey All Found these two hilarious vids.

2006-05-22T06:35:30Z

Go to www.youtube.com and type in Baby Got Book, it's another version of Baby Got Back.

Another is Worlds Funniest Pussy. These Cats are hilarious I couldn't stop laughing.

ENJOY

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

What Song Was #1 On The Day You Were Born??

2006-05-11T21:21:07Z

Dizzy by Tommy Roe was #1 on April 10, 1969

Dizzy, I’m so dizzy my head is spinning
Like a whirlpool it never ends
And it’s You girl makin’ it spin
You're making me dizzy

First time that I saw You girl, I knew that I just had to make You mine
But it’s so hard to talk to You with fellows hangin’ round You all the time
I want You for my sweet pet, but You keep playing hard to get
I’m going round in circles all the time

Dizzy, I’m so dizzy my head is spinning
Like a whirlpool it never ends
And it’s You girl makin’ it spin
You're making me dizzy

I finally got to talk to You and I told You just exactly how I felt
Then I held You close to me and kissed You and my heart began to melt
Girl You've got control on me,cuz I’m so dizzy I can't see
I need to call a doctor for some help

Dizzy, I’m so dizzy my head is spinning
Like a whirlpool it never ends
And it’s You girl makin’ it spin
You're making me dizzy
my head is spinning
Like a whirlpool it never ends
And it’s You girl making it spin
You're making me dizzy
you're making me dizzy

The #1 Sond in the UK on April 10, 1969 was Israelites by Desmond Decker

Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir,
so that every mouth can be fed.
Poor me, the Israelite. Aah.

Get up in the morning, slaving for bread, sir,
So that every mouth can be fed.
Poor me, the Israelite. Aah.

My wife and my kids, they are packed up and leave me.
Darling, she said, I was yours to be seen.
Poor me, the Israelite. Aah.

Shirt them a-tear up, trousers are gone.
I don't want to end up like Bonnie and Clyde.
Poor me, the Israelite. Aah.

After a storm there must be a calm.
They catch me in the farm. You sound the alarm.
Poor me, the Israelite. Aah.

Poor me, the Israelite.
I wonder who I'm working for.
Poor me, Israelite,
I look a-down and out, sir.

posted in * gigglelicious * - 2 replies

Anyone Come Across Any New Funny Websites Lately?

2006-05-04T01:25:50Z

I found one today about Engrish. Engrish can be simply defined as the humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design.

Check it out: http://www.engrish.com

posted in * gigglelicious * - 3 replies

Plastic surgery

2006-05-03T06:09:40Z

I once lent a guy 10,000 bucks so he could get plastic surgery.... Now I don't know what he looks like! badaboom.

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

Old Guy Jokes

2006-05-03T05:28:45Z

Three old guys were sitting on a bench watching life go by.

The first guy says, "Windy today!"

The second guy says, "No it ain't. It's Thursday."

"Me too!" says the third guy, "Let's go have a beer."

**********

Two old guys were sitting on a park bench enjoying the sun with all the other people.

One guy says, "I bet I can tell you exactly how old you are."

The other one says, "Okay. Go ahead."

"Pull down your pants and let me look at your butt."

"What? You want to look at my butt?!"

"You heard me. Drop 'em."

So, he stands up and pulls down his pants. The other guy looks at his wrinkled old butt and says, "You're 81 years old."

"That's amazing," the old man says. "You're a genious. How can you tell how old I am just from looking at my butt?"

"Easy!" came the reply, "you told me yesterday."

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

~ Dr. Seuss Explains ~ Why Computers Sometimes Crash!

2006-03-24T06:07:00Z

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gouse.
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

Dear Tide ( a little twisted joke)

2006-02-27T03:59:42Z

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it all of my
married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my
fifties I find it even better! !

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My
inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I
was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white
blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise
and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told
me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and
said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my
husband! What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a
murder suspect!

I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to
write to the Hefty bag people.

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Customer

posted in * gigglelicious * - 0 replies

* gigglelicious *'s topics - tribe.net

WAL-MART INTERVIEW

Funny JOKE STATION....Submit The Funniest Joke You've Heard Lately...

Best of Craigslist *you PISSED on my floor*

Best of Craigslist *Yesterday Was Hell*

Bad Pun

A few jokes to laugh at

Another hilarious video ( my stomach still hurts from laughing so hard)

Funny a** vid. I am serious

Another mean but funny video of kid that got scared of the game maze

Hey All Found these two hilarious vids.

What Song Was #1 On The Day You Were Born??

Anyone Come Across Any New Funny Websites Lately?

Plastic surgery

Old Guy Jokes

~ Dr. Seuss Explains ~ Why Computers Sometimes Crash!

Dear Tide ( a little twisted joke)

Best of Craigslist you PISSED on my floor

Best of Craigslist Yesterday Was Hell