Satan does not humor fools. You children have sorely tested Satan's patience. Satan shall now proceed to met out punishment to each of you. The herds of randy, half-men, half-goats with barbed and razor-festooned penises shall descend upon each of you and gang bang or otherwise violate you by means of forcible sodomy. A different punishment, involving watching endless loops of "The Golden Girls" reruns, shall be the alternate punishment for those of you who would enjoy the sodomy sessions with the goat-men.

O, ye who mock Satan, your punishment is at hand. Meanwhile, Satan shall prime the punishment pump with warm-up punishments. For example, in the next ten days, you will, as punishment for your temerity, suffer one or more of the following ill-fates:

(1) the runs;
(2) pimples;
(3) premature ejaculation (men) or non-orgasmic sex (females);
(4) unsolicited junk mail;
(5) email in box crowded with spam;
(6) IRS problems;
(7) poor cable TV reception;
(8) hour long traffic jams;
(9) spoiled food in the refrigerator;
(10) foul smelling farts;
(11) computer viruses, adware and spyware;
(12) boredom;
(13) poor service at the post office; and
(14) sadness and longing for things past.

If you experience any of these, then you will know that Satan is all powerful.

<<Stuff your nose to spite your face?>>

I think he just meant he would prefer the aroma of sulfurous tar to what emits from your ass-trumpet.

The Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (borrowed from SNL) can be recrudesced, you know.